I watch the sleeping form before me, still astonished, I suppose, by the change... Except it really isn't a change. After all, I'd seen this face in my mind, in my memory and in my thoughts during every second of my vigil. That scene... at the moment when I had accepted the end of my life, Ashura had given it back to me, leaving me alone. Making it so that I had to wait... after all, it was my Ashura in that kekkai. For my love, for that small child, I would wait forever.

But.

But Ashura now truly is unlike the one I had sworn to protect... before, the Ashura in this body had really been another being. A totally different person had looked out from those eyes, and even though... even though I truly could not hurt the dark one wearing Ashura's form, I had known that it was not the innocent child in control.

Now, Ashura is in there, the real one. The innocent, inside a body that has been altered almost beyond recognition from the child form to this beautiful, graceful adult. Truly lovely... I reach out to touch- but no. I don't want to disturb what seems to be the first amount of sleep that Ashura has managed to catch since awakening...

Watching the sleeping form, I know one fact out of so many questions that I have no answers to... whatever form he is in, Ashura does not want to live. Living carries too much pain for my love, and the price for his living was to great for his still-pained heart... he wants to leave.

Except.

Except, he will not leave me. The one thing that holds him here after awakening to the sight of Kujaku's sacrifice is me. I know it, and I know that he wants to leave this world... and I will not let him go. Selfish and terrible... it's horrible, what I'm doing to my love. But I've waited too long to let him just throw away his life.

Ashura could be happy, in a few years. We have eternity if we want it, and in those years, I can make him smile, be as he had been, joyful and laughing. Calling me with that peculiar inflection on my name, hyperactive as he scrambles over rocks... he could be like that. He could... I will not waste all of our friends' sacrifices by letting him go.

I wish that Ashura would do what he had done when we had been questing against Taishakuten- curl up in my grasp, letting me protect him. Those moments are the most precious ones in my memory... and it had let me forget about my clan for those precious moments.

Even after all this time, I feel the burden. It had truly been my fault, no matter what. No matter, of fate, of Taishakuten, of Ashura or Ashura-ou. Never mind them. In the end, the guilt lies with me, in their leader. If only... no. No matter how much I wish otherwise... no matter how much I hear their screams and see their deaths in my dreams, I cannot do otherwise...

A bitter smile touches my face... perhaps what everyone had thought of me had been correct. All I know is to be a leader, a soldier. I had been good at both those things, but in the end, none of that mattered. Only Ashura. How could I want it any other way? I had sworn to protect him.

I look over at Ashura, so close to me, yet huddled into himself near the fire. After the first few days of not letting me go, Ashura had suddenly turned away, told me to leave. Of course I didn't, but I let him distance himself from me. How could I let him know how much that hurt me?

Not just protect... not only that. Love, also. Or love, only. All I know is that he is everything to me, no matter what he looks like, no matter what he becomes. My life is his- nothing more, nothing less. Yet, all of my knowledge does me no good here. My life has been devoted to war, from the battles of combat, to the ones of the court and leadership. What do I know of trying to save a life?

I hear them again- Ashura's soft sobs as he cries. Mercifully, he is asleep this time. Too many nights I had seen him wake after only a few moments of slumber, to mourn for what he could not have helped. The worst is that Ashura remembers those awful hours near the end, when the seals had started to break. From Ryu-ou's death onward, he remembered everything.

As I hear the soft weeping that tears at my heart, I can't help myself. No matter what he may wish, I will not let Ashura suffer. Going over to the slightly shaking form, I gather him into my arms, letting his head rest against my shoulder, holding him to me. Ashura sighs, putting his arms around me before he slips into a deeper sleep. Leaving me holding his new form.

I gently move Ashura's head downward so he is cradled more comfortably against me. For a moment, I watch Ashura as he breathes gently, warmly against my chest, still alive. Still here with me... I put my arms around him, wanting to keep him like this forever. Impossibilities and wishes- seductive and unattainable.

How long can I hold him here? How long, in a world that reviles him as anathema, not even because of what he had done, but for his clan? How long can I force him to live with memories such as he has? Looking at the stars, I know. As long as I can, so that all those who had died would not have done so in vain. All of them... they would want Ashura to live, find more happiness. Death is a stopping- it does not grow, does not bring joy...

