http://clampfix.fanworks.net/ss-fix/doyou.txt </head><body><pre>Hello Minna-san! ^^ (Oh! Give me a second. I'm turning off the "lurking mode") ^^;; Much better now. Ano... I know that in some very past mail I said my next fanfic would be a X/CCD crossover. And well, I've actually write it... in Spanish. ^^;;;; But I'll try to translate as soon as possible and send it to the list. The good news though, is that this idea has been bothering my sleep hours and compell me to write this fanfic before it started to also bother my sanity. ^.^ So, for all the fellow Sub-Sei fans, this two-parts fanfic. Beware, although not dark, it's quite a drama. But a very cute one. ^^ Also, for those who _don't_ like this kind of stuff, there is a mild _shounen ai_ content to this story. You've been warned. Since it's quite a large story, perhaps you would prefer to read it here: www.geocities.com/futago2/Fan_ing/english.html For those who don't, on to the story. And by the way, this is dedicated to Ritz-san. She asked for a TB fanfic, she got a TB fanfic. ^_^ _________________ Disclaimers: The characters used in this fanfic (except for one or two occurrances), are © of CLAMP, Kadokawa Shoten, Shinshokan, and all the minor letters in CLAMP's contracts. This is non-profitable, personal piece of work. Do You Remember Love? T-chan (Part 1/2) The air in the room was fresh and stimulating, like the breeze when you stand by the seashore just before dawn. It made him feel content and at ease; he certainly could use one more hour of sleep. Though the warm sunlight that filled the room didn't seem to share his opinion, the thin silky curtains doing nothing to conceal the brilliance of the day. Oh, well... he supposed he should be getting up anyway. Stretching slightly, the young black-haired man stood from bed and was in his way to the bathroom, when a wave of dizziness made him reach for the wall to stop himself from falling. It took a moment before the world stopped spinning in front of his eyes and then, he felt distinctly sick. It appeared the bath could wait, he needed to drink some water, and he needed to do it now. Throwing his robe over his shoulders, he left his bedroom making to the general direction of the kitchen. It never ceased to amaze him, he thought while walking down the corridor, the size and luxury of this house. Every detail had been considered to the minimum, and though the walls and rooms were thoroughly decorated, all still retained a vague sense of simplicity. "It's the way you put things together," he remembered him saying. Not noticing the other person while entering the spacious living room on the first floor, he almost jumped when a low rich voice greeted him from behind. "Good morning, Subaru-kun. Did you sleep well?" He felt a cold wind seep through his veins at the sound of his name been pronounced in that particular way. Slowly, he turned to face the owner of the voice. All the time, knowing to whom it belonged. He wasn't expecting such a scene though. Sprawled over a large sofa, a book over his lap and a cup of coffee near his lips, laid a very peaceful Seishirou Sakurazuka, a hint of soft affection playing in his eyes. All the previous sensations of delicious numbness brought by the quiet morning banished in a breath, a raw fury clouding his mind. Without a second thought, he charged towards the man in front of him, an accusatory cry escaping from his mouth. "You! What are 'you' doing here?" he shouted to the startled man before the later could react and stop his fist from making contact with his jaw. Seishirou barely had time to move to avoid Subaru's second hit, that first one had already hurt enough. Just what was the matter with him! He had only asked him if he had sleep well and he had attacked him as if he was some dangerous murderer... ok, bad comparison. In one swift movement, Seishirou abandoned the place where he had been peacefully resting, jumped to his feet and took control of Subaru's hands before this one could deliver him another blow. The cup of coffee he had been holding, falling to the floor during the process and spilling its hot content when shattering into several pieces. Seishirou mentally winced at the sight of the stained beautiful Persian carpet. "Let me go, you bastard!" Seishirou only tighten his hold on his wrists. "Not before you tell me what's the matter with you," he said instead calmly. The look Subaru gave him was of utter disbelief. "What's the matter with 'you', would be a better question!" answered Subaru, his rage at its full, although Seishirou could perceive he wasn't fighting him as hard as before. "'You' are the one in 'my' house, behaving as if you were on your own living room. And with that relaxed attitude as if it were the most common thing in the world. You are shameless!" Now it was Seishirou's turn to regard him astonished. "What?!" "What were you waiting for? For me to wake up so we could have breakfast together before you kill me, perhaps even inviting Kamui over to make us company?" shouted Subaru. He was angry, really angry, and the look Seishirou was giving him didn't help to improve things. He was about to renew his verbal assault when Seishirou unexpectedly dropped his hands and hug him tightly. Subaru, surprised, just stood still. Feeling at