http://clampfix.fanworks.net/ss-fix/doyou2.txt </head><body><pre>Konnichiwa, minna-san! ^^ Well, after a very long wait, T-chan has managed to end second chapter of this story. I hope you can forgive me for taking so long, and I hope the chapter was worth the wait. A big thank you to all those nice people out there that with their commentas and encourangemente help me finish this. I'll try my best to finish third and last part ASAP. For those who haven't read chapter 1 (or that have forgotten what the story was about) ^^;; you can find the previous part here: www.geocities.com/futago2/fan_ing/remember.html If you wish to reas second part in html format, you can read it here: www.geocities.com/futago2/fan_ing/remember02.html Love, T-chan _____________________________ Warnings: angstg, very sligth inuendos. Pairings: Sub/Sei, Nokoru/? Raiting: [R] _______________________________ Do You Remember Love? [Part 2] by T-chan The journey back home was made in complete silence. Seishirou didn't feel in the mood to make any funny remark. Subaru was completely mute. So, they just let darkness embrace them; cover them up in its unlightening brightness. The sweet happiness that had been growing between them during the day, had vanished as if it had never existed. Idly, Subaru wondered if his collapse had been a premonition, a warning of how wrong his acceptance of Seishirou's love would be. And, although it seemed childish to make such a supposition, Subaru had suffered enough at Fate's hands to take it lightheartedly now. Shifting uneasily on his seat, the once-a-time Seal gave a long, deep sigh. Subaru's sigh was an exact copy of Seishirou's mental one. If he hadn't been as scared as he had been--as he was, the former assassin would have gladly cursed whatever god that had decided that the moment Seishirou had finally kissed Subaru, was also a good moment to make Subaru faint. They had been so close...Correction. They had been /close/. As close as he ever dare to dream, and it had ended in such an abrupt way. One moment, Seishirou was kissing Subaru's lips, that sweet, tender flesh which yielded compliant under his touch and, the next second, he was supporting Subaru's unconscious form. Yes, life was sending him the bill. And he would have gracefully accept the price, hadn't it been his precious Subaru Sumeragi. Parking at the front door of the Imonoyama mansion, Seishirou was about to descend from the car when Subaru stopped him by the wrist. Seishirou looked back at him a bit startled. "I-I just...wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your company," the younger man said gazing down. Seishirou smiled warmly at his love, "I'm glad that you--" "And, also... Thank you, Seishirou-san," Subaru interrupted him. "--enjoyed yourself." In the dim light offered by the lamps outside the house, Seishirou searched Subaru's features for a clue of the other's feelings. The black-haired man had his head bent down, hidden in shadows, his back taut and tense, and his hands trembling very slightly over his lap. With thoughtful slowness, Seishirou reached out with one hand to cover both of Subaru's with his own, while the other came to rest on that smooth, alabaster cheek. The tenderness in that half-welcomed, half-feared touch, made Subaru look up. Afraid of what he could find, the seinen forced himself to gaze directly into that mismatched pair of eyes. He almost lose his breath. During the whole decade he had known Seishirou, it was the first time he saw such intense emotion in those liquid honey pools. It was almost a gift, an answer to his frequent nightmares full of despair, inside of which he dreamt of a long-lost loving face. Was Seishirou going to kiss him? Did he want him to do it? He already knew the answer to both questions. When Seishirou leaned over to recapture that stolen moment, Subaru mumble a weak "don't" and descended quickly from the car. Seishirou had been sure it was okay to kiss Subaru again; he had seen the longing in his eyes. So, the older magician felt a distinct feeling of frustration settle over his soul when he was left alone inside the car. On a second thought though, he recalled also had seen the flicker of another emotion. And, without that distracting green eyes to cloud his logical reasoning, Seishirou could now tell what that other feeling had been: fear. Taking one long, centering breath, the former Sakurazukamori got off the car and collected their various early acquisitions from the trunk. Gathering everything in one arm he climbed the few steps to the house's main door. Subaru was there, looking uncertain of what to do. Seishirou chose to ignore his regretful