http://clampfix.fanworks.net/ss-fix/awaken1.txt </head><body><pre>Revision and rewrite, more like. Anyway, this was originally a part of Yume, my warped Seishirou dream piece, but it got just a little bit too long. It's an alternate universe, although more of a "What if..." in the style of Yume. (Note that I draw on Yume later, so reading it first is recommended.) It's set around book 4-5ish of Tokyo Babylon (before any of the really bad stuff happens.) So, spoilers are effectively up to there, but let's say the entire series just to be safe. Thanks go to Meia, as usual, for being my unofficial beta whenever I wrote a new section. Also for helping me out whenever I got stuck with characterisation and/or plot points. Oh, and for providing half the dialogue over ICQ semi-roleplaying sessions. Thanks also go to Kouri, Karasu and Kira for pre-reading. (Whee, alliteration.) Oh, just one more thing: Some of you may already have read this fic on my website. I'd like to point out that I've since revised, rewritten and added to that document. There's new stuff, in other words. But that also means a lot of this is quite old (March this year, according to the date when I first created the file) while other bits are only from the last few months. I hope my style hasn't changed so much as to make that disorienting. -- Prologue He was fighting someone. It was another onmyouji, one that had been causing a lot of trouble for the government. So they'd called him in to 'take care' of it. It should have been an easy job, but the onmyouji was waiting for him when he arrived and had 'challenged' him to a duel. Apparently his intended victim thought himself equally matched against the Sakurazukamori. The sound of running footsteps toward him made him wonder if it was, perhaps, too open an area for this kind of fighting. But his enemy showed no signs of backing down. A startled gasp of "S-S-Seishirou-san" momentarily caught his attention. The Sumeragi shouldn't be here. It was that one moment of distraction that caused it. A blast of power from his enemy got him square in the chest, and all he saw was blackness. ~ * ~ Awakening A Tokyo Babylon 'What if...' One: Of Fate and Destiny He woke in the hospital. The lights were awfully bright and he hurt all over. He reached to the Tree for support. It wasn't there. No. That wasn't quite right... It was /there/, but it wasn't responding to him. "Seishirou-san!" came a familiar voice. "You're awake!" He turned his head to look at Subaru. The younger onmyouji looked like he hadn't slept in days. "Subaru-kun," he said. His voice sounded hoarse. "How do you feel?" asked the Sumeragi, sounding concerned. He considered for a moment. "Like hell," he said, after a bit. Subaru must have contacted a doctor on his awakening, because the room was suddenly flooded with people in white coats, chatting in the usual medical gibberish. "Now, Mr. Sakurazuka," said one man, obviously the doctor. "You've been through quite a lot, but I think you're going to be fine." "Thank you," said Seishirou, faintly. "May I ask... what happened?" The doctor shrugged. "Your friend here brought you in. He said he didn't know what had happened, but you were seriously injured." "Was I?" "Indeed. You were clinically dead for a good ten minutes or so." So that was why Subaru had been looking so anxious. He was probably blaming himself for having distracted Seishirou during the fight. Suddenly the meaning of the words hit him. "Dead?" That could explain why the tree wasn't responding to him... If he had died, then... The doctor was still talking to him. Seishirou realised it was probably in his best interests to listen. "... So we'll be keeping you here at least another week." A /week/? "/Hai/," he said, meekly. The doctors and nurses bustled out again, leaving Seishirou alone with Subaru. They sat there in silence for a while. "Where's Hokuto-chan?" asked Seishirou, eventually. "She's taking care of things at home. We were both very worried about you, Seishirou-san," said Subaru, fervently. "I'm very glad you're okay." Seishirou smiled. Subaru was so transparent. "I'm very glad I'm all right too," he said. Subaru wrung his hands nervously. "Seishirou-san..." Seishirou waited for him to continue. "When you were unconscious, I... I thought I'd never be able to tell you..." The boy blushed. "Yes, Subaru-kun?" he said, encouragingly, although he knew full well what the Sumeragi was trying to say. "I -- I love you, Seishirou-san." "I know," he said. He should have been pleased. He should have been proud of his achievement, in making this boy fall in love with him. However, as gently as he could, he found himself continuing, "but you're not ready for this, Subaru-kun." "W-Wh-What? /Seishirou-san/..." "You were very worried about me and it's forced you into believing something that might not be true," he said, stiffly. Subaru looked down at the floor. "What's that, Seishirou-san?" he asked, sounding miserable. Seishirou paused for a moment. He'd been referring to the fact that Subaru was in love with a person that didn't exist. The Head of the Sumeragi clan