the same time, weary and strangely detached. Seishirou's voice came to him in a whisper. "Subaru-kun, it's me. Break free from this nightmare, please." Subaru was going to answer him when someone burst into the living room. Blond hair disheveled and eyes darting from one man to the other in an uneasy glance. He approached warily to both of them. "Sakurazuka-san, is everything okay? I heard both you and Subaru-san arguing..." At the mention of his name Subaru went out of his trance and pushed Seishirou roughly apart. "Don't touch me!" he said, moving to face the blond man in front of them. "Nokoru-san, what's is he doing in your house? Why are you acting so friendly to him?" "I'm sorry?" Nokoru looked at Subaru disconcerted. "D-don't you remember, Subaru-san?" At Subaru's expression of "If I remembered I wouldn't be asking you", an alarm went on inside Nokoru's head. Hope he hasn't been taking does pills again, he thought, taking in the other man's aspect. Subaru was paler than usual and his eyes slightly red. "It appears he doesn't, Imonoyama-kun," Seishirou spoke in a tired voice. He gave a step towards both younger men but Subaru retreated in fear. For an instant, looking like a little boy, a very frightened little boy. "What nonsense are you talking about? Nokoru-san, this man is a-- However, he wasn't able to finish the sentence, a sudden, stabbing pain in his stomach making him double over and fall to his knees. Nokoru and Seishirou were at his side in a second. They were asking him something. What? He couldn't tell. And in fact, he didn't care. Everything was becoming hazy and surrealistic. Like if he were watching the scene from a whole different place. He was just mildly aware of someone touching his forehead. Seishirou. He wanted to tell him to go away. If only he could overcome this drowsiness. "Gods, his burning fever!" he heard him say. And Nokoru's voice could be heard in the background, he was calling someone by phone: a doctor. Was he actually sick and all this was nothing but a nightmare? That did make sense. With a sigh, he allowed himself to lean completely into Seishirou's embrace. After all, when he wake up again, he would not be there anymore, and his hold on him felt so 'right'. Yes, he thought, this feels nice. Seishirou's skin, cold against his own feverish one. The last thing he recalled was of Seishirou lifting him in arms and telling him everything would be all right. * * * * * World started coming back to him slowly, one piece at a time. First was the softness of the mattress, the sweet heaviness of the bedspread covering him. Then, the hypnotizing murmur of voices: an old respectable one, followed by another one much more youthful. Both seem engaged in a serious discussion. "I had already warned you something like this could happen, Imonoyama-sama," said the old voice. "I know, Sensei. And I give you my word it won't happen again," answered the other voice. "We will take good care of him, trust me." After this, there was an extended period of silence in which the only thing he could heard was the tic-tac of a faraway clock. Then-- "I trust you, Imonoyama-sama, and I wish I could say that it is enough. But he almost killed himself this time!" The tone in the old voice made him feel uneasy. " I know how you feel about this, but you should consider the hospital as an option." "I'm afraid to say that's out of the question, Sensei," a third voice suddenly broke in. He knew that voice. It couldn't be possible, but... "Seishirou-san?" he was surprised by how weak his own voice sounded. With some effort, he opened his eyes, afraid of what he could find. There, at his right, were Nokoru and an old man wearing a doctor robe. They both looked glad to see him wake up. But neither of them was important when he realized who was at his left... holding his hand. "I'm here Subaru-kun," Seishirou said to him squeezing gently his hand. "You certainly scare us this time." Subaru was at a lost. He wasn't really expecting to find him here when he had called his name. He thought he had imagined his voice and now, he didn't know what to make of this. The man beside him was his sister's murderer, his all-life nemesis. Why was he acting then in such a tender way? He wanted to push him aside, and would have done it if he had had the strength... and if he had been sure that this was what he wanted to do. Something was amiss, something that stopped him from reacting so impulsively. The doctor's voice broke through his thoughts avoiding him from doing something nasty. "Well, young man. You are lucky to have friends like these. They care a lot about you and don’t deserve something as selfish as what you intended this morning. Those pills are suppose to help cheer your mood, not to kill you." Pills? What pills? Subaru stared clueless at the doctor. The doctor, however, thought that Subaru was too ashamed to talk and pat his shoulder in reassurance. "Apologies aren't needed, I know you truly regret what you did. Now you have to rest and don't worry about anything. Believe me, everything will look better in the morning." Said that, he gathered his equipment and made to go. Nokoru thanked him for his help. "Sakurazuka-san, why don' t you walk Murokawa-sensei to the door?" Subaru watched both his "friends" regard