http://clampfix.fanworks.net/ss-fix/iknow.txt </head><body><pre>Hiya, this is my first time posting on the CFFML. I blame my subscription on my friend who greatly encouraged me to join. I hate you Kaichou Chiri-san. I write mostly TB and X, though I've been dabbling in MKR. I think the world needs more Clef lemons. Anyway, here's the fic I'm currently working on. Kaichou Chiri is helping me revise it to make it better, but I thought I'd ought to include this in my intro post. To stay on topic, you know? "I Know My Wish" by Anb Note: This fic has cursing, strong shounen-ai (later to develop into a yaoi), emotional and physical abuse, so it is not recommended to our younger readers. Thanks. Also, Clamp is the name of the goddesses who own these wonderfully slashable men. Not I. Subaru Sumeragi, the thirteenth head of the Sumeragi Clan, was having a slightly unpleasant phone conversation with his grandmother, the previous head of the Clan. His grandmother was begging him to not continue his pursuit of his dark and deadly lover. "Please, Subaru-san," her voice quavered. "Seize this fruitless search! I cannot allow you to continue as you are! You no longer pay any attention to yourself. Now, only your hygiene deteriorates, but next, it shall be your sanity!" "Grandmother," Subaru replied monotonously. "There is a wish that cannot be realized alone. I know my wish. I must pursue." "But Subaru-san! What is your wish? You loved him once, perhaps," she hesitated for a moment before continuing. "But what has that love become now? It has become an obsession! It is no longer love! Stop, now, before the darkness consumes you; I'm begging you! Please!" "I cannot stop, Grandmother. I simply cannot. Now, Grandmother, I must say good-bye. I have Clan duties to attend. Spiritual disturbances must be attended immediately, as you well know." "Yes, of course, Subaru-san, but please! Heed what I say to you. In this matter, I only want your happiness." "I know. Good-bye, Grandmother." The sound of the phone snuggling into the receiver echoed throughout the room. Subaru shoved his body further back into the soft, plush chair. Leaning his head back, he closed his eyes and sighed. In his mind, he commanded forth an image of his target, his lover. The dangerously unpredictable Seishirou Sakurazuka -- the infamous Sakurazukamori, the assassin. Seishirou's dark hair falling softly over his eye -- the only softness about him now, really -- and his impeccably clean, black business suit. But what business did Seishirou work for? The business of planned and deliberate killing. His broad, masculine shoulders were especially recognizable, especially when compared to the slimness of his waist. Oh, was he handsome! And yet, though this picture was of Seishirou before Hokuto's death -- the Seishirou he wanted back so badly -- he couldn't help but call forth his cruel, assassin smirk as well. How that smirk haunted him! But the smirk was nothing compared to his lover's eyes. Oh, the eyes! One eye was as it had always been -- a large pool of luscious chocolate, so tempting. The Seishirou he remembered. But... but the other eye was different. An empty white void was all it was. Seishirou's utter lack of conscious and emotions was reflected in that unseeing eye. Subaru hated that eye! Yet... yet, he loved it as well, because... it was Seishirou's. No matter how hard Subaru tried, he found that he couldn't hate Seishirou or anything about him. The darkness and the hazards about the assassin weren't a turn-off. They excited Subaru -- perhaps even more than the gentle, kind veterinarian characteristics ever had. And Subaru was ashamed of this. To desire evil, to pursue it, to want it so badly you would risk your sanity and your soul -- it was just so wrong! So very, very wrong! And yet, somehow, Subaru knew it wasn't. Love, no matter how dark or painful, is always love. Love can never be dirty; it is always the one, pure emotion of the human soul. Subaru's love for Seishirou was pure, as was Seishirou's for Subaru. No matter how much pain they forced upon themselves as they desperately tried to deny their love, it was always pure! ...Wasn't it? Subaru rubbed the back of his neck absently, as he thought. He sat up in his chair a bit straighter and reached unconsciously for his pack of cigarettes on the coffee table. He lit it with his black lighter -- Seishirou had always used black lighters. It was easier to hide blood on black lighters, perhaps. As he smoked, Subaru looked about his hotel room. Nothing extravagant, though, as the Head of the Sumeragi Clan, he could have purchased the hotel, rather than rent a single room. The room was nearly as large as a