http://clampfix.fanworks.net/smut/reflections.txt </head><body><pre>Disclaimer & Warnings: X and the subsequent characters are the property of the creators CLAMP and the manga publishing company ASUKA. I do not own these characters. I wish I did. (Hmmm wouldn’t it be nice to have a Subaru around the house?) So please don’t sue me. I’m the perpetually broke college student afterall. There are shounen-ai and yaoi themes ahead so if you do not care for such things then don’t read. (Shounen-ai is male/male love, yaoi contains sexual elements of male/male love). Helpful feedback and criticism is always welcome. I can be reached at: wmchichiri@yahoo.com. This is my first CLAMP fic, let’s hope I do the series justice. 2.18.2000: Revision, added more of a yaoi ending and changed references to Subaru’s gloves to best fit the X plot. Notes <> Denotes Thoughts +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Reflections by: Wandering Mage Chichiri There had always been something undeniable about spring. It was a soft curling entity that coiled itself around Subaru, lifting up his burdened heart, and yet choking him with e overwhelming scent of the blooming sakura. There were no simple pleasures in this living season, everything had a taint, a tinge of bitterness to it. The vibrant imagery, the aromatic fragrances that lingered in the air like a lover’s scent was intoxicating to Subaru. Yet, it was like continually worrying over a wound, it hurt, it rubbed raw, and it never, ever healed. Subaru sighed, laying a gloved hand gently over the trunk of the sakura tree, stroking it with bitter tenderness, as he looked up into the pink dappled canopy above him. A breeze came by, and tugged at his short hair, sending a swirling storm of sakura blossoms around him, before the breeze abated and left the blossoms to slowly float their way down to the ground in an intricately simple nymph-like waltz. Transfixed and entranced, Subaru watched the elegant dance and kept staring off across the grove of sakura trees, long after the last petal had alighted and settled with a gentle sigh onto the earth. In sheepish startlement Subaru blinked. <I really can be quite scatterbrained at times>, he thought self-deprecatingly, as he slowly sank to the earth resting his back against the sturdy trunk of the sakura tree. He slowly closed his eyes and sighed. <Hokuto.> …………………………… <This is so unlike me>, Kamui thought to himself as he decided to take a detour through the grove of blooming sakura trees putting off his errands. Kamui for a moment heard laughter, and turned his head seeing a young girl with flowing hair, dancing away as two boys chased after her. The picnic basket swung in her hands. Kamui smiled, his eyes lighting up for a brief moment, reminded of another time and place. <Kotori, you loved coming here, and insisted that every Sunday when the sakura was in bloom, that Fuuma and I should come here with you no matter the weather.> Slowly the smile faded from his face as he saw the superimposed image of her laughing child’s face, with the harsh cold reality of her death gaze. He scowled at his own foolishness, a moody façade settling over his features as he set off for a brisk walk through the grove. He did not know what made him look off to the side, but there was a fleeting sensation a feeling of familiarity, and his gaze raised from it’s low focused gaze on the path before him, to stare gazing off the side of his path long into the distance. He could just make out a silhouette, and something familiar about the presence compelled him forward. As the distance narrowed, the features before him resolved and solidified. He nearly called out to Subaru, his friend, but was silenced irrevocably when with pained delicate care, Subaru peeled off one of his gloves. …………………………… Kamui watched silently, knowing that Subaru had ceased wearing the gloves yet there he was with them on. He watched in concern and fascination from behind and slightly to the left of Subaru. The bare hand reached up and caught a gently falling sakura blossom, holding it with a soft caress, before with a sigh it was released to the mercies of the wind. Subaru slowly turned his hand over, staring at it, a look of pure pain crossing over his features. All in one moment, Kamui was before him, kneeling softly in the slowly greening grass beneath his knees, startling Subaru yet stilling him with shock. Kamui gently reached out and capture Subaru’s hands, and with surprising gentleness removed the other glove. His thumbs gently traced the branded marks on his hands, before he looked up into Subaru’s eyes, gazing intently there. Then with eyes half-lidded like a napping cat, Kamui brought those hands to his lips, kissing softly. Lingeringly he moved into a comfortable kneeling position before Subaru, his hands still gently holding Subaru’s and gazed at the onmyouji. …………………………… Subaru had gasped with the gentle caress of Kamui’s lips against his cursed hands, and had watched Kamui slowly and appraisingly. He gazed long into those brooding eyes, and slowly smiled. "Hi, Kamui." Kamui smiled softly yet remained silent. Subaru sighed, "How did you find me?" "I was walking through, I noticed someone over here and I recognized you." He shrugged in dismissal. Then looked at him with all seriousness. "Subaru… why even after all this time are you wearing the gloves?" Subaru looked up like a doe caught in the sights of a hunter, then looked down again his bangs gently shading his eyes from Kamui’s demanding