http://clampfix.fanworks.net/ss-fix/ice.txt </head><body><pre>Mmkay...here I go. This is my first work based on X (actually...now it`s rather degenerating into a mix of X/TB, and let me tell you, it's harder than I thought it would be. For one thing, I haven't seen any of the mangas...but I own the movie, and I've been gleaning all I can from friend internet. ^_^ What I'd do without it, I have no frickin' idea. So...this is a ficcie about Subaru and Seishirou....they were only in the beginning of the anime, and I love them. They died too quickly...everyone died, dammit. >_< But Oh, well. So what I know is this much: Subaru and Seishirou were both in Tokyo Babylon, but I haven't read hardly anything on their relationship there.... and I know Subaru's twin sister was killed by Seishirou...and that they kill each other (in the anime, anyway). That is pretty close to ALL I know, and that is what I'm writing on, so if the info isn't completely accurate...well, think of this as an Alternate Universe/Distorted fic, as the characters are most likely waaay ooc.. If it makes you feel better. Anyway, here I go, shinigami grant me grace... warnings: Gratuitous POV switching, shonen-ai/yaoi, hmm...the musings of someone who's been listening to WAY to much of the Princess Mononoke theme song...and who doesn't know much about what she's writing. Other than that, all is good! disclaimers: Praise be to CLAMP! All hail the megamis who give me these pawns to play with...and the lyrics are from "Ice" by Sarah McLachlan, yet another megami who I bow to...from the album "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy" You should really get this album if you don't have it already...get them all! archive: Sure! ^_^ I'd like that...Hojo doesn't like me enough to let me put up my own page... ice by Miriya Valentine dragon_nataku@yahoo.com ~the ice is thin, come on dive in, underneath my lucid skin, the cold is lost, forgotten~ After all this, I still love him. The angel, the minion, the murderer...it was he who killed my dear sister...Hokuto, do you hate me for this? Do you understand? I hope you do...for I do not. What is this that keeps me in such a state-I don't know my own heart. I only know these things: I, Subaru Sumeragi, have been destined to protect the weak and uncompassionate tatters of humanity ...and he... Seishirou Sakurazuka, my nemesis, my love ... he is my enemy. What care I for this wretched world? It has taken from me everything I ever cared for, mocking me with its careless hand, its fickle ironies, what have I done? But I have survived, I will survive, I will kill him, rip that cruel heart to pieces just as he's done to me... I love him. With a sigh, I leave our bed, before the sun rises. Our coupling is always bittersweet; even as I sink into the tide of passion, even as his warm breath caresses my bared skin - yes, even then I plot his fall. Angel, Seishirou, I will break your wings and bring you to your knees, these memories still fresh in my mind. And you'll never know how much I bleed, shattered soul piecing itself together, if only to offer a glimmer of solace before falling back into disrepair. I hate him. 13th, I am, onmyouji, protector...avenger. My light to his dark...there is no hope, nor was there ever. Petty thoughts of reconciliation fade as the anger rises, the consuming shadow as ferocious as the dragon himself, and I find myself slipping. Think no more, Subaru, the thought, the memory, it hurts too much. Forget these things, you have the world to think of. So many... I care nothing for the world...I have only one wish, one desire... ...to kill him. ~hours pass days pass time stands still light gets dark and darkness fills my secret heart, forbidden~ With all my being, for whatever it's worth, - I'm sorry. As if those trite words could repay all that I've done to you, all the grief, all the pain...what wouldn't I give to take it all back? Subaru...you must understand, I have no choice. I am what I am, merely a victim of a destiny even onmyouji like ourselves cannot alter. You are one of the seals, my sweet Sumeragi-san...you are my enemy. But I don't hate you. Is this enmity? It seems so senseless, sometimes, what are we doing? Why are we fighting? I listen to the earth, her pitiful moans as her limbs are ruthlessly stripped by the true beasts, the undeserving...weak, pitiful humans. What right do they have to treat our mother this way? Can't they feel her pain? Can't you? I understand, my love...your pain, an ugly wound to mar your radiance, such sweet beauty...a terrible