http://clampfix.fanworks.net/ss-fix/leaves03.txt </head><body><pre>i couldn't resist posting this chapter =D just a note the things in [ ] and italicized are sorta a monologue, only it's not really a monologue ^^ just so it doesn't get confusing. once again, i really need some comments on how to lead the story. >_< Leaves by the Candle Light Chapter III [ Have you ever seen a plum flower lying on a fresh bed of snow? He can see it as clearly as the morning dew. The petals are of a dull red hue, perfect heart shaped softness dissolving into pure white powder. It's so perfect, until you notice the sharp bruises tracing the veins of the flower, like blood spreading under pallid skin. The snow isn't as soft as it appears either. The underside of the blossom is probably covered with dozens of thin cuts from the sharp ice crystals that froze in sheaves on the snow from hovering mist. Can you see it now? He can see it as clearly as the slivers of transparent razors that are beginning to crown the red silk like miniature leaves, drained of their emerald blood. That's what love is like: the plum flower, the snow, the beauty, the pain; all wrapped up in layers of deceit, selfishness and stupidity. Can you see it? He can see it as clearly as he could see those soft green eyes melting into despair. He can see it as clearly as he can see the intangibility of wasted time and energy. ] *** Seishirou always got what he wanted. If there was ever a law of the universe, that would be it. After all, he was the Sakurazukamori, and what he happened to have wanted was marked as his prey. If nothing else, the latter part made Subaru awfully easy to find. It never ceased to amuse him how little the Sumeragi had changed in all those years. Sure, he looked different on the surface; taller, shorter hair, more mature. But the eyes never changed. After all, Seishirou recalled with a smile, it was those luminous green eyes drowning the in pain of others that that stopped him from killing the eight-year-old Sumeragi. And, of course, it was those same lost eyes that caused him to hesitate to kill his Subaru-kun at the end of that ridiculous year of the Bet. His mistake. And he’s paying the price. A small chuckle escaped his lips as he spotted the cause of all his problems. A lithe figure dressed in a simple black sweater over jeans. And of course the ever-present white trench coat that actually suited the solemn onmyouji quite well. Seishirou paused from his vantage point on the rooftop above the Sumeragi. He never failed to appreciate the irony of the situation of tracking his prey as his prey attempted to locate him. It was quite funny. Seishirou supposed though, that it was just human nature for Subaru to lose himself in one narrow minded goal that he would never even think to look back and see, perhaps, that what he was searching for had been behind him all along. *** [ His first impression of love was that it was some magical thing that compelled the sometimes benevolent, sometimes malicious and all the time self-centered gods and goddess of those ancient Chinese myths (his first caretaker was very fond of telling them) to step out of their all too human world and grace brave princes and their beautiful princesses with some divine intervention. Love was the all-cure that solved every problem. Right. Really. Just look at the happy bride whose perfect smile shines brightly against her pure-as-snow skin. Of course you can't actually see her face hidden behind the red silk draped from her scarlet headdress. Funny, if you look hard enough at the elaborately embroidered cloth, the dark patterns would start to seem almost like fresh bruises. But, the headdress is still beautiful, and you don't really need to see her smile. After all, the human face is just another elaborate headdress. ] *** What makes a person evil? That had always been a hard question for him, being a cold-blooded assassin and all. Was he evil? Was killing a sin at all? What does it matter if you took away the life of another if there were always a dozen more ready to take its place? Maybe evil was more than that. Seishirou watched the only person he ever had feelings for continue his aimless search for the past. Does deceiving someone who would put his heart at your feet make you evil? *** [ Needless to say, he grew up. His impression of love also got a bit more interesting. He stopped believing in it, or rather, he stopped believing in its role in his life. He supposed that it was a normal stage in growing up. Or maybe it was just because he grew up knowing that he'd someday kill the woman who gave birth to him, or maybe it was just because the word "love" had been a sort of taboo in his pseudo-household when said in relation to another human being. You just simply didn't "love" anyone when you were being groomed to become the next Sakurazukamori, because, to do so would be to throw away your entire heritage and duty to... to... well, he can't remember. But that doesn't really matter anymore. When explained to him, why he must never love, why he must never feel, he simply nodded. Hearing, but not understanding. After all, the inability to interpret is the first stage of locking away your emotions. After all, what did you expect from a six year old? ] *** If there was one thing he wanted to ask Subaru, it was: what had hurt him the most? Was it really the killing of Hokuto? Or was more than that. How could Subaru, a bright, intelligent person not put two and two together and realize that maybe it wasn't a great idea to keep coming after the man who had destroyed his life and killed his sister? Did Subaru want revenge that much that he'd face a battle he couldn't