http://clampfix.fanworks.net/ccs-fix/ccsads.txt </head><body><pre>Another joint venture by Lan and Ciera, but this time with Mel-jyou as well. More CLAMP ad parodies in case anyone seemed to find the MKR ones amusing. I hope everyone enjoys them. Comments and Constructive Criticism loved and appreciated! Lan The Card Captor Sakura Advertisements by Lan with Ciera and Mel-jyou The Almighty Disclaimer: They don't belong to us, period. We wish they did. Heck, we'd be satisfied if we could at least draw as well as CLAMP just to create doujinshi. Genre: Humor, or at least we'd like to think so Warnings/Ratings/Spoilers: PG-ish, for shoujo ai/shounen ai implications; minor spoilers for the second season if you don't know the cast and the identities of Eriol and Yue; mild langauge (?) "Gell-o" [Scene opens with Eriol, Meiling, Syaoran, Tomoyo, and Sakura in a kitchen] Meiling <whining>: I'm soooooo hungry! Syaoran, isn't there anything we can eat? [Syaoran gives Sakura a questioning look, she shrugs] Eriol <smiling>: I know! We can make a delicious gelatin dessert in a matter of minutes thanks to Gell-o! Syaoran <muttering under breath>: Who would voluntarily eat such junk? Sakura <enthusiastic>: That's sounds like a great idea! Tomoyo <looks at Syaoran>: If Sakura-chan thinks it's a good idea than it *must* be so! Syaoran <confused>: Um, yeah, I guess so . . . Meiling <complaining>: But I don't want----! [Tomoyo and Syaoran clamp their hands over Meiling's mouth] Tomoyo <sweetly but menacingly>: Of _course_ you want Gell-o, Meiling- chan! [Syaoran nods in agreement while Eriol and Sakura are mixing the ingredients, a few moments later they present a tray of Gell-o cut into star and moon shapes] Eriol <smiles at Syaoran>: Please, have some of this delicious gelatin dessert! Sakura <excited>: Tell us what you think! Tomoyo: Wow! These look great, Sakura-chan, Eriol-kun! Syaoran<glaring at Eriol, then Meiling>: I guess they look okay. Meiling: Yeah, whatever. [The kids take a piece of Gell-o and simultaneously take a bite, they chew thoughtfully for a moment then nearly spit out the Gell-o with grimaces on their faces] Tomoyo <reluctantly swallows dessert>: Um, it's uh, delicious guys. Syaoran <trying not to gag>: Yeah, I never had Gell-o quite like this. Eriol <trying to smile but not succeeding>: Gell-o is a very, unique acquired taste . . . Sakura: Hoeee! Meiling: Uh, where's your washroom? [Sakura nods head in direction of stairs and they all make a run for the bathroom, leaving the plate of Gell-o on the kitchen counter, Touya and Yukito walk in the door] Touya: Kaiju made dessert? Hmmn, well if it's left on the counter it's fair game. Yukito: You're sure it's all right if we can just eat it? Touya <grins wryly>: Of course, 'sides knowing you you're probably hungry right about now. Yukito <smiles happily at Touya>: How'd you know? [Touya chuckles, he and Yukito take a bite of Gell-o, their faces contort into grimaces] Touya <choking>: Kami-sama! I think she's trying to kill us! [Both make a dash for the bathroom as Fujitaka enters the kitchen] Fujitaka <innocently reaches for dessert plate>: Oh, look! Gell-o! "Honest Yamazaki's Used Cars" [Scene opens with Takashi, dressed in a suit, standing in the parking lot of a car dealer] Takashi <smiling>: Hiya, friends! I'm Yamazaki Takashi of Honest Yamazaki's Used Cars! I'm here to help you find the previously owned vehicle of your dreams! [Syaoran wanders onto the lot, looking slightly confused] Takashi: Ah! A customer! Tell me my good man, how can I find the previously owned vehicle of your dreams? Syaoran: ". . ." Takashi: I know just the car for you, just come this way! [Boys walk over to a beat-up, very old green convertible] Syaoran: You expect me to buy this? Takashi <incredulously>: Don't you know whose car this was? This previously loved vehicle was owned by Harry Houdini himself before he bequeathed it to Marie Curie! Later Einstein borrowed the car and it got stolen, and was used in World War Two to deliver homemade fudge to the orphans in Hawaii! Syaoran: Honto ni? Takashi: Yessir! Did you know that Lucille Ball repainted the car pink after she bought it? After she retired from acting it was given to the International Veterinarians Association, who graciously donated this magnificent vehicle to my humble lot! Syaoran: Sugoi! How much is it? Takashi: Now most people would charge at least six thousand dollars for this car, and rightly so. But I'm Honest Yamazaki and I'll give you the low, low price of five thousand, nine hundred, and ninety- nine dollars! Syaoran: That's great! I'll take it! Takashi <turns to camera>: See another customer satisfied! So why don't you stop by my lot today, you'll be glad you did! "Clow-mark Greeting Cards": [Scene opens with Clow Reed sitting in an armchair reading a book, Cerberus is asleep in front of the fireplace, the room is decorated for the holidays with a small Christmas tree in the center of the room, the fire's rosy glow lights the otherwise dark room, snow is falling outside] Clow <musing>: I wonder where Yue is? [Cut scene to Yue who walking down an avenue, wings hidden under a long coat, he has a package in his hands but seems to be scanning the store windows for something else, suddenly Yue stops short and walks into a 'Clow-mark' store] [Scene cuts back to Clow's study where Clow has dozed off, the fire has burned down