http://clampfix.fanworks.net/rgv-fix/rg-unt1.txt </head><body><pre> Untitled By Jennifer Duong "Now I know you're gonna love him, " Jo said convincingly down at the little chubby face of baby Tai, "He's the same age as you are...four!" "He isn't some nerdy little twerp, is he?" Tai asked, raising an expectant brow and focusing his huge, saucer round eyes on his baby-sitter. "Of course not, he's a perfect little angel..." Jo slurred, fluttering her hands back and forth imitating angel wings. "Oh...?" the toddler narrowed his eyes, folded his arms, and inquired suspiciously, "What does he like to watch?" His disgustingly cheerful baby-sitter's face brightened as she picked him up and carried him into the living room. She set him down on the carpet, cleared her throat, and began, "Well, me and Jennifer agreed that to prepare for your first meeting we would let you two watch each others favorite shows. To get a beforehand impression of each other," Jo walked up to the TV, turned it on, flipped the channel..."Just on time." A huge purple snout with beady little eyes peering from above it encompassed the screen, smiling a upper toothful smile large enough to swallow the titanic. Tai stiffened. "HELLO EVERYBODY! IT'S YOUR FRIEND, BARNEY! TODAY IS A SPECIAL DAY BECAUSE IT'S 'BABY BOP BIRTHDAY DAY!!!!'" the colossus, duffish voice of the purple dinosaur announced, covering its mouth as it giggled... "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!etc........etc" Tai's round little body lept into the arms of the ready baby-sitter who barricaded him from the tube. Clawing at the front of her shirt, the helpless infant tried desparately to beat the horror grinning sweetly back at him from the TV with one of his fluffy Papa Panda slippers. Screaming endlessly in indescribable agony... **************************************************************** "Oooh---Ashura Ou! Sweetie, where are you?" Ashura Ou crawled out from under his bed dragging the tail of a purple dinosaur with him. "Com--ing!" "Oh, there you are," Jennifer said, smiling at the small, plumb figure who appeared before her. "What is it?" the sweet child asked his equally sweet baby-sitter, "Me and Barney were playing house..." "Well," Jennifer began, kneeling down in front of him and taking his delicate hands in her's, "I know how lonely it's been for you here with no friends your own age to play with." Ashura Ou's golden eyes widened as he shook his head, "Oh no, not at all. I have my best friend Barney to keep me company." His baby-sitter's smile became strained for a moment, then suddenly brightened, "I'm going to introduce you to a really nice boy whose just your age." The toddler's head perked up then abruptly dropped, arms hugging his purple plush companion tighter, "He's not violent, is he?" "Violent?" Jennifer was taken aback, "Didn't I just say that he's 'nice'. He's a great fan of Barney just like you." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "TTTTTTTTTTaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!" "NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!Kill it! Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!etc." "Put those slippers down!!!" Jo grabbed for the deadly weapons. ******************************************************************** "Really...?" Ashura Ou asked, uncertainty mixing with hope. "Of course," Jennifer reassured patting her charge's head, "You two should get along just beautifully. And for first impression's sake I've borrowed from my sister some shows that this boy likes to watch. So what do you say?" Tilting his head to one side he regarded Jennifer with a sparkling beam full of promise and confidence. Then without another glance he turned around, still clutching Barney, to walk back to the room where he had previously been playing before so rudely interrupted. "Hmm..." Not willing to allow the boy an escape route the baby-sitter sweep him up just as he was about to cross the door, and started for the living room, confessing, "The truth is YOU don't really have a choice, I just let you THINK you did so that things would be much easier on YOU and ME if you said 'YES'. Since your answer is obviously the opposite...MY decision STANDS." "Dictator..." The tender aged captive uttered under his breath, then protested aloud, "I don't need anyone else...I've got Barney...that's the only person I need...the only person I'll ever want...EVER!... I won't go! You hear! Besides, there's a Barney marathon on...!" "Tough!" Jennifer snapped, plopping the unhappy child in front of the television, then cupping his