appearance and said in a casual tone, "Why, aren't we going to enter? For the night is certainly lovely, I rather leave this packages down." Subaru turned his bewildered gaze to Seishirou, who in turn, just smiled innocently at him. "S-sure." Nokoru had been reading in the living room when his delicate ear heard a car parking outside the house. His guests had finally returned from their little trip. Anxious, the blond chairman laid down his book and waited for the two magicians to come in. He hoped it had turned out to be a good day for both of them. Subaru worried him, and the Sakurazukamori was the last hope to recover his friend's soul. After several minutes of waiting though, Nokoru relaxed. If they were outside but not entering, it could only meant one thing: romance. Surely, they could be arguing, but he didn't consider it probable. Not with the whole neighborhood still in one piece. Finally, the door opened and closed, and footsteps could be heard approaching to where Nokoru was waiting. The first one to enter the room was Subaru, followed by a smiling Seishirou. Yes, Nokoru thought, everything had gone well between those two. "Good night, Sakurazuka-san, Subaru-san, did you had a good day?" Subaru gave a slight nod while Seishirou replied still smiling, "A perfect day, indeed." Handling a package to Nokoru he added, "This is for you. Subaru-kun dragged me half across town until we found it." The blond’s face brightened at the sight of the delicate sweets. "Wagashi! Oh, thank you so very much, Subaru-san! They are my favorite!" Subaru gave a small smile to Nokoru. "I'm glad you like your present, Nokoru-san. I just wanted to apologize for...well, for everything." With a dazzling smile, the younger man raised from his seat and approaching Subaru, he gave him a big hug. "Nonsense, it has been my pleasure." The onmyouji stared, startled by the gesture. Behind of them, Seishirou chuckled. "I think you have embarrassed Subaru-kun." At Subaru's flustered expression, both men laugh good-naturedly. “See, Subaru?” joked Nokoru when his laughter had subsided. “I told you. You had nice day, Sakurazuka-san didn’t bite.” But instead of blushing, as expected, Subaru paled at his words and excusing himself, he fled from the room. "Sakurazuka-san?" Seishirou watched Subaru's retreating form until it disappeared behind the first group of stairs and then turned around to face Nokoru's worried expression. "It's okay, Imonoyama-kun, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm the only one to blame." Seeing the Sakurazukamori's hurt expression, Nokoru mentally cursed. Had he really thought that everything could be fix in one single day? How could he be so stupid! Nokoru slapped his forehead, angered with own naive optimism.. "I don't see the need to be angry with yourself, Imonoyma-kun." Blue eyes fixed on mismatched ones. "Sakurazuka-san, what happened between the two of you?" After hearing Seishirou's story, Nokoru felt slightly relieved. Things hadn't run that bad between both older men, which was a great advance. However, Subaru's breakdown and his reaction towards their well-intentioned jokes worried him. The former Seal was still emotionally unstable, and could fall back into another depressive crisis if they weren't careful with him. Gazing up from his tight clasped hands, Nokoru looked at Seishirou. The onmyouji was standing by the window, with his back turned to the room. It was obvious, even to the casual observer, that he was deeply worried. The once assassin cared too much for his contraire, and not being used to control his emotions--for he hadn't had the need before, all this situation had to be more than a bit stressful for him. "I'm sure he loves you." The soft words made Seishirou turn around startled. "I'm sorry?" "Subaru-san," repeated Nokoru more forcefully. "He loves you, I'm sure. Don't give up on him." For once, Seishirou allowed himself to try to believe on those words. And, even if at the end Nokoru was proved wrong, he would never give up on Subaru again. He was determined not to loose to the shadows of their past. Walking close to Nokoru, Seishirou patted the younger man on the shoulder. "Thank you, Imonoyama-kun. That was cute from you." Nokoru blushed slightly at the /very/ unexpected touch and the tinge of warm affection on that voice. He could understand Subaru's attraction towards the assassin; the man was gorgeous. And, it wasn't that Nokoru felt attracted to Seishirou, but he could recognize beautiful things when he saw them. Seishirou didn't miss the chairman's blush. It brought a mischievous grin to his face. After all the tension of the day, he