http://clampfix.fanworks.net/ss-fix/heartbreak2.txt </head><body><pre>Second half! So now my brief time of trying to scare you all has ended. Enjoy, and C&C I BEG of you! ^__^ *shimmer* Same things apply to this fic as the first one. Warnings: Yaoi, depression, angst. . . you know, all the good stuff brought to us by CLAMP. Disclaimers: “Cup of Coffee” is property of Garbage and its subsidiaries. If you ever get the chance, listen to this song, and the rest of the songs on the “Beautiful” CD that the group recently put out. Note: “Déjeuner du Matin” is used as a prelude to “Cup of Coffee.” It sets up the story a little better, though in truth the story could survive on its own without “Déjeuner du Matin.” However, I like it, and it stays. So there! :-P Cup Of Coffee [Subaru POV] //You tell me you don’t love me Over a cup of coffee And I just have to look away// It was two weeks ago that he told me it was over. That he didn’t love me anymore. That he didn’t want to see me for a while. It’s no secret that I cried, just like I did when I was sixteen, the first time he told me he didn’t love me. You’d think I would have learned my lesson the first time. But still, it’s Seishirou. . . who couldn’t love him, even after all the bastardly things he does for his own personal pleasure? //A million miles between us Planets crash into dust I just let it fade it away// He’s been gone since that fateful day. And, just like when I was younger, I became completely dead to the world. Nothing could affect me. Nothing mattered anymore. //I’m walking empty streets Hoping we might meet I see your car parked on the road// I find myself going out at night more and more, to Ueno. I look for him, any sign of him, but to no avail. Sometimes I think I see him hovering around a group of young teenage girls out too late at night, but realize it’s just a figment of my imagination. //The light on at your window I know for sure that you’re home But I just have to pass on by// You probably know, Seishirou, that I’ve passed by your apartment building on my way home. Going to your place after work became habit while we were together. I guess it’s a habit I just can’t break. But I know you can feel my presence. And I can feel yours. I see the lights on in the window sometimes. Sometimes I see the glare from the television. But I know that I’m not allowed to go up to your room. How ironic that at a time when I need the most comforting I can’t go near my only comfort. . . //So no of course we can’t be friends Not while I’m still this obsessed I guess I always knew the score This is how our story ends// I wish we could still be friends. But there’s so much that stands in our way. After all, you’re a Dragon of Earth, and I’m a Dragon of Heaven. I should have known right there that our relationship would never work. But after the first time, I became so obsessed over you that I couldn’t stand it anymore. And when you came back after nine years, I forgot everything you did to me in the past. I guess I’m just a sentimental loser. . . //I smoke your brand of cigarettes And pray that you might give me a call I lie around in bed all day just staring at the walls// I find it amusing that right after you left, I picked up your bad habit of smoking. I even started smoking your brand, Lucky Sevens. I guess I needed a small replacement of you to pretend that you had returned. Every morning I wake up, just staring up at the ceiling. I haven’t washed the sheets since the last time we had sex. That was just over two weeks ago. I keep a vigil by the phone on my bed stand. I wait around for hours, hoping and praying that you’ll call me up and tell me you want me back. And every night, I realize that I’m filled with false hopes, and go back to sleep. //Hanging ‘round bars at night Wishing I had never been born And give myself to anyone who wants to take me home// I’ve started drinking more, too. I stare into my shot glass of whiskey, or my mug of beer, or whatever tonic I’ve ordered for myself for the night, and wonder why the gods keep me here, why they put me here in the first place, and if things would have been better had I not been born. I know for a fact that a lot of human suffering would have taken place if I had not been there to rectify it, but then I wonder if it was me all along that caused the suffering. I’ve been sleeping around a bit as well. I ran into Fuuma Monou one night, and found myself in pain the next morning. Kamui has tried to make me feel better by spending some nights with me, but finds me in the same condition when he wakes up. I don’t know if he’s decided to give up on me or what. I can’t blame him if he has. I didn’t want to be cheered up in the first place. //So no of course we can’t be friends Not while I still feel like this I guess I always knew the score This is where our story ends// Is it any surprise I’m not over yet? There are hundreds of reasons for me to despise you. You killed my sister. You tried to kill me. You broke my heart— twice! You’ve hurt my friends. You’ve left my life miserable in your wake. And yet. . . none of that matters compared to the good times we had. //You left behind some clothes My belly somersaults when I pick them off the floor// About a week ago I found one of your white dress shirts. I found it beneath the bed while looking for my shoes one afternoon. When I found it, I almost choked on my tears. I picked it up, smelled it, surprised that it still held your scent. I thought about bringing it over to your apartment, but that was just an excuse to see you again. Besides, why give up the only piece I have left of you? //My friends all say they’re worried I’m looking far too skinny I’ve stopped returning all their calls// The other Dragons of Heaven are starting to worry about me, I think. Arashi and Karen look at me with annoyingly sympathetic eyes. Yuzuriha and Sorata try to make me feel better by telling jokes and offering me Pocky. Aoki-san tells me things will look better after awhile, and that I should try moving on. Easy for him— he has a beautiful wife and a darling child! As for Kamui, well, you already know. When they call, I don’t pick up the phone. Thank you, Caller ID. I don’t want to waste time talking to them if and when you should call. I know you will someday. . . I hope. //And no of course we can’t be friends Not while I’m still so obsessed I want to ask where I went wrong But don’t say anything at all// It’s been three weeks since we broke up. I finally called you and told you about the shirt. Aoki-san’s right; I need to move on with my life. I need to forget about you, as hard as it will be. You agreed to meet me at the same place where you drew the final cutting blow on us. As I wait for you, I go over what I want to say to you in my mind. I want to ask if there was anything that I did that made you not love me anymore. All those passionate nights we spent together, when you told me how much you loved me, how much you missed me over the past nine years, were you just lying to me to get me in your bed? But then I think that it’s better not to know. There’s no answer that would make me feel any better. //It took a cup of coffee To prove that you don’t love me// I ordered a cup of coffee for you. Black, just the way you like it, with milk and sugar on the side. I hope you find it amusing. Owari</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>