http://clampfix.fanworks.net/tb-fix/killme07.txt </head><body><pre>Disclaimer: Tokyo Babylon is owned by Clamp, but I'll love Su-kun, Sei-chan, and Hokuto-chan as if they were mine...'sides, how can you ever get tired a good thing? you don't. if you do, you don't really love it in the first place... Killing me Softly by Miyamoto Yui Chapter 7 - Hana no namida. (The tear of a flower.) Hokuto had known. She had known all along. Unconsciously, she had sensed my dark aura and though she had tried to defeat this thought, it was there nonetheless. For how can one fight the truth? With a lie? Oh...that was just too fun with Subaru... Putting on my tie in front of the mirror slowly, I looked at myself and how old I had become. How childish these thoughts of affection had gotten the best of me. Oh how had I let that Sumeragi Subaru slip my grasps... If he was coming the way he did the night before, I would have broken down. For a moment there, I lost myself and stopped fixing my tie. I held the mirror of that hospital bathroom in front of me. Looking at my lips, I whispered, "It was decided. You had decided it." There was no room for regret right now. No room for remorse. For all the blood spilled for and because of my clan, what would become of that? And for what? A mere boy... a boy I was supposed to kill seven years ago... What kind of sick and twisted notion was this building inside of me? What did I want to mold in this boy? To kill him and yet to save him at the same time? That was yet something I had not understood. Though there had been many yumemi, I was still not one of them. I lived in this present time and place. Or so I would like to think... In my weakness, I look at this mirror wanting to smash it. I was much stronger this, I knew all along. I had surpassed my superiors at a young age and this was a game to me. But looking down and still holding onto the mirror, I whispered, "Leave. Make him leave. Don't come here, Subaru..." Before I had started changing my clothes, I had transported myself into his dream. Again, he was seeing himself; and yet, now, he was seeing his younger self and all its shortcomings. And there I stood behind him... watching my mistake of the years gone past... Maybe to him, he thought I was smiling. But as I reached for his shoulder, I hid my eyes with the sakura petals flying. I had wanted to cry and laugh hysterically at my past deeds... these stupid things you do at youth that you can never take back... After finishing my recollection of that short escapade from myself, I put changed out of the hospital pants and into my slacks. Watching myself in the mirror, I combed my hair. Then, for the last touch, I put on my coat. I wouldn't look at myself... But then, that clashing of both evil and good within me made me glance back at the mirror as I smiled darkly while leaving the bathroom. In a moment of madness, my heart became heavy and I longingly looked at mirror at the same time that I knew he was there behind the door... I held my bandaged eye... For how can you become... stronger for what's to come, Subaru... Then, my calm demeanor had come back to me. The numbness was coming back... Like clockwork, he opened the door to find me smiling mysteriously at him. And then, I opened my mouth to announce, "The time of when the bet must be fulfilled has come...Sumeragi Subaru." Don't call my name, Subaru... We no longer know each other the way we want to... Leaning so close on the sakura tree, I felt something piercing my back... the pain... Guiding him, I let him see the truth. I brought the truth of our first meeting back to him. Maybe I was trying to make up for the time that I should have killed him. For if I had done that, I would have saved so much time... so much energy... salvage anything left... but I had nothing when that boy came to me... Nothing. I had no fond memories until I had met him... I guess I brought you here because... ...this is the way I wanted you to remember me... ...this is the way I want to remember you... This was my favorite memory... the only one I can remember when I was young... I was stuck in time. And I wanted Subaru to stay with me at that perfect moment of beauty. But as I saw that face change from one of complacency to one of horror, I couldn't stand it. He was reliving everything... Feeling more of the pain I had inflicted on him... But... I wanted him to remember me... even like this... even as horrible as this... Then, unable to control myself, I reached out and caught his shoulder. In the silence, I held my hand out to stop the scene... ...and finally, he saw the face of the boy who had cursed him... ...my younger self smiled that grin of supremacy at being the enemy who had slept inside of Subaru... ...who had always been beside him... Boku da. Me. Subaru's tear, the one that had held out for so long had finally fallen as he mimed my name on his lips. I then revealed the dead little girl that had been beside me. The one he had seen me kill right in front of him and therefore gave him his punishment... I could feel that blood dripping still today. At my feet. You're too late. You're trying to runaway, but I can't let go now. You will never leave me... Grabbing his arm, my eyes became slits as I breathed onto his ear to whisper, "It was me." As Subaru was remembering everything at that moment, he grabbed his head. And he had seen that I had marked him with my own teeth... Lifting my hand, I commanded the wind... everything must break you... EVERYTHING. Even with my own hands, I must break you. I must! As he bled in front of me, the tree was enveloping his body. And the sakura petals fell in a frenzy around us. I wanted to touch that beautiful face at that moment. You know I love beautiful things, Subaru. And do you know what perfection is? Seeing life and death crashing at one another... This is true beauty. When a flower's dew is not dew, but a tear. Like your tears... The glass mirror broke and I threw him back into reality. Turning my back, I sighed aloud. Then, at that moment, I glanced back to see Subaru reaching out to me with his broken fingers whispering silently, "Se...i...shi...ro...u...sa...n. Boku wa anata ga suki dattan desu." Always, when I think I have the upper hand, you come to crush me. And I have to save whatever is left of myself.. Whatever I think is of myself... At that moment, my heart beat strongly and a single tear that I had held back for so long purged forth from my eye and fell down my cheek. "I know." I said as my head lay low. "You stupid boy..." Don't you understand WHY I did this? I know you won't ever understand me or my reasons... "It IS because I love you, Subaru..." --- Author's note: And I thought I had nothing to write for this chapter... Excuse me for being emotional, but many things move me and few are from what I write...but this was one of them... Aw man. I now realize that this part in the book, this chapter in Killing me Softly and chapter 7 in Random Thoughts are my favorite next to the sakura scene. Sakura. The tear of a sakura.</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>