could hardly be in love with the Sakurazukamori. However, he /wasn't/ the Sakurazukamori any more -- and Subaru didn't know he ever /had /been. Maybe, if he tried, he could become the person Subaru loved? "Subaru..." The Sakura had demanded Subaru as a victim on their first meeting, but Seishirou had wanted to 'play' a bit. The tree had promptly forgotten about it, but Seishirou hadn't. He wondered, now, if the tree would remember and demand the next Sakurazukamori claim the victim Seishirou hadn't... He doubted it. The tree wasn't intelligent enough to pass on the kind of details the Sakurazukamori would need to identify Subaru without having met him previously. "It's okay, Seishirou-san. I knew... you weren't serious, before," the Sumeragi was continuing, very quietly. "I -- Subaru-kun, I didn't mean -- I..." After nearly a lifetime suppressing his emotions, he was having trouble keeping a handle on them. He desperately tried to find a way to apologise to Subaru without slipping up further. "Yes, Seishirou-san?" said Subaru, politely lifting his gaze to meet Seishirou's. He could see the pain in the wide, green eyes, although the boy was doing his best to suppress his hurt. He gave up on his dignified persona and sighed. "You're wrong. I love you, Subaru-kun. But... you're still a child." It sounded lame, even to him. Subaru took a couple of steps closer to him, enough for him to take the older man's hand in his own. "I grew up a lot in this last week," he said, in a tone that was just barely above a whisper. He gently bent over the hospital bed. For the first time in his life, Seishirou wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. On the one hand, the boy was just that. A boy. Too young to know what love was, surely. On the other, he certainly seemed to /think/ he knew what he wanted... Seishirou relented, and pulled the Sumeragi close, not caring how much it hurt his abused body. "I'm sorry," he whispered into Subaru's ear, and then they were kissing. Just a light touching of lips to begin with, then Seishirou deepened it and the next thing he knew Subaru was practically in his lap and he was running out of breath. They both stiffened as the door slammed shut, and then Hokuto's familiar laugh echoed through the room. Subaru practically flew off the bed and into the chair next to it. Hokuto stopped laughing. "Sei-chan, I have something to ask you." "Yes?" he said, smiling. "Subaru's too polite to ask, so I'm going to have to. Why were /you /fighting that onmyouji?" Seishirou hesitated. Eventually he decided on just telling the truth. "I was ordered to. By the Government." "Aha! So you are the Sakurazukamori!" exclaimed Hokuto, grabbing her brother and dragging him behind her protectively. Subaru made a small whimpering noise in protest. "No," he said, definitely not smiling any more. "I'm not." "Sei-chan, there's no point in lying now--" began Hokuto. "I'm not the Sakurazukamori now," he insisted. "But you were before," said Hokuto, obviously picking up on the phrasing. He nodded, and lay back on somewhat stiff hospital pillows. "Why not now?" continued Hokuto, insistently. "The role of Sakurazukamori is passed on when someone kills the existing Sakurazukamori," said Seishirou, closing his eyes tiredly for a moment. "And you died," breathed Subaru. His eyes were wide. "And I doubt the 'curse' has a clause that deals with modern medicine being able to bring the dead back to life!" shrieked Hokuto, bursting into laughter again. Seishirou groaned softly. His head hurt. "So you don't have to kill people anymore," continued Hokuto. Seishirou nodded. "Do you want to?" He shook his head. "No..." he said. He was even telling the truth. "Without the Sakura, I'm just an ordinary onmyouji." Albeit one that was raised to be an assassin - but he wasn't going to say that out loud. He had a chance to take control of his own life now. He intended to take it. "Great!" she said, bouncing happily. "I've changed my mind," she added, unexpectedly. "I'm sorry?" said Seishirou. "You two still have my blessing. Why don't you return to what you were doing when I walked in here?" She skipped out of the room, laughing. Subaru blushed bright red. Silence returned to the room, rather like the calm after a thunderstorm. "Subaru," began Seishirou, dropping the honorific. "I'm sorry..." Subaru was looking at the floor, still standing on the other side of the room. "You were never really who I thought you were, were you, Seishirou-san?" "I'm sorry, Subaru," he said again. "So... what were you really doing?" asked Subaru, looking almost afraid to hear Seishirou's answer. Seishirou looked away. "I was going to kill you," he admitted. "Because I couldn't feel love, and that was the bet we made." "Bet...?" Subaru shook his head, as if trying to clear it. Seishirou's spell would have dissolved at the moment of his death. "You remember now, don't you?" Subaru nodded uncertainly. He looked down at his black-gloved hands, pulling at one of them absently. The occult markings on the boy's scarred hands would have dissolved as well. "You gave me these..." he said. Seishirou