each other for a second, some sort of silent discussion going on between them. Seishirou raised then from his seat at Subaru's side and made half-a-bow in the direction of the doctor. "If you please come with me, sensei. I'll see Imonoyama-kun's driver to take you home." With a brief glance at where Subaru and Nokoru remained, Seishirou walk out of the room, closing the door silently behind him. There was a long period of silence once both younger men were left alone, tension increasing inside those four walls. "Why did you do it, Subaru-san?" asked Nokoru in a whisper, breaking the uncomfortable silence. Subaru eyed the blond man evenly and it was until then that he took into account the tired expression of his friend. He remembered losing consciousness early in the morning, and now was well advanced into the night. Had him -they-, been watching over him all day? He suddenly felt stupidly guilty for something he didn't remember had done. "I- I don't know," he finally answered. It was all that took for Nokoru to lose his proverbial patience. “You don’t know!” he burst out. He was sick of watching Subaru drown in his misery and he wasn't going to allow it any longer. "What do you mean with, "I don't know"? You almost kill yourself this morning, Subaru-san! When will you stop this self-destroying attitude of yours? You can't continue like this, Sakurazuka-san was-- "What is he doing here?" Subaru interrupted him. He had to discover the reason of Seishirou's presence in the house. Nokoru's astonished face brought an unsettling felling to him. "Subaru-san..." paused Nokoru unsure. "You truly mean it? You really don't remember a thing?" asked the blue-eyed man, concern in his voice. Subaru shook his head. "And I was expecting for you to explain me all this matter of my... attempt of suicide." That, Subaru deduced from the doctor's earlier talk. "Also, where are the others? Does Kamui know about this?" At Subaru's mention of the other boy, Nokoru's expression turned hunted. When explaining Subaru's disturbing behavior of the morning, the doctor had said that Subaru could be experiencing temporary amnesia. A way to block from his mind, painful memories with the ones he couldn't deal with. If that was the case, he had said, it was just a matter of time for him to recover his memory-- and of patience. However... if Subaru was in such pain to unconsciously block the events of the past months, how could Nokoru deliver *again* to him such terrible news? The blond chairman turned to look at Subaru who was waiting for his answer. Such beautiful eyes he had... and so sad. No wonder why the Sakurazukamori was so enthralled with him. He wished it had been the former assassin the one to "refresh" Subaru's memory, though it could also be a bad idea, considering Subaru's previous reactions to him. Taking a deep breath in anticipation to whatever could happen, Nokoru left his place at the end of the bed and walk over to Subaru. He sat on the edge of the mattress in such a way, that he was facing his friend, and gathered both of his hands on his own. Subaru had a very bad feeling when he saw Nokoru sit by his side and take his hands, the chairman's soft words taking a full minute to register on his mind. "Subaru-san, I'm sorry. Kamui-kun is death." When it happen though, the effect they had on him was unexpectedly overwhelming: a tight grip taking control of his heart; a mental fist made out of the purest pain, clutching his insides and making him feel ravenously sick. For an instant, breathing was out of the question. The world was crumbling all around him and he could see it in slow motion. He was vaguely aware of Nokoru holding his trembling body, the other's eyes filled with unshed tears. He felt like going crazy and he couldn't control the sheer agony that had wrapped his soul. He needed to get out, run from that place. The knot in his throat melting away when he finally founded the voice to shout his lost. Seishirou was making his way back to Subaru's room, lost in thought, when he heard the scream; the agonizing, self-denial syllable, of utter lost. A painful "No" resounding on every corner of the large mansion. He ran at full speed towards Subaru's room just in time to see the other onmyouji running out of the chamber, Nokoru behind, trying to stop him. Without thinking, Seishirou jumped in the way, blocking Subaru's rout of escape. Subaru tried to turn around and ran the other way, but Seishirou was faster and took firm hold of Subaru's shoulders, pinning him to the wall. Subaru was fighting him hard, trying to break free. Nokoru a few steps apart, explaining what had happened. At the blond man's mention of Kamui, Subaru went hysteric. And Seishirou, unable to control him any longer, did the only thing he could think of. With cold precision, he delivered a blow to Subaru's stomach, leaving the other gasping for breath. Taking advantage of the other's weakness, he began a soft quick chant, securing the bonds of magical sleep fast on him. Cradling Subaru's unconscious form in his arms, Seishirou returned him back to bed. * * * * * There was someone calling him, telling him to escape. But everything was in shadows and he couldn’t distinguish where he was or why he had to escape from there. Then he saw him. Kneeling