stroke by my hand. It was destined, Subaru, they told me...I had no choice. How I wish I could take it onto myself, to free you from this misery...you don't deserve to feel this way. Sorry will never be enough, but it's the only thing I can do for you, right now. Because I know, when the time comes, on that day, ever-nearing...I will finish it. I don't want to kill you, Subaru. Can we alter destiny? Is there any use resisting? I was told it was impossible...but is that the truth? If there is anyone who can change things, it would be us...you and I, onmyouji. Lay here beside me, spin sweet dreams like we once did, weave a world without these cursed differences. A world where we don't have to hate each other. Or perhaps, if you'd just listen to our reasons *my reasons*...perhaps you'd join me. But I know that can't happen. What we've become was destiny's choice, and her capricious ways aren't to be questioned. Perhaps I should harden my heart to you, Subaru-kun, wall off what little I can touch upon, and simply stop feeling. I could rival Nataku. That, too, is impossible. It's impossible because every time you come to me, every time I feel your trembling body in my firm embrace, I know that I could never do such a thing, because to close myself would mean to lose something dear and invaluable...something I see every time I look into your emerald eyes. I would lose a piece of myself. How sad that one day, we will fight, and one of us will kill the other...perhaps we'll both die, there. And 1999....that day will not be far away, Subaru-koi, it will not be far away at all. ~I think you worried for me then the subtle ways that I'd give in but I know you liked the show~ You think I'm sleeping, but I feel the warmth subside as you leave our bed, instantly filling me with the cold that haunts me when you're not around. You've grown to be so beautiful...everything about you...your strength, your will, I know you are the only one as strong as I am. My exquisite onmyouji...I don't even have to open my eyes, I can feel your shadow hovering over me, a fragment of yourself...and I am touched. Am I right in what I do? Are you? Perhaps we'll never know. ~tied down to this bed of shame I tried to move around the pain but oh, your soul is anchored~ I wonder what the others would think of me if they knew my sin....my love for the enemy. Arashi would be so disappointed, Sorata would crack some joke...Seiichirou, he would frown, unspeaking, radiating his own disapproval...Yuzuriha would stare in disappointment and betrayal. Hinato...she most likely knows. She can read a person's heart like a book...I wonder what she sees in this one? ...and grandmother... I cast one last look at your sleeping form; Seishirou, you are perfection...why can't I hate you? So hard I try, but it seems indeed useless. Ach, with all the times you've done me wrong, I still love you. I hate myself for it, because I cannot hate you. Do you mock me, destiny? When you watch this treachery unfold, do you laugh? I am nothing but a stone in his path. I know this, but still, I bury myself in a deception, an illusion so thorough that even an onmyouji cannot duplicate it's power...do I still live in those dreams? He does not love anything. He wants only to destroy, and that vacillating mistress Fate has placed me before him as a barrier. To save humanity...I have no desire to do this thing. I see, now...I understand. Sudden moisture fills my eyes, my jaw aches as I sit back down on our rumpled, worn bed, watching your sleeping face with a sort of grotesque wonder. I cannot see an enemy...with a quiet sigh, I press a gentle kiss to your warm lips, knowing it's the last time we'll be like this. The time has come...we are the chosen ones, Seishirou-koi...no more can we forget who we are. And I'm sorry. Shock-he returns the kiss, gentle and warm as always. In agony, I try to flee, pressing my palms to his shoulders even as his arms snake up around my neck. Serpent Seishirou, let me go...you made me love you, then you threw it away so carelessly... Once again, I am trapped, just as I was under the Sakura-barrow so long ago...only now, I know what I've done. "Subaru-koi...you're leaving so early?" his breath is warm on my cheek, the smell of stale cigarettes a whisper, part of him as much as anything. He pulls me to him...and I do not resist. Resting my head on his chest, I sigh again, feeling the tears come. I welcome them, their realism, I know this is real...not a dream...is it? Am I dreaming again? "You don't love me...you never did, Sakurazukamori..." It