nodded, not trusting himself to speak. "And you would have had me fall in love with you and then killed me..." Seishirou nodded again. Subaru might as well know the truth. "I should hate you for that," said Subaru. "For doing that to me, for lying... " A few tears trickled down his cheeks. "But I can't. I /can't./ I love you... " "But the person you loved didn't exist, Subaru-kun." Subaru was crying properly now. "But... You... Are you so different from who I thought you were? Could I love you?" "I don't know," said Seishirou, honestly. "But I'm real. And now I'm free of the Sakura, I can love you. And... I want to. I think I already do." Subaru somehow managed to find his way over to the bed and knelt beside it, resting his head on folded arms. He was still crying softly. Seishirou gently ran his fingers through the soft, dark hair. "Can you forgive me, Subaru-kun? " "Forgive you?" repeated Subaru, wide eyed. "But you didn't do anything..." "I would have. The Sakurazukamori isn't a nice person, Subaru." "But you're not the Sakurazukamori, Seishirou-san. You said that yourself," said Subaru in a hurt, somewhat accusing tone. "Subaru-kun... I think you should go home and get some rest." "What? /Seishirou/-san..." "No, you need to think about this, Subaru. Go home. Talk it over with Hokuto- chan if you like. I'll still be here for you in the morning." If you still want me, he added silently. Subaru stood up shakily. "Alright, Seishirou-san. I'll be back in the morning. " Seishirou nodded, not really believing him. Subaru looked like he was going to say something else, but he was interrupted by one of the nurses, who informed him that her patient needed his rest and visiting hours were now over. She shooed him out of the room hurriedly. Seishirou was left alone with only the stark white walls for company. He sighed. If he remembered how to cry, he probably would have been. ~ * ~ "What on earth did Hokuto have to say?" asked Seishirou, in an attempt to hide his surprise when Subaru was admitted into his room the next morning. Subaru blushed. "Nothing she doesn't usually say." "And what have you decided to do?" prompted Seishirou, almost dreading the answer. "I think..." began Subaru, hesitantly. "Yes?" said Seishirou, when Subaru didn't continue. "I think I'd like to get to know who the real Seishirou-san is." Seishirou felt himself break out into a smile and violently squashed the impulse to grab Subaru and hug him like he never meant to let go. "Thank you, Subaru-kun." Subaru nodded. He grabbed the room's solitary chair and dragged it right next to the bed. "Seishirou-san, will you still be working as a vet?" he asked, curiously. Seishirou considered it for a moment. "Yes," he decided. "It was good work." And besides, he thought, it would be a way of making up for what I did to the animals when I /was/ the Sakurazukamori. But Subaru didn't have to know that. "That's great," said Subaru, enthusiastically. "Will you let me help out occasionally?" Seishirou blinked at him. "Don't you have school during the day?" "I can still help out after school. Besides," he said, looking sorrowed, "when I have a job, I can't go back to school for the rest of the day." "Oh," said Seishirou. "But I'm going to continue going to school anyway, because I want to learn." Seishirou's newly awakened conscience began berating him for wanting a sixteen year old boy who was not only still at school, but also definitely not mature enough for an adult relationship. "Speaking of school," said Seishirou, "shouldn't you be there right now?" "It's Sunday, Seishirou-san." Seishirou blinked at him. "Subaru-kun, how long was I unconscious for?" Subaru blushed in what had to be remembered worry. "Four days..." Four/ days/?! No wonder Subaru had been so concerned. "I'm sorry," he said, not knowing what else to say. "Y/ou're/ sorry?" exclaimed Subaru, brokenly. "I'm the one who distracted you! If I hadn't been there, you would have been okay! You wouldn't have been. . have been..." "If you hadn't, I would have killed you eventually, Subaru-kun. If you hadn't, I wouldn't have these feelings now. I wouldn't have... That feeling." "'That' feeling?" repeated Subaru, blinking back tears in a slightly bewildered manner. "This one," he said, taking Subaru's hand and drawing it close to his heart. Subaru blushed bright red. "Ohh..." he said, faintly. He leaned forward. "You really mean that?" Seishirou didn't reply. He just wrapped his arms around the Sumeragi's neck and kissed him, for the second time in two days. He hadn't thought it could feel this good to have it all out in the open. But now he had Subaru in his arms, kissing him deeply and passionately, and it felt - right. This was where he belonged. He had been raised to be the Sakurazukamori, but somehow, in that time he was relying on the tree for power, Subaru had undermined that conditioning. He wondered if they'd really managed to break the chains of destiny, or whether this /was/ their destiny. Or perhaps destiny would be back to claim its own. -- To Be Continued. 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