http://clampfix.fanworks.net/smut/wings5-x.txt </head><body><pre>[Do you like yaoi? A lot? If the answer is "no," then STOP NOW!! Go and read the G rated or PG-13 rated versions instead. You'll be glad that you did.... If, on the other hand, the idea of seeing Kamui and Subaru get it on fairly graphically appeals to you, then you might have some fun with this. Enjoy! --N] Kamui slid the glass door open and leaned out into the night. It was late, the moon was already making its way down the western sky, but he just couldn't sleep. The fresh air felt good, though, so he stepped all the way outside, pushing the door closed behind himself. They'd had to move him into another room while his old one was being repaired, but he didn't mind at all. Nokoru'd apologized because the new room was smaller and didn't have a sitting room, but that was more than made up for in Kamui's eyes by the fact that it came with a balcony. Suoh called the balcony a "security hazard." Kamui thought it was cool. He hopped up onto the railing and crouched there, wings half-unfurled. Looking to his right down the building's face, he could see plastic sheets covering up the hole that he'd blasted last night. Kamui winced. Then, a little further on, the mansion's wall turned perpendicularly, becoming the main guest wing. Kamui counted windows along its length. Sorata's room, a shared library, and on the other side of that, Subaru's room...and despite the lateness of the hour, that one room's windows still were alight. Staring at those tall, glowing rectangles, Kamui hesitated. Then he launched himself from the balcony rail. One swooping flap and then another carried him across the distance, and a third stroke, his wings sharply angled, cut back his speed. Kamui landed with a thump on the narrow ledge outside Subaru's window. He flattened himself against the wall and clung there, his heart beating far more rapidly than it should. Wings An "X" fanfic By Natalie Baan Part 5 (NC-17 Chapter Version) Warily Kamui leaned to one side, peering through the half-open window. It took a second for his eyes to readjust to the light, and when they did, he started. Subaru was awake, sitting up on the bed with his arms laced pensively about drawn-up knees, but the onmyouji's head was turned and he was gazing toward Kamui curiously. Kamui fought the desire to duck back around the window's frame. Instead he took a deep breath to gather his courage, and then remarked, as casually as he could, "Um, I saw your light. You couldn't sleep either?" "I was asleep...I just woke up a little while ago." Subaru shrugged lightly, tightening his arms about his legs. "I guess I'm not used to sleeping through the night." Kamui knew how that was: after the couple of days they'd just had, he hadn't even bothered to get undressed for bed yet. Too many thoughts moving through his mind, and if he tried to go to sleep before he got so tired that he absolutely had to... ...far too many dreams. "So is it all right now?" he asked softly, drawing his attention back to Subaru. His ghosts were the same old familiar ones, and right now he was more concerned about Subaru's. He felt kind of ridiculous, trying to have an earnest conversation while hanging off the side of the building, but it was instantly okay when Subaru smiled at him. "Yeah...." From Subaru, that simple admission had the weight of a world-changing truth. Kamui tightened his grip on the window so he wouldn't slide off the ledge in relief. Maybe something of that feeling showed in his face: Subaru's elusive smile deepened slightly, an expression of mingled affection and concern. "Kamui, maybe you should come inside. I wouldn't want you to fall." "Oh...okay." Balancing himself with his wings, Kamui stepped around the window and then pulled it a little bit further open. Luckily the window was tall and it swung outward like a door rather than sliding up. The opening still wasn't very wide, though. "/Oof./" "Careful...can you make it?" "Yeah." Kamui inserted himself wing-first into the gap, and with a bit of ducking and squirming he managed to squeeze through. There was /some/ benefit to being small, at least...he hopped down onto the floor and pulled his trailing wing in after himself, staggering sideways as it caught on something and then abruptly came free. Subaru was leaning forward with an anxious look, as though thinking that maybe he should get up off the bed and help, but as Kamui shook out his webs and refolded them Subaru sighed and sat back once again, recovering that smile. Moving toward Subaru, Kamui noticed that the onmyouji actually was dressed for sleep...at least, he was wearing a nondescript grey T-shirt and a pair of boxers, which wasn't something that Kamui'd ever seen him in before. It was all so very strange--Subaru's attitude and expression seemed so different, so much more at ease--that Kamui struggled with a sudden shyness even as his heart opened up in delight. His eyes wandering, half-avoiding Subaru's gaze, he glanced at the bed itself, and despite himself the corner of his mouth quirked up in a tiny little smile of his own. "Hey...I thought you said you'd been in bed already." For a moment Subaru puzzled at Kamui. Then he looked down and around himself and understood. The bed was still neatly made, a mass of pillows piled up at its head and the spread lying smoothly across it except for one vaguely rumpled spot near the center. Subaru seemed briefly embarrassed, but he collected himself and answered. "I /was/ 'asleep,'" he replied, a gleam of amusement half-hidden behind his usual quiet seriousness, "even if I wasn't 'in bed.'" He shrugged again. "For so long I've worked odd hours and just caught a little sleep whenever I could...I got used to falling asleep on my couch. I guess it's become a habit not