http://clampfix.fanworks.net/x-fix/aftermath.txt </head><body><pre>Leareth: No, this fic is not by me. And no, it is not about the latest ASUKA issue either (though do expect a little something from me on that in the near future). This is a fic I am posting up for my friend Lilack who actually writes pretty darned well when she wants to. Lilack: I'm REALLY bad with titles and this is my first fanfic on the net so be nice. The actual notes for this story are at the end as well as for Leareth's little rant. I haven't named any characters but I'm sure all of you will work out who is who. --------------------------------- Aftermath "I'm sorry For the way it had to go Now I feel your presence in a way I could not know Ever gentle, as it kills me where I lay Who am I to resist? Who are you to fail?" [duran duran] *********** Cotton sheets hug two naked bodies on the double bed. The sheets are drenched with sweat, the air soaked with sex. The two forms lie side by side, a gulf of twisted white sheets between them. One arm goes under his head; the other lights a cigarette and mismatched eyes stare off into space, considering. Talk is easier after sex. "I saw my grandmother." Voice like sandpaper, unused and rough. "How is she?" Voice husky from screaming. "Tired." The room swallows the voices like darkness swallows light. Moonlight does not reach where light is shunned. The two forms lie side by side, twisted white sheets between them. "She is worried about me." Slow and clipped - no reason to use many words when a few will do. "Ah." He has learned well the need of few words. "I'm not going to stop smoking." "I know." A sigh escapes his lips like the last breath from a dying man. A change is needed, no point to continue on something that is old and lost. "What did you do today?" A ring of smoke forms and dissipate. "School. Nothing much." "Ah." Two rings one after the other, together but separate, reach into the air before dispersing together into the musk of sex. "What did she want to talk to you about?" "She was wondering what I will be doing next week." "Next week?" Every week is the same; every day is the same. They live in a world where the light is kept out. "She wanted to…to celebrate. For Ho . . . me." He is not stupid, a fool maybe but not stupid. "It is your birthday?" " . . . Hai." /'Happy Birthday Subaru," two bright green eyes like the green of forests looked into his with more than a bit of mischief, More than a little hint of panic hit him as he noticed the look in his sister's eyes "I have something planned just for the two of us tonight." "Nee-chan what are we going to be doing?" Bright bell like laughter was his only answer./ "I didn't know that." Not an accusation but a statement. "I didn't tell you." It cuts more than it should. Not even aware of the razor edge until the pain throbs. Slender fingers trace unrecognisable patterns against the cotton sheets between the two bodies. "You don't celebrate your birthday." "Ah." "I don't celebrate mine either." No point in saying 'anymore'. Some things are better left alone. "She use to make a big deal out of it for me." The slender fingers freeze; he never mentions 'her' just as he never mentions 'them' - it is easier that way. In their silence they can still be idol-worshippers for saints that have died. Fingers slowly relax, abandoning the unfinished pattern. "My mother did too." A wound for a wound. A tip of slender cigarette held in expert fingers in silent recognition. "Despite her personality she always wanted something small just for the two of us." /"Happy Birthday to us." Two champagne glass clinked in the warm night, "Just look at it, isn't it beautiful?" Following her gaze toward the brightly sparkling city he nodded in agreement, "It is beautiful." With a small smile she laid her head against the blankets laying on top of the car, "This is our moment Subaru." A wave of her red clothed arm, "I want you to remember this always. Just the two of us together, our little secret." Green eyes shimmered with strength and fierce love, "It doesn't matter what happens you are not alone you will always have me."/ Sometimes promises can't be kept and wishes are like snow. "Ah . . . kaa-san used to celebrate with me and she use to invite Ko- my friends." It is better to ignore the choked off words. /" Have a wonderful birthday Kamui" A warm smile that was full of love, "And don't eat too much of the cake, I don't want you to get sick." "Hai Kaa-san." "Kamui-chan Happy Birthday", Long chestnut hair swirled around the bright-eyed little girl as she deposited a brightly wrapped box into his arms. " Happy Birthday Kamui-chan" Warm brown eyes in a serious face looked down at him, "Open it up, Kotori and I bought it together."/ The two of them lie there, the room a silent witness. He looks at the brightly burning end of his cigarette with more intensity than he has shown to him. He wishes that he could be the brightly burning end so he can receive the intense look, and he wonders if perhaps madness could come to them in the middle of night. "I don't know his birthday." The soft voice echoes in the bare bedroom, and the speaker does not look up from his inspection of the cigarette. "Whose birthday?" Perhaps madness has already come, the lines of sanity is so unclear to them. "Him." Cold rushes through his body and he wonder if ice is freezing his veins. No more is said. There is only one 'Him' in those mismatched eyes. "After everything I don't know his birthday." Slender fingers slowly fold into itself. " . . . ah" Still the words come, relentless. "It shouldn't bother me. She told me I worry too much all the time." /"Subaru-kun, you shouldn't worry so much about everything, you should relax and just enjoy life, which's why you need a person that can take care of you."