Since the list isn't very busy, I feel somewhat safe in posting these ...

This is a trilogy of short fics that I wrote a while back. They contain 
SPOILERS for the series - so if you don't know what really drove the character, 
you will be *spoiled*. Be warned! Basically, they're the character, alone, 
reflecting for a moment.

Please, email me and tell me what you think!

Raye


 
==
raye_j@yahoo.com
Member of the Shoujo Anime Proliferation Project Ynstitute
(SAPPY)

All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.
         - seen on a bumper sticker

A Moment's Reflection: Ashura-Oh

It is a quiet day in Zenmi-jou. Today, the rain has proven constant and steady, driving the city's residents indoors and preventing any excursion from within the walls of Tentei's palace. The gloom of the weather also appears to be affecting our general behaviour; I have met few if any of the other inhabitants as I move down the palace's corridors, most of them servants.

I am in no hurry. The prophetess does not expect me for another full hour on the waterclock, and my own royal dignity won't permit an unseemly dash through the imperial halls. But I can't help wanting to skip, dance, do something to express my feelings, whenever I think about the reason why I sent the page with my request for an interview with her. It is hard to believe it was only this morning! Yet, time has dragged since she sent her reply, agreeing and setting a time.

It only occurred last night, when I visited my wife's bedchamber. Still, I know, as only an Ashura in full command of all his powers can know: Shashi conceived last night. In time, my heir will be born.

It is as well that there is nobody around to see the smile I do not wish to conceal - for I do not yet wish to share this joyful news, and I must express my joy somehow.

Perhaps the child will be a new beginning for Shashi and I.

Did I ever love Shashi? I don't know. I was young, alone and newly come to the throne of the Ashura Clan. All the elders of the Clan agreed that I needed a wife, and the Clan a queen. I agreed, in theory, but I didn't have a candidate in mind and I did not wish for any of the maidens that they suggested. Shashi was beautiful and charming, the senior Miko of our Clan - and she seemed so in love with me. I was charmed, perhaps more than I knew, and I was quite sure this feeling she inspired in me was love.

Now - I don't think so. Infatuation, certainly; she is an admirable woman who should be admired. But love? I don't know.

Perhaps I was using her as a shield against Taishaku-ten.

Taishaku - I don't know how I feel about him either. He is my subordinate and an excellent general - he will equal me soon, if he doesn't already, and will surpass me yet. I, the God of War, have finally found a warrior who can defeat me. I am very proud of him, and I am very proud that I may call him 'friend'.

I am also almost sure that he is infatuated with me.

It would be so easy to return those feelings. He is so strong, and with those silver-blue eyes and long platinum locks of hair, instantly snatches one's attention: the only blond at Court. His form could please the most discriminating lover - strong whipcord muscles over slender bones, covered with satin-soft skin, and his features could grace a court maiden's face, so elegant and beautiful.

They certainly please me.

Perhaps I saw these feelings coming?

Whether I did, or didn't, the question was and is moot. I needed an heir - and for that, I needed a wife. And so I wedded Shashi.

Why am I thinking like this? Normally I can control and understand all my heart. Today all my thoughts swirl chaotically around those two. I don't understand it!

But I do, really. I have only known of the child for a few short hours, yet I already love my daughter-to-be. It is only natural that, as I think of her and the love I feel for her, that I would think of the love that already exists in my life.

How ironic! All day time has dragged; now the hour is almost gone, and I must soon present myself to the prophetess. I want to know all I can about my daughter; and yet I don't. I want to know what to expect and I want to meet her and learn her ways for myself.

I lift my hand to open the door and enter the seeress' chambers, but as I do - a sudden crack of thunder splits the sky. It startles me and I jump.

Such a small thing - yet I'm suddenly uneasy. I lift my hand to open the door again, but now I am apprehensive. Why? The dreams I've been having are only that. Dreams and no more. My daughter will be perfectly normal, I'm sure. I have no reason to be afraid. So why am I afraid?

I don't know. I don't know so many things. But there is one thing I do know.

I love my little daughter-to-be. I will do anything to protect her. Anything.

RG Veda belongs to CLAMP and Wings Comics. This is a fan's homage, is not making any money and no copyright infringement is intended. Please don't sue me, I don't even own my own computer.