was feeling suddenly playful. It must be a past habit, and past habits died hard. "You know, Imonoyama-kun,” he said dismissively. “It's fortunate for you that I've Subaru-kun." The comment made Nokoru feel uneasy. He could also recognize a predator when he saw one. "And, why would that be, may I ask, Sakurazuka-san?" Seishirou smiled wickedly. "You are too tempting a bet." Oh, so that was the name of the game. Well, Nokoru could also play along. "But, we all know how your bets end, don't we?" he replied. "What, aren't you interested?" said Seishirou in a hurt tone. "More than a matter of interest, Sakurazuka-san, is a matter of health. Besides, I don't think it’s a good idea to make Idomu-chan jealous." Seishirou smiled at the last remark. Ijyuin-san had told the remaining Dragons about the terrorist acts of Nokoru's lover in the past, when the pianist had paid a visit to the chairman at the house where they were all staying. The usually controlled Takamura ninja had been on the edge of his nerves until after the man had left. "Are you worried about CLAMP campus?" "Among other things." Seishirou's smile boarded. "Touché." Sensing that their little game was over, and that he had managed to survive it intact, Nokoru felt pleased with himself. Not everyday one could play with the Sakurazukamori and live to tell it. Subaru had to be greatly loved by the dark onmyouji to have survived all those years. Now, Nokoru prayed that love would be strong enough to save Subaru. It was said that the remedy had to be as strong as the sickness. If the Sakurazuakmori had been Subaru's sickness, may Seishirou Sakurazuka be his cure. "Well, it had been a large day," Nokoru commented, stifling a yawn. "I think I'll go to bed. Good night, Sakurazuka-san." "Good night, Imonoyama-kun." It was dark. Why it had always to be so dark inside his dreams? It made him feel unbalanced, defenseless--not knowing where he was. But, soon, light would come, he was certain. It was also that way inside his dreams. First, night-pitch darkness and, then, searing daylight. "Are you lost?" Subaru turned around at the sound of that childish voice, and found himself gazing down at a little kid, not more than five or six years old. What-- The child was looking at him with a curious expression, the way children look at adults when they think they are acting like fools. Then, the child's expression turned impatient and he repeated his question. "Are you lost, niisan?" Slowly, afraid that any sudden movement could make the little image disappear, Subaru kneeled down so that he could see the child's face without having to look down. "I'm not lost. Are you?" he asked the infant. His question was met with a burst of happy laughter. "Of course not! I /live/ here, silly!" the child answered him. With another smile, he half-turned and ran away from Subaru. "Wait!" Subaru yelled at him, at the same time he rose to his feet and ran after the retreating figure. He didn't want to be alone in that shadowy place. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, the child stopped and turned to look at Subaru. His expression had suddenly become sad, and he looked up at the older man with concerned eyes. It was incongruous--that those young eyes could bear such an old expression. The sight reminded him of someone, a special person he had held dear: Kamui. The leader of the Dragons of Heaven had worn a similar expression when Subaru had first met him inside the younger Seal's heart. The boy had had the eyes of someone who had seen too much, in very little time. Something clicked in then inside Subaru's mind. "Kamui?" he asked. "You can't come any closer," the child told him, ignoring Subaru's question. "You have to return." Subaru pursued anyway. "Are you Kamui?" The little thing looked up at him with color-less, pupil-less eyes. "You are lost," the boy said, no trace of emotion in his voice. "But, you can't come here." "Where's ‘here’? Who are you?" said Subaru, grabbing the kid by the shoulders, no intention of letting go. Without a warning, the place was suddenly filled with light, and Subaru found himself in the middle of a city in ruins. Piles of debris could be seen everywhere: standing at odd angles, suspended by broken beams, and over crashed cars. The place felt strangely familiar. "This is ‘here’," said the child, without trying to brake free from Subaru's grip. "It's where I live, I'm the guardian." In a blink, Subaru was grasping thin air. The boy was nowhere in sight. Subaru looked around, really looked this time. If the ruined city had seemed familiar, it was because it /was/ familiar. It was Tokyo. The Tokyo he had fear would