I sigh as I look at myself in the foggy bathroom mirror. I'm still wet from my shower, but why should I bother grabbing a towel? It's almost time... and I can't help remembering back. Only a day ago... but it feels like a second and an eternity away .

[Face to face

my lovely foe]

"Subaru-kun... what would Hokuto-chan say if she saw you like this?" Glaring back at him with hatred in my eyes, I had tried not to flinch as he came near me.
Too close to me. Too close for me to hide.

[Mouth to mouth

raining heaven's blows]

Like the last time we had met, he grabbed my hand.
Knowing that they bore the marks of his hunt, he smiled up at me and touched his mouth to the center of the invisible stamp.
White-hot contact of lips on skin.

[Hand on heart

tic tac toe]

I tore myself away quickly, but both he and I had felt that moment of hesitation.
That moment when my inner self had rebelled against the truth that I knew far too well.

[Under the stars

naked as we flow]

For a timeless second, I had looked at him as I had done so long ago. Not as Sakurazukamori, but as Seishirou-san.
No, not even that.
I looked at him as my love.
My soul laid bare...

[Cheek to cheek

the bitter sweet]

But I pulled away- in shame, in fear, in regret and pain- only to have him capture my chin in his grasp. Moving even closer to me, he put his lips almost against my ear. Warm breath against my skin...

[Commit your crime in your deadly time]

"Don't tell me you still feel something toward me, Subaru-kun... toward your beloved sister's murderer?"
His touch was so live, so real. So unlike the dreams that had haunted my nights...
"Don't tell me this is still what you want..."
His lips brushed my ear for only a moment.
Only a second in an infinity of instants, it burned at the shields protecting my fragile heart.

[It's too divine

I want to bend]

His gentle laughter was too caring, too sweet. What right did he have to sound so...
Why couldn't I pull away...

[I want this bliss but something says I must resist]

Closing my eyes as his lips moved toward mine, I leaned against him.
Weak flesh, weak heart, weak mind...

[Another life

another time]

Memories.
Hearing myself as a naive child, speaking a truth that had shattered once it met reality.
/"I was afraid Seishirou-san would hate me... All the time I was crying out of fear... I was in love with Seishirou-san..."/

[We're Siamese twins

writhing intertwined]

Remembering what came next.
I remembered though I didn't want to remember...
/"It seems the time has come to settle our bet..."/

[Face to face

no telling lies]

Opening eyes that had closed in surrender, I forced myself away from that illusion. Still eye to eye with my enemy, I let myself see.
Into myself, reflected in those blind and seeing eyes.

[The masks they slide to reveal a new disguise]

I let myself see all of it for just an instant before I hid it from myself, from him.
An answer.
So simple, and yet somehow, it had never occurred to me, truly. For even in my darkest nightmares, I had always known I had a task to finish...

[You never can win

it's the state I'm in]

He smiled at me again with a bit of calculated puzzlement in his eyes. Perhaps he had thought that I had been about to play... Perhaps he had thought that I would be fooled by his displaying an emotion.
I smiled back at him in a quiet way, and saw the puzzlement turn into a reality.

[This danger thrills and my conflict kills]

My smile deepened as I turned from him deliberately, presenting my back to him in careless disregard of an enemy. Knowing he wouldn't strike until the game was done.

[They say follow your heart

follow it through]

Seeing the one I remembered from my younger days appear in the guise of a somewhat flustered Seishirou-san, my smile slipped for a moment. For an instant, I wished.

[But how can you

when you're split in two?]

Only a moment... only a moment to remember my own younger self, about to be destroyed by what I must do. I bade farewell to that innocent, and to memories of laughter.

[And you'll never know]

I calmed my heart, my mind. Only one thing had been holding me back- only one thing, truly. I knew that he had to die, that he had to be stopped. But I couldn't condone murder, couldn't let myself become him...
Couldn't let myself become Sakurazukamori and betray everything I had once held so dear.

[You'll never know]

I turned back to face him, one last time.
Knowing he couldn't see because he was underestimating me.
No.
He was not. He had not underestimated the Subaru that had existed a mere hour ago.

[One more kiss

before we die]

Walking up to him, close enough so that he must have been suppressing the urge to strike out against one too near, I let it all go. I let my hand caress his cheek and I lightly touched my lips to his.

[Face to face

and dream of flying]

Soaring in my heart at the promise kept, I pulled back.
Once... I had done it once of my own will, of my own love. No more regrets.

[Who are you?

who am I?]

"Sakurazukamori. It is time to finish this."
"Subaru-kun... in such a hurry to die?"

[Wind in wings

two angels falling]

I smiled at him one last time, before I reached deep into myself.
A kiss of love. A kiss of death.
I unleashed it, my secret, and saw the shock in his eyes as he felt his shields crack at the touch of one mere shikigami.
Saw the surprise and pain as that one pure white bird tore through his body before disappearing into the mists.

[To die like this

with a last kiss]

"Seishirou-san. You should be more careful of who you let so close to your defenses."
The final nail in my old life. A kiss bestowed to kill...
He gazed up at me, and his lips curled in a smile.
"At last you are worthy of the burden, Subaru-kun..."

[It's falsehood's flame

it's a crying shame]

Kneeling at his side, I laughed bitterly, without a hint of joy. Then, reaching over, I wiped the flecks of blood from his mouth.
He gazed at me for a brief time, and told me a final thing. A final gift to his enemy and successor.
"I never loved you."

[Face to face

the passions breathe]

Looking down at him, I nodded.
"I know."
I leaned over and gave him another kiss to finish it. As I saw the light fade from his eyes, I answered in my own way.
"I never loved you either."

[I hate to stay but then I hate to leave]

I laugh at myself, at this monster I see in the mirror. The monster created because I know I can exterminate it...
I still myself as I feel the tugging- the bindings to the cherry tree that is now my master. To that thing which has bestowed upon me a new identity, a new life.
Death-Giver. Assassin.
A new life from death... but it will never reach me.

Never.

[And you'll never know]

Finally, I can.
I must -- now.
Before it gets too strong for me to break, this already ever-present connection with the cherry tree...
I look at my ceremonial knife- clean, pure.
A sad thing to use for such a purpose, but it has a feeling of rightness to it. It should be used to purify such a thing as me.
"Seishirou-san... did you even guess, what I would do after?"
Could he have known why I was able to do what I had done?

[You'll never know . . .]

As the knife cuts down my arm, I feel the sharp pain of life leaving me. Hot blood drains into the sink below, and I let myself lean against the wall even more.
Darkness is falling, and I smile again.
Slipping away into eternity, I can't be sad. One way or another, I couldn't survive in this world.
I'm numb... it feels almost dreamlike.
But there is no light for me. No joy at all.
"Did you even guess my last words to you were a lie?"

---Finis---

[ Back to Subaru + Seishirou fiction page ]