http://clampfix.fanworks.net/ccd-fix/shiro-b3.txt </head><body><pre> Nokori looked in the mirror. Her eyes blinked, and she almost didn't know the person looking back at her. Not that she wasn't used to this reflection, but.... Perhaps she wasn't used to her reflection being this daring. She took a deep breath, tried to steady her nerves and gather suddenly rare courage together, and smiled. It looked forced, she knew, but it was the best she could do for the moment. Turning from the mirror, Nokori walked out the door. Shiroi Bara 3 by Kristin Huntsman posted June 29, 1999 Suoh did another sweep of the Campus through the surveillance cameras. He wouldn't ordinarily be here in the Main Security Room so late at night, but the chief security officer had fallen sick and his first subordinate was out of touch, on holiday in Hokkaidou somewhere. And these days, with a certain sword held theoretically safe below the Campus grounds and predator Dragons wandering around Tokyo, Suoh didn't feel easy leaving the Campus to its own security devices even for a night. Nagisa had smiled, assured him she understood, and planned to stay at the Ijyuins' that night. If Suoh wasn't there to protect Nagisa himself, there was none better than Akira in whose hands to place the safety of his fiancee. So Suoh had no worries on that score. He sipped his tea and let the pictures flicker past him, one at a time, working their way steadily through each quadrant. It still amazed him, when he bothered to think about it, how many cameras there were on CLAMP Campus. With modern technology, most of the current 500,203 were no bigger than a button, and many were significantly smaller. The Chairman's mansion was dark, Suoh noted from one of the exterior shots of the building as the cameras swept over that sector. He wondered where Nokoru was. Not working late, that was for certain... though, to be fair, the Chairman had put in several all-nighters to hassle over the paperwork and running of the Campus when it was necessary. More than Suoh and Akira combined, come to think of it. <He finally found something to take seriously,> Suoh mused as he set his cup back down on its saucer. <That and the End of the World.> But the Chairman's offices, too, were dark, and there was no one in the Clock Tower either. <Where are you, Nokoru-san?> Suoh wondered, and accessed the perimeter logs. No one of Nokoru's physical description had left the grounds since 5 o'clock, when Suoh had last seen the young Chairman. <So he's still on Campus. But where?> Nokoru stepped inside the club, more than a little self-conscious. While by now wearing a female appearance was second nature to him, his current attire was a bit more provocative than he was used to. He wasn't entirely sure what had made him choose it to begin with. Still trying to calm his nerves, as he hadn't been able to during the short walk to the club, he went over to the bar and ordered a Shirley Temple. The bartender gave him an odd look, as though surprised to have something so blatantly non-alcoholic ordered, and Nokoru made a mental note to review the alcoholic consumption at this venue. It *was* supposed to be primarily for the students, most of whom were underage. He paid for the drink and walked away to the balcony which overhung the dance floor below, sipping the red sweetness as he watched students and staff members twist and gyrate to the throbbing music which pulsed through the speakers. His heart beat faster with the music and he wondered, toying with the straw, why he'd never come here before. Nokoru sipped at the drink again as his eyes scanned the crowd below, picking out a girl, dressed in brilliant greens and whites with splashes of loose gold turning her into a living painting as she whirled. And over there was a boy with hair dark as midnight wearing all black, save for the loose teal shirt he wore bloused over his dark tanktop. The boy opposite him, also dark-haired, matched costumes with a blood-red shirt over his black. They appeared to be twins. Nokoru stared at them, entranced. They were beautiful... so wild, so free. So lovely.... The gold bracelet around his right wrist slipped down his arm, distracting him. When Nokoru looked back up the twins had vanished. He felt a keen pang at their loss. He looked back at the bracelet and adjusted it, turning the soft gold circle so that the clasp was hidden on the underside of the arm. Suoh had given him this bracelet; Suoh and Akira and Utako and Nagisa, long long ago.... He smiled to think of those days when things had been so innocent and easy and he'd never felt left out of life by being different than them. Not like now, when Akira and Utako were newlyweds, Suoh and Nagisa affianced... and he felt left behind as they moved on into places where he could not follow. <What is there on Campus that Nokoru-san might go to?