become, if the Dragons of Heaven didn't succeed in their fight against the Seven Angeles. Repressing a shudder, he started walking among the fallen buildings. His wanderings brought him, finally, in front of a huge metal construction. Looking up, he realized it was Tokyo Tower, the only untouched building in the entire landscape of his dream. And, perched over one of the lowest beams, was the child Subaru had been talking to, the self-proclaimed guardian of this fractured world. "You've come," and there was the slightest hint of reproach in the boy's soft voice. "You can't stay, niisan. If you do, you'll die." Jumping from his seat, the child came to stand at the base of the tower. The distance that separated him from Subaru couldn't have been more than a couple of meters but, somehow, Subaru had the impression that a huge void stood between them. "Why do you want to die, niisan? Haven't you seen enough death? I don't want you to come here. Because if you do, I would have failed in my job." The pleading expression in those unreadable eyes stirred something inside the onmyouji--the movement of an unbalanced rock finally falling from a high risk. "Your job?" "I've told you," replied the child in his strange serious voice. "I'm the guardian of this place. I guard this place from you. Or, rather, I guard /you/ from this place." "And," Subaru ventured. "This place is this ruined city?" The little boy shook his head. "No, this place is your broken heart." "I don't understand you." A small smile of pride appeared in the child's face. "That's the reason of my guarding you. When you understand, you'll be able to protect yourself." For a still moment, those words circled around Subaru's heart, trying to make an impression in his mind and soul. Then, the stillness broke and Subaru gazed stunned at the child in front of him. He failed to notice the tears running down his cheeks as he spoke. "You /are/ Kamui." Another smile, more happy and innocent, colored the child's delicate features. "Go home... Subaru." He opened his eyes to the dark quietness of his own bedroom, his breath coming in rushed rags. Gods, the dream had been so real! He could still feel the remnants of it shaking his soul--leaving him cold. He got out of bed and silently left his bedroom. The urge to be outside the house, in open space, was almost maddening. The garden at the back of the house was a paradise of magic when Subaru reached it and sat at the edge of the balcony’s rail. The stars were shining high in the sky, and the light of a full moon gave everything below a surreal appearance. Little, unseen night animals created a pleasant symphony of sounds. Not to far away, he could hear and see the waves broking quietly against the sand. And the warm summer’s night brought some comfort to his chill body. The head of the Sumeragi Clan breathed deeply into the night’s air, letting the sweet scent of fresh grass invade his senses. For a moment, the world was perfect. But, just for a moment. Soon, Subaru found himself retracing the path of his last dream. Kamui. He didn’t have any doubt now that it had been his young friend the one he had encounter in the landscape of his almost nightmare. Could it be that those we really love, are never completely gone? He should know better, really, being who he was. But, then, he had never been able to found Hokuto after Seishirou killed her. That last thought brought a wave of mixed feelings to Subaru’s heart. With a shudder that had nothing to do with feeling cold, he recalled the other man’s attentions to him during the day. His amusing remarks, his laughing face when Subaru had been splashed by a dolphin at the aquarium, the concern in his face when he had fainted and…the gentleness of his lips when he had finally kissed him. It had been his first kiss, one full of longing and fear. And, no matter how much he hated to admit it, he longed for more of them. He wanted to know if all of them would feel that way: hot and cold. If his body was going to react the same form: on fire. He had waited twenty-five years of his life for that feelings, and now he wondered how he could survived so long without them. Morbidly, Subaru also wondered who had been the first person Seishirou had kissed. What if perhaps, that first lover had been a ‘job’? What if not? That was what angered him. The uncertainties around Seishirou. Not knowing what to expect, when the last blow would be delivered. The man could kill a person and spoke of love wearing the same expression. At least, the Seishirou Subaru remembered could. Why he had to believe now was different? <Because it’s different,> a tiny voice inside his heart told him. Subaru silenced it quickly. It wasn’t different and it would never be. No matter what the others said, how pleasant Seishirou acted, they were wrong. He had seen the face behind the mask that second time inside Seishirou’s maboroshi. He wasn’t going to forget it. <You can forget his redemption,> that voice spoke to him again. <I can’t forget ‘her’ blood!