I relax, letting Ashura's warmth lull me into a light sleep, knowing that sunrise would wake me. A few hours later, I wake, feeling the warmth of the sun and Ashura's stirrings as well. I debate whether or not to let him go, but Ashura answers that. He first pulls away, and then, as if surrendering, clings to me, his sobs returning. I hold him, able to do nothing.

Ashura looks up with me with those haunted golden eyes, framed by that half-familiar face. "Yashaa..." I reach down, and wipe away the tears still flowing, making him lean into my hand. "Yasha. I told you to stay away. Why didn't you?" The tone was plaintive, as if Ashura had returned to the child he had been- it was better than the dead monotone he had been using for the last few days.

I hold him closer to me. "I won't stay away when you're hurting." It doesn't even begin to explain... but it's good enough. Asbura sighs, and then tentatively touches the scar that he has avoided ever since he'd awakened. I smile down at him, and stop only when I see the pain in his eyes.

He avoids my gaze, and looks out at the sun while still wrapped around me. "Yashaa... what are we going to do? We can't just stay around this kekkai forever." His voice says that he wouldn't mind, and I wouldn't either... Looking out at the world, I reply gently, "Ashura, why don't we go visit your brother?" His look is startled. "What about Taishakuten?"

I look out at the sun myself, and tell Ashura, "He's gone. That's why Kujaku visited me-" I close my eyes, and feel Ashura slump against me, his shoulders tight. He buries his face into my chest, just hiding. "Ashura." He doesn't respond, not even to cry. I know what this terrible guilt feels like...

All I can say is inadequate, for both of us. "Ashura. It's not your fault. No one blames you." He shudders as if hit, and then looks up at me with almost blind-looking eyes. "How can you say that? How?" The look of terrible despair... I want to wipe it off, make it better- but I can't do that for him anymore. I never truly could.

Instead, I hold him closer to me, knowing that my presence is barely enough... for now. I didn't want to think about later... I stand, pulling him up with me. "We should go before the sun is too high in the sky." He stares at me for a moment, and nods. We have experience in traveling, at the very least.

As we make our way down the broken rocks and crumbled stairways, I still can't believe that this was what remained of that proud palace, so full of memories for me. Now, for all those people out there, it was a forgotten waste of stone and debris. And perhaps my love is also forgotten... it would be much easier that way.

We walk the streets leading to the palace with Ashura clinging to my side. He holds onto my hand as he had done so long ago, except it's different. Ashura is still shorter than I am, but from the way he walks, I know that he's feeling disoriented in the new body. I hold his hand a little tighter, and he smiles at me through his long hair and concealing cloak.

As we get to the palace on the pleasant spring day, we are surprised to see the line that has formed at the entrance. I go over to one man on the queue, and ask quietly, "What is going on?" He looks at me, and his eyes widen a little at my appearance and at my scar. "Ah... well, we're all here to pay respects to the former Tentai. After all, he was our ruler for so long... it's only right to visit if we can." I nod at the man before looking down at Ashura, who has turned a little paler. Standing on line would be almost obscene, considering... but what other way to get inside?

We stay on line, listening in disbelief as people murmur about how sad it was that their stern emperor was gone, how glad they were that he had had such a wonderful heir and how when Taishakuten had lost all interest in government, Ten-oh had made a wonderful emperor... All of Taishakuten's atrocities are forgotten, or at least kept out of mind at this place. Memories of all who had suffered because of that man... Glancing around, I keep a close grip on my anger. I know exactly how much damage I could do.

Both tense, we wait on the long line, and are given curious or horrified looks- I suppose because of my appearance. After all, Ashura is so enwrapped in the cloth that no one can tell anything from the form- just as I intended. As we get to where the body is resting, I see that Ten-oh is presiding over the whole affair, his eyes distant and sad. Perhaps not just thinking about his father...

