http://clampfix.fanworks.net/ss-fix/fatedtolose.txt </head><body><pre>Title: Fated to Lose Author: Silver Moonbeam Category: Angst, Death (sort of. Well, he dies! That counts, right?) Rating: PG-13 Warnings: Yaoi/Shounen Ai (SxS Yay!) Disclaimer: Of course I don't own X or any of its characters. I wish I did, but I don't. So, don't sue me. Or I'll sick…*ding* Sei-chan on you! (How do I do that? *ponder, ponder*) Author Note: Wow, lots of `firsts' today. This is my first ever Clamp fic, and it's also my first angst fic. In addition, it's my first yaoi fic. Yay! ^-^ So excuse me if this fic sucks. Smiling to myself, I reminisce about my last kill. It had been a young girl. I suppose that she was quite pretty, but it didn't matter to me. She had to be eliminated. Her limited powers were considered a threat to many. As her heart beat one last time, a feeling of self-satisfaction spread over me. I allowed myself to submerge in the feeling. After all, it would be the last time I would ever feel this way. After all, I had lost. I had lost the bet I had made to my mother and myself, as well as the bet I had made to Subaru. But it was too late to change that. Despite being an onmyouji, I cannot turn back the hands of time. All along, it was my destiny to die just like my mother had predicted all those years ago. I was to die by the hands of the one I cared about the most. My mother had said that she was happy to be killed by the one she loved. Even as she died, she still smiled. At the time, I hadn't understood. If we are all to die at one point or another, did it make any difference how we met our end? Shortly after becoming the Sakurazukamori, I had many `jobs' to complete. The particular job that started all this occurred by the Sakura tree. I was too careless on that job, and realized it when I saw a boy standing by the tree. Cursing myself, I knew that he was witnessed it all. Recognizing his attire was the one of the leader of the Sumeragi clan, I knew that if someone were to kill me, it would be him. No one else had the power or the skill. I sealed his memory and made a bet with the little boy. I would see him again someday, and when we met once more, I would stay with him. Being the Sakurazukamori required me to think of everyone as objects, things. If I could think of him as more than merely a thing, he would win the bet and live. Otherwise, I would have to kill him. Perhaps I had made the bet not only to challenge my mother's prediction, but to also test myself. I needed to see if I was really capable of caring about anyone. I knew I was taking a risk, but I thought of it simply as a challenge that I had to win. Many years later, I met the boy again. Only this time, he was a 16-year-old named Subaru with a twin sister named Hokuto. He didn't know who I really was and I made sure he didn't find out. To him, I was just Seishirou-san, the kind veterinarian and onmyouji. I wonder if Hokuto had suspected all along that I wasn't who I appeared to be. When she threatened me with bodily harm if I ever harmed Subaru, I was surprised, but covered it up with a smile. By the end of the year, I thought that I had won. Subaru was still an object to me, like a shirt that was discarded when it didn't fit. Besides, Subaru would never harm me, much less kill me. He didn't have the power to, and he was too kind, too soft. My first attempt to kill him failed when his grandmother's shikigami bird rescued him. Hokuto, however, did die, but before she passed on, she cast a spell on me. If I tried to hurt Subaru, my attack would come back at me. I realized that I hadn't fully won the bet; it was almost a stalemate. I certainly couldn't kill him like I had intended. I had always wondered if I was compatible with Subaru. We had taken a test for it, and when the results came, it had said we were incompatible. What Subaru didn't know was that I had given false information. I had heard that everyone has a wish, but I had never considered what my wish could be. After many years, I realized that my wish was to be killed by Subaru. It made me feel weak; I tried to block it out, to change it, but nothing worked. So when our fated confrontation finally came, I decided to trigger Hokuto's spell. The look on your face was pure anguish. Why would you feel sad? I had killed many people, including your sister. Maybe we would have been incompatible after all. But fate would never allow it. As I breathe one last time, I smile faintly. So Subaru, you've won after all. And mother, you were correct all along. The victory goes to both of you. You've won the bet. Author Note: Yes, I know, it stinks. Well, I tried. Anyway, please review! I need reviews to improve! Flames will be accepted, but certainly not appreciated. Just don't flame me for fun, ok?</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>