/ "But I guess you just can't change things no matter how hard you try." /"Fuuma stop it, please stop it. I don't want to hurt you." "I am KAMUI." The shining blade came down in a swift arc aiming for his head. / "You know I felt him. All of it, I felt his last breath." A silence was his only answer, not looking up he continued. "I can even remember how it felt to push through the flesh and the bones . . . and the heart . . . " A hand, smaller and scarred, wraps itself around his as he still keeps speaking. "I never knew a person could bleed so much . . . " /"I . . . you." Soft words breathed against his ear for him alone, and then there was nothing but the blood that covered his hand and the blood that soaked his clothing clinging to him like a second skin- / "So much blood . . ." The hand tightens around his, almost painful. He ignores it. "I wonder if he knew that a person could bleed so much . . . I don't remember Hokuto bleeding so much . . . " /Blood was everywhere. Everywhere, raining down from the heavens, drenching the ground like a sweet offering to some hungry god. It soaked through his clothes and caressed his skin, and in the middle of it all a head lying on the ground stared at him, silently accusing him for not protecting him . . . her . . . them / /Kotori . . . / /Fuuma . . . / "Stop it." Words whispered like broken glass carries through the dark room. He doesn't stop. "You would think after so long I would know more about him . . . " /Fuuma pushing the Shinken into his shoulder. Smiling./ "Shut up." Desperation, like a string stretched too far too fast. "I killed him . . . " /It was so easy, it was almost comical as he slashed the Shinken down. It went through the flesh and bones as if they were nothing but threads. Fuuma . . ./ "I killed him and I don-" "SHUT UP!!" A sharp tug, and the string snaps. Slender legs straddle the prone form and small hands slide around his shoulder, shaking the supine form. "Please just shut up . . ." The soft voice cracks as the words were delivered, body shaking. "Enough. It's over. I don't want to know." His shoulders were slammed into the bed as each word was delivered. "I . . . I . . . just shut up . . ." Arms slide around his neck as his lips close over his. He wants to take away his breath, to stop the flow of words, he want silence, and he wants to hurt. "Just shut up . . ." Tongue explores the mouth below his as tears fell from his eyes. Salt and bitter sweet. "I don't want to know. Please . . . just stop . . ." Long slender fingers wrap themselves around his hair, pulling hard. The cigarette falls onto the marble floor and extinguishes; it lies there forgotten. Limbs entangle around each other. Flesh against flesh, sliding against each other, grinding into each other. Biting, grazing and clawing against pale skin. Needing to feel, to bleed, to realise they are alive and not just husks of skin. Their movements frantic and violent, two desperate creatures craving for release. Over and over again their jerky movements continues in a misfit rhythm. There is nothing gentle about their coupling - then again theirs has never been gentle. A shudder racks through their bodies as their world shatters, scattering like shards of slivery brilliance. The cadence of their pulse drums through their body. And they collapse onto the bed, breathless. They lie together in a twist of limbs and sweat soaked sheets, breathing hard. He cries into the pillows twisting his fingers into the sheets. The other stares off into space with a pair of mismatched eyes. Their souls are hollow, their body raw. They alone are denied the sky. One last breath against his neck. "I don't even know his birthday." ~ owari ~ Lilack: Please don't kill me, I'm a poor defenseless little girl. Anyway this fic is more of a negative reaction to the discussion held a few months ago on the CFFML about K&S as a couple. I just don't see them as all lovey dovey. They have way too much problems to actually function properly. Leareth: And thank you dear. Hope you didn't mind my editing. Anyway, you told me to add my two cents and yes I shall. I like this fic. I like the way it's done and I like the idea it explores. I'm not just saying this because Lilack's my friend either - heh, she knows how sadistically mean I can be to her *thinks to how she broke the news of the latest ASUKA developments to Lilack and smiles humorlessly*. BTW, Lilack, if anyone sends you flames, don't forget to tell me *plays with lightsaber*. Sorry to all you Kamui/Subaru fans who would like to see the poster boys of angst to get together and live happily ever after. We /really/ don't see it happening that way. Their problems with their respective others are /way/ too complicated and deep to brush off so easily. Ja ne, minna Yours, Lilack and Leareth</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>