at the top a huge pile of debris, was a boy, he looked hurt and saddened. He tried to reach him, but the boy’s voice told him to stop and get out of there. A sudden light dispelled the surrounding darkness and for the first time, he got a good look of the boy’s face. Subaru woke up with a start. He could feel his heart battering inside his chest, his forehead covered with sweat He had being dreaming something important, but he couldn’t recall what the dream had been about. Taking a few calming breaths, he looked around. He was in his own bedroom, in one of the Imonoyama’s summer houses. Someone must have tucked him into bed, since he didn’t remember doing it himself. Thinking it better, he actually remember very little of the past few weeks. For example, yesterday. What he had done? A soft thud made him turned his head following the sound’s source. There, over an armchair near the window, half-seating, half-falling, was Nokoru sound sleep. The book Subaru suppose he had been reading, making the sound he had heard when falling from the young man's lap to the floor. Subaru crawled out from bed to wake him up, surprised by his presence in his room. However, gazing at Nokoru’s tired features, he thought it better and went for a blanket to cover him while asleep. After he did so, he silently closed the thick double curtains to prevent the approaching morning sunlight to enter the bedroom and bent to pick up the discarded book. A poetry anthology. Nokoru had always had such taste for this kind of literature. "More much than music," he used to say when talking about it, "poetry is the language that speaks directly to our souls, healing wounds and comforting the spirit." That was the reason why he had insisting so much on Subaru to read this kind of books when Kamui had... ...Died. Nokoru awake to the sound of half-contained sobs. He had changed places taking care of Subaru with Seishirou a few hours before dawn, but tension and little sleep had finally won over his will to stay awake and he had fallen in deep sleep about half-an-hour later. Opening tiredly his eyes, he found Subaru kneeling at his feet, clutching the book he had been reading and calling Kamui between sobs. “Oh, Subaru-san,” whispered Nokoru, letting himself fall to the floor beside Subaru. Subaru looked up to see Nokoru by his side. The young chairman of CLAMP campus was watching him with a helpless expression. Tears that matched his own rolled down his cheeks. The sight of Nokoru's anguish hurt Subaru even more. He couldn’t remember much, but still he was sure he had caused his friend an undeserved pain. Unable to face any longer Nokoru’s tortured expression, he threw his arms around the other’s man neck, pulling them into a close embrace. “Nokoru, I’m sorry,” he choked. "I’m so sorry. Forgive me. Please, forgive me.” Nokoru remained in silence responding only to the embrace. Under his arms, he could feel Subaru’s quivering body. His muffled words, asking for lost memories that could ease the pain, next to his ear. Holding Subaru, he began to rock them back and forth in a motherly fashion. There were things that needed to be spoken but Subaru also needed to give vent to his feelings and so, Nokoru waited until he had quieted to talk. Still cradling him like a baby, Nokoru began to tell Subaru about all that had happened during the past ten months. How during the battle he had been badly injured and saved by the dream-gazer Kakyou. Who in turn, had died at Fuuma’s hands for his betrayal. The true “Final Battle” began then, with the gathering of all the seven Seals and the remaining Angels at Tokyo Tower. Only both "Kamui" fought. The winner would decide the faith of both the Earth, and his nemesis’ minions. It was Kamui who at last came victorious and didn't have any other option than to take his best friend's life with his own hands. After that, the Angels had expected for Kamui to punish them. Surprisingly, Kamui did all the opposite. Taking control over both Holy Swords, he sheathed them within himself. Setting free the souls of the rest of the dragons from their fate, by committing this act. Breaking their personal cycles of death and sacrifice. And then, Kamui had also died. Nokoru perceived Subaru’s anguish when telling him about Kamui’s death. In some way, he thought, he must have to remember this. He made a pause in his story giving Subaru time to calm down, whispering reassuring words until he felt his friend relaxed in his embrace. He continued then, explaining how Seishirou’s heart had set free from his pledge with the Sakura Barrow with Kamui’s sacrifice. “So that’s why he is here,” murmured Subaru. Nokoru nodded. “After everything ended,” he said, “I asked the Seals and the Angels to came to live at my house. With time, one by one they began to leave. The younger ones were the first to go, actually... At the end only-- “Only I remained,” completed Subaru. “Me... and Seishirou-san.” “Sakurazuka-san didn’t want to leave you,” confessed Nokoru. “You were, are, so distressed by all that had happened. We both thought it would be a good idea to bring you here to rest. Away from Tokyo and all the bad memories.” Subaru pulled away from Nokoru to gaze intently at his friend’s face. There was only love in the other’s expression, deep