http://clampfix.fanworks.net/ccd-fix/shatter.txt </head><body><pre>I'm kind of nervious about this as this is my first Clamp fanfic ever but here goes. Warnings: shonen ai, sap, Spoilers for the end of X 8... I think that's everything. Please respond. I adore any kind of response Suoh peered through the darkness, letting his eyes adjust to the unlit room. Squinting, he looked for the telltale golden brightness of his One. The moonlight that provided the only source of illumination also hid from Suoh the location of his quarry, but the Takamura knew he was there. He could feel the weight of his One's conscience weighing heavily through their bond. Nokoru was easily read by the people who knew him best. You could always know his moods by the tone of the light. As quicksilver changeable as Nokoru was, the lights changed with him. In normal times his bedroom was ablaze with light and happiness, the good cheer of the Clamp Academy spilling over into the Rijichou's mood. The current shadowy darkness of Nokoru's quarters screamed grief and depression to the very perceptive ninja, especially considering a woman had just died. "Rijichou? Where are you?" Silence echoed for a moment. He shouldn't have expected Nokoru to answer. When his one was depressed he preferred to hide himself away and inflict his bad spirits on himself rather than the people around him. Suoh could imagine him laying in the darkness trying to push his protector away by will alone. Nokoru would stay silent as long as it took to get Suoh to go away. Only because of his amazing perception for anything involving his One could Suoh detect a slight hitch of breath from the corner where Nokoru's bed lay. "It wasn't your fault you know. It wasn`t anyone`s fault." "That doesn't make it any better Suoh." The soft pained whisper confirmed Suoh's placement and he made his way unerringly to the shrouded bedside and sat on the corner. He did not make any attempt to touch Nokoru, as it would not be welcome. Instead he contented himself with sound of his One's breathing and the feel of him in the back of the ninja's mind. Suoh was worried. After the events of this evening, Nokoru had retreated to his room and hidden himself there, not even responding when Akira knocked with his food. The pain and guilt that he felt echoed through the bond they had like the breaking of glass. Suoh could not let his One stay this way. He needed to soothe Nokoru's aching heart with the same urgency that he needed to breathe. He sighed. "Nothing I could say would make things better. Nothing I could ever say could make Kotori live again, but neither will cursing yourself for events that were out of your hands." Anger suffused the Rijichou's voice. "It shouldn't have been." "I know it shouldn't have happened Nokoru-san but what-" "No! You don't understand," Nokoru interrupted him violently. "It shouldn't have been out of my hands!" A muffled sob sounded from farther on the bed. "Nokoru-" "I am the Rijichou of the CLAMP Academy, I have an IQ of over 200, I am one of the richest and most powerful men in Japan, I dedicate my life to protecting women, and yet I can't save the life of one girl..." Something caught the moonlight and sparkled in Suoh's vision providing a snapshot glimpse of his One's face. Even in tears, Nokoru was beautiful. Reaching out with both hands he caught the Rijichou's face in a gentle grip and lead himself closer. Tucking Nokoru's head underneath his he held his One in a soothing embrace. "Just cry Nokoru. You need to, and I am always here." His words had the desired effect. Nokoru's entire body began to quake with paroxyms of grief and disillusionment. He sobbed so that Suoh was worried that he might shake himself to pieces. A roaring feel of pain and hurt was transmitted through their bond. He held on to Suoh like he was the only sane and stable anchor in a world gone mad. Maybe he was. The storm blew itself out rather quickly, as tempests do, and it left Nokoru very much battered in its wake. His crying faded down into stillness broken by the occasional gasp of breath. Suoh could feel the wetness of tears slide down his neck and he welcomed it Nokoru had let himself feel the pain. That was more important than his personal comfort. In the silvery glow of the moonlight Nokoru looked up at him in disgust. "God I'm so selfish! Here I am, bawling my eyes out like a little child while Kamui has had his world destroyed from beneath his feet." Suoh shook his head. "You're not being selfish Nokoru. Kamui is hurt more than you were, that is true, but you also have a heart." Suoh rubbed Nokoru's back gently. "You have a right to grieve for a person you cared for. I would be more worried if you didn't." He lifted the Rijichou's chin to look into his eyes. "Remember, Kotori chose to sacrifice herself for Kamui. No one but Fuuma and Kotori herself could have prevented what happened. You should grieve but not be subsumed with guilt. Only a God could have stopped it, and neither you nor Kamui are Gods." "But I promised her-" Nokoru argued weakly. "A promise like that is void if the one protected sacrifices themself. The defender can only protect from what comes from outside. If he tries to defend from the one protected then he becomes nothing more than a jailer." A whispered question slipped from Nokoru's lips. "What would you do if I died like that Suoh?" The ninja closed hiseyes. "If you died, I would follow you." "Then Kamui-" Nokoru gasped in horror. "Has much more to live for. Without you I would have nothing. My heart would be empty." He opened his eyes and held the blond's face close. "You are my One Nokoru. You are what I live for." "Suoh..." Nokoru's words were cut off with a very gentle kiss. The ninja looked at him lovingly and softly caressed his cheek. "After Nagisa died you were my constant comfort. Let me do the same for you. Rely on me aisuru. I will not fail you." His fervent voice pierced his One's heart. Nokoru relaxed completely and trustingly into Suoh's steady hold. "How do you always know how to say the right things?" he asked wonderingly. His response was a wry