http://clampfix.fanworks.net/others/falling.txt </head><body><pre>-Warning: spoilers for Clover 4- Falling Leaves a Clover story by Kristin Huntsman //Gingetsu// I stare out of the window, at the rain. It falls quickly, droplets barely coming into view before they flash away again. "Gingetsu." I turn at the voice speaking my name, and Lan smiles at me. "Dinner is ready," he says, and waits for me to join him before proceeding to the dining room. His hair is silver. Like those rain droplets, he has travelled through my life too fast. //Lan// I can feel Gingetsu's concern, his verges of sorrow, but I say nothing and simply dish out the vegetables, bright jewels of food, onto his plate. I want to do this while I still can. He's done so much for me. I can never repay him. "Kazuhiko called today," I say conversationally as I set the plate before him. "He said he may have found another lead to the Clover project, to Suu." Gingetsu says nothing, so I smile and continue. "He wanted to know if you would be interested in helping him." "No." The word is simple. I seat myself opposite him and spear a carrot onto my fork. "Why?" I ask. "The Clover project takes. They do not give. It's his choice... but in this I will not follow him." //Gingetsu// <Can not follow him,> is what I do not say. But the way Lan looks at me, I know that he knows what I do not say. The Clover project gives nothing; it only takes. It took my sister, and destroyed her. It took Oruha; it took Suu. With them it took Kazuhiko. Too soon, it will take Lan. Everyone who matters to me, the Clover project takes. It took me too; I can never escape from the marking on my wrist, the branding of the Two-Leaf Clover. I can never escape from the bomb in my head. The Council aren't the only ones who can activate it. When Lan dies... ...perhaps I will die too. He looks at me with concerned eyes; I never know whether he actually reads my thoughts or merely discerns them. This Three-Leaf Clover. //Lan// Fifteen years outside of the labs might not seem like very long to most people, but it has been an entire lifetime. A lifetime *I* chose. A is still alive in the labs, still young. But I have lived... I have laughed... and I have loved. I worry that I haven't enough time left to make a difference. I worry that Gingetsu will hurt too much when I got into that last night. Maybe Suu could stop him from what he intends. A Three-Leaf can't. I believe that Suu may be alive. I do not know if she wants us to find her, but I know that Kazuhiko and I must search, for our own sakes. Gingetsu.... Gingetsu does not believe in the miracle that is the Four-Leaf. Gingetsu does not believe in miracles. "Have you put in for your vacation time yet?" I ask. "No." //Gingetsu// "Why not?" Because I don't want to have to be with you always, Lan. I don't want to have to look at you and hold you and not be distracted from you. I don't want you to die. "You don't want to hurt," he observes quietly. I admit to nothing. "You're going to start putting yourself away from me now, aren't you?" Lan continues. "You're going to shut yourself away, bit by bit, until it won't hurt anymore by the time I die." His eyes search through me, computerized bits of myself reacting to that gaze with a slight hum. "If you'll excuse me," he says and rises from the table, taking his dishes with him. I listen, and hear him scraping the remains into the waste compressor. I hear him go to his workroom, hear the Modem warm up. I listen to its whine as it briefly surges with the power to transport Lan away. Then it quiets and I am alone. He has gone to Kazuhiko, and I cannot blame him. //Kazuhiko// I feel the vibration of space before I see Lan's cage unfold itself into my living room. It deconstructs neatly and I set down the folder of paper trails that I've been staring at. "Everything okay?" I ask. Lan isn't in the habit of showing up unannounced. "No," he says shortly, which also isn't like him. "Gingetsu?" It's all I need to say. "Yes." He folds down onto my sofa and buries his face in his hands. After a moment or two he looks up again, at the papers on my desk. "Any luck?" "Some. The Shao-Mao acquired a coded document that seems to be a map... but decoding is more your department than mine." I fish the disk out of the pile and extend it towards Lan. He takes it with barely a glance. "You know," I say, "I once promised Oruha, as Gingetsu once promised me, that I wouldn't die before her. She said that was the greatest gift anyone could give to someone they love." "I can't make that promise. You know why." Lan gestures to his silver hair, his face which has faded while his eyes remain young. "Aah." I've never asked why Lan has aged so quickly. I've always figured it's his problem, and Gingetsu's. But if there is something wrong.... The problems of friends are problems of me. "Lan, why?" //Lan// Kazuhiko has never asked, and I've never explained. But I guess after all this time it's okay. It's not like he's a Clover; his knowing can't hurt him. The Council won't consider him a threat. They *don't* consider him a threat. "I'm a Clover. Like Suu. Only not as powerful." Kazuhiko leans back in his seat a bit. "So that's it. That would explain a few things." He looks at me. "You'd be a Three-Leaf, then?" "Yes." He sighs. "I know Oruha was a One-Leaf; that surprised me when I found out... a little, at least. I wasn't expecting it. Her friendship with Suu was why the Council assassinated her. But I didn't know about you." He looks tired now, and for I can see how much older his life has worn him since we first met. "And Gingetsu is...?" "A Two-Leaf." Knowing Kazuhiko, he has already guessed as much; I don't feel I'm giving Gingetsu's secrets away. "Which explains the control the Council keeps him in." "They don't believe Suu is still alive," I try to explain. "That's why they don't control you...." "I know. But their belief is irrelevant to my reality." //Kazuhiko// So Lan IS a Clover. He sighs. "I'm just past my twenty-fifth birthday. But physically I'm around seventy years old. This... it's a choice I made." I wait. We have time. "I was the last of three; all of us identical. We were raised in a lab; all we had was each other. But we were all different...." He stops again. "Things happened. B died. And I chose to leave. Gingetsu found me, agreed to take me in. But because a Two-Leaf and a Three-Leaf together would be too powerful, the Council put a control on Gingetsu. They already had a control in me; there's a built-in instability against me leaving the labs. I age too quickly in the outside world." "They have nothing like that on Suu?" Lan laughs a short laugh. "Who could do that to the Four-Leaf Clover?" I laugh too, but it is dry and there is nothing I can say. If two Clovers can't stop Lan from dying... then I certainly can't. "Gingetsu is fighting this?" "Gingetsu is fighting himself." //Lan// The conversation dies back into silence, and my head falls forward, between my hands. My eyes close. Gingetsu. It all comes back to Gingetsu. For Kazuhiko, it all comes back to Suu. What was that song Oruha sang? What were her words? "I want to be your happiness"? But in the end, she could only be herself, and die, and make Kazuhiko unhappy. And in the end, Suu could only choose to keep Kazuhiko safe, and die. And in the end, Gingetsu... will be alone. I cannot be his happiness; I can only let him be mine. "Well," I say, and stand, "I'll let you get back to your research. I'll let you know what's on the disk as soon as I can." "Will it be okay?" Kazuhiko asks, concern written across his face. "It will be fine," I say with a smile. It will be. Really, it will be.... I close my eyes and shape my hands together, bringing the Modem online and building the Transport around myself. I can't affect Gingetsu.... But all I can do is go home. To Gingetsu. //Author// This is written in first-person present tense, which is tricky to deal with at best, but I hope it turned out comprehensible. My mood while composing this picture of a Clover universe turned out to be odd, as is shown in the end result.</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>