cherubic face in her hands she looked deeply into his pools of unflawed diluted honey. In a calmer tone, she spoke slowly, "Now see here...Barney is not a person...he's not even human...he has a tail...and he's purple. He's just a gross imitation of absolute goodness gone beyond the limits of what the human stomache can tolerate...he's really an insidious weapon used to entice 'sweet' and impressionable little boys like you to become mindless worshippers." "Long live the Barney Occult!" Ashura Ou pronounced, pushing the fuzzy snout of his idol directly into Jennifer's face to have her instantly shove the revolting creature away. "Ha...ha...ha," a sinister laugh slipped from her lips as Jennifer's eyes took on a glazed appearance. Her hands slid down to clamp on the boy's shoulders, who held his precious prehistoric friend even closer to his heart, meeting her gaze with his own defiant one. "The Barney Occult...the Barney Occult..." she whispered in a voice that seemed to scrape at the air, " is toast. You are the last of your kind...," Ashura Ou shook his head unbelievingly his face twisted with pain as she droned on, "the very last...thank God...alone in your blind reverence of a false idol...you heretic...you - you - you - you...Barney lover...the end is here..." "NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The anguished cry echoed throughout the whole house, and like the eternal souls which suffered in eternal Hell continued to sound a vain plead to Heaven, until finally their lungs were barbequed by the sulfurous atmosphere, cut out, and used for demon chow...Or until they burst... either one. ********************************************************************* His eyes gazed transfixed into the violet void that consumed the universe, blocking out the stars and the very planets in which all hope existed. There was nothing to dream for, nothing to entrust faith in, and there was nothing to reassure him that the darkness which now reigned the very cavity of all creation would ever retreat into the shadows from which it had been spawned. For that eternity he realized that God really needed professional help, that not even the Devil would conceive to torment the already pitiful souls of mortals with the creation of such complete, mind numbing pleasantness...least he himself suffer...the noises...of...that...giggling... "Tai?" Jo touched the toddler's body, and nearly reeled from the rush of arctic temperature that surged up her fingers. The 4 year old's little form had been shivering uncontrollaby while his breathing became fainter and fainter...he turned to look at his baby-sitter vacantly, legs crossed and hands clasped together in his lap, replying in an eery low tone, "IIII'mmm f-fine." Jo grabbed at her chest, almost having a heartattack from the gruesome smile that the child endowed her, reminding her of those horrible nightmares she use to have of Mickey mouse wearing Freddie Krueger's gloves, but the Joker's suit and grin...phantom Minnie ( gory parts of Minnie)...Donald (nice BBQ Peking Duck, yummy) still hung over her at night moaning, "M...i...c..kkk---...e...y---...M...oooo...uuuuuu...es--zzz...eee....eee..." She quickly rose from her seat on the couch and decided that she needed a glass of cold, cold water. After considering the program that Tai seemed glued to now, Jo shrugged off the idea of turning it off, thinking how funny it was that just a moment ago the tot seemed bent on bombing that darling purple dino with his slippers...foot...head...her...and declaring full-blown holy war on the on the whole TV network. She rubbed her neck as she exited the living room, remembering how he had tried to use her head to bust the screen. In the far corners of his mind, in the chambers which still held the essences of Taishakuten, a voice called, attempting to awaken him, saying, "Here's your chance...go...the girl is gone. She knows nothing..." For the first time in 20 minutes, Tai felt strength returning to his limbs and a new purpose to continue on with life (delayed 20 minutes ago) fill his being. Feeling weak from his tribulation, the determined tot rolled himself down from the couch and began his torturous journey around the coffee table towards the TV. Certain that he would make it, that victory was just a few crawls away...then...he heard: "HEY, YOU KIDS OUT THERE! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!? YES, THAT'S RIGHT! (goofy giggles) IT'S TIME TO SING OUR SPECIAL SONG!!! HURRAY!" Tai froze in mid crawl. "I love you! You love me! We're a hap--py family, with a great big hug and a kiss from you to me! Now won't you say you lo----ve me too...! I love you! You---etc..etc..." The piteous warrior crumpled under the too, too cruel assault and lay flattened on the ground, clenching the carpet frills...while troops of winged Barneys danced around his head serenading their undying love... ********************************************************************** Ashura Ou pulled at his straight long hair, frustration distorting his moon round face. "I don't understand...it's so confusing..." Ashura Ou whined, his mind trying to grasp what was transgressing between the characters on the screen. All he could tell from it was that there was this group of fugitives (he thought they must have been that) being hounded by the villian, who was this really scary fellow with a marble stuck in his head (it looked like a huge marble)...There was alot of fighting and blood...no signs of dinosaurs, pleasant thoughts, singing, or story (at least he wasn't sure if there was a story). Furthermore, most of the characters in the show made him want to take a bathroom break...they were so, so...unreal...none had the genuine qualities of his beloved dino hero. "It's so COMPLICATED!" He blurted, directing a helpless expression at Jennifer who seemed quite absorbed with the whole production, "How can he like watching that kind of stuff?!" "He's a little more mature for his age, but that doesn't mean that he'll hold it against you..." "Hmph. I think Barney is much better. Just look at those characters, all they care about all day is fighting! Why can't they just sit down and sing songs to each other or be friends! Look at that little kid with the funny ears he's such a nerd! His baby-sitter is so impulsive, I think that he needs a "How to control your temper seminar"...there's a nice one up at the college...it's for girls, but in his case I think the teachers there will make an exception. And look at that weird kid's father...gah! See what happens when you go on a diet, you end up like him, I can see right through him...bet he hasn't had anything good to eat in a long, long time! And look at that guy with the marble in his head, all he does is rest on his butt all day and boss people around...doesn't he have any hobbies! Does he even have a life!?" "Calm down dear. Actually, in my opinion I think it's rather good..." Jennifer tilted her head to one side and regarded Ashura Ou with an amused look, "Funny, but that substance deprived papa has the same name as you...and he sorta looks like you, too." Ashura Ou made a face, lifting his brow, "Are you blind. One, I think that that kid of his obviously is adopted. Two, where's the papa's Barney doll!? Do you see his Barney doll!? No! Three, I'd rather die than go on the diet that he's on." "One, you know nothing about genetics, " his baby-sitter countered drily, "Two, the kid's papa obviously GREW up and developed better tastes. Three, he is dead, didn't you notice that he got killed at the beginning." "Oh. I was in the bathroom...didn't see that part..." His eyes strayed back to the TV just in time to see the little weirdo over BBQ a few poor suckers with his supersized blow torch. "What's the name of this show again?" he asked. "RG Veda, why?" "I'll remember that the next time I see it," he said, "So that I won't rent it by accident." ********************************************************************* His forces almost completely annilihated, the degenerated soldier slithered towards the gates of Hell, each nerve burning with irrepressible pain at the unsavory niceness of the choiring jumbo lavender cherubs who attempted to lead him to the direction of perfectly nauseating enlightment. Resisting the urge to die then and there in a fit of weeping and howling he pushed on, his hearing still thriving 100%, regardless, of his brain's yearning for a hearing disability: "I love you! You love me! We're a happy family with a gre--at big hug and a kiss from you to me---! Won't you say you love me too---! etc. etc...etc..." "Must...reach..." Tai stretched out his arm, imploring his fingers to grow about 10 meters longer (no such luck), "power...switch..." ********************************************************************** Well, if you survived that...I...guess you probably won't seek revenge right? She's just a grade 5 girl...she's harmless...the above stuff is very mild... Please send comments if comments can be formulated from the above...Thanks. Yours truly, truly Jo. P.S. (Fortunately, you don't know where we really live.) </pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>