When we get to the body, and in front of him, his eyes open in shock. He gives me a solemn look, which I return, and his gaze travels to Ashura at my side. He mouths silently, "Niisan..." and Ashura looks out at him with his too-sad eyes. Silence, until Ten-oh rises from his chair. Looking out at the crowd, he gives a nod, and then turns to go. Before we go, Ashura stares at the body, and reaches out for a second before flinching, and turning to go after his younger brother.

Ashura and I follow him to a well-lit room that turns out to be the library. He closes the door, and then turns to us. "Niisan... Yasha-ou. What- how?" I close my eyes, and briefly tell him of what Kujaku had done. When I am finish, I open my eyes to see that he has sat down on one of the chairs littering the room.

"Yasha-ou... what can I say? What do you want? If it is in my power, I will grant it. If it is not, then I will try my best to fulfill it anyway. Only..." He looks up at me, with more than a little pain and guilt in his eyes. "Please, do not disrupt the peace that I have built... if you or my brother are recognized, then things will get very unpleasant. People blame you..."

Ashura avoids the stacks of books with dexterity and stands over his younger twin. Gently, he leans down and nods. "I don't want to start any trouble... I understand if you want me to leave." Ashura looks away, and sighs a little. "I wouldn't want me around, either..."

Ten-oh reaches out with his hand, as if to deny it, but then pulls back. He looks at me pleadingly, and I nod. I know how he feels as leader of a people... no matter what, protect your own. Even if Taishakuten had had another agenda, Ten-oh was a genuine Tentai. A better leader than I had been, letting myself be blinded by emotion- but maybe I'm the better person for it. All I know is that I will never let Ashura go.

Ashura grabs for me blindly, and I hold him carefully. Ten-oh says in a tired voice, "I don't think either of you wants to pay respects to my father, but you can truly stay as long as you wish. Just..." He leaves the rest unsaid, and escorts both of us to his majordomo, who is standing outside of the door. The man bows to all of us, and nods at Ten-oh's order to obey our every wish.

"Sirs, what is your wish?" After assessing Ashura's condition, I reply, "Just a room." He bows, and motions for us to follow him. He leads us to a very large suite, with windows and light everywhere. There was a feeling of openness and sky in the luxurious rooms. The steward leaves us, and I look around a little more, rather unused to the finery after so many years of living as I had.

"Yashaa..." He kneels on the bed, rocking back and forth. Then, he gives me an intense look. "Yasha- there's something I have to do. I don't know what, but something..." There is something different in Ashura's eyes. Something is driving him again, something that Ashura seems to both fear and hate... Too much has been lost because of fate's workings... As much as I want him to resist, I can't help but think that if he has something making him live, it won't be so easy for him to slip away...

I start a little as Ashura sighs, and flops down rather unceremoniously onto the bed, luxuriating in the feel of the satiny sheets. I watch him stretch, and am transfixed. This new body... it makes Ashura attainable... it makes him utterly foreign. Ashura was the child I swore to protect... but he's not a child anymore.

And...

Ashura looks at me curiously with half-closed eyes, and then reaches up for me. I sit on the bed, and watch as he curls up next to me, innocent, unknowing. And... he truly does not realize how lovely and beautiful he is to me, how much he is in my thoughts. I waited for Ashura because I loved him, and I had promised never to leave him... I had never thought about after, about the future, because I had never really expected one...

What compulsion could be forcing Ashura to act? It is not the dark one- I would know that through Yama-toh, at the very least. But something was there, wanting him to do something- this worries me. If it is not the God of Destruction, then who could it be? A new enemy? Another one who wanted to use Ashura, give him pain... if it is, I will protect Ashura- that is all.

I look down at the all-too different body in my arms, and reach down to brush a few stray strands away. Ashura sighs as I toy with a few of his night-dark hairs, and snuggles in even closer as I put those strands to my lips. Scent of musk and an indefinable tinge of just Ashura... I don't know what to do, except sit and wait. Stillness is second nature to me now, after the vigil I had kept at Ashura's side. That had taught me patience, if nothing else...

The luxury and softness of the bed has caught me also, making me nod off a bit. I acknowledge the wave of sleep coming down on me, and let my defenses down for the moment. Ten-oh, for all his need to protect his people, would never let us come to harm. In Ten-oh's personal integrity... in that, I can trust.