hurts, oh, gods above it hurts, but I have to be free. I've been betraying Hokuto and the others too long... "Mm..." He does not deny it. ~the only comfort is the moving of the river you enter into me a lie upon your lips offer what you can, I'll take all that I can get only a fool is here~ And, as if to contradict me, his mark on my hands glows slightly against his bare flesh...these cursed defacements will never let me forget. I will carry them like scars...deep wounds left by the one who got to me, more than anyone ever could. How could I have been so careless? I can't take it anymore, I have to get out of here...Subaru, you traitor...you've betrayed everyone...you've betrayed yourself... I flee. ~I don't like your tragic sighs as if your god has passed you by well hey, fool, that's your deception~ Surprised, ne, my beautiful one? I do not sleep when you are near...sweet dreams I have, of you, just as always...but you are indeed better. The only light in my life...always, I'll protect you. Even from yourself. Your kiss is almost apologetic, and I can't help but be amazed how you've retained your innocence, buried though it may be. From the wide-eyed child to the man you now are, you've always had the same aura that drew me to you. From the beginning, when I first loved you... It is for your own good that I do not reply to your quiet accusation, listening to the way you spit out my title....Sakurazukamori, like some hateful plague. Flinching internally, I know that it is working...it's a lie, Subaru, my dearest...I love you still. From that first day... You were just a child, then. 5 years old, eyes wide and full of innocence, under the sakura-barrow...and I was almost three times your senior. Strange how things happen, don't you know, Subaru-koi? I remember everything like it was yesterday, your resolute demeanor, trapped in the body of a child, wearing the sacred shikifuku, and I wrapped in the darkness...your dark to my light, little one, as it has always been, as it is even now... I marked you, then, the Sakurazuka star forever on your hands, a visible testimony for our link. I claimed you then, drawn by the innocence and naïveté that is your very essence. If I had killed you then...would it make this easier? Would I still feel this? `Tis something I guess I'll never know. I remember everything, not with the studious manner of an assassin, but with the clear and awed heart of one who has truly loved. And I can tell by our link, by the way you move, that this will be our last. It grieves me...but I had to see you one last time, away from the full force of our true lives...I had to have one last moment with you, something to treasure until my dying day. That day...so close, now...goodbye, from this, our dying dream. Go, sweet Subaru, and forget that I loved you...no, I *love* you... ~your angels speak with jilted tongue the serpent's tale has come undone you have no strength to squander~ "Kamui has returned." I felt his presence from the very beginning he returned, like a tidal wave. The promised one, God's Hand...Kamui. Who'd have guessed that the fate of the world rested on the narrow shoulder of this young boy, younger and less trained than even myself...who'd have thought that? No time to think of these things now. Without hardly thinking about it, the kekkai rises into the sky, separating its interior from the "real" world...here I am, spinning more illusions...you won't win, Seishirou, I won't let you...but you're so beautiful there... "So it seems," you smile mockingly, taking one last drag of your ever-present cigarette - know it will be your last, dark angel. I have come for you...now, you are my prey. "He's returned for the final battle, Subaru-kun, the world is at stake." Gods, the memories are retuning, even with such a simple thing...you always called me that. Subaru-kun...the words seemed so reverent, like you were praying. Preying, more like...has your hunt ended, yet? I defeated you once, I can do it again.... Or did you defeat me? Was the price truly worth it? You look up at the erected barrier, that smile never leaving your face. "Impressive...so this is the mystic barrier of the Sumeragi clan...Quite impressive." Reaching up, you removed the dark glasses so that I may clearly see you once again. Memory is a brutal assault...the glass eye shines, but not so much as the other, the unholy glow radiating from you both revolting and just more than a little seductive. Just like you, a porcelain mask hiding a deep festering darkness... Yes...but I won't fall