Overdose

"I promised Hokuto-chan," Seishirou continued, smiling as he felt Subaru stiffen in his grasp, stop struggling. "I promised I would say this for her--"
Subaru started struggling again, his eyes shut tight, as if he could shut out Seishirou's voice and face. "Liar--liar---liar!!"
"You think I'd lie?" Seishirou whispered in Subaru's ear. "Why?"
"Liar--"
"She says hello," Seishirou continued relentlessly, "and a Merry Christmas to you." His arm stiffened as Subaru suddenly fell slack in his arms, sagging to the floor.
"Liar," Subaru repeated dully. "Liar..."
"And she tells you that she loves you," Seishirou finished. He smiled, letting go of Subaru, backing away, watching Subaru sink into the ground, in utter despair and grief. It was a lovely picture, with Subaru lost and broken--
--a toy for my play--
"Happy New Year," Seishirou finished. "And that's from me, not your sister."
And Seishirou vanished, leaving Subaru alone. After all, he came for what he wanted.

"Happy birthday, Subaru!" Hokuto said gleefully, entering the door to his apartment, shopping bags in hand.
"Birthday?" Subaru said blankly.
"SUBARU!!" Hokuto exclaimed. "You forgot your birthday!?"
Subaru blushed, looked away. "W-well....um...happy birthday," he finished, smiling.
She waved her hand airily. "My birthday's nothing. We've got to celebrate for you!" She set the bags onto the table, and started pulling things out. Subaru, watched, amazed at the sheer number of things that were sitting in the bag--
--A cake box--
--candles--
--5 wrapped boxes--
--a lighter--
--birthday hats--
--an envelope--
--and a tooter--
"Hokuto-chan?" Subaru said tentatively.
"What, Subaru?" she said, not taking her eyes away from the cake candles she was lighting.
"Where's Seishirou-san?"
Hokuto finished lighting the candles, and dropped the lighter aside. She walked up to him, smiling, pushing her face close to his, so it was almost as if he was looking into a mirror--for once, Hokuto was wearing clothes almost exactly like his--
"Because," Hokuto said, smiling, "this is a secret. I want this birthday for us and us alone."
"B-but why?" Subaru asked, curious.
"Why?" Hokuto said, shrugging and looking unconcerned. "I don't know--it's been a long time since I've been with you really, Subaru--I want this night to be very special--" she paused, looking at the candles. "Oh! Subaru! Make a wish!!!"
"Hokuto-chan!" Subaru protested. "I can't blow out the birthday cake without you!"
"O-hohohohohoho!" Hokuto laughed, looking gleeful and faintly mischievous. "Blow, Subaru."
Subaru prepared to blow--
"Wait!" Hokuto said crossly. "You're supposed to make a wish, Subaru--!"
"Oh," Subaru said sheepishly. "I forgot." He smiled for a moment, pausing to look at the candles to reflect. His wish he always knew--a wish he had cradled ever since the beginning of the year--
--a wish that Hokuto-chan, Seishirou-san, and Subaru would be happy together always--
--and he blew.
The candlelight disappeared briefly, for a moment, and then to his utter surprise, they relit.
"Ohohohohohohohoho!" Hokuto laughed. "I told you not to worry about me blowing!" She leaped off the table she was sitting on and bent down to the cake. Subaru marveled at Hokuto's audacity, but his smile disappeared when he saw Hokuto's serious look--
--her eyes were sad, eyes that reflected the candelight and himself--
--and then she blew, and Subaru wondered if what he was saw was a mere illusion--
"Subaru!!" Hokuto said cheerfully, breaking him out of his pondering. "Open your presents!"

"Hokuto-chan!!" Subaru shouted, hitting the ground where he was slumped on, feeling hot tears spill down his cheeks, seeing the world blur around him. "Ho...ku...to...chan...."
Hokuto-chan....I miss you so much.
Why? Why did you have to leave me?
Hokuto-chan!

Seishirou paused for a moment, listening to the echo of Subaru's cry, faintly heard even from this distance. He smiled.
"Hokuto-chan," he remarked to the empty air around him, "I told him. Well, have a Merry Christmas. I know Subaru won't." Before he left, he called out, "Hokuto-chan. Why don't you tell Subaru these things yourself? You know how much it upsets him if I visit." He gave a faint smile at the rustling of wind. "Ah. Subaru doesn't wish to see you, does he? He won't admit it himself. I see."

Subaru dragged himself home.
Why?
Why did this always happen to him?
Hugging himself hard, he ached. Really ached.
Hokuto-chan. Why? Why am I still here? All I want is to be with you.
He knew what Hokuto would have said to that. But--
Stop.
Thinking.
About.
Her.
Subaru.
He forced himself through the door of his apartment building, tripped over the pile of mail that he carelessly left strewn all over the floor of the hallway. He managed to take off his shoes, but barely. All he wanted now was hot water. And a chance to be left alone.
No, not alone. He didn't want to feel like this, half-empty, as if something terribly important had been ripped from him, but hadn't realized it until it was too late--
Subaru turned on the hot water. Cold water gushed out. Stripping his clothes, he half-fell in, gasping at the shock of its utter cold, ignoring the fact that he didn't even scrub before getting in. Shivering, he sat, letting the water fill, feeling the water warm eventually, until it was boiling hot. The tub was full. He reached over to shut off the water, stopped. The water below him looked so tempting--if he could fall in, just for one....single....moment...forever...
Forever. It seemed like such a tempting thought.
He could hear, from his bathroom window, the faint jingle of sound, of Christmas songs playing. Christmas was already over, dammit, why the hell were they--

"Subaru!" Hokuto scolded, prodding him awake.
"W-wha--?" Subaru said, sleepily, as she shook him to keep him awake.
"Stay awake! It's almost next year! Really, Subaru, aren't you the least excited? In a minute, it'll be next year!" She giggled, the thought touching her fancy. "Next year in the next minute!" She sobered up, a little, but her eyes were sparkling. "What do you wish for, Subaru?"
"What do you mean?" Subaru asked.
"What do you want to do next year?" she pressed. "Ask Sei-chan for a date?"
He didn't blush, for once. "No," he said seriously. He smiled. "What do you want?"
Her smile faltered, returned. "Do you really want to know?" She bent her head forward, pressing her forehead to his. "Do you?"
He drew back, startled by her sudden seriousness. "Hokuto-chan--"
"I'll tell you." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Promise not to tell?"
"Hokuto-chan--you don't have to--"
"I'll tell you," she said forcefully. "Subaru, I want you to have a happy life. Now and forever."
He looked at her, doubtful. Why was she so serious? It seemed a silly wish. "Hokuto-chan--" he ventured.
The sparkle in her eyes warned him. "A happy life....with Seishirou!" she said, gleefully. She sighed dramatically. "If only I had a man like him--"
"H-h-hokuto-chan!!!!"
"Shh, Subaru!" Hokuto interrupted, stopping his stammering. "Only a couple of seconds left!"
Five--
Four--
Three--
Two --
"I love you, Subaru," Hokuto whispered, crushing him tightly against her as she hugged him, hard.
One--

Seishirou looked up in the dark night sky. "Happy New Year, Hokuto-chan," he said, almost affectionately. Feeling the wind rustle, he smiled.

Happy New Year, Subaru thought dully. Hokuto-chan.

--end--

[ Previous | Back to Subaru + Seishirou fiction page ]