gaze. "Seishirou marked me when I was young, he hid the memory within my own mind, but grandmother somehow knew. She told me to always wear gloves. It’s become a habit… to wear the bull’s eye so to speak. But like a bull’s eye sometimes the arrows stray and hit not their mark but those close to me. So… I wear them sometimes, when I dwell upon things long past." Kamui looked searchingly at Subaru and despite himself pressed further, being bolder than usual, yet it was a day for not being usual. "It’s more than that… those marks…" Kamui’s face scrunched for a moment trying to find a way to verbalize what it was he seemed to sense. "Hai, they are marks of pain, physical scars to show the ones deeper. Guilt, shame, sad bitter memories…" Kamui grabbed Subaru’s chin fiercely and forced him to see… and then pressed fierce lips over Subaru’s mouth. Kamui eased the pressure almost immediately with some remorse over the harshness of the initial contact, and he felt Subaru relax and ease into the kiss. Kamui reluctantly and slowly broke the kiss, a tenderness few ever witnessed was shining in his eyes. "Damn it Subaru, let it go, it’s rotting you." Subaru smiled bitter sweetly, "It’s rotting you too." Kamui moved as if slapped by that comment, and hung his head, retracting completely from Subaru. Several long moments passed, the only noise heard was the soft rustling of the sakura in the soft spring breeze. "My mind may understand… but never my heart." Subaru reached forward, grasping Kamui’s hands that rested fisted on his knees. "It is hard for the heart to ever understand that one we love can hurt us so. But the ones we loved are no more. The Seishirou I loved, the Fuuma you loved are long gone." "I don’t know if I can kill him… I see the old friend, and even when I don’t I see Kotori’s face." Subaru began to gently caress Kamui’s hands with his thumbs stroking lightly. "She would not hold such a thing against you, nor would she hold it against your brother. She’d wish no ill of anyone she cared for regardless of the circumstances." Kamui quivered minutely, a few lone tears despite the stubborn effort to still them dripped down his bowed face to land on their joined hands. Kamui looked up with such pain such loss, and Subaru held his arms to him, giving him a shoulder to cry on, as he himself cried on one of Kamui’s shoulders. …………………………… The afternoon sun had long since passed, and had faded away into a growing twilight. Nestled underneath the branches of a sakura tree were two young men. Subaru had his back propped against the tree as he held Kamui gently in his arms his head pillowed against his shoulder. Kamui with eyes closed, slowly and in endless repetition traced with infinite tenderness the scars on the back of Subaru’s hands, and softly murmured into the chilly evening air. "Subaru." "Ah?" "Don’t ever hurt me, don’t ever leave me." Subaru’s eyes widened then closed softly, and with a fierce husky voice he uttered but a single word: "never." Kamui gasped at the intensity in Subaru’s voice and the desires it awakened within his now slightly trembling body. Kamui with hunger raised his head from the soft pillow of Subaru’s shoulder to kiss him with fervor. He slowly turned in Subaru’s arms until they were chest to chest. Subaru’s arms tightened around Kamui, he parted his lips so that their tongues could slowly dance in a courting ballet with one another. One hand slid from the middle of his back up to rest softly in Kamui’s silken hair. Kamui smiled at the honest hungry response from Subaru, his lips slowly suckling on the now slightly swollen bottom lip of the Sumeragi clan leader. His hands began to slowly unbutton Subaru’s shirt, thumbs boldly going forward to stroke at the newly exposed skin as he moved his way down Subaru’s torso. Subaru arched into Kamui’s fevered touch, a soft moan vibrating against the shared kiss between the two. Subaru’s marked left hand was slowly stroking Kamui’s fabric-clothed back in gentle encouragement, his other hand curled into his dark tresses, drawing Kamui’s head down against his aching nipple. Kamui needed little encouragement and shrugged Subaru’s shirt from his shoulders, his breath teasing against the aching right nipple, before his tongue lashed out and laved at the sensitive spot. His hands stroked maddeningly down Subaru’s sides and stomach, pulling the tails of the shirt from his pants, before his right hand reached lowered, as his mouth kissed its way across Subaru’s chest to nestle in the contented pleasure of suckling on his left nipple. Subaru sighed beneath him, relaxing with the tender assault of Kamui’s tongue. His eyes were hooded in pleasure, as his hands trailed down Kamui’s body, and with frustration snapping a few buttons off of Kamui’s shirt before his hands were satisfied with the pleasure of his flesh. Kamui moaned softly raising his head for a moment to capture Subaru’s mouth in a lingering and sensuous kiss that promised of things to come. Kamui gently withdrew from the kiss smirking at the stunned and wide-eyed pleasured expression in Subaru’s eyes as he unfastened his pants and put teasing caresses along the others inner thighs. One hand snaked behind the onmyouji lifting him up as the other pulled the pants down those long shapely and infinitely delectable legs. Subaru moaned his pleasure into the neck of Kamui as he gently nuzzled and nipped along his collar bone. He kicked his pants free of his legs, his own hands traversing the contours of his lover’s body to loosen and remove