to almost embers, Yue opens the door carefully, at the sound of the door creaking Clow stirs and opens his eyes, Yue timidly walks over and sits by Clow's feet, Clow ruffles his hair affectionately, Yue hands him the wrapped package and card, Clow opens the card and smiles] Yue <whispers softly>: Merry Christmas, Clow. Clow: Merry Christmas, Yue. [Yue rests his head on Clow's knee and falls asleep, Clow opens the gift from Yue which turns out to be a snow globe with a tiny castle inside with 'snow' that looks suspiciously like miniature sakura petals, a slow grin spreads across his face, he leans down to lightly kiss the top of Yue's head, then places the globe on the table, next to the card, camera zooms in on the card, which is lying face down with the words 'Clow-mark Greeting Cards' on the back] "Fancy Beast Pet Food": [Scene opens with Suppi reading a book on Eastern philosophy on the sofa, Nakuru enters] Nakuru <energetic>: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiya, Suppi-chan! Suppi <continues reading book>: Who is this 'Suppi' you speak of? Nakuru <places pet dish in front of Suppi>: I brought you dinner! [Nakuru opens a bag of dry cat food and pours it into the bowl] Suppi <scornfully>: And what, pray tell, is _this_ supposed to be? Nakuru: It's your dinner! Suppi <disdainfully>: I'm afraid you are mistaken, I do not eat whatever it is you have brought in. Eriol <enters room with a small dish of pet food>: Of course not! My guardian beasts deserve only the best. This is Fancy Beast Pet Food, the top of the line name brand pet food especially recommended for magical guardian beasts! [Suppi looks at food, sniffs daintily, then slowly eats it] Suppi <thoughtfully>: Well, I suppose it is not at all as horrendous as it could be. Nakuru <cheers>: Hurray! Suppi-chan likes it! Eriol <smirks, turns to camera>: Fancy Beast Pet Food, only the finest for the magical guardian beast in your life! "The CCS Less-than-a-Hundred-Yen-a-Minute Plan" [scene opens with Sakura, Tomoyo, and Eriol roller blading in a park, Sakura's beeper goes off] Sakura <checking beeper>: Mou, Onii-chan wants me home for dinner. I'll give him a call to tell him I'm on his way. [She pulls out her pink cell phone and starts dialing] Tomoyo <melodramatically>: Don't do that, Sakura-chan! Sakura <confused>: Hoe? Tomoyo: If you don't dial using the CCS-Less-Than-a-Hundred-Yen-a- Minute-Plan you'll waste your precious hard-earned yen! Eriol: Come again? Tomoyo <snatches phone from Sakura>: Just dial 555-555-555 and the number you're calling. The first minute is a mere hundred yen and every additional minute is twenty yen, even for long distance calls! Sakura: I can call Syaoran in Hong Kong! Eriol <dreamy smile>: Now I can call my beloved Kaho at wonderful rates. Tomoyo: I can call Sakura-chan! [various characters pop up] Rika: I can call Terada-sensei at ungodly hours of the night! Kero-chan: I can order take-out! Yukito: I can call Touya when my grandparents are away! Eriol <smiles wryly>: Isn't he usually sleeping over at your house when your grandparents are away? Everyone: ^_^; . . . Sakura <dials number>: Hi, onii-chan? Uh huh, I'm coming home now. Yukito-san is coming for dinner, too? Hanyaaaaaan . . . I'll be right there! [Tomoyo has videotaped the conversation while Eriol is counting out his yen] Tomoyo: I think I'll call this one `The Prospect of a Romantic Dinner'!! Eriol <grins>: All depends whose romantic dinner it will be . . . [General fit of coughing ensues while Sakura stands there clueless, finally she skates off and Yamazaki pops onto screen] Yamazaki: Did you know that long distance telephone rates became standardized during the French Revolution? When Marie Antoinette was executed---owww! [Chiharu grabs Yamazaki by the earlobe and starts dragging him away] Narrator: More minutes for your yen. The CCS long distance plan. "Kerolox Detergent" [scene opens with Sakura doing the wash with Kero-chan and Suppi-chan perched on the dryer, Sakura starts to reach for a bottle of SnugglyWuggly Detergent] Suppi<with mild disdain>: Don't tell me that you're going to use _that_ detergent? Sakura <puzzled>: Hoee? [Kero-chan goes to floor and picks up a different bottle of detergent and flies it to Sakura] Kero: That detergent has been proven to be inferior to Kerolox detergent, the detergent so gentle and protects colors that you can even use it to clean Clow Cards! [Suppi-chan flies over a small stack of Clow cards with various grass/dirt/mud/what-the-hell-is-that?! stains on them and drops them into the washer] Kero-chan<cheery>: Now when you use Kerolox detergent watch how sparkling clean both the clothes and the cards become! [Several moments later Sakura takes the Cards and the clothes out of the washer] Sakura <surprised>: Hoeee! They're sparkling clean! Suppi <smug>: As if you expected otherwise . . . Kero <enthusiastically chirps>: So use Kerolox for all your Card cleaning needs! Sakura <shakes head>: I can't believe it . . . Narrator: Kerolox. The detergent recommended most by Clow's successors. <----------------------------> "Inspiration is disturbing." "Quick, pull him up to the balloon so we can toss him over the side again!"---Arthur from JP3: The Legacy of Time "Eventually life in the fast lane merges with the slower lanes and then you're stuck in traffic."--- Lan </pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>