to go to bed properly." Subaru leaned back against the heap of pillows, one arm crooked behind his head. He glanced at Kamui fondly, then closed his eyes. Wandering up to the bedside, Kamui sat down on its edge, and he leaned on the pillows himself as he gazed into Subaru's face...so still and so calm, as if Subaru's whole being had relaxed itself finally. As if a knot that had been tied around him had unexpectedly been released. Subaru stirred and his eyes fluttered open. He looked up at Kamui inquisitively and Kamui froze. He hadn't realized...he hadn't noticed how close he was leaning to the onmyouji now, so much closer than he ought to be, and the endless green universe of Subaru's eyes had captured him there, giving him an infinite place to fall into so that he couldn't just pull away.... "Do you ever," Kamui whispered huskily, and his voice sounded strange even to him. He swallowed and tried again. "Do you ever think about that time?" Subaru put his head on one side and the light changed hypnotically in his eyes. All at once it was really hard to breathe. "That time," Kamui faltered, "that one time when I...when I...." He couldn't get it out. Trembling, he stared at Subaru instead, and saw the gentle, questioning look leave and go slowly inward, as if Subaru had something that the onmyouji needed to ask himself too. After a moment, Subaru refocused. He raised one hand from the pillows to touch Kamui's cheek. He brought his other hand up, cupping them both together around Kamui's face; he carefully traced Kamui's cheekbone with the ball of one thumb...until finally, with the slightest of pressures, he drew Kamui down even closer, the green eyes holding Kamui up until the last possible instant when they slipped shut and Subaru's lips brushed ghostlike against his own.... Kamui's whole body caught on fire from that kiss. He could feel his legs and arms quivering as he hovered over Subaru, and a tingling, coldly molten sensation curled its way up from the base of his spine. Subaru's mouth started drifting away from his again and he followed it--he pressed his lips back on Subaru's urgently, feeling their surprised tremor, the butterfly touch of Subaru's breath against him, and then a tentatively yielding acceptance. Moving his head, he changed the angle of his mouth on Subaru's, wholly absorbed in the movement of their lips against each other's. Wanting even more, he flicked his tongue delicately against Subaru's upper lip, teasing the onmyouji's mouth open a little bit, then a little bit more...he slipped his tongue inside and could feel Subaru flinching away from it. Pursuing the kiss anyway, even despite that, he coaxed Subaru's tongue with just the very tip of his own--and Subaru abruptly let go, his lips parting further and mouth softening all at once under Kamui's urging. Putting one hand and then the other between Subaru's arms, Kamui pushed them sideways, pinning the onmyouji against the pillows. He leaned forward, feeling Subaru arch as the other began reacting--he could feel Subaru's mouth really answering him at last, welcoming him in--and the kiss went on and on for a very long time until Kamui's chest started to ache and his head spun from not being able to get enough air into his lungs. He broke away at last. Putting his head down and resting his cheek against Subaru's, his forehead buried in the pillow near the onmyouji's shoulder, he concentrated on breathing, on the rapid rise and fall of Subaru's chest beneath his own, and on the hope that the fierce heat starting up in his crotch wasn't about to go all the way into something else. He wondered if he hadn't overdone it a bit. As their breaths quieted, Subaru's hands lifted gently to his shoulders and he suspected Subaru was going to try to push him away. He wouldn't be that surprised. Kamui closed his eyes and steeled himself as Subaru's hands slid down onto his chest and then around to his back...they came up under his wings, and Kamui stiffened as Subaru's fingers touched the webbing on their undersides. "Soft," Subaru murmured, his breath just barely stirring the fringe of Kamui's hair. "They're so soft...." Kamui's eyes flew open. After a second's pause, he struggled to push himself upright. The sensitive edges of his webbing glided through Subaru's fingers as he moved, and it made Kamui shiver. Subaru lay silent and motionless underneath him, and as Kamui got to his knees and looked down the other returned his gaze with an expression of perfectly calm seriousness. If there was tension in that steady, watchful look, it was no more than the barest shadow. Instead, Subaru's eyes seemed to hold what had just happened without any question or judgment. It was as though Subaru really was entirely accepting of the thing Kamui'd just done. Was waiting for whatever Kamui might decide to do next.... Subaru's hand slipped back from Kamui's now-lifted wing. Kamui caught it swiftly. He took it between both of his own and pressed it to his chest. He stared into Subaru's eyes--not faltering now, needing to know if this was true and if Subaru really understood what he wanted and was still afraid to ask for outright. Beneath Subaru's palm Kamui's heart beat more slowly, but nonetheless with a deep and imperative rhythm. Subaru matched his stare for a long, long minute, then smiled, a smile that rippled the dark, expressive surface of the onmyouji's eyes. He spread his fingers over the cloth of Kamui's T-shirt, pressing his palm more firmly against Kamui's thrumming heart. Kamui exhaled sharply. Something dawned on him then, a thought that hadn't even occurred to him before, and he paused. "Do you...do you know how...?" he began, and Subaru's smile faded behind a perplexed look. "I've never," the onmyouji answered. "Oh." Now Kamui wasn't quite certain what