the other’s pants. Kamui chuckled and grazed a searing kiss along the hollow of his lover’s throat. "Not yet…." And before Subaru could question just what that meant, Kamui moved with near blinding speed and engulfed Subaru’s swolleness within his moist and velvet lips. Subaru gasped and whimpered, arching greedily against the warm and pleasant mouth, a hand burying possessively into Kamui’s hair to hold him there. Kamui didn’t mind, and enjoyed his slow feast of his lover. His hands alternated between stroking Subaru’s thighs and his torso. His lips were everywhere. Kissing here, grazing there as he licked and suckled at the sweetness of his lover. His tongue caressed the sensitive underside as he stroked his lover up and down. In one paralyzing moment, the world went dark then bright with a cascade of sensations. Subaru gasped into an awakening release as he quivered in his lover’s embrace. Kamui smirked, his eyes raising to meet the fulfilled gaze of his lover and licked his lips with smug satisfaction. With slow and deliberate touches, he teasingly kissed and caressed his way up Subaru’s torso, to bury his lips deep against the others mouth, pressing his growing aching need against the other. Subaru reached up a hand gently and caressed Kamui’s cheek and smiled, shifting wordlessly beneath his lover and wrapping his legs around him. Kamui moaned, capturing one of his hands to lick and suckle and graze his way across the branded marks, as he slowly and cautiously slid his way in. Subaru cried out both from the wonderful flutter Kamui’s tender devouring of his throughout his own body, as well as to the piercing sense of filling. His lips reached up to began to graze a nuzzling and branding pattern along Kamui’s elegantly curved neck, broad shoulders, and his maddeningly enticing chest with the pert aching peaks and the undulating muscles. Kamui groaned as he slid fully in, his teeth nibbling at one of his lover’s ear lobes. He took infinite pleasure in the feeling of his lover’s body, as well as the shivers that appeared to course through Subaru’s body after that enticing moan into his lover’s ear. Subaru’s back arched towards his lover as his legs clamped around Kamui’s waist. Kamui growled, his lips pressing against Subaru’s with near bruising force as he drove into him, before licking his way across Subaru’s chin and growling predatorily into Subaru’s ear "mine." Subaru’s eyes snapped open and he moaned overcome with a release borne from the utterance of that one word. Kamui recaptured those parted moaning lips, relishing the feeling of Subaru shuddering around him and clamping down around him before he too, faded into a world of pleasant floating. …………………………… The twilight had faded away into the true dark hours of the evening. The lover’s entwined in each other’s embraces were reluctant to move despite the growing chill to the air. They contented themselves with the warm comforting presence of the other as well as the gentle rain of the sakura petals in the moonlight. Their ease was interrupted by laughter, which made both men jump up in embarassed surprised, scrambling for their strewn clothing and looking for the source of the sound. Subaru froze when he saw her. She smiled and winked and gave him a thumbs up. He awoke from his frozen shock when he heard Kamui gasp beside him as well, followed his line of sight and saw Kotori, blushing but smiling prettily, and with a somewhat mortified look on her face, she lifted up her hand in a thumbs up sign too. Hokuto laughed, her laughter echoed by the newfound shimmering of the sakura blossoms around them as they moved and danced in the moonlight, and the two girls disappeared. Subaru sighed, sinking back down to the earth staring out into space, a soft smile tugging at his lips. He turned over to see Kamui, crying softly. With a frown, Subaru reached out and touched Kamui’s face, tilting it towards his own and stroking away the tears. Kamui looked at him and smiled, and gently kissed Subaru’s hands, and spoke in a subdued and slightly shaking voice, "I think your sister was laughing at us because here we are out in the cold, when we could be in a warm bed." Subaru laughed, "It’s possible. Let’s head back." Kamui nodded, and they went about searching for their clothes and exchanging clothing until they were dressed. The clothes were a bit rumpled and grass stained, Kamui’s shirt was missing a couple of buttons. But they didn’t care even at the curious looks they got by the few souls they saw on their way home. ~owari~ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ My innocence has been corrupted. @_@ I can’t believe I wrote a shounen-ai, let alone a yaoi at that! This fic is the fault of Tin Mandigma, Kristin Olson, the Clamp Mailing List, and of course myself. See what you guys made me do! Please do let me know how the yaoi scene works or doesn’t. I was struggling with how would be the best way to describe the love scene. As to how this fic came into being, we were discussing in February 2000 on the Clamp Mailing List, how it seemed that in the later episodes of X, that Fuuma and Seishirou were being coupled off together, as was Subaru and Kamui. Of course I enjoyed this concept… and the lovely imagery of Kamui tracing the marks on Subaru’s hands came into being. Stubborn and insufferable is a plot bunny, so I succumbed to the plot fiend, and wrote. ===== Wandering Mage Chichiri The Collection: http://members.xoom.com/wmchichiri/</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>