smile. "Many long years of practice." Nokoru looked up at him, worried. "Am I that troublesome?" He was silenced by a more firm kiss. "You never trouble me." The ninja's words were fervent. "Even when I avoid my paperwork?" A bit of mischievous sparkle appeared in Nokoru's eyes. Suoh gave a practiced long suffering sigh. "No that's not trouble. I just think it comes under the category of `high maintenance'." "Hmph." Nokoru sniffed and gave himself a moment to be mightily offended before he smiled and conceded to Suoh's judgment. "I suppose I must be since you spend a great deal of time chasing me around the campus. I would rather not think of myself as a sort of `high-maintenance' troublemaking person though." Suoh's eyes gained a bit of a teasing light. "That's not trouble at all Nokoru-san. I enjoy catching you very much." "Well then..." Nokoru smiled wickedly. "Maybe I should have you chase me around the campus more often. Then we could enjoy the catching ever so much more..." He kissed Suoh lingeringly. "N-N-Nokoru-san!" The Rijichou laughed delightedly. "Don't worry Suoh. I was just joking." He arched his body backwards in supplication and Suoh gently lay him down on the bed, lying next to him when Nokoru's demanding hands pulled at him. Digging his blond head into the ninja's chest he sighed and muttered pensively. "I've been mulling it all over in my brain, but I can't think of it." "What?" "A way I can help them." Nokoru's answer was intense. "I can't think of any way else to help them at all. I can only provide them a place to live and some limited protection for both them and the shinken. I have no talents, no powers, nothing that can help them in their fight against the Angels." He looked up into Suoh's eyes. "I do want to help, desperately. The weight of the world cannot only fall on the shoulders of those seven. They couldn't survive it and be sane. I want... no need to help them, but I can't think of a way how." Suoh smiled affectionately and shook his head. "That is simply because you are thinking the wrong way Nokoru. It is true that you cannot even come close to bolstering their strength against the Angels in that manner, but there is another way you can help." Nokoru looked at him curiously. "Well, I'll ask the obvious question. How?" "Comfort them." Nokoru was nonplussed. "Provide them with a person to talk to that will grant them peace of mind. Try to heal their souls and bodies so they can bear to fight another day. Keeping them intact in that manner is just as important as helping them on the battlefield. Make CLAMP Academy their haven in truth instead of name. That is the most help you could ever provide them." Momentarily, Nokoru pondered the notion. Then he smiled. "You were always wiser than I could ever be Suoh." The ninja shook his head. "You are the more intelligent one. I am simply a bit more detached from the situation this time. If you had been able to overcome your grief and think abstractly you would have realized this long before I." The blond smiled. "Don't be so modest Suoh. You are intelligent, perceptive, and wise. You keep me steady when alone I would be frantic. You're help is the only thing I can always depend on." He snuggled farther into Suoh's chest. "That and the incredible quality of Akira's cooking. Some of that dinner is starting to sound good right now." "Should I go get some for you?" Suoh asked. "No. My stomach will be fine. My head won't necessarily. I don't want to eat. I want to feel miserable and I want you to hold me close." He wrapped his arms around Suoh's chest and sighed. "I'm so tired. I'm not used to events being out of my control like this. I don't like feeling impotent Suoh. It makes my self worth decline." Suoh smiled into the blond mess of Nokoru's hair. "I would think that you above all people would believe in fate Imonoyama Nokoru. Your fate in this circumstance is not to lead but to guard from behind. You, I, and Akira are to be the forces that keep the Dragons of Heaven from falling to pieces. We are here to keep not only the shinken, but the lives, minds, and bodies of humanity's protectors healthy and sane until the final day, and possibly beyond that. We are the protectors of those who protect us all." Nokoru paused a moment to absorb all of what Suoh had said, then he nodded in satisfaction. "You are right again koibito, but then what else should I expect?" He looked up into the ninja's face, his eyes alight with determination. "Yes, we are their protectors, not from the power of the Angels, but from the vagarities of life itself. That is something I can do, and I will do it." Internally, Suoh sighed in relief to see the purpose again in his lover's face. For a little while, his One had been lost within a haze of guilt and meaninglessness. Now he could feel a light through their bond, the shining light which was Imonoyama Nokoru he loved. "The first thing we need to do is take care of Aoki Seiichirou's family. It would be utterly terrible if they were injured during all this mess. I need to search the CLAMP Academy computers to find them and then I need to-" Suoh placed a finger over Nokoru's lips to cut off the stream of words. "The first thing you need to do is rest. You've been very tense and it is starting to make you weary, I can tell. There is nothing you can do tonight that cannot be done just as well in the morning. Tonight I would like you to stay here and take care of yourself." The look on Nokoru's face turned mutinous. "Please." The blond sighed. "If that is your wish Suoh I will stay, but you have to stay here with me. I don't want you leaving me tonight. Agreed?" Suoh leaned down and gently captured Nokoru's lips. "Hai." They kissed again, softly and with deep love. Then Nokoru tilted his head back, eyes sad. "The thing that most broke my heart was Kamui's face after her death. He was so lost; he loved her so much. Promise me you won't do that to me Suoh. Promise me you won't leave me alone." Suoh placed his forehead against his lover's. "I promise you I will stay by your side. Always."</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>