he should do. Kissing he knew a bit about; at school there'd always been girls for whom a "cute" face was reason enough to forget about a questionable parentage, at least for a while. He'd stolen a few kisses and gotten away with it--and gotten a really good smack instead the couple of times he'd tried to cross the unspoken line of what was allowed to him. He'd resented it, both their silly, careless patronizing and their rejection, but now that a way was open to him he was more scared of taking it than of anything else. Especially when the person involved was someone as important to him as Subaru was...he was frightened above all things that he'd get something wrong--that he'd upset Subaru and make an absolute fool of himself in the process. Kamui dropped his eyes in confusion. Subaru's other hand lifted to touch his face one more time, its back brushing lightly against his cheek. Surprised, Kamui glanced up. He met Subaru's gaze, and discovered that the onmyouji was smiling once more. "'Together,'" Subaru murmured. "We'll learn it 'together'.... "Isn't that right?" "/Yeah./" Kamui drew in another breath. He could feel his own smile starting to glimmer out of him. "That's right." Slowly he bowed forward and set his lips against the side of Subaru's face: a hesitant, caressing kiss that held all the tenderness that he felt for this one most special person. As Subaru turned his head in response, Kamui shifted down, lipping shyly at the onmyouji's earlobe before nuzzling into the curve of shadow along the other's neck. He felt Subaru sigh against him and Subaru's arms came up around his back. The onmyouji drew him even nearer, sliding one hand up into the strands of his hair, and as they pressed together the other's body was perfectly relaxed and willing beneath his own. Something in Kamui's heart began to sing, a high, soaring counterpoint to the music that pulsed in his blood. That kind of acceptance, that kind of love.... It was what he had always dreamed of. Now, what should he try to do next? He wanted to find something really good, something that would please Subaru. Tracing the opening of Subaru's T-shirt from one side to the other, he explored the sharp peaks and hollows of Subaru's collarbones with lips and breath, then kissed his way up and down the arch of Subaru's neck. Subaru seemed to like that--the onmyouji sighed once again and tilted his head all the way back to expose his throat--but it felt like there ought to be more. Hesitantly, a little bit awkward, Kamui pushed himself up onto one elbow and ran a hand across the low rise of Subaru's chest. The heel of his hand bumped over the small nub of one of Subaru's nipples; he rubbed a little harder on it, then took it between his fingers through the T-shirt's thin cloth, feeling it grow almost startlingly firmer. Subaru's breathing changed distinctly and Kamui's own breaths started to come more quickly as the onmyouji's mild excitement affected him too. Suddenly he wanted the T-shirt out of the way. Daringly he pulled it up off Subaru's stomach, sliding his hand underneath it. He found Subaru's nipple once again and pressed on that hard but strangely yielding knob, playing his thumb across it as Subaru made faint little whispery sounds. The onmyouji's hands were moving in rhythmic patterns all over his back, circular gestures like somebody practicing a martial arts kata--as though Subaru was learning every inch of him, one movement at a time, memorizing each shift of muscle beneath his clothes and skin. Kamui slid toward Subaru's feet just a little, Subaru's hands drawing trails up the length of his spine as he moved. He shoved his other arm beneath Subaru's shirt to join the first. Both hands sliding across Subaru's chest now, his arms buried to the elbows under the T-shirt's cloth, Kamui rubbed his head against Subaru's stomach as the onmyouji's fingers kneaded at his shoulders. They tugged up through his hair, then flowed over the ridge of his wingbone and onto the thin fan of skin that stretched out from his side.... "/Ooh..../" "There?" Subaru asked. "Mmph," Kamui mumbled not very coherently, his face pressed into the bunched-up fabric of Subaru's shirt. Hollowing his back, he dipped and stretched both wings as Subaru continued to stroke their vanes, sending incredible tickling sensations through him, a shiver of alternating hot and cold that made him feel even dizzier than before. He moaned, then gasped out a quick, sobbing breath as Subaru leaned over and kissed one leading edge. It made him feel so good, so complete somehow, but the hands that kept moving across his wings' supple surfaces, as far out as Subaru could reach--those hands fired that happiness all the way into purest pleasure. What had been only the ghost of a quickening had grown into a full-fledged hard-on. Reaching forward with his wings, Kamui hooked their thumb claws over the headboard of the bed, letting the sails curtain down on either side of Subaru. With the leverage of that grip he started wriggling up Subaru's body once again, haggling the shirt up inch by inch in front of him and following its retreat with a feverish chain of kisses, the erection that strained against his jeans pressing into Subaru's legs with every movement. Subaru ran one hand across each wing, stroking inward toward Kamui's body. His fingers riffled over the projections of bone and then slid beneath the vanes once more. One hand slipped down to touch Kamui's side as Subaru groped for and found the tab of the cleverly hidden side seam that closed Kamui's T-shirt; he jerked on it and the seam ripped open with that familiar loud, scratching sound-- Kamui's head came up from underneath Subaru's shirt. The two of them looked at each other, their expressions a little wild. Then a unexpected sparkle welled