http://clampfix.fanworks.net/ccs-fix/adfinem8.txt </head><body><pre>Ad Finem('til the end) by Michelle Thatcher ------------------------------------------------------------------- All characters used in this story are the exclusive property of CLAMP. My rights to any characters in it are laughable. This story contains SPOILERS and Shonen ai and sap. This is a romance, which means that the end in particular is going to have lots of goopy sweet moments. You have been warned. This story is archived at http://www.akane.org/michelle ------------------------------------------------------------------- =============== Chapter Eight =============== She knew what was coming next. She didn't believe, but she knew. She had to close her eyes. She prayed that it wouldn't seem like too bold a thing to do, but she just couldn't watch. Couldn't keep looking at him and retain her sanity. After a few moments, she began to doubt. Nothing was happening. Had she imagined it all? How foolish she'd feel then. What if- Lips on lips. A soft, light touch. Warm and dry. And her heart fluttered, and her world shook, and her whole life seemed like no more than a prelude to this perfect, simple touch. She reached up and tangled her fingers in the hair at the back of his neck. It was not so much a caress as a physical way of anchoring herself into this reality. The reality where he loved her and needed her and wanted to kiss her. For a long time, nothing more happened. Just his lips and her lips and their lips. For a long time, that was enough. Then his thumb brushed her cheek lightly, and he made the tiniest of sounds deep in his throat, and suddenly she was hungry for more. She pulled a little; moved her lips a little. It was all the encouragement he needed. His kiss was everything she could have wanted. A bit rusty, perhaps, but not inexperienced. Full of passion barely held in check. Beautiful. Frightening. Far too brief. She shook when he pulled away. Her breath was rapid; her ears were ringing. She hugged him again, laying her head heavily on his shoulder. It was then that she realized that her feet had stopped touching the ground. She almost laughed. She could, more or less, ignore gravity at will, but it usually took at least *some* conscious effort. Yue noticed too and gave an amused sort of grunt. She supposed it was too soon for anything like actual laughter. Then his wings were wrapping around her, and his hand was searching for hers. "Yue." To be holding one another in silence was a wonderful thing. The revelation had been both swift and totally unexpected. She needed nothing so much as a few moments to gather her thoughts and wait for her heart to adjust to its change in altitude. She was glad of his firm grip and apparent calm. She knew the two of them would need a chance to talk about this; that one kiss, however divine, did not irrevocably settle a future, but right now she was a bit too excitable for anything so serious. Besides, it was difficult to concentrate with Yue running his hand through her hair like this. She sighed into his shoulder. This was definitely something she could get used to. His neck was awfully close to her lips. There it was, all white and smooth, and available. Perhaps she should lean a bit closer, and- Someone nearby cleared his throat. Keroberus. She had *completely* forgotten an *entire* guardian! What an embarrassing oversight! With the help of the wings still tightly wrapped around her, she resisted the compulsion to jump away from Yue like some guilty teen-ager. She suspected, however, that Kero-chan would not miss the signs of her mortification. She didn't want to look up. She buried her face in Yue's shoulder, and wished he'd hide her completely with those beautiful wings. He too seemed a little sheepish, though, and pulled away slowly doing his best to look bored and superior. The tangles she had left in his hair spoiled the effect a bit. Nothing for it, then. She willed her feet back to the ground. "Mou! Kero-chan! We were just getting to the good part!" Then she smiled, and went to her knees to hug him tightly. "Uh, excuse me, master ..." Yue stuttered. "But I have to ..." She looked up, but only managed to confirm to herself that her Moon Guardian was more flustered than she'd ever seen him. "... Sorry," he concluded eloquently, then he made a hasty exit. Gone, no doubt, to gather what he could of his dignity. Sakura snorted into Kero-chan's fur. "I'm going to have to have a talk with that boy." "No doubt," an amused growl. "Oh, Kero-chan! He's back, he's safe, he's alright!" She squeezed him enthusiastically. "He *kissed* me!" "I noticed." "It was just ... I didn't ... I wasn't going to tell him. I was going to be so strong. And then, he ... How did he *know*?" Keroberus purred. "Is it too soon to be really really really happy?" Keroberus purred. "You're right. It's too soon. I should just wait and give him a chance to explain and not jump to conclusions and assume that it means anything really serious yet. I mean, he could have just ... really missed me, I suppose, but ... he *kissed* me! You saw him kiss me, right? Do you think he really ... How did he know?" Keroberus purred, and then began licking her face with his huge coarse-grade tongue. She appreciated the gesture, but pushed him away for the sake of maintaining her youthful complexion. "Cut it out, ya big pussy cat!" She stood and brushed the cat hair from her dress. "Kero-chan, do you think it's ... serious?" He looked at her solemnly. "Sakura-chan, no one is more surprised by what just happened than I am. I can't say why Yue ... greeted you so ... affectionately. But I do know that he'd never play with your feelings. I'm sure he'll come talk to you about this soon." She thought about that, then nodded. "I hope so. Thanks." She touched her lips in a stunned sort of way. "Kero-chan, what do you think about all of this?" He was quiet a little longer than she would have liked. When he did answer, his concern and love were both obvious. "Sakura, Yue is ... delicate. I know that you'll remember that. I know that you love him very much. I know that you'll be kind to him." "So ... so you don't ... mind?" He shook his head. "I hope you'll be happy. I suspect you will." She kneeled to hug him again. "Thanks, Kero-chan. You're the best!" "I know," he said. "You're