http://clampfix.fanworks.net/smut/thoughts.txt </head><body><pre>Warning: this fanfiction contains YAOI, sexual relations between two MEN. If you are uncomfortable reading this sort of thing then STOP now. If, on the other hand you are a hentai like me and like this sort of thing, then please proceed to enjoy. :) Disclaimer: Sakurazuka Seishirou and Sumeragi Subaru are property of CLAMP. This is a fanfiction BY a fan FOR other fans of this interesting couple. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THOUGHTS By SakuraKira Sumeragi Subaru gaped as he saw the man who had knocked on his door only moments before. Sakurazuka Seishirou had taken off his ever-present concealing sunglasses and merely stared at the younger onmyouji, who just stared back. Two emerald orbs looked intently into a pair of mismatched ones, one gold, the other deathly pale. Why was he here? What does he want? Was he finally going to kill him and get it over with? Was he going to grant him his wish? Perhaps without even realizing it, Subaru had stepped aside to allow the assassin to enter. Keeping their eyes locked, Seishirou did so with a quiet grace that belied his darker attributes. Having fully stepped into the foyer, now with the door closed behind him; with little effort, Seishirou lunged and forced his opposite against the adjoining wall… and kissed him. Subaru had had little time to fully register everything that was happening before he could properly react and defend himself. His cry of "On!" was silenced by the deepness of the kiss and Subaru found that, once again, he could not and did not want to defend himself against Seishirou. Subaru finally regained enough control in order to push the Sakurazukamori slightly away from him and stared into the mismatched eyes. While Seishirou's eyes seemed calm, Subaru's were wild with confusion and held just the slightest tinge of fear. Fear of the unknown, not of Seishirou, who had apparently intended no malice in the gesture. Fear that if he completely gave himself to the darker other that he would be broken again, perhaps beyond any recovery. Fear of the guilt that would follow if he allowed himself to be lost in his sister's killer. Perhaps understanding all of these things, Seishirou leaned his forehead against Subaru's, closed his own eyes, and said, "Don't think Subaru-kun, just feel, and react. Onegai?" Subaru closed his eyes and his head fell back against the wall as a sigh of acquiescence, of acceptance escaped his lips. How could he not when such a request was made of him by this one person? How could he refuse when Seishirou seemed to want it, to need it, as much as he himself did? At this sign of permission Seishirou kissed Subaru again. This time deeper. This time filled with more passion… and something else that Subaru could not accurately name. This time, Subaru returned it, almost as intensely; and although he was inexperienced, he allowed his own want to guide him. Although Subaru /did/ allow himself to feel the pleasure, to which he /did/ react accordingly, he could /not/ keep the thoughts from raging within his mind however. He loved Seishirou, he had finally realized this. Shame and guilt washed through him as he thought of these things. He loved another man. A man who by birth should be his enemy. A man who, by his own actions had given Subaru every reason to loath him, to hate him, to wish to kill him. But, he could not. Yes, the frustration and anger were there occasionally when he thought of Seishirou. Frustration, and pain, because Seishirou had claimed not to love him, to feel nothing for him at all. Anger at himself for losing the bet. Although he had every right not to be, he felt that he had not given Seishirou what he needed to love him in return. Some small part of him hated himself because of that. Seishirou had begun to move onto other areas. His lips traversed Subaru's jaw line and began to move down his neck with a tenderness he hadn't thought Seishirou capable of. Subaru closed his eyes in order to savor the sensuous touch and arched his neck in pleasure and encouragement. He wanted this, he wanted Seishirou. To be completely enveloped by him, to have this precious contact that had been denied for so very long. Subaru tangled his fingers in Seishirou's hair, relishing in the texture and pleasant softness of it. While still attending to Subaru's lithe neck, Seishirou began to unbutton his shirt and tug it out of Subaru's pants. Subaru bit his lower lip to unsuccessfully stifle a moan as Seishirou began to caress a nipple with his tongue. Seishirou snaked his hand around Subaru's back and slid his hand into the back of his pants, stopping just where his lower back started to curve outward. Subaru began to feel heat flow through his body, its focal point between his legs as his arousal awakened. He dimly wondered whether Seishirou were feeling the same. He received his answer when Seishirou rose back up to recommence the kiss and pulled Subaru to him with the hand around his back. The answer was yes, which made him want to cry with joy. He was able to make Seishirou feel /something/. He did not cry however, as he realized that this action might be misinterpreted by Seishirou, which might make Seishirou stop. Which might make Seishirou leave him alone. And /that/ he could not handle, not now. Subaru's hands seemed to act of their own volition as they attempted to release Seishirou of the trench coat that he still wore, suit jacket and tie. They were now evenly dressed, save that Subaru's shirt was unbuttoned and untucked. As Seishirou kicked off his shoes, making him slightly shorter, he said "Subaru-kun… bedroom?" which was almost labored, as he made no attempt to conceal his own pleasure and excitement. Subaru though, barely registered that Seishirou had asked the question as his mind was turning toward the same area. Subaru pushed himself off of the wall, grabbed Seishirou's shirtfront and began to lead him toward the bedroom while still attempting to continue the kiss that he was currently enjoying. Subaru was still attempting