My dreams are troubled as I catch a few precious hours of sleep. Dark and turbulent, pure noise buffets me around a screaming storm. As I am tossed around, I hear a single, golden strand of stillness, just out of my reach. I know that I have to get to that one haven, that I would learn something that I need to know, so I reach through the barrage of chaos and stretch toward the goal when the dream throws me out to the sound of Ashura's own troubled dreaming.

I look down, and see Ashura trembling, caught again in his endless dreams of guilt. I gather him closer to me, trying to grant him a little freedom, some amount of rest... and that's when Ashura's eyes snap open. He gives me a helpless look, and then scrambles away from me. "Ashura, what-"

Ashura's voice is strained as he forces out, "Yasha... I know what-" He can't seem to say any more as he starts to move toward the door as if forced. I leap out of the bed, and get in front of him, keeping myself between him and the door. "Ashura, what's going on?"

"Yasha, move away. Please... I have to... he is trapped." He looks through me, and moves forward. Ignoring me as if I do not matter... I take a look at his fierce face, so concentrated on one goal, and I move aside. He walks out, and I follow closely, curious and cautious. I notice as we go out of the room that there is almost no one around, besides the guards posted at our door.

One of them starts to move toward Ashura, but stops as I gaze at him. My hand has moved to my sword, and without a word, I pull the blade about an inch from the scabbard. He gulps as it starts to glow, and then backs down, while the other guard runs away from both of us, presumably for reinforcements.

I move quickly to catch up with Ashura, who has stopped where we had been before- at Taishakuten's bier. The doors letting in the lines have closed for the night, leaving the place empty and echoing, dark except for the few lights scattered about. Ashura is standing before the body, and his trembling hand reaches out toward the corpse, until it touches the third eye.

"Ashura, what-" My voice trails away as I see the scarred remains of the third eye suddenly glow, and then heal into one single symbol again. Ashura whispers, "He's still here, trapped. Because of the power he took from my father, the way he did it... he is forbidden, and his spirit may not rest. He wants..." Ashura drew away from the mark, sobbing, and threw himself at me.

As I cradle him to me, I watch the corpse with suspicion. If it is Taishakuten's plan for some mad revival... Ashura's sobbing stops quickly, and I ask the question I've been wanting to ask. "Ashura, how do you know-" Ashura hics, and then points behind me. I turn around quickly, and feel Yama-toh start to hum a little.

"Kujaku!" My astonished voice rings through the marbled room, and I see a light behind the spirit waver in breeze. He smiles at me with that half-sarcastic twist of his lips, and then moves his hand to try to pat Ashura on the head. It passes through both of us, chilling us where the hand had touched. Kujaku sighs, and then floats crossed-legged before both of us.

"I am forbidden also, Yasha-ou... but I have no body to be trapped in, so my spirit is to wander." Kujaku's expression grows distant as he watches me, and then he floats over to where Taishakuten is. "I cannot be freed, but Ashura may be able to free him." Ashura turns and looks at Kujaku, who gestures for Ashura to come toward him.

As I watch, feeling useless and unneeded, Kujaku puts his forehead to Ashura's and both close their eyes. Yama-toh starts to hum even more fiercely as I watch Ashura's expression turn both fearful and determined. Finally, Ashura opens his eyes again, and goes to stand before Taishakuten's body. There, he takes a deep breath, and puts his hand on the now-whole third eye again.

Quietly, Ashura draws himself up, and says in a forceful voice, "In the name of Ashura, I take back the power rightfully mine." Shura-toh comes forward from his other hand, and Yama-toh starts to glow in sync with Ashura's sword. The third eyes glows even more fiercely, and then starts to disappear, as Ashura gasps, and seems to want to jerk away.

I move toward him quickly, determined to pull him off if I have to, but he wards me away with Shura-toh. The glow finally disappears a few moments later, and then I see that the mark has disappeared from Taishakuten's brow. Ashura looks at me, and my grip on Yama-toh tightens. This look of pure power... I've seen it before. The dark one...