lucky to have someone as cool as me around to help you with this stuff." *** For one such as he, it was easy to hide in the falling snow. It was white; grey; blue, it sparkled. He glided through the trees looking for ... something. Somewhere to exist in space; think his own thoughts; still his turbulent emotions. Except that they weren't turbulent. Not any more. For the first time in decades, he could really own his feelings; really examine them without fear and know that in ten minutes they'd be fundamentally unchanged. One more thing for To-ya to be smug about. So while his emotions were frightening, bright, and powerful, they weren't unpredictable now. They weren't vague or mercurial. He knew what he felt. He knew that when he watched the sun come up in the morning, his primary natural feeling would be love for Sakura. He knew that in a week's time, it would be love for Sakura. He knew that in years and decades and centuries, that feeling would remain unchanged and undiminished. And it engendered within him a host of secondary emotions that didn't keep him from loving her, but nevertheless made him tremble. How dare he presume to love one like her? Without a rational thought in his head, he had just reached down and kissed her; given her a reason to believe that she and he could have ... could be ... could ... With all his heart he wanted to be with her. He wanted to go back. He wanted to take her in his arms and let the adoration and contentment that would again rise in her soothe away all the shame and guilt and doubt that had come to lay siege to the pillars of his love for her. If he voiced any of his doubts, he was sure that she'd be quick to banish them in her bright and chatty way. He knew that she would eventually wear down all of his objections. Even now he could feel her developing tentative expectations. She knew that he would come back to her. She knew that they would discuss ... possibilities. She was overwhelmed by the hope that was growing stronger and stronger every minute. She cautioned it; struggled to be logical and reasonable, but it was hope, and she was Sakura, and it was bound to win. He trembled as she fought off one very physical longing. He had to hold tight to a nearby tree until it passed, or in a flash of hair and feathers, he would be back at her side ... in her arms ... This was not going to be easy. There could be no denying Sakura. She wanted him, therefore, he was hers. There had been a time when he'd had a choice in the matter, but that time had come to an end the moment he had pressed his lips to hers; had opened within her that floodgate of expectation and hope. And now there would be no going back. In a moment of weakness, he had given himself to her irrevocably. He couldn't find it in himself to wish things had gone differently. He loved her, he desired her, she was utterly attainable. That didn't stop him from feeling guilty, unworthy, and foolish. "Oh, Sakura-sama! You deserve someone so much better than I. Someone understanding and ... human. Someone who is your equal." Waiting for an equal, however, would mean a long and lonely life for someone like her. "Why does she love *me* so much?" The trees had no answer. 'To-ya, please?' Resignation. Patience. _What now?_ Yue took a few deep breaths. He was in agony though he couldn't have said why. 'What should I do?' _Why torture yourself? What's so terrible about Yue that he doesn't deserve to be loved by someone wonderful?_ The question came gently, more clearly than he'd heard To-ya in a century, backed up by infinite love and tenderness without a trace of censure or irony. 'But she's ...' _I know._ 'And I'm ...' _I know._ He was miserable through and through. Amusement. _She'll get her way in the end. She always does._ This observation did nothing to ease Yue's shame. Understanding. Loving encouragement. _You have two choices. You can love her and be happy, or you can love her and be miserable._ 'It's not that simple.' _It's exactly that simple._ The temptation was strong. He wanted to hate himself for this indiscretion. He was ashamed of his weakness and unworthiness in the face of her benevolence and To-ya's. He knew that it wouldn't make Sakura happy, though, and To-ya would worry, so ... It was hard. It hurt. But he had to try. He had to do his best to make her happy. He had to offer his soul to her, and soon. Except ... 'What about you?' _What about me?_ 'It's you that I love first.' _But that's different ... now._ Yue wasn't convinced. 'I would have stayed true to you for eternity. I wanted to.' Logic. Caring. _It doesn't work that way. You tried that. You were unhappy. It's time to try something different._ A gentle reminder of his promise long ago. _Make her happy, Yue. You're the only one I trust._ 'I ... I'll try, To-ya.' _Promise._ 'To-ya ...' Insistence. Encouragement. _I ... I promise, To-ya._ Gratitude. Faith. _I love you, Yue._ Then his presence faded to background noise, and Yue listened, exhausted and overwhelmed, but with resolve. 'And I love you.' Another promise to To-ya. He'd kept the last one mechanically; to the letter. This one he would throw himself into with determination. He would love Sakura. He would cherish her for as long as she would let him. He would hold her in his heart for his eternity. His fears were real, but she had found him worthy. To-ya, even, thought him a fitting match for his precious sister. The ultimate approval. His heart was still full of many things, but the hope and the happiness were beginning to push back the doubt. The light was beginning to fill his soul. They would talk. They would come to an agreement about the future, and... He quailed. Oh, it wasn't so easy! She was so perfect! So powerful! He couldn't just walk up to her, and ... Chastising himself for cowardice, he found a sturdy branch to rest on. For hours, he sat formulating a plan. They had to speak. Alone. Setting was key, and so was timing. He consulted his internal chronometer. Two days. He had two days to rally his courage and plan his words. In two days, he needed to be ready. ------------------------------------------------------------------- End Chapter Eight Please send any comments you have about this story to: Michelle Thatcher misha@cybergal.com Thankyou for reading.</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>