to lead and simultaneously to unbutton Seishirou's shirt when they bumped into a wall and stayed there for a few moments. Still standing in the hallway, only a meter or so from the bedroom, Seishirou ran his hand up the inside of Subaru's thigh. Even through the thick denim of Subaru's jeans, he could feel the hardness there. Subaru moaned and slightly shuddered with pleasure as Seishirou did this, but he continued his task at freeing Seishirou of his shirt. As they began moving again, Seishirou's hand slid up farther to reach button and zipper, slowly undoing them. Subaru had finally gotten Seishirou's shirt undone and wound his arms around Seishirou's back under the shirt, feeling the warmth and muscle beneath. In the bedroom now, they stopped together a couple of feet away from the bed. They just stood there for a small while, Subaru resting his head on Seishirou's bared chest arms firmly holding his sides, Seishirou with his chin resting on Subaru's head, breathing in the soft sent of Subaru's hair, his hands on either of his other's hips. Both of them wanted to continue, ached to continue, but was not completely sure of what the other wanted. Neither wanted to be the first to cross the barrier that had separated them for so long, not certain if it was the right thing to do, but each knowing it was what they wanted and that it /was/ right for the /them/ as a whole. They reacted as one, each feeling his own resolve. Subaru stood on his toes to reach Seishirou more accurately, and for the first time initiated the kiss; releasing his hold on Seishirou's back and choosing instead to curl them around his neck and caress Seishirou's hair. Seishirou held Subaru to him for what seemed like an eternity to both, and then they both released one another to continue the mutual undressing. Subaru began to work on Seishirou's belt when he took in a sharp breath at the unexpected action of Seishirou sliding his hand into Subaru's pants and began caressing the flesh there. Letting a slight whimper escape, with half lidded eyes, he tried to focus his attention on his own task: Seishirou's pants. Almost losing control over himself, Subaru breathed a soft "Seishirou-san…" Perhaps realizing this, Seishirou discontinued his motions and allowed Subaru to finish undressing him, and in return divested Subaru of the rest of his clothes as well. Now completely revealed to each other, they began moving toward the bed, each clasping their opposite in an embrace that mutually grew into another kiss. Seishirou laid Subaru on the bed, trying to keep in mind that he must be gentle as he /knew/ Subaru had never been with anyone like this before. He moved his hand between Subaru's legs and separated them, revealing to him the pathway to his ultimate release. "Subaru…kun…" he said as he entered, feeling the warmth and wonderfully pleasing tightness that surrounded him, driving toward ecstasy. A small scream of simultaneous pleasure and pain was released by Subaru, who so desperately wanted to actively participate that he reached up and yanked Seishirou down toward him for another kiss; causing his hardness to be pressed between them. They started to sway together as their passions and arousals crested, bringing them both toward bliss. Bright flashes shone behind their eyes as they came, Subaru feeling Seishirou's warmth spreading through him. After they crested, they both fell, an intense wave of calm and peace descended over the two. Seishirou carefully withdrew and laid next to Subaru, who in turn rested his head on Seishirou's arm. After a short while, Subaru rolled over on his side while remaining in the protective cove of Seishirou's arm. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Seishirou looked at his beautiful lover with his single eye. Why had he done this? He wondered. He had recognized a need in himself, an ache in him that only Subaru could fill. But, why only Subaru? If the need were only physical, surely a soap land girl would have satisfied it, but it was not. He /knew/ that within himself there was no love for the younger onmyouji, but something in himself had wanted him so badly that he had sought out Subaru himself to fulfill that need. He began to sift through the compartment in his mind marked off for Subaru, which was quite large. He reasoned in this way: he and Subaru were opposite sides of the same coin, he dark Subaru light; both practicing the same art, but to different ends; he emotionless and Subaru feeling everything intensely, he Angel and Subaru Seal, he Yang to Subaru's Yin and he burning sun to Subaru's glowing moon. They were so much opposite that neither could exist without the other, which they needed to be whole. He had sensed this need in Subaru as well, but had never comprehended it before, had never truly tried to explain it to himself. He /had/ though tried to contemplate existence on this mortal plane without Subaru and found that he could not do it. A dull ache spread from the back of his mind, to the pit of his stomach, up to his throat where it threatened to cry out and reveal itself. And with a flash in his mind, he realized what it was… Subaru was awake as he felt Seishirou moving… to hold him, tightly. On instinct he did not think that Seishirou would be so affectionate towards him, so he thought that something was wrong; but he waited for Seishirou to speak and see if he was correct. "Subaru-kun?" "Mmm?" "Tonight, for the first time, I realized how lonely I was. And, that I… need you." Subaru laced his fingers with those around his waist and said, "I need you too, Seishirou-san." After a few more seconds of silence, he said again, "Seishirou-san, arigatou… for sharing yourself with me." As response, Seishirou only tightened his grip. *Owari* - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Well, this was my VERY FIRST fanfiction. I REALLY hope that whoever reads this enjoys it, as I certainly enjoyed writing it. I would appreciate any comments, so please mail me @: peachy0120@aol.com 03/04/02 2:21 AM</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>