> Subaru was furious with that part of him that still wanted to believe, betraying him. When he didn’t got an answer for his outburst, he felt victorious. It didn’t last long, though. <You can forget ‘his’ blood.> That did it. That simple sentence opened the gate to his memories. With a cry of pain, Subaru fall to his knees. His head ached as if a huge storm had started inside of it. He could hear the anguished pleas of Kamui asking Fuuma to come back to his senses. He could smell the young Seal’s blood oozing from the self-inflicted wounds with the Shinkens. And, those eyes! Kamui’s beautiful eyes asking for Subaru’s understanding while the older man cradle his lithe form against his body. Kamui had told him to let go, to live happy, no matter what. Yes. Now he remembered. Seishirou had been the first to recover from Kamui’s ‘healing’. He had approach Subaru when the younger onmyouji was asking Kamui to live, to be strong. Kamui had smiled up at Seishirou when he saw him, a silent communication taking place between the two of them. Then, Seishirou had kneeled beside the dying boy and placing a hand over his forehead, had send him to sleep. No pain, Seishirou had said to Kamui. There would be no pain. Effectively, Kamui had died without suffering. Seishirou had seen to that. And Subaru had wanted to kill the man. But, he didn’t do it. Why? Why, Subaru? Remember. His head was hurting so badly. Remember! …Tears …Seishirou’s tears. When Subaru left Kamui’s body on the floor, ready to kill his enemy, he saw Seishirou crying. The Sakurazukamori, a soul-less assassin who had claimed to have no feelings, was crying. That had stopped Subaru dead in his track, preventing him from taking his revenge. Instead, Subaru turned around and picked up Kamui’s corpse. He didn’t look back, or stop walking, until he was back at CLAMP campus and beside the tree where that girl, Kotori, was buried. He waited there until the others went on his search. He didn’t see Seishirou for a week after that and, when they met again, neither of them spoke a word of what happened at Tokyo Tower. No one had seen and no one would ever know. <Forgive, Subaru.> <He killed him!> <He showed him peace.> <No!> <Yes.> <He’s an assassin!> <Remember /his/ blood.> <What that has to do with anything!?> <All.> //I’m sorry, Kamui.// Seishirou-san’s voice? Subaru was again holding Kamui, and Seishirou came close. Kamui smiled to the Sakurazukamori, and Subaru had the impression they were communicating. //There’s nothing to be sorry Seishirou.// Kamui’s voice? He…he could hear their thoughts! //I hurt you. I hurt Subaru-kun.// //That wasn’t you. The force that made you do it is the only responsible. And, now… it is no more.// //Your blood.// //What better sacrifice to appease that ancient soul?// //I’m sorry!// //I told you there’s nothing to feel sorry about. Only…Seishirou? You love Subaru?// //…Yes// //Then, that’s the only thing that matters.// Subaru hold Kamui tightly trying to still his blood-filled coughs. //It hurts.// //Let me help, my ‘Kamui’// //Thank you…// Subaru watched Seishirou kneeled beside Kamui and placed his hand on his forehead. What was he doing? “No more pain. I promise, Kamui.” And Kamui closed his eyes, forever. //Take care of Subaru// //…Yes.// Curled on one corner of the balcony, Subaru hugged tightly himself. His head ached, his chest ached and, more importantly, his soul ached. Kamui had talked of forgiveness. Had made it appear so easy! But, Subaru couldn’t let go. He couldn’t let the pain go. “Kamui… Hokuto-chan…” he sobbed. “What should I do? What should I do!” “Please, somebody… help me…” TBC _______________________________________ Disclaimers: The characters used in this fanfic (except for one or two occurrances), are © of CLAMP, Kadokawa Shoten, Shinshokan, and all the minor letters in CLAMP's contracts. This is a non-profit, personal piece of work. Very special thanks to Amarythia-san for her wonderful help beta-ed. this fanfic. ^^ ===== "It's only the scholar who appreciates that all history consists of successive excursions froma single starting-point. It's only the scholar who understands why the raw wilderness gives definition and meaning to the human enterprise." Aldo Leopold.</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>