up in Subaru's eyes, and Kamui lunged the rest of the way forward to plant his mouth on Subaru's before the mental picture of Yuzuriha and her Velcro could send them both into giggles and ruin his mood. Subaru's shoulders twitched and a small puff of air hit Kamui's lips as Subaru laughed silently against him. Kamui kissed harder, almost painfully, and Subaru melted to his hunger swiftly, kissing him back with passion, the onmyouji's mouth drawing on his own in abandon. Subaru tore the rest of the seam fastenings open, and Kamui wrestled first one arm and then the other out of the sleeves, coming back for Subaru's kisses in between. With a little help, he got the T-shirt stripped off and tossed aside. Subaru's shirt wouldn't go up any further, though, not while the onmyouji was lying on it. Kamui leaned back, tugging on the cloth, and Subaru sat up beneath him. Thrusting both hands behind the onmyouji, Kamui knotted them in the grey fabric, and as Subaru swept his arms above his head Kamui pulled the T-shirt up and over the onmyouji's dark hair. As the shirt cleared Subaru's elbows he dropped his arms around Kamui's neck again. His mouth sought Kamui's with surprising desire as he struggled the rest of the way free of the shirt by himself. Hands out of the cloth at last, he snaked fingers over Kamui's skin--over Kamui's shoulders and onto his chest, then all up and down his front--the whole time never ceasing to explore Kamui's mouth with deeply probing, savoring kisses. Kneeling astride Subaru's lap, Kamui felt the stiffness hardening there, an echo of his own, and for some reason it excited him even more. He rocked against Subaru, pushing his crotch into Subaru's stomach, his breath coming in short little bursts now as Subaru's face burrowed into his neck and those hands kept up a constant, inflaming motion between their pressed-close bodies. Subaru's fingers flicked across his aching nipples; they stroked the hollow of his stomach, slid around his hips and then down...Kamui thrust forward into Subaru again, then shoved his hands in between their legs. He clenched them in the thin cloth of Subaru's boxers before running them forcefully up Subaru's thighs and onto the onmyouji's slim waist. He curled his fingers under the ridged elastic of the waistband--and then paused, even despite his urgency. Subaru must have felt that hesitation: he leaned back just a little, his eyes looking somewhat glazed. Their gaze wandered up to Kamui's, to the question that was there...and after another moment, Subaru smiled. He nodded once, slowly but very certain. And as Subaru's hands glided back over Kamui's hips to the front of his jeans, Kamui dipped his fingers below Subaru's waistband. They pushed through the softly wiry hairs that grew there and touched the taut heat of Subaru's flesh. Subaru's breath hissed through his teeth; despite that, he cupped a hand over Kamui's groin very gently, caressing Kamui's erection through the fabric. Kamui arched, pressing up into Subaru's hand. That was what he wanted, that...and he realized, as Subaru's other hand undid the button of his jeans and started trying to work the zipper down, that he'd never get his pants off while kneeling over the onmyouji like this. Hurriedly he moved his hands to stop Subaru's, and then, as he unfastened the zipper himself, he leaned forward, touching his lips to Subaru's lingeringly, once, twice, reluctant to break contact even for so short a time. He wouldn't be able to stand it, though, if he didn't get his jeans off soon. Quickly Kamui pulled away and scrambled off the bed, catching just a glimpse of Subaru starting to strip off his own shorts before he hurriedly turned aside. He drew his jeans and underwear down together, inhaling sharply as they slid over his hips and thighs and finally set his eager erection free. He pushed them down and kicked them off, cradling his length protectively with one hand. An unexpected billowing motion caught his eye: he glanced back toward the bed and saw Subaru, who'd just flipped the bedspread and blanket up and off the mattress and was climbing back onto it now, pushing the sheet down a little as he did so. Kneeling, Subaru paused to look at Kamui, and for an endless moment it seemed like they were frozen there outside of time and space. Kamui stared at the Sumeragi, at the graceful, very thin body that he'd never seen without clothes on before, but which now was entirely naked to him: the long arms and legs, the tapering lines of the torso, and the face which, more than being merely "pretty," he now understood as /beautiful/...and strangest of all to look at and believe, the erection that answered his own, the rigid shaft floating in a pool of dark hair. He realized that Subaru was staring at him too, and for one terrifying instant that knowledge paralyzed him. To be looked at like that, to have Subaru's eyes taking him in and knowing him, all of him, his body slender and vulnerable in the shadow of his wings...but as their eyes remained locked on each other, Kamui slowly felt the magnetism that held them there become something familiar. It was just another part of the attractions between them, something that merged with and added to their force. The pull of that fascination was incredible; Kamui stood against it for another couple of seconds, letting the tension grow and drag at him even harder, feeding his excitement in a strange new way. Finally, he advanced toward the bed. Subaru smiled as he drew nearer, then curled himself around to lie beneath the sheet, lifting the cloth up in a white wavelike ripple to let Kamui slide in with him. As Subaru lay back underneath him, though, Kamui hesitated. He raised himself on one arm, dislodging the sheet once more to study the onmyouji. Funny to be the one who was gazing