http://clampfix.fanworks.net/x-fix/balance.txt </head><body><pre>Anou... I guess nobody remembers me anymore ne? Might as well ^^ ------------------------------------------------------ Disclaimers: All the characters inside do not belong to me but to CLAMP. And I'm not making money out of this either. (c) Jennifier D. 02122000 last revised: 11122000 ------------------------------------------------------ Balance: Light & Dark ----- light and dark; like an endless spiral... I can't leave it neither can I live it therefore I can only dream. ----- Underneath the old sakura tree stood two people, a teenager dressed in his high school uniform and a little boy in onmyojitsu robes. The right eye of both were sightless, two milky emotionless orbs staring out of faces that were totally devoid of emotions. "Did you know..." the little boy began, his face still a calm mask. "Whether I will die?" The other finished his question for him, and then laughed. "Ironic as the situation is... Yes." "Then why didn't you stop me?" "Because one of us has to move on. Since Hokuto had already made the decision for me, I might as well carry it out. Furthermore, she had already warned me when she cast the spell..." "You have cursed me." "That is true too... in a way." And the teenager dispersed, still smiling, turning into a slender column of sakura petals that fell apart in the gentle breeze. The little boy in his robes sighed, gazing at the tree forlornly; his remaining eye glittered angrily. "You cursed me, Seishirou-san..." And the little boy grew up. ------------------------------------------------------ [Sumeragi Subaru] The phone wouldn't stop ringing even though I had already put it on an answering machine and refused to answer it for days. Why wouldn't people get the idea that I wanted to be alone? How many things could a person do at one time? How many roles could a person take at the same time? Why did everybody expect me to make a decision as though it was as simple as turning on and off a light bulb? *click* "Subaru... this is Arashi. Everyone here at Clamp Campus is very worried about you, especially Kamui. Will you please reply? Please don't forget that no matter what happens, we will all support you in your decision..." To make a decision... How could I be a Dragon of Heaven and a Dragon of Earth..? ...to be the 13th head of the Sumeragi Clan and a [Sakurazukamori]...? Who would I fight for? Who would I be trying to protect? Why did all these happen to me...? Expectations were what people place on others, thinking that they already knew the ending before something had even started. They were hopes and ambitions... dreams... that one couldn't shrug off no matter how hard one tried. And when everything fell apart... they blamed no one but themselves. Why were humans so fragile? Like glass-spun figurines... so full of flaws and so susceptible to damage. I had dreams too. And ambitions... to become a vet, open my own little clinic for the sickly animals... Is that too big a request? I... I never asked to become an onmyouji. Or a Dragon of Heaven. But this was my fate, my predicament... therefore I had to accept it like all the others had. I didn't have a choice in what my own outcome would be because I was never given one to begin with. Hokuto-chan... Why did you set such a spell? I would have wanted to die, regardless of the fact that it would be at the hands of our Clan's most hated enemy. I had a death wish all along... and nobody noticed. Nobody wanted to notice except Kamui. *click* "Subaru, this is Obaasan. Please... return to the family. Everyone here needs you now. Don't... don't turn into a murderer. Don't become the [Sakurazukamori]... Hokuto would be sad if she knew about this." "You know that the [Sakurazukamori] was evil... he wanted to kill you... but Hokuto saved you. Please don't blame Hokuto for this... she only had your best intentions at heart. She loved you so much.... back then, she loved you so much that she willingly gave up her own life for yours... so please continue living. Live for her. For Hokuto." Obaasama...Why couldn't you understand... the amount of confusion I was in now? I really didn't know what to do... Everybody wanted me to live for something... yet there was only one me to go around. I was only a solitary human, unable to generate another self in order to satisfy others. How could I divide myself into so many parts for everyone? How could I satisfy everyone at the same time? I couldn't. I had been such a shame on the family... the Clan should disown me... How could the head of the Sumeragi Clan become a [Sakurazukamori]? How could he become the symbol of the family's hatred? I was so lost.... Who would be here to lead me on this long lonely road to the end? I wanted nothing but peace, yet, since I was a child I had been dragged into situations I couldn't comprehend. Not at the tender age I was in then... and I really wanted to save myself... Now... I couldn't even protect myself, much less Kamui or the rest of the humanity. The battle wasn't over yet. Thousands were still dreaming in this giant city... in this huge world. Thousand of voices