standard, American hotel room and the walls were covered in a predictable light tan color. Or was it more of a beige? Ah, who cared. A chair and a couch with a print of small, blue flowers sat in front of a twenty-inch television. Ordinary. Though, Subaru had to admit that the bathroom was quite nice. The shower with room for two, the bathtub, and the lovely vanity were all quite nice. So nice, in fact, that Subaru felt an urge to take a shower. An urge to bathe himself in the hot water and wash away all the emotional turmoil that pulled on his tortured soul like a lead weight. Those thoughts of a long, hot shower urged Subaru to quickly finish his cigarette. Ah, how he longed for peace of mind and soul, even if it was just for a few minutes. Stripping off his dirty clothing, Subaru realized how dirty he had become in the past few days. His clothes reeked of a disgusting combination smoke, sweat and dirt. He hadn't changed once in the past four days. His clothes doubled as pajamas as well. He thought perhaps he'd do a wash at some point in time, if he even bothered to remember. Subaru blasted the shower as high and hot as it would go, but he knew it would never get as high or hot as he wanted. Though, if the water had gotten any hotter, Subaru would have ended up with more than just red skin. Blisters never made Subaru happy. The only thing worse than a blister was a burn. Reaching for the soap, Subaru closed his eyes and washed his entire body. God, he hadn't done this in days! Subaru had forgotten how good it felt to be clean. All the dirt that had clung to his body like a second skin suddenly fell off his body and washed down the drain. Subaru's problems followed suit and disappeared as the dirt did. No more thoughts of Seishirou until later. Hopefully, much later, as Subaru's sanity was teetering dangerously on the edge of a cliff due to all the stress Seishirou caused him. How strange it was that being away from Seishirou caused him more pain than when he was with him. When Subaru's skin bore a resemblance to a ripened strawberry, he stepped out of the shower, wrapping a plain, white towel around his waist. He walked out to the main room, intending to find clean clothes (had he even packed anything?), but, instead, found himself at a loss of words. It was a mental state that could only be induced by one person. "Oh, hello, Subaru-kun. Do you come here often?" Seishirou sat in the chair, ankles crossed, cigarette in hand. That typical black business suit, that typical suggestive smile, the shadows falling typically in just the right places. He looked awfully mysterious and positively arousing, Subaru had to admit to himself. His face flushed and he realized that he was still speechless. Seishirou chuckled darkly at the effect he had on the younger man. Quickly regaining his composure, Subaru retorted, "I think you're getting careless in your old age, Seishirou-san, because I heard you while I took my shower." Before his mind could register what was happening, Subaru found himself on the ground, with Seishirou on top. Seishirou leaned down, so close to Subaru's ear that he could smell Seishirou's unique scent-blood, sweat, and old, dead, flowers; Subaru wanted to call it an ugly scent, but really, he adored it. Seishirou whispered in that oh-so-seductive voice of his, "Oh, slow am I? Really, Subaru-kun, you know me better. Shall I show you how fast I am?" Subaru only scowled at him. "Asshole. Get the hell off me." Seishirou's only response was a quick lick to Subaru's ear and a nip at his neck. "The nights have been lonely, Subaru-kun." "Sorry I can't sympathize." "Come now, you can't tell me that your nights weren't equally as agonizing." A lick and a suck on Subaru's neck, near his Adam's apple. "..." "I knew you loved me." A light kiss on the hollow of Subaru's throat. "Go to hell." "How's Hokuto, your sister, Subaru-kun?" Subaru's face contorted as that old wound was re-opened. "Fuck you." "Was that an offer, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou moved his hand faster than Subaru could follow it and suddenly Subaru found himself naked, pinned beneath a psychotic killer. Subaru was sure God hated him. Well, maybe he was enjoying it -- just a little bit. He was feeling the thrill of being a submissive toy. "You are my toy. A toy, which is endlessly amusing and interesting. I fear I shall never tire of these games we play, Subaru. But for now," Seishirou paused, pressing his mouth against Subaru's throat, like a predator about to kill its prey. "The games have ended," Seishirou whispered savagely. And he bit his toy's neck, hard. Subaru cried aloud with pain. "Tonight, you will be my toy. I shall