down like this: to be the one on top, pushing a leg gently in between Subaru's to separate them, the one who stroked his free hand over Subaru's unresisting body, across the flat half moons of the chest and down the sternum to the hollow of the belly, counting faint ridges of muscle and rib bone on the way and watching the reactions that stirred in Subaru's face and behind the lids of those closed, peaceful-seeming eyes...a scared part of him suddenly insisted that he'd stepped out of place--that he was too young and too misbegotten to be doing this to the Sumeragi, and that it should be him lying down there and letting Subaru take the lead. That thought struggled briefly with the part of him that liked things this way. That wanted it very badly, and was awfully glad Subaru seemed all right with him doing this...in fact, Subaru'd given him the opportunity as if it was his due, as if there wasn't a doubt in the onmyouji's mind that he was worthy of it. A widening ache throbbed in Kamui's chest as his heart filled up again with that strange, amazing feeling. That feeling.... /Love./ He lowered his head, kissing the top of Subaru's stomach just below the arch of the rib cage. Sliding down a bit more, he touched his mouth to the shallow well of Subaru's navel. He ran the tip of his tongue over its curved lip and Subaru's midriff tightened for an instant, then softened and rose slightly with the onmyouji's next breath. Kamui pushed the sheet back further, continuing his slow, caressing journey down Subaru. He could smell the unique scents which were part of Subaru: the dry whiff of cigarette smoke, a warm incense spice, and the vague musk which had to be Subaru's own personal fragrance. His arm and shoulder brushed Subaru's erection, making the onmyouji shiver, and the sudden touch reminded him of his own cock, still throbbing with unanswered need. The arc of Kamui's feelings started curving back once more toward desire. Cautiously he glanced at Subaru's penis. Not so much unlike his own...minor differences in size and shape, but that was all. He took it in his hand gingerly, feeling its hot, velvety weight, then stroked his palm up the underside, closing his fingers lightly about the head of the shaft. A tiny groan escaped Subaru. Pressing his own heat against Subaru's thigh, Kamui rubbed his hand slowly up and down the other's length, and his breaths started coming faster once again as Subaru responded. Subaru twisted his hips toward Kamui's touch, his muscles tensing at the sensations that he must be feeling...wrapping his leg around Subaru's, Kamui slid down even further, bringing his head closer to Subaru's crotch. Subaru's scent was stronger there, overwhelming everything else. Kamui stared at the shaft between his fingers, its sleek length crowned with the wider knob of the head and the tip glistening almost slickly. He ran his thumb over the head, then leaned forward cautiously... ...touched it with his mouth. Subaru made a wavery sound, a whimper that rose sharply in pitch as Kamui's lips brushed over the head of his cock. Kamui parted them and felt across the tip with his tongue, exploring it centimeter by centimeter. Salt, and a bit bitter across the slit at the top...Kamui flicked his tongue at it again and then cast a swift glance at Subaru, his excitement growing hugely at his own daring. The onmyouji was digging the fingers of one hand into the mattress; the other rose up to his face, and he pressed its heel against his mouth, trying to stifle helpless groans. Wanting to groan himself, Kamui resisted; instead, he opened his mouth further around the end of Subaru's penis, pushing his lips down over the head. His tongue followed the slight ridge down the underside of Subaru's shaft as he took Subaru inside himself little by little, the onmyouji hot and pulsingly wide between his lips. He struggled with it a bit, Subaru's hips moved underneath him again and the head bumped up against the roof of his mouth, startling him for a second, but he tightened his lips, wrapped his fingers about the base, and began moving up and down on the end of the shaft, going a tiny bit further down with every motion. The heat of Subaru's erection inside his mouth, sliding over his tongue, the muffled, rhythmic noises that the onmyouji was making and the movement of the other's hips--it blurred into the ache in his own crotch and the surging of his blood, the thunder that filled his whole body. Kamui moaned around Subaru's shaft and drove his swollen length into Subaru's leg again. He wanted...he wanted...he sucked hard on Subaru's shaft, eliciting a faint cry from the onmyouji, then pulled away and writhed upward, dragging himself on top of Subaru. One hand raked up and down Subaru's penis again, then fumbled lower, blindly seeking past the loose weight of the scrotum, searching...two fingers found the small, puckered opening of Subaru's anus and pushed at it--pushed into it, his hardness thrusting hungrily after them into Subaru's crotch. His mouth panted onto Subaru's stomach; he closed his lips over the skin there, suckling on it fiercely. He sought more deeply into Subaru, straining against the sudden tightness that resisted his push--and then, through the haze of desire, it started to dawn on him that Subaru had become very still. Kamui lifted his head and looked into Subaru's face. Subaru was staring tensely into space; as he noticed that Kamui'd stopped moving, he turned to meet Kamui's gaze, his eyes gone wide and somehow focused inward. Their surface was strangely flat and bright, as if with pain. It confused Kamui. Then the fog cleared further and he realized where his hands were and what he was doing. He was absolutely mortified but his body still /wanted/ so badly...it longed for something desperately and he sensed