pleading for help, for love, for dreams. So many unfulfilled wishes and lonely hearts, yet so little could be done for them. How much can humans help each other? Nobody could help them except for themselves. Every single cry for help was a sign of weakness... yet they never stopped asking for aid. Every dream unrealised left a broken heart. Every word spoken... an unspoken wish. I couldn't go on like this any longer. *click* "Subaru...?" Kamui. Why? Now wasn't... the right time to talk to me. You couldn't approach me now. "I know you are there, Subaru. Please answer me..." No. I wouldn't. I couldn't. Please go away, Kamui. Leave me alone... "Subaru, you couldn't hide from us forever..." "Why, Kamui?" I whispered, my voice barely audible as I picked up the receiver. "Subaru? Are you okay?" "I'm fine..." "Will you- will you be returning to us?" He sounded hesitant, as though he was afraid of the answer I was going to give him. As though he already knew the answer I was going to say. "No." "But-" "Kamui, you must understand..." I paused, staring at the bark rings on the boards of the plain wooden floor. "You must understanding that I am standing at crossroads now. I can't help you, I can't help myself and yet everyone wants me to help them." "I'm weak, Kamui... I couldn't do so much... all of you have expected too much from me." Silence ensued from the other end. "...no, Subaru," Kamui's voice grew stronger as he started talking again. "No. You are strong. You have saved me, time and time again... so you can save yourself too. I believe that you can." "I can't Kamui." I let out my breath in a soft sigh, my shoulders sinking. "I'm too tired to do all these anymore. I no longer have the energy... to commit... and give selflessly. I had already given everything. Seishirou-san's death had ended everything." "Subaru..." I smiled-- a bleak, thin smile of someone who already knew his fate. "I'm sorry Kamui. I have to go. Leave this world. I know that the rest of you will do well even without me." I stood up, walking over to the window to watch Tokyo's sunset for the last time. It was like a coy young girl, peeking through the tall buildings of this dying city coquettishly. I bathed in her lovely gaze for the last time before letting the blinds fall. "Tell the others I will be fine, take care of them for me..." "... and don't look for me again." I pressed the "off" button on the receiver, yet my ear was still pressed against the silent earpiece. I had dreams, but they had flown. I had hopes, but they had all died. Picking up the duffle bag I had set aside for myself since two days ago, I stepped out of my Tokyo apartment, never turning back. For the first time in so many years since Hokuto's death, I finally smiled. A genuine smile that came from the bottom of my heart, one of joy and not of sorrow... not one of those sad wrenches of my lips which I gave everyone. The knowledge of what I was embarking on was as clear as the gift I had received when I shrugged off all these burdens. The most precious gift... I finally had the freedom to live. ------------------------------------------------------ A young man now stood before the old sakura tree, the onmyoujitsu robes gone, and he carried a small bag in his left hand while his right hand rested gently on the trunk of the tree. "I have to leave now." The leaves and blossoms of the tree started swaying in the wind, as though mocking him in a silent farewell. "I will never return again... because I have chosen another path to take." "I am no longer lost in destiny's maze." And he bowed-- a deep, respectful bow before he straightened his lanky frame and slung his bag over his left shoulder. He reached out to touch the tree again, the signs on the back of his hand glowing faintly even after he had removed it from the tree. "Sayonara." The wind continued teasing the tree like it had done since centuries ago, and would continue doing so until time ceased to flow. Everything in this world would fade away except this tree; an anchor in reality, an anchor of memories... almost like a long forgotten dream. Years down the road, people would walk pass the tree and wonder about its history but should any memories surfaced in their busy, confused minds, they would flow away just as quickly like water through sieves. Yet certain memories would remain, no matter what happened, because these memories were what humans carry together with them, even upon death, into where they would exist beyond death. Death was after all, simply a barrier that separated the living from the dead. The leaves of the sakura rustled, whispering secrets, whispering memories... ...the memories of the surviving dead. End: Balance After notes: Maybe the story came out a little... off. Pointless, I mean. I wonder what was I trying to say when I wrote this ^^;; And I guess I've broken one of my golden rules again : No more fanfiction writing -_- But I guess the most terrible part isn't this fic. It's most probably the new series I'm writing and the terrible Valentine's Day fic I have stuck in my head for two years T-T</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>