play with you... use you... and forget you." "F-fuck you. I w-won't pretend any such thing!" Subaru choked. Seishirou struck his face. Subaru's face stung with new pain, but the physical pain drew forth a deeper, emotional pain. He bit his lip to keep back those damned, threatening tears. Seishirou whispered again. "You will. Or I will kill you." He pressed the younger man's arms into the carpet, knowing that Subaru would probably get rug burns before the night was over. "Though you are amusing to me, I shall never hesitate to destroy you. Don't ever doubt that..." A knife was suddenly produced from somewhere and a shallow cut appeared on the right side of Subaru's chest, just above the nipple. The knife disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. The cut was just deep enough that a small bit of blood swelled up and Seishirou lapped at it like a dog. Using the last bit of blood, Seishirou drew upon Subaru's chest a large mark exactly the same as those on Subaru's hands. His Sakurazukamori marks. The ones that indicated Subaru was his victim, his prey. "With your blood, I renew the mark I previously set upon you. Remember that you are my victim, my prey. Your blood flows only because I so wish it. Do not ever betray me, or I will cause this blood, your blood, to seize its flow." As he listened to the words, Subaru wasn't sure if what his lover said was a curse, a ceremony, or nothing at all. Knowing Seishirou, Subaru wouldn't bet on the latter. His suspicions were confirmed when Seishirou continued. "Om..." the assassin began to chant. The sounds of Seishirou's chant filled the room, and Subaru could feel the presence of onmyojitsu spiritual energy growing stronger and stronger around he and Seishirou. As soon as Seishirou's chant ended, the mark on Subaru's chest burst into flames and Subaru screamed, his voice high and shrill with panic. To muffle the screams (lest someone else in the hotel become alarmed at the screaming), Seishirou stuffed a corner of the white towel deep inside Subaru's mouth. Subaru thrashed as he tried to get Seishirou off of him so he could extinguish his burning chest, but his lover held him tightly, letting the fire burn and burn. After a minute or so, Seishirou made a gesture and spoke a few words, which caused the flames to disappear, but the dark burn on Subaru's chest remained. Subaru had a feeling Seishirou, living up to his sadistic nature, thought the burn was erotic. The sick bastard. Subaru was not amused. To him, the burn was absolutely not erotic. The burn was on HIS chest and the pain intensity was JUST over his limit. Burns hurt. A lot. Subaru screamed into the towel over and over and over again until Seishirou struck his face and said, "Stop." Nearly immediately, Subaru stopped. Seishirou stared at Subaru as the younger kept his face perfectly blank. Subaru's eyes... Oh what had happened to those once bright, innocent eyes? Seishirou knew automatically, of course, that it was Hokuto's death. It really takes something out of you when your best friend and near-lover kills your sister. Now, Subaru's eyes were no longer bright or innocent. They were clouded, empty. Something was wrong with Subaru, something so very wrong. But Seishirou would ponder that later; he had business to attend. "Oh, my dear, beloved Subaru Sumeragi-kun. I have given you the second mark of the Sakurazukamori." Subaru replied with muffled, indistinct sounds. "Of course. The towel." Seishirou chuckled and removed the towel, being surprisingly gentle. As soon as he could speak, Subaru said, with an edge to his voice, "What are you talking about? What's a 'second mark?'" "The second mark is given if the first is weakened in some way. Those marks on your hands are beginning to fade, Subaru. You've had those marks for 16 or 17 years; the spell isn't as strong as it used to be. If the marks fade, then you are no longer my prey. The second mark not only renews the first mark -- it intensifies it. There are also some interesting side-effects to the second mark, but I'll leave that for you to discover on your own." Seishirou winked. He pressed his lips fiercely against his submissive partner's so hard he drew blood. Then, the assassin stood, finally letting his body off Subaru's. Subaru gasped and let air back into his lungs. The force of that kiss had taken it all away. He closed his eyes for a moment, to ease his rapid breaths, but when he opened them again, there was no Seishirou in his room. Subaru closed his eyes and fell into a blissful, dark abyss. His last thoughts were, "Oh God, what has he done to me?" ===== [ Anb ] I adore sakura S&M</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>