that this was the way. Very carefully, Kamui tried to press his fingers forward a little more, probing a way into Subaru. As he continued to watch Subaru's face, though, it tightened, and he could feel discomfort in Subaru's whole body, especially the tautness of the ring of muscle that he was trying to get through. He pulled back, painfully aware now of his fingers scraping the hot dryness of Subaru's passage, and as they came free at last Subaru's breath rushed out too. The onmyouji sagged with relief. Upset, frustrated, Kamui sat up, the sheet bunched down at his hips. He ducked his head, pressing a hand against his cock to try to calm its demand. "Kamui...." "I'm sorry!" Kamui's voice cracked awkwardly on the words. There was a long moment of silence in which he imagined that he could almost hear the onmyouji gathering himself to respond. He gritted his teeth. Then: "Kamui...you don't have to stop." Subaru sounded quiet and almost steady now, though perhaps a bit breathless. "Try again." "I'll hurt you," Kamui said miserably. He pushed his hair back out of his eyes. "I don't want to...." "It's all right--" "It's /not/ all right!" He glared at Subaru and clenched his wings shut behind himself. He didn't want to be mad at Subaru, it wasn't Subaru's fault--but it was wrong if he hurt Subaru, no matter what the reason. And it didn't help that he couldn't convince certain parts of himself of that. Subaru just lay there and looked at him for the longest time, green eyes deep and unfathomable. Then he rolled over beneath Kamui. Stretching out, he tugged open the drawer of the nightstand and groped around inside it, pushing aside tissues, breath mints, and other courtesies that somebody had thoughtfully stocked it with. He pulled out a small tube of lotion. Subaru looked at the label, then held the tube out toward Kamui. "Do you think this would help?" "How should I know?" Kamui winced, hearing the whine in his own voice. He lowered his eyes in shame. Wonderful--now he'd just managed to show Subaru just what a selfish brat he could be. Maybe he should leave, if he could figure out how to do it without offending the onmyouji even more...and Subaru's lotion-slicked fingers slipped under his own to close around his faltering erection. Startled, Kamui jerked his head up. Subaru sat forward underneath him, hand gliding along his shaft, those strokes growing longer and deeper. Putting his other arm around Kamui's shoulders, Subaru drew him close...leaned into him, laying his cheek against the top of Kamui's head.... "Try," he whispered. "Try...I'm ready to. I trust you, Kamui." Kamui's shoulders convulsed and he clasped his wings and arms impulsively around Subaru, sobbing a quick breath of gratitude against Subaru's chest. But Subaru's hand kept moving, moving on him, and the rhythm of desire started to pound in his body once more. He arched himself up into Subaru's hand, matching the motion of Subaru's caresses with his hips; he slid his wings further around the onmyouji's back, stroking them against the other's skin. Subaru pressed his mouth onto Kamui's briefly, then squeezed a bit of lotion onto Kamui's fingers before lying back once more. Bending over Subaru, Kamui reached cautiously beneath him and touched the outside of Subaru's hole. Slowly he started to push his fingers in, feeling Subaru tense and then relax deliberately, and feeling as well a difference to it this time, the smoothness that the lotion gave everything. His fingers went in more fully, moving with relative ease--Kamui twisted them slightly, spreading the lotion as best he could, weirdly fascinated by the feel of it. He pushed against the sides of Subaru's passage and Subaru exhaled deeply, then smiled at him and gave a reassuring nod. Kamui pulled back and gathered himself, putting the head of his penis against Subaru's opening. Subaru spread his legs a little wider, raising his knees a bit as Kamui started to push in.../tight,/ incredibly tight, a ring of heat that closed around him as he worked his way into it. Kamui's breath stuttered for a moment; he caught himself and pressed deeper, trying to remember to go slowly, to be careful...and he was inside of Subaru, inside him for real, feeling Subaru's body surrounding him, hot and unbelievably close. Kamui began rocking against Subaru in minute, eager movements, the pleasure almost painful even with the lotion, but feeling so good...he started to move harder, thrusting into Subaru's body and then pulling back, rolling his hips a bit with every rhythmic motion. Subaru canted his own hips up and what resistance there was inside him seemed to melt away. Kamui moaned as he plunged even further into Subaru, moving faster and more urgently now, that maddening pleasure building up in waves that rose higher and higher, higher than they'd ever been before. Hands on Subaru's waist, he ground his crotch into Subaru's, sheathing himself as far as he could before pulling back and thrusting in again. Groaning, Subaru arched up into him, reaching to pull Kamui down for a frantically consuming kiss that sucked on Kamui's parted lips before pressing deeper into his mouth. The onmyouji's hands tangled tightly in his hair. Kamui kissed hard in return, shoving his tongue against Subaru's, then reared back, breaking away from Subaru's hands. He spread his wings and swept them forward savagely as that fire roared out of control inside his mind and blood. He was almost...he was almost to that place...he lashed out at the air with his wings again and again, driving himself into Subaru, his whole body arching and twisting, beyond any kind of thought...he screamed as the immensity of pleasure ripped through him like the release of a magical power, shooting through him without any warning, its pulses fiery and burning and