Then Ashura smiles, and collapses onto me, Shura-toh disappearing back where Ashura keeps it. I kneel and gently place him on the floor, and watch him carefully for a moment, making sure the unconsciousness doesn't seem suspicious. As I do so, I hear Kujaku's voice in the background, intoning something. As I look up, I see him with wings and wand, creating a light.

He looks at me, and shrugs. "Even if I cannot go on, I might as well try to get everyone else onto the road." I see something... but I can't quite make it out. Kujaku glances at me, and then puts one ghostly hand over my eyes. When he removes the opaque barrier, I see Taishakuten before me- not scarred as his corpse was, but as he had been before the Holy War. Raijin Taishakuten. The God of Thunder.

I can't help it. No matter what or why, this is Taishakuten, and so my sword raises, before I realize that he's already dead. He has a faintly contemptuous smile on his face as he watches me struggle to lower my blade, before he frowns at the one in my arms. "The burden of my promise is on you now." He gives me a steady look that banishes all of my hatred as I see in it the knowledge and pain of the task.

I nod, and then raise my sword in salute. He salutes back with a ghostly blade that has suddenly appeared, and then he turns to raise a questioning eyebrow to Kujaku. Kujaku raises his wand, and Taishakuten's spirit steps toward the light, and then hesitates. "Is he..." No one answers, and his shoulders slump a little. Then slowly, he draws himself up, and goes forward.

As Taishakuten enters the light, I see the shadow of another standing to meet him. Is it Ashura-ou? Perhaps... Then the light flashes, and I am blinded by the glare. When I can see again, the light and the spirit is gone. Kujaku is standing where he was, with naked longing on his face as he stares at where the light had been. Then he sees me watching and the usual careless expression is back.

"So, Yasha-ou, think I should stick around to make sure you don't mess up with Ashura?" He floats over to where Ashura is lying, and then asks in a serious tone, "You haven't..." Then he looks up at me, and then says quietly, "If you haven't, maybe you should. Because... Ashura shouldn't die." I don't say anything, trying to think of some way...

I hear the clink of the wand as he moves about the room, and as I watch closer, I see that the wand is still somewhat tangible. Perhaps... I move quickly, leaping over to where Kujaku is. "Yasha-ou! Wha-" I swing Yama-toh with all my might, concentrating all of my power and energy to the blade. It hums as it comes nearer to the being that had created it, and I use that link to slice through the wand, leaving him with two broken pieces.

"Kujaku. You are free from the burden of watching. Stop doing this, and rest." I take out the feather that Ashura had wanted me to keep, that I had wanted to keep, as a reminder of all who had died because of us. I let it float to where that feather had originated from, and watch as he drops the two pieces to the floor.

The wand, soaked in the memories and visions of blood and death, lies broken and its tool finally receives a blessing. Kujaku gives me a look of astonishment as the light shines from the broken pieces. Ashura stirs from next to me, and I help him up to see Kujaku's true fate. Again, he sees Kujaku dissolve into feathers and wind, but this time, Kujaku is happy for himself.

Kujaku smiles at Ashura's joyous and relieved expression, and then transfers his gaze to me. In a whisper that I somehow know is meant only for me, he whispers, "Make him happy, Yasha. Don't die." I nod, and watch as he journeys on also. Ashura clings at my arm, acting like the hyperactive child he had once been.

"Kujaku... It's not Ashura's fault..." I nod down at him, and take his chin in my hand as I had done before. "Shh. It was never your fault, love. You're the only thing that I live for, and I'm going to make sure we keep our promise. We'll be together for as long as we're both alive." I gaze into his golden eyes, hoping to see a future there...

His eyes show me he understands all of what I have said. If he dies, I die. There is no question of that in my mind. Ashura is everything to me. Then, I do what I've been wanting to do, ever since that kekkai released Ashura from what should have been a never-ending sleep. My lips touch his for a moment, light and tender. He looks up at me and truly sees.

Ashura smiles up at me, and then wraps his arms around my neck. He stands on his toes, and kisses me back, tentative and a little uncertain. As I hold him to me, I know that I don't have to be afraid of losing him to his own despair anymore. We have each other, and that is enough. No matter what.

---Finis---

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