again. "It wouldn't do to disturb the people around us...since I'm here to kill you." ~the only comfort is the moving of the river you enter into me a lie upon your lips offer what you can I'll take all that i can get~ only a fool's here to stay~ Of course you are, Subaru-kun...I would stand here awaiting your judgment, knife in hand and throat bared...if only I could. But, like you, I have a greater mission to fulfill. You seek only justice...for yourself. The justice I seek is for the planet. Do you remember? That same robe you now wear, underneath the sakura-barrow...the bloodstained petals swirling around you but not close enough to cause harm...I should have killed you then. I've tried to close my heart to you, my love...but I cannot even spin a lie that profuse. You were just a child...only your purity and innocence to fight off the evils that surrounded you. And like the sakura petals, the darkness gathered around you, opening its great maw to swallow you whole...and just like me, it couldn't touch you. It couldn't consume you. Your strength has always amazed me. I have come to the conclusion that memory and destiny must be somehow joined, Subaru...because every time we meet like this, I'm immersed in the flood of memories...and I can't get away, I don't want to get away... "Perhaps it was destined, Subaru...it makes sense, doesn't it? Our clans were enemies...it makes sense that you, a dragon of heaven, and I...a dragon of earth...would meet and destroy each other." I'll take you with me, sweet Subaru...I'll give you my wings and hold you near...we'll weave a new world...it will be wonderful. But now... ...It is time to end this life, my love. I'll try to be gentle...I don't want to hurt you anymore... ~*~ The time has come, Seishirou...is this goodbye? I've waited for this so long...Hokuto, I will avenge you. The chant comes easily, one of the more common attack spells I know...power surges through my veins, ofuda spinning, transforming, such intriguing metamorphosis...the aura `round you dances in the shape of your dragon...the red, like blood, the blood you've shed, the blood staining the sakura petals...Hokuto's blood... I don't even feel the sting as the concrete shrapnel hits me. Our spells collide, the explosion taking out most of the roof...but you and I, we need no ground to stand on...we can fly... You rise with me, and the building falls away completely, littering the sidewalks and roadways so far below. Looking up again, I see you, lost in a spell of your own...you look like you once did, Seishirou....so beautiful... Do you remember, Ikebukuro station, so long ago it seemed...the shiki that eluded me...I didn't even see what I tripped over...perhaps it was some person...I was surprised. Even more so, when my rescuer appeared. It hurt...but you were there for me. I didn't recognize you at first, Seishirou-san...I didn't realize who you were...so strange, you know? I'd known you for so long, dreamed of you, memorized your features as best I could...perhaps it would have been better to have remained blind. Your gentle ways, such a contrast to your true nature, blinded me more than I could ever have imagined...in my childish naiveté, I believed in your gentle lies. And slowly, I fell for you, heart and soul, allowing you to fully take possession of me...giving myself as best I knew how. Life was so simple then, it was just you, me, and Hokuto-chan...nothing would keep us apart. We'd all live forever...how ironic, then, this meeting...our final encounter. I know that one of us will not make it...I know I must kill you....but, if I do, life will no longer have meaning for me. You are lost to me forever, love... Gods above, with everything I was, with all I am...I love you... My chant stumbles...Seishirou, my dark angel...I can't kill you. Not for those people...not even for Hokuto. Forgive me, dearest sister...I falter, the dragon wild and out of control...I can't do it. Even now, you have this power over me...the stars are glowing, again...yes, we are still connected...until death do we part... Just kill me, Seishirou...end this wretched existence...I'll rejoin my sister...and I'll wait for you... The backlash is intense, burning...oh, gods, it hurts...but not as bad as how you hurt me... ...Sei...Seishirou... ~*~ You still speak your spells, little one...easily dissipating my shikigami like they were nothing but air...you've seen through all my illusions, Subaru. So here I am, bared before you...no more illusions. This is the real thing...this is goodbye. You've become a much