> Suoh pondered. There weren't any festivals planned for tonight, at least none that he was aware of, and the Chairman hadn't mentioned any specific plans. "He'll go to people," Suoh said aloud, and concentrated his search on the places on Campus which would be open at night. Not the Haagen Daaz ice cream parlor, he saw after a quick check, and not the ice-skating rink either, though quite a few athletic figures whirled around it even at this time in the evening. But wait--down the street from the rink.... "Club Phoenix." Suoh smiled and typed in the commands which switched the main viewing screens to the interior cameras of the dance club. It took a few seconds' work to discount most of the people on the dance floor and start searching the bar and balconies. And--oh. Suoh's eyes spotted the figure, as achingly beautiful as Nagisa, leaning against the balcony rail, facing the dance floor, drink held in one hand and face sad. <Nokori.> He focused the camera on her and zoomed in a little bit, to get a better idea of what might be causing his Kaichou's sadness, if he could. Suoh would have choked on his tea, had he been sipping it at that moment, when he saw what Nokori was *wearing*. The white silk shell blouse was okay, but the tight black leather skirt which stopped at mid-thigh was definitely *not*. <Rijichou?!> Suoh thought, dazed. And then he tried very hard not to notice how well Noko...ri's legs were shaped beneath the stop of that short skirt. The dance floor was playing a Kenny Loggins song whose sole purpose was to make the feet itch to move when Aoka saw the "girl" on the balcony. He watched her as he waited for his twin to finish getting his drink. Very beautiful, he decided... too beautiful to be a woman, which was how he had known. That and a sense of sympatico. Her sadness felt like a knife through him. "Ao?" his brother asked, approaching with a glass held in his hand. "Her." Aoka nodded at the beautiful figure who had raised her glass to her lips again, sipping demurely through a straw even as her eyes searched the crowd below for something he didn't think she'd find there. Her feelings rolled off of her body in thick, almost visible waves for those who had eyes to see. Akasui looked the female figure up and down, then shook his head. "Not my type... or yours," he added. "Don't be an ass," his twin responded. "One, she's as female as you or I. Two, she's hurting. Three, you know exactly how she feels right now, Aka." His glare was pointed, and Akasui adjusted the collar of his red top in response. He hated it when Aoka pulled this on him, making him feel guilty for other people's pain. And he always gave in to his only brother; they both knew it was only a matter of time. "What's she doing here, then?" he asked. "This isn't that kind of club." "I don't know," his brother said simply, a cliche that made Akasui's nerves raw from dislike, "but I'm going to find out." Damned with a brother whose heart was so open, Aka had no choice but to follow. "Miss?" someone asked. "Miss, are you alright?" It took a moment for Nokoru to realize the voice was talking to him and to look up. It was the beautiful black-haired boy from before, the one in the teal shirt, with his red-shirted twin behind him. Nokoru wondered for a flash of a second how they had managed to know he was looking at them. "I... I'm fine," he said, quiet. The boy looked steadily at him--his eyes were a very deep color, Nokoru could see now, a very deep blue, like the edges of the midnight sky. He wanted to glance at the other twin's eyes to see if they were the same color, but this one held his gaze so steadily that he was afraid to breathe. They might vanish if he breathed. "My name's Aoka," the boy said. "What's yours?" "Nokoru," Nokoru said without a thought. He suddenly wasn't Nokori; Nokori was a mask for those who needed it. Aoka... Aoka didn't. He was smiling. "I thought so," the boy said. How old was he? Not more than sixteen, surely. At twenty-two, Nokoru suddenly felt old. How much of his life had he wasted in not knowing who he was when this boy, half a decade his junior, already knew himself? "This is my brother Akasui," Aoka said. "Will you join us for a drink?" Somehow Nokoru accepted. Suoh recognized the twins who had, for his lack of a better term, "picked up" Nokori: Akasui Takano and his younger brother Aoka. They were juniors at the high school, classroom Z, and were both highly empathic and extremely affectionate of one another. Rumor around the students and staff had it that they were lovers, but of course Suoh never listened to rumor except when it was useful. He did wonder why they had homed in on the beautiful transvestite, but put it down to their alleged empathic abilities. The three moved away from the ledge and Suoh switched cameras to follow them to the small tables that dotted the upper level of the dance club. They somehow managed to find an empty table with three of the puritanical high stools around it. Suoh flicked a switch and turned a knob as the volume slowly came up until he could hear their conversation over the low throb of dance music in the background. "Nokoru-san," Aoka said softly, "I won't ask