win? / What if it wasn't revenge that he sought? / But that was impossible; completely preposterous and absolutely ridiculous. Why else would Subaru be hunting him down except to avenge that year of lies, deceit and the final betrayal? *** [ Sometimes he wonder where his childhood went. He can never remember being truly oblivious. He can still remember being three or four years old and asking his caretaker in panic what would happen to his mind when he died. He remember trying to phrase his question to the confused woman with his limited childish vocabulary. What was he before he was born? Where was his mind, his (for lack of a better word) soul? He didn't learn the word "oblivion" until years later. Until then, it was just "nothingness". These days, he wonder where his childhood went. Back then, his mind, meant to be contemplating why his victims cried before he killed them, was instead contemplating the difference between "oblivion" and "nothingness". Back then he could never figure it out, the difference slipped from the grasp of his mind like a kite string from small childish hands on a particularly windy day. These days, when he finally caught up with the kite (or maybe the wind just calmed down) he finds himself not really caring. "Oblivion" or "nothingness", it doesn't really matter, he'll take either. Who knows, maybe he'll find his childhood there. ] *** What did he want? What could the Sakurazukamori possibly want that he would spend his night following his prey among the vast concrete jungle of Tokyo? After all he had better things to do, people to kill, a Tree to feed. The whole drill. Why was he here? Subaru sought revenge, or so he thought; but what did Seishirou sought? *** [ Ten years later, his definition of "love" has changed again. Maybe it was because of a certain sprite whose beautiful green eyes shone like sunlight through the summer foliage. In this day and age, you can only go so long before you start to wonder what falling in love is like. Especially if you're suppose to be devoid of emotions. So, he made an effort to fall in love. He almost had himself fooled, and if nothing else he had him fooled. It was fun, that year of teasing and laughter, but in the end it fell apart the way some part of his mind expected that it would from the beginning. But, he couldn't stop wondering why he couldn't love this beautiful kindhearted boy? And then he found that he couldn't stop thinking of this human being whose life he had torn apart. When he tried to understand, tried to forget, and found that he couldn't do either, once more, he had to redefine "love". ] *** He watched Subaru walk through the well-lit streets of Tokyo. The light seeping down from buildings and street signs washed over his pale skin like colored water. Seishirou wondered for the hundredth time whether he should confront the figure below. In all this time, only once has he given in to the impulse to actually face the younger man. Once, that had been enough. But... it was different now, wasn't it? After all, the final battle was closing in, shouldn't this be the time to tie up loose ends? After all, the future was inevitable, and this was as good of a time as ever to tell that sweet kind boy who he had been watching for almost two decades now, that he... / That I what? / Seishirou paused in his thoughts as he watched the quiet figure below stop to light a new cigarette. The warm glow of the lighter flickered happily against pale skin, reflecting against mirrored green eyes. Did either of them love the other? Was it even possible for two people who were meant to kill each other to stop hating? Let alone stop hating each other long enough to fall in love. / Or maybe that was the whole point. / Seishirou smiled and dropped his own cigarette onto the cold concrete ground. He wasn't sure why he even cared about seeing the other onmyouji; but a reunion, he decided, sounded good just about now. *** [ Do you see it now? He can finally see it. Love has nothing to do with "balance" or perfection or two people "meant to be together". Love is simply a necessity. Love is not being able to live without someone because you are so emotionally based on his existence. Do you see it now? Love has to do with more than "love" and happiness; it's hate too, anger, even pain. Love isn't just the red silk and downy snow; it's the bruised skin and bloodless shards of razor. The reason why he couldn't love was because he only saw the perfect surface of a caring boy who wanted to know why his beloved Seishirou-san wasn't angry about the eye he lost while protecting him. But he knows better now. Both of them do. ] *** He wasn't quite sure what he was doing, or rather why he was doing this. A disconcerting feeling for a man who has always been in charge of his life. Walking up behind Subaru, who has gotten quite a bit taller in the past few years, Seishirou stole from his fingers the cigarette he had watched him light from the rooftop above. He smiled as he heard a shocked gasp from the slim figure before him followed almost by a blush. Just like old times. Taking a drag from the half finished cigarette, Seishirou leaned over his startled prey, and whispered words only meant for that one person who's ever caused him to question himself. "Hello, Subaru-kun." *** [ Do you see now? The dull red blossom bleeds in the embrace of its cold lover. But, at the same time, the blinding cold is what causes it to not feel any pain. Do you see now? The flower is dead. ] --- End of Chapter III comments are welcomed, in fact i'll love you if you would give me some criticisments and ways on how to improve. thankyou</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>