better fighter since I last tried my hand against you, no doubt an equal match. Perhaps that's one of the things I love about you...how we can stand as equals, despite all our differences. Gods, how I wish this could have turned out differently...but destiny is unchangeable...isn't it? It seems we are at a sort of stalemate...I can feel your hesitation...now is my chance, but for some reason I won't take it. It's still unbelievable...we never had a chance, did we? From the very beginning... I should have killed you, then. I should have. I begin to weave a spell of my own, reverting back to the chanting you use...how fitting, really. I've tried to prepare for this day for so long...since I realized what we ultimately are...I tried to keep you from this pain, taking it all on myself, offering you a chance to get away, to hate me for what I am, for what I've done...I was unworthy of your purity, your love... Gods, how I love you... Your dragon-aura is as beautiful as you are, rising up to rear its head...proud, noble...all the things you stand for...for the sake of the planet, I can't let you succeed. I've felt her cries, even now, she shrieks in agony as wretched and horrible humans desecrate and rape her...she is a fragile spirit, our earth mother... Chanting reaches its climax, only a few more syllables, and it will be finished... I remember you there, Subaru-kun, lying on the cold concrete, so long ago. I felt you call out in pain, and I remembered. So long I'd sought you, looking for that child from so long ago that offered me my first glimpse of something other than the darkness I was born to inherit...it was so much easier then, to have the lack of feeling, to have never loved... ...Fate, you are a cruel, cruel mistress... Once I'd found you...I swore I'd never leave your side again, even as I held you in the busy train station, offering all the comfort I could muster...I looked into your eyes, unchanged since the first time, if not more beautiful. Wide with trust and pain, your eyes showed me everything, and I felt, for the first time, complete. Like there was meaning in my life, other than to destroy those who stood in my way... I couldn't destroy you then...and as I focus on the now, I realize I still can't do it. I'm not strong enough....I've caused you enough pain...and the spell falters. Suddenly, through our link...I can feel your cry for help, a cry of agony intense and incalculable. Oh, gods...finish the spell, little one, show me your justice, punish me for all I've done to you. There is no salvation for us...a stalemate of the cruelest kind. Trapped in the tangled web of our own spells, the flare is brilliant and so, so beautiful...deadly beauty, like the stained sakura petals...through the haze of pain, I find my way to you, where you hover, tattered shikifuku snapping in the strong wind we've created. I fear you can no longer sense these things, one last time I embrace you and I know this is the end for us. There is no resistance from you, already you fade in the brilliant light. I haven't left your side, sweet Subaru...now is the time for us to fly...take my wings, I'll hold you up through this...we won't die alone. Let's leave this place-time to weave a spell of a different kind...this world holds no more for us. Let them fend for themselves...I have all I need here with me, cradled in my arms, emerald eyes wide and lucid...I love you, Subaru...don't leave me here alone...take me with you... There is another world waiting for us in a new dream, love, this isn't the end...only the beginning. And I know I'll see you there...and even, perhaps, Hokuto...we'll all be together again... ...Subaru...let's go there... ~...only a fool's here to stay~ -owari- Whew...so...did you like it? I think this is my new favorite story... ^_^ At least, from all the junk I've come up with... Questions and comments, onegai? Pweeese? *chibi pleading eyes* OI...and I have a couple pics I drew for this story but...I dun think this ML likes attachments, so you won't get to see how horrible I am at drawing. ^_____^ Count yourself lucky. Anyway...I really really hope you liked it...it made my mommy cry eheheheh...and now I'm working on another Subaru/seishirou story, involving an angel (miri: that's me!! shameless muse insertation!!) who makes a bet with Fate (she really is a biznitch ehehe..) about what would happen if their lives were altered. and endless GW fic stuff to do...soooo busy... waiii... *cries* Jaa~ ~miriya/angel miri/ the musies~</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>