who you are. I think I already know, but... none of us here need it to be said." "Thank you," Nokoru replied. This boy had power, he recognized, some kind of power similar to that which he himself had. It was something of the psychic and something of the magnetic, all wrapped up in a beautiful cage of body and mind. Aoka and his beautiful twin were "familiar"... though Nokoru didn't know how. "Because we're like you," Akasui said, speaking for the first time, startling Nokoru. His voice and his twin's were the same; only the manner of speech was different. Aoka spoke with gentle politeness; Akasui was rougher, stronger. "Like me?" Nokoru asked. Akasui's eyes were the color of a goblet of red wine, to be drank in a deep draught. "Different." The burgandy eyes' intensity was drowning. "Special, if you will. Attracted to the same gender. Outcast, perhaps, and slightly lost sometimes because of it." A smile curved Akasui's lips, softened the harshness of his gaze. "And beautiful." Nokoru found himself blushing at this young man's compliment like he was a teenage girl on a first date with her crush. "Nokoru-san." Aoka paused and looked at his brother for a second; they had, at least to Nokoru's best estimation, a quick agreement of wills. Aoka looked back at Nokoru. "What name do you go by?" "Nokori." Nokoru didn't give the surname, even if it was false, just as they hadn't. This felt like a one-night stand, anonymous and based on agreement rather than love. Was it? Would it be so bad if it was? Was it right for him to take advantage of two teenagers, if that was the case? /And was this what he needed?/ "It's a pretty name," Aoka said. Nokoru nodded. "Thank you." "Do you love anyone?" The question was so gentle it couldn't hurt. But it did take consideration. There was his family, of course, and Nokoru cared for them very much. And there were others he cared for very much, too... Idomu, Casablanca, Utako, Nagisa, Akira, Suoh... Suoh. Was that love? Did he love Suoh, or was it just the ache of remembering that one dance in Suoh's arms? "I don't know," Nokoru replied, and Akasui understood now why his brother had homed in on the beautiful Chairman. They both knew who he was, of course, but as long as no one said it aloud it was alright and didn't matter. <He doesn't belong to us, Aoka,> he warned. <I know... but he hurts so much, and he's so lonely inside. Please...?> <You're too gentle. Sometimes people need their own paths.> His twin's thoughts curled around his, as intimate as any physical caress they'd shared. <Aka, he's *like* us. Can't you feel it? If we took him in, he might awaken... we wouldn't be alone and neither would he. At least for a little while.> That thought was wistful, reminding Akasui of how different the two of them were from everyone they knew, and how that ache was only filled for them in one another. No one understood.... <If he falls into synch with us, *then*.... And no reaching to him to pull him into it. He's with us on his own or not at all.> <That's cruel, Aka.> <One of us has to be.> "Nokoru," Akasui said aloud into the silence, "will you dance with us?" "I... don't know how to do this kind of dancing," Nokoru said, gesturing at the dance floor with one hand. "Only formal...." Akasui's ruby eyes were on him, not accepting the excuses, demanding an answer. "I'll try." "Then let's go." Akasui stood, followed by his twin. Nokoru stood as well, suddenly in the middle of some kind of test. He didn't know what the objective of it was, or the prize. But to back out would lose him this company, these two boys who seemed to know what he was, to understand. He looked at them for a second, a mere few centimeters taller than them, wishing he understood. But he didn't and had no choice but to follow blindly and hope, trust that Aoka and Akasui would lead him to the exit of this dark tunnel. The three of them went down to the dance level, red Akasui before him, blue Aoka behind, and somehow found a clear space in the center. They waited out the last dregs of a Metallica song. Nokoru closed his eyes. He really didn't know how to do this kind of dancing, and now something vital seemed to depend on it. Even with his eyes closed he could see the twins. The three of them formed a triangle, with Akasui before him to his right, Aoka to his left. He didn't know what they expected of him. He wished he did. If he failed this test... it would simply be awful. The most awful thing that had ever happened to him. Worse than dissolving the Detectives in sixth grade. Worse than thinking Akira had been caught as 20 Masks, that one time when it had almost been his fault. Worse than when they'd thought Nagisa and Utako had died in a plane crash. Worse than leaving Suoh's arms after dancing in them.... Nokoru opened his eyes and forced that thought as far back as he could squish it into the crevices of his mind. There was no Suoh. The music started. Strike a pose Strike a pose Vogue, vogue, vogue Vogue, vogue, vogue The song was familiar, the beat went through