care and friendship. What he had done to repay him? “And all I did was try to kill myself,” mutter Subaru, half to Nokoru, half to himself. “Don’t do it again?” pleaded Nokoru with voice and eyes alike. “...No,” was Subaru's answer, and he buried his face again in Nokoru’s chest, trying hard to conceal his tears. Nokoru in return, tightened his hold on him. They stayed like that for a long time. Finding comfort on the simple act of holding and being hold. Some time later, Subaru felt Nokoru stir and beginning to gently disentangle himself. “You have to go somewhere?” he asked. Nokoru helped him stand up and gently squeezed his shoulder. “There are some unpostponable affaires that demand my personal attention,” Nokoru didn't need to fake his displeasure at the idea of going through more paperwork. “I’m sorry, Subaru-san. But I’m sure Sakurazuka-san would not mind keeping you company.” Subaru tensed at Nokoru’s mention of Seishirou. He didn’t feel ready yet to deal with him. Nokoru perceived it and allowed a mischievous grin to cross his face. “He won’t bite you, you know?" he told Subaru. Much to Nokoru’s amusement, Subaru had the grace to blush slightly. “He has changed, Subaru-san,” he said while opening the door. “I’ve got to go.” After Nokoru’s departure, Subaru found himself alone and with no idea of how to deal with his sudden loneliness. He didn’t want to be alone, he thought, he didn’t want to think on everything Nokoru had told him. Not wishing to face the outside world, he returned instead to bed and sneaked under the blankets. He hoped sleep would come soon and free him from his slowly returning memories. He didn’t have any idea of how much he had been sleeping when he heard the room’s velvet drapery being open and the morning sun bathed his face. He tried to hide under the sheets when a cheerful voice sounded in front him. “Good morning, Subaru-kun. Time to get up.” If Subaru needed any incentive to get out of bed, that was surely more than enough. Literary jumping from the mattress, he made sure he was a safe distance from a very amused Seishirou before looking back at him. They regard each other for a few endless seconds. Subaru's expression evolving, from a startled one, to a cold even stare. Seishirou retained his eternally playful smile. "I can see you no longer prefer dots," told Seishirou in an attempt to break the ice, staring at Subaru's pajamas. Subaru, however, didn't seem interested in playing along and Seishirou had to laugh alone. Not in a very happy way, though. After recovering his heart, he had found jokes were not that funny if nobody else shared them with him. "It intended to be a joke," he said. "And you were supposed to laughed," he finished with a sigh. When Subaru remained in silence, Seishirou gave up on his attempt of friendly conversation. Perhaps induce a more strong reaction then. Ignoring the other man completely, Seishirou walk to Subaru's closet and began rummaging among his wardrobe. That's all Subaru could do to overlook Seishirou's presence. Walking over to where Seishirou was standing trying to decide between a white short-sleeved shirt that crossed at the front and a thin beige sweater, Subaru snatched both garments and shot him a deathly glance. "What do you think you are doing?" he demanded angrily to Seishirou, who in turn just shrugged and said matter-of-factly, "Searching for something for you to wear." "Why would I want to get dress?" "Because we are going out." Subaru threw a nasty look to Seishirou. There was no way he was going to left that house, least of all, with Seishirou as company. Mutely stating he didn't intend to go anywhere, he toss the clothes back to the closet and without sparing Seishirou a second glance, he made his way back to bed. He didn't get very far though, Seishirou gripping his arm and dragging him to the bathroom. "Let me go! " he shouted to Seishirou. "No," was the other only reply. "You can't force me to do what you want," snapped Subaru. "I'm no longer the sixteen year old kid with the one you could play with. I'm not your toy." Seishirou stopped abruptly and regarded Subaru with a strange mixture of anger and pain. No matter how much he had tried to gain the other onmyouji's trust, Subaru always ended pushing him away. He had foolishly thought that their relationship had improved since coming to this place, even the Imonoyama had said so. However, with Subaru's amnesia, everything seemed to have been for nothing. He should give up in his attempt of recovering Subaru, this time for real, but--- Gazing into Subaru's deep emerald eyes, he remembered the first time he had looked at them. So much innocence inside those eyes, such love. He had become obsessed with their light. Craved for it desperately, searching it in the eyes of those he had killed. Much to his disappointment, neither of them had possessed that sweet blazing fire. It was a trait exclusive only to Subaru. 