terrible but /so/ good...and at the center of that explosion, as the fire reached its peak and fled out of him again, there was a still place, a release into perfect quietness and peace. Kamui slumped gradually into it, sliding gently in and out of Subaru a last couple of times and feeling those final tiny ripples of ecstasy flow over him and fade. He slipped out of the onmyouji's body at last and sank down gratefully, laying his head on Subaru's chest. For a while he just breathed, totally taken by exhaustion and amazement, slipping a little way toward sleep as his heartbeat eventually slowed. Then, out of that doze, he roused himself again. With an effort, he pushed himself up on one arm. "Oh," he mumbled, a little bit vaguely, "I'm sorry. It's your turn." "Don't worry about it," Subaru answered calmly. "There's no hurry. There'll be other times...isn't that so?" Kamui blinked and tried to focus more clearly. He could feel Subaru's erection pressed against his side, although it might be that some of its urgency had faded. Still...Kamui levered himself up a little bit further and shook his head. Subaru's face was turned to the side; his arm was wrapped around one of Kamui's wings and his cheek rested against the forward edge. He seemed at ease enough but there was an edge of tension still remaining in his body. And that he'd said that there would be other times--it was a wonderful thing to hear, Kamui thought, it made something inside of him soar with joy to think that he and Subaru would go on and be together like this time after time, but tonight.... Tonight wasn't over just yet. Kamui sat upright, dislodging Subaru gently from his wing. As Subaru glanced at him in surprise, Kamui hunted around for and found the tube of lotion. "Kamui, you don't have to...." "I want to." He squirted a generous amount of the creamy stuff into his hand. "You should get to have this too. That's fair, isn't it?" "Fair doesn't matter, Kamui." Kamui's eyes flickered up to take in the serious look on the Sumeragi's face. "Fairness is just something arbitrary that people make up. And I don't want you to feel that we have to have some kind of equal experience every time in order to be happy. To force matters to balance in that way," Subaru smiled very faintly, "it's a pressure that neither of us needs. "And anyway, I trust things to even out between us in the end." "I know," Kamui answered. "I understand all that. But tonight is different. Tonight is...special." Leaning forward, he closed his fingers around Subaru's shaft and saw the onmyouji's eyes go wide. "I want to," he told Subaru softly, arching his wings above them both and rubbing his hand gently up and down Subaru's recovering erection. He stretched even further forward and touched his lips tenderly to the other's mouth. Then Kamui pulled back once more, only a fraction. He whispered, his breath mixing in with Subaru's: "I love you." There was a strangely liquid brightness in Subaru's eyes: surprise and an odd sort of almost-pain, and maybe even the light of what Subaru'd admitted to once as being an equally returned love. Trembling, Kamui lay down by Subaru's side. He kicked to untangle the sheet from his legs, then caught at Subaru's arm and tugged on it, urging the dazed-seeming onmyouji to move. After a few more nudges, Subaru shifted over and knelt between Kamui's opened legs. From that position, Kamui redoubled his hand's motion on Subaru's cock, bringing the other one into play as well as he stroked Subaru's desire to a fresh, new height. Soon Subaru's breaths began to come harder and more ragged. Quivering, he groped after the lotion tube and smeared some onto his fingers. Then he paused and stared long and deeply into Kamui's face, an intensely searching look, before turning away and reaching under Kamui. As Subaru's fingers touched him, Kamui closed his eyes. He felt Subaru push one finger into him and move it, a pause, and then that finger was joined by a second: cream-slick but still kind of painful. He tightened his grip on Subaru's penis and Subaru sucked in his breath. Quickly Kamui slid his hands onto Subaru's hips instead, kneading them, feeling Subaru sway with the gesture, and he tried to focus on that as Subaru probed into him more intimately, stretching him in ways that he wasn't used to. It felt weird and pretty uncomfortable, but not too bad. Then Subaru moved closer, pulling out those fingers. He put the head of his penis against Kamui and pushed.... Oh...it /hurt./ It hurt a lot. Kamui tried to breathe against it and make himself open up further. He did want to...he wanted Subaru to...he tried to echo the position that Subaru'd found which had made things easier, but he felt every inch of the way as Subaru pressed inside of him. Deeper...and then deeper still...until Subaru stopped at last, wholly inside of Kamui, filling him incredibly with the strangest of sensations. Subaru slid back and then pushed himself forward once more. In, and then out again, a gradual rhythm building, one which wakened in Kamui memories of that growing pulse of pleasure within his own body, what it was like to feel that enclosing heat...experimentally he tightened his ass and heard Subaru's breathing grow rougher. Subaru thrust with greater force, pushing against that tautness, and the pounding started to feel really good as it grew more violent, moving his body uncontrollably. Kamui gasped, reaching up to touch Subaru's face, and Subaru shoved his hand back down onto the bed, pinning it there. Startled, Kamui opened his eyes. Head down and eyes hidden, Subaru leaned forward over him, his breathing the harsh rasp of a stranger's. His hand locked itself around Kamui's wrist, imprisoning it with an almost painful grip as his body worked, driving in and out of Kamui's. This.... Knowing