Nokoru. He could do this. His eyes drifted shut. His body began to move. Look around everywhere you turn is heartache It's everywhere that you go [look around] You try everything you can to escape The pain of life that you know [life that you know] When all else fails and you long to be Something better than you are today I know a place where you can get away It's called a dance floor, and here's what it's for, so Twisting, moving, arms and legs in motion, being pulled along by the tide of the music, slowly submerging into the sensual side of it. Nokoru kept his eyes closed and let himself be lost in the sound, transformed by the silk butterfly sound of it. Sweet, seductive music.... Come on, vogue Let your body move to the music [move to the music] Hey, hey, hey Come on, vogue Let your body go with the flow [go with the flow] You know you can do it All you need is your own imagination So use it that's what it's for [that's what it's for] Go inside, for your finest inspiration Your dreams will open the door [open up the door] Aoka watched as Nokori fell completely under the music. <She's gone.> <Gone father than we ever have, love. Do you really want someone who's so desperate to forget?> His twin molded to his body from behind. <Oh, but I want to help....> <You can't help anyone until they want help, Ao.> <I know. That's why it hurts.> It makes no difference if you're black or white If you're a boy or a girl If the music's pumping it will give you new life You're a superstar, yes, that's what you are, you know it Come on, vogue Let your body groove to the music [groove to the music] Hey, hey, hey Come on, vogue Let your body go with the flow [go with the flow] You know you can do it Suoh watched his Rijichou, caught up in the music now. Nokori's pale cheeks were stained with a gentle flush, her lips full and slightly pouty as she breathed in and out, whirling in time to the sound. Her moves were sensual now, sexual. Suoh found it hard to reconcile the creature on the screen before him with the gentlemanly Chairman of CLAMP Campus. And he was feeling more and more like a spy into a part of Nokoru's life where he shouldn't be.... Beauty's where you find it Not just where you bump and grind it Soul is in the musical That's where I feel so beautiful Magical, life's a ball So get up on the dance floor Come on, vogue Let your body move to the music [move to the music] Hey, hey, hey Come on, vogue Let your body go with the flow [go with the flow] You know you can do it A figure made its way through the crowd which had circled the beautiful dancer. Slow and sure as molasses, he made his way to the center and watched with thick, needy eyes the silk-and-leather beauty before him. He stepped into the circle. Vogue, [Vogue] Beauty's where you find it [move to the music] Vogue, [Vogue] Beauty's where you find it [go with the flow] Suoh stared, dry-mouthed, at the figure which danced with Nokori. A butterfly caress of fingers, no more, and he...she opened her eyes to the stranger and began to dance with him. <Kaichou, no! Not him--! Don't you know who that is?> <No,> Suoh realized. <Your mind only remembers women....> Greta Garbo, and Monroe Deitrich and DiMaggio Marlon Brando, Jimmy Dean On the cover of a magazine Grace Kelly; Harlow, Jean Picture of a beauty queen Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire Ginger Rodgers, dance on air Akasui couldn't help but stare at the pair who vogued together. Granted, they looked well as a set; one tall and dark, the other small and blonde.... And Kuroki was known to swing both ways.... But.... Something inside him twisted, and shuddered, and he was suddenly very greatful for his twin's protection. They had style, they had grace Rita Hayworth gave good face Lauren, Katherine, Lana too Bette Davis, we love you Ladies with an attitude Fellows that were in the mood Don't just stand there, let's get to it Strike a pose, there's nothing to it Nokoru studied the stranger with him, and smiled hesitantly. The other smiled back. They both enjoyed the dance. And whoever the other was, he moved well. Was he a teacher on Campus? A student? Was he someone who could Nokoru's own, and belong to no other the way Su-- <Could he be with me alone, only?> Nokoru wondered. The other showed no signs, gave off no body language to speak of any hesitation in his attraction to Nokoru. Vogue, vogue Oooh, you've got to Let your body move to the music Oooh, you've got to just Let your body go with the flow Oooh, you've got to Vogue Their song ended with a flourish, Nokoru in the stranger's arms. His heart beat fast. --Author's Note-- After a while in coming, here is Shiroi Bara (White Roses) 3. I hope you have enjoyed, and yes, I do have plans for the series to keep (slowly) continuing. After all, I have that scene from part 5 already in my head! The earlier parts are available on the CLAMP FanFiction archive maintained by Fuuma at http://members.xoom.com/fuuma_monou/clampfix5.0/</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>