'His' Subaru. Because Subaru belonged to him. Not in the sick possessive way of their long-ago year bet but in a whole different form. One that felt warm and tender in it's novelty. That was completely selfless and, amazingly, utterly rewarding. Subaru and him were bonded by a past of pain, betrayal and hate. And for the first time, he wanted them to be bonded by trust, friendship and... Love. Pushing his anger and despair to the back of his mind, Seishirou opened the bathroom door and stepped inside taking Subaru along with him. "I told you we were going out and that's exactly what we are going to do," he said, still holding Subaru and forcing him to face him. "The doctor said you needed to distract yourself and I'm not going to allow you to hide in this room and cry all day like a child. We have all had enough of your nonsense. So, you are going to take a bath, change your clothes and after we have had breakfast, we are going to walk around town." Seishirou's air of authority made Subaru hesitate but he wasn't going to give in so easily. "And what makes you think I'm going to obey you?" he defy Seishirou. The older man's sudden chuckle told him he wasn't going to like his answer. "Interesting question. If you don't do as I say..." Seishirou made a pause enjoying Subaru's obvious distress. "... I'll do it myself. It will certainly be a worthy experience to bath you. One I've been looking forward to since quite a time now." With a scream of: "Sick pervert!" Subaru pushed Seishirou out of the bathroom and slam the door shut. Seishirou could still heard Subaru say something about people never changing before the sound of the shower filled the other room. Well, he thought merrily, pervert or not, it worked. * * * * * Breakfast proved to be another fight for Seishirou's patience. Not only Subaru didn't want to share the same table that Seishirou, but insisted in eating an insipid breakfast consisting of plain coffee and toasted bread rather than the typical Japanese breakfast prepared by Seishirou himself. He even suggested that Seishirou could attempt to drug his food just to have his way with him! Like if he could do such a thing... Perhaps years ago... but certainly 'not' now. Though it wasn't such a bad idea, really. And Seishirou was pleasantly surprised to discover that unknown, amusing paranoiac side of Subaru's personality. Seishirou was still thinking on how to use that little piece of information to tease Subaru when they left the house, a black convertible BMW waiting for them at the main entrance. Subaru made a pause staring at the car. "It's something wrong, Subaru-kun?" asked Seishirou already opening the door for him to get inside. "Who's this car?" Seishirou looked at Subaru wondering what was upsetting him. "It's mine. Why?" "Forget it," said finally Subaru. As an afterthought he added, "It's just that I never imagine you with this kind of car. Though I don't know why... The Sakurazuka clan has indeed a great fortune." Seishirou blinked baffled before understanding dawned in him. When meeting Subaru nine years ago, the Sumeragi had thought he was a common veterinarian with an also common income. Now that he wasn't pretending anymore, it was obvious to Subaru that Seishirou's real profession was much more profitable than veterinary practice. And that was exactly what bothered him: his 'real' profession-- his 'former' profession. The Sakurazukamori was death, never to return back. He only had to convince Subaru about that. But now was not the time, he needed to take Subaru away from that line of thought. "Want to drive?" The moment he said it, Seishirou realized how stupid his question had been. He knew Subaru didn't know how to drive. Sometimes he could just be so brilliant. As expected, Subaru shook his head. "I don't know how," he explained. Seishirou pursued with his offer trying to amend his mistake. "That's not a problem, I can teach if you want. It's really easy." Subaru looked silently first to the car and then to Seishirou. "No, but thank you anyway. I wouldn't like to damage your car," he said softly so that Seishirou almost couldn't hear what he said. "Shall we go now?" he added aloud, climbing to the passenger's seat and closing the door. Why Seishirou had the feeling that it hasn't anything to do with the car? It was a fine summer day, the Tsuyu particularly gentle at this latitude. Traveling along the coastline, Subaru seemed absorbed on his contemplation of the vast ocean expanding at his right. Seishirou wondered what he could be thinking on. Something depressing for sure, that he could tell from Subaru's dark expression. Could it be that his memory was finally returning back? "Where would you like to go today, Subaru-kun?" he asked his partner, in an attempt to dispel the depressing atmosphere around them. "I suppose nowhere would be too much to ask?" was Subaru's resigned answer. "Not at all," laughed Seishirou. "But I can think of a better place." "An aquarium?" Seishirou was glad he had decided to bring the young man to this place first. Subaru's face had lightened at the sight of the enormous fish bowls containing dozens of delicate beautiful forms that swirled weightlessly in the clean water. "I didn't know there was one on town." Subaru looked up at Seishirou, a somewhat awed expression in his gaze that reminded Seishirou of the child-Subaru. <"You know the most fantastic places in Tokyo, Seishirou-san!"