what it was, understanding it suddenly, Kamui surrendered himself. He threw his own head back, letting Subaru's rhythm take him over. It was the same imperative that he'd felt before, the power of the body's desire...but in this case, it was also something more. Strength.... Subaru'd must have feared his own strength, his capacity to do things, more than anything else in his life. The power that he'd used to drive off the Sakurazukamori...how long had he held that power locked up inside the darkness of his heart? He'd dreaded the consequences of his own actions, Kamui realized dimly--had feared that he would fail, or that he'd be responsible for pain--and most of all he had feared to become the shadow of himself that he'd hunted after and fought for so very long. He'd crippled himself because of that fear, in ways that even he might not understand. Kamui arched into Subaru's motion, hooking one leg behind the onmyouji as his own blood leaped inside him once again. His body started to answer Subaru's urgency, that fire vaguer than before but still overwhelming. Something desperate had made Subaru break away at last, in the darkness of the killer's maboroshi. Maybe that desperate thing had simply been love and need...and afterward there'd been a quietness to Subaru, as though all the questions which had troubled him had somehow been resolved. But Subaru'd said once that the past never left--and if Subaru didn't learn this part of himself too, didn't see that he was his own opposite and that he owned power as completely as the Sakurazukamori did, for good or bad...he'd never really break free after all. He'd always be the victim, giving himself up for some other person. Always the one saying that he couldn't do a thing. And that it was all right.... But /this/ Subaru's movements were coming faster now, sliding in and out of Kamui and spreading a hot, sweet pulse to everywhere inside him. He could feel his cock getting hard again as it rubbed between their writhing bodies. He arched once more as Subaru pinned his shoulder, and Subaru's mouth came down on his neck, lips drawn back and teeth lightly scoring the skin. Kamui whimpered, and his right wing, trapped beneath his imprisoned arm, fluttered crazily as he gave in to Subaru's urgency and to his own. The pleasure struck its peak a lot more quickly this time: he felt his cock shudder and spit across their skins as that second rush surged fleetingly, achingly through him. Subaru's breath panted right next to Kamui's ear as the onmyouji drove in harder than before. Subaru thrust again, then one more time--and froze suddenly, drawn out of himself by his own cresting ecstasy like a curl of smoke escaping into clean air. Kamui felt the momentary, startling wetness as Subaru finally came inside his body. Then Subaru quivered and collapsed on top of him with a soft cry, burying his face against Kamui's shoulder. The onmyouji's muscles knotted all at once and then let go as that tension drained away from him at last, utterly released. Kamui drew in a breath. Then he sighed, a long, drawn-out gust of perfect happiness. Subaru's grip on his wrist had loosened; Kamui folded first his arms and then his wings about the Sumeragi's body. The sheet was tangled somewhere at their ankles but Subaru's warm weight covered him pleasantly, and now his vanes blanketed Subaru too. Lying there with Subaru draped on top of him, the onmyouji seeming to doze in the aftermath of shared pleasure, Kamui let himself begin to drift as well. He was sweaty and sticky all over, but somehow he felt like he'd been washed clean deep inside. He'd given of himself wholly for the first time in his life--mind, body, and soul--without fear, and without holding anything back. To have that trust and love for someone...it was like being freed from every single limitation. Like giving himself to the sky of a brand new world. And floating in Subaru's arms, he relaxed into that, letting himself truly be that entirely at ease and happy. He spared just one thought to wonder if anyone might have heard them making love. He'd been pretty noisy, but if he'd set off an alarm then surely someone would have come charging in on them already. And if not--if that someone had only just noticed and was going to burst in right now-- --he'd just kill them. Kamui smiled. "I know," Subaru breathed unexpectedly, somewhere very close to his ear, "I know why he can make his wings disappear, and you can't." Kamui blinked. He'd thought for sure that Subaru was almost asleep...and certainly he hadn't been prepared for something like that. "Why?" "Because you care." The onmyouji's voice was thin and vibrant with emotion, the edges of it sounding almost blurred. "Because you care so much. You hold onto everything inside yourself and won't ever let go." Taking another shuddering breath, Subaru pressed his forehead into Kamui's shoulder. "/He/--what he's become--doesn't care about anything. He only thinks of the end...and so nothing else exists. "And that's why," Subaru whispered. "That's why he can wish them away whenever he wants to. And why you can't." For a moment Kamui simply lay still and absorbed that. Then he whispered back , "I'm glad." Turning, he buried his face against Subaru's dark hair. "I'm /glad/ that I have these wings." And he /was/ glad: an unexpected fierceness that soared up inside of him, a light as pure and strong as a burning flame. He remembered what Karen had said to him then, that time when the maboroshi had fallen, and he tightened his arms and wings around Subaru, drawing from the other a startled little gasp-- Hugging the Sumeragi against himself with all his strength, Kamui smiled once more. No matter what happened.... He'd never, ever give up.</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>