> Yes, it had been so easy to please Subaru back on those days. "Come, I'll be your guide today." Seishirou motioned to Subaru to follow him. "Being next to the sea, this place has quite a few interesting species." They spent good part of the morning at the aquarium. Being the middle of the week, few people could be seen around, mostly retired couples. Not having to share the view with other hundred people, Subaru spent large amounts of time staring at the brightly colored animals that swim in front of him. Seishirou's amusing zoological explanations kept him distracted from everything else. After the visit to the aquarium, Seishirou took them on boat trip, an hour excursion along the coast. There was a little cafeteria on board, from within the one people could see the outside while shielding themselves from the midday sun and having something refreshing to drink. Subaru gave another sip to his ice-tea and dared a quick glance at Seishirou, who was sit across from him. The older man's face was turned to the window, his thoughts lost in the contemplation of the landscape before them. >From this angle, his profile concealed to Subaru the sight of his blind eye. Watching only his unmarred side, it was like looking to the Seishirou he had first known. There were changes of curse: the subtle hint of wrinkles around the generous mouth and at the corner of the deep mahogany eye, the elegant features unique of a face not too old, not too young. The whole aspect was as appealing to Subaru as before, perhaps more, now that he was no longer afraid of where his preferences laid. Seishirou's strong figure had always attracted him, so different from his own pale complexion... and his mind. How he had loved that cultured mind that spoke about human truths with the same ease that when talking about the most common things. That comforted his naive, childish soul with the sweetest of words. Beholding the man in front of him, Subaru wondered which things had been the truth and which had been the lie. If Seishirou's soul had really gotten free from the dark force that made him the Sakurazukamori, what had remained to remake the true Seishioru, the one that was seated now in the same table that him? In a very intimate way, Subaru knew only him could discover the answer to that question. However, he was afraid. Terrified that what he could find, was not what he was searching for. And although some inner voice kept telling him to take the risk, he couldn't do it. How could he forget all the things that lay unresolved between them? It meant, or that he thought, to erase Hokuto and Kamui from his life. A sudden sharp pain in his head clouded his vision for an instant. Feeling more than seeing, that Seishirou had turned and was speaking to him, he made an effort to focus on what he was saying. A soft pained gasp startled Seishirou from his thoughts and he turned to look at Subaru. The dark-haired man was clutching to the sides of the table, eyes glazed and unfocused. Alarmed, Seishirou reached out his hand and placed it over Subaru's arm pressing slightly. "Are you felling well, Subaru-kun?" As quickly as it had come, the pain was gone, leaving him disoriented. Subaru forced himself to relax and looking at Seishirou, he took the hand that was resting on his arm and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm fine," he said, his voice weaker than what he had intended it to sound. "But-- "I'm okay, Seishirou-san, really. I just got a bit seasick." Seishirou was about to reply him but Subaru interrupted him again asking what were their plans after the trip was over. Knowing it was useless to convince the grown-up Subaru to tell him the truth, he decided to overlook the matter for the moment. Making a mental note to watch after Subaru more closely, Seishirou proceeded to explain his partner their evening plans. After leaving the ship, both onmyoujis went to visit the local Shinto temple, famous for its stone garden. The old priest, recognizing Subaru as the head of the Sumeragi family, insisted on inviting them for a late lunch and gifted them with good-luck talismans. He sensed they will need them, explained the priest. Then, they went downtown to walk around the market, Subaru wanting to buy something for Nokoru. Being the beginning of the summer, the stands were full of fruits, sweet reddish cherries lying beside big rounded peaches. People also were everywhere. Greengrocers, housewives and fish dealers sharing the same space along a series of narrow corridors. It felt decidedly good to be there, in the middle of that strong lively stream. For Subaru and Seishirou, although for different reasons, it was a reencounter with humanity, enjoying each second inside that throbbing world. Finally, after two hours of walking and several items purchased by Seishirou for a reticent Subaru, they ended in a traditional food store buying a box of the chairman's favorite wagashi. Then, a quick trip to the car after leaving the commercial district to left their packages, and they went in search of what in a tourist brochure was announced as the best sushi bar in town. Forty minutes and several inquiries later they arrived at a small restaurant located in the outskirts. The owner and cook, was a good-humored man in his early sixties. At Seishirou's suggestion that he was on a date with Subaru, he proceeded to congratulate them and teased Subaru during the whole dinner with the weeding issue. If it hadn't been for the fact that that was the best sushi Subaru had ever eaten... and that he admittedly was having a good time, he would have fled from the place. Far away from both older men and their prankish jokes. It was already dark when they left the restaurant, the crickets filling the warm air with their ritual sounds. Walking silently along the sea wall on their way back to the parking lot, Subaru thought he saw something move in the surface of the water. Approaching to the rail, he leaned over and preyed intently at the ocean. Seishirou came beside him and looked at the restless waters. "What's wrong?" Subaru shook his head. "I don't know, I thought I saw something." "Something like what?" A flash of white against dark startled them from their conversation and they turned to see what it had been. When moments later a second flash occurred, they both laughed their suspicions. At regular intervals, the lantern of the lighthouse hit the dark waters of the ocean giving the impression of a lightning. Watching Subaru laughed, Seishirou felt the tension of the last two days vanished in a tidal of warmth and contentment. As usual, those emotions amazed him. Being almost new to him, they usually were also overwhelming. Seishirou wondered if Subaru's feelings when being a teenager had always been of that burning intensity. He looked at Subaru again. His laugh had ceased, leaving him with a serene contemplative expression, the first one in months. The breeze coming from the sea ruffled his dark hair, black bangs covering slightly his unreadable green eyes. All of him was perfect, a precise blending of form and figure that was impossible to resist. But the quiet sadness of his face, despite its melancholic loveliness, held a profound pain for Seishirou knowing, as he did, that he was the direct responsible for it. The knowledge of his past crimes were nothing in comparison with that of his responsibility in extinguishing the fire that had lightened Subaru's soul. Seishirou gazed away from Subaru to the deep waters that glitter from within, lightened by the bio-luminescent seaweed that grew at the bed of the sea. A soft music sounded from a music shop located at the other side of the street. The tune was sweetly joyous, the female voice of the singer, pleasantly deep. Seishirou decided he liked it. "That's a nice song." Subaru turned to look at Seishirou, somehow surprised by the trivial remark. He was expecting something more deep by the look in Seishirou's eyes. "It is?" asked Subaru trying to be polite. "Un. Americans write good music." Seishirou smiled, an idea had just occurred to him. "I suppose they do," Subaru continued with his attempt of amicable conversation. Seishirou's next question though, was something he would have never expected. "Would you like to dance, Subaru-kun?" A nameless emotion, mixture of fear and anticipation, irradiated from Subaru's chest and made his heart beat faster. He stared dumbfound at the hand Seishirou extended for him to take it. Before he knew what he was doing, he took it, and allowed himself to be enveloped in the soft strength of Seishirou's arms. He sighed deeply. A tingling feeling crept from the base of his spine to the back of his neck when he felt Seishirou's hand took him gently by the waist and the other came to rest gently over his left shoulder. As they started to dance, Seishirou felt Subaru repress a shudder as their bodies came close together. He leaned into Subaru's ear and breathed soft words of reassurance. "Let the music guide you." And Subaru did as he was told. Seishirou chuckled softly hearing to the letter of the song. /If I could read your mind/ /I hope I'd find/ /The same love I have in mine/ /If I could go back in time/ /I'd try to find you/ /And make up for all this wasted time/ Can you read mine?, thought Seishirou gazing at Subaru's so-close eyes. Do you know I love you, Subaru-kun? Subaru was suddenly very aware of the distance between his and Seishirou's lips. The music was no longer important, their feet moving on their own accord, following a soundless intimate rhythm. Seishirou's hold on him tightened minutely and Subaru leaned givingly into the other's warmth. Their faces impossibly close now. When Subaru's eyes closed shut, Seishirou almost gasped of pure joy. Slowly, never ceasing to dance, he bent over Subaru's face, feeling the other's breath mingling with his own. Nothing separated them now but their own will. Subaru felt like if his whole body was made of melted butter. He didn't want the feeling to stop never. There was no thinking, no past or future, no "others". The Sakurazukamori, the 25 year-old veterinarian and the Dragon of Earth had never existed. Regret and shame had vanished. There was just Seishirou, and Seishirou alone... and Seishirou's tender lips. It was then that the pain inside his head returned and Subaru had to grip Seishirou's shirt not to fall. ____________________________ **Tsuyu: rain season in Japan **Wagashi: traditional Japanese sweets **Un: No (a very informal: No) A big Thank you, to the "Ally McBeal" series for producing such good and inspirational music... ...And for letting me use it in this fanfic without sue me. ^^;; Coments & Criticsm (shameless begging for them): futago2@yahoo.com </pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>