http://clampfix.fanworks.net/x-fix/beautiful.txt </head><body><pre>Warnings: shounen ai, deathfic Pairings: S+S, F+K Note: When in doubt, this entire fic is about death - that's probably what Subaru and Seishirou are making references to when they talk in code. ^^;;; (Sorry, keeping this short and having them IC required me to make their convo vague) This is a post-apocalyptic story and my first deathfic. Heck, I ALMOST cried reading it. Maybe one day, I'll be talented enough to inspire tears. ^^;;; Things to blame for this story: An vaguely SK fic, a beautiful FK romance, a talk with Yui Miyamoto, and the X anime ending. Add tea, insomnia, and an angsting SO. Shake well and stand back. --- "Beautiful" An X/1999 fanfiction Written by Komadori-chan MD [Fanfiction is non-profit –X/1999 © CLAMP] Archive: http://freewebz.com/disillusionment/ Published 08-07-02 Revised 08-08-02 "I wish you could have been there Seishirou-san..." Subaru murmured softly, his emerald-gold gaze shining with a muted fire cast by the sunset stealing over the river, "you of all people would have appreciated the beauty of their final moments." The former Angel stood alone on the grassy bank below the ruins of Rainbow Bridge - which was finally in the process of being restored - staring into the water with a distant, wistful expression. As he looked out over the wide, blue expanse, a crisp breeze stirred unkempt raven locks against his pale cheek, fragrant with sakura. Even now, it appeared that the Tree was watching over him - comforting him - somehow helping the illusion that the Sakurazuka might really be here with him now, listening. After all, if you thought about it long enough, Seishirou WAS the Sakura. Absently, he fingered a petal that had fallen against the black material of his everpresent trenchcoat, almost smiling at how its pale blush quivered vividly against that darkness before it was snatched back up by the wind and carried off into the distance. So vibrant... so transient... Just like life... Subaru sighed and closed his eyes, recalling the events of the last week and all the things that had transpired between the two conflicting forces. For as Fate had inevitably called for it, the Promised Day had come and gone, ravaging and glorifying in a way that only this particular war could. And as one might imagine, the fight had been a truly desperate, agonizing experience. For all the best of intentions held by either side, they were all bound by destiny to shed blood for their purposes. Either outcome would have been a pyrrhic victory in its own right. But the actual resolution, when it came, was something that he was certain neither of the Dreamgazers had anticipated. Subaru personally had not participated in the Final Battle, but he had been watching at a close enough distance to witness the killing blow that would decide humanity's fate... ...and saw both Kamuis fall. Somehow, in an act that seemed almost paradoxcial, they came together like partners in some passionate dance, giving themselves to each other and that final embrace with one movement so graceful and sensuous that it belied the true nature of its meaning. In a glare of silver and crimson light, they moved together, never to part again - thus entwined, they sank down to the ground as one, both their expressions finally relieved and peaceful. They stayed that way for a few moments before they smiled at each other and dissipated in a warm golden glow that spread over the land in a blanket of healing energy. And with their shared passing, they gave birth to a new tomorrow. Their death... had been magnificent. "I envy them," Subaru said at length, still speaking out loud. Somehow, even if there was no one present, it felt more satisfying to actually speak his thoughts. Perhaps they made more sense to him that way. "Death is a beautiful thing, Seishirou-san... and to be killed by someone who loves you - for them to hold you through your final breath - it is perhaps all one might ever want. It must have been wonderful to share your last moments with someone who had loved you for so long. But the Kamuis... they attained something even higher... for to die for and with the one you love... that is true peace." Subaru smiled faintly as he turned to gaze upon the broken bridge, his expression somewhat rueful. The irony was not lost on him; he knew that if Kamui had not appeared that fatal night to pull him back from the brink, Subaru would have allowed himself to die alongside Seishirou in such a manner. And while he could not fault the boy on such a decision, he often felt a bit resentful for it. Everyone pitied him in his suffering, but no one would ever allow it to end. "...But it seems that I will neither be killed by someone I love, nor will I die with such a person..." Subaru concluded sadly, "What is there left for me, Seishirou-san? Have I been left to die alone?" "Of course not, Subaru-kun," a familiar voice replied soothingly. Subaru - having been startled from his reflections - gasped and spun around sharply, nearly collapsing at the sight that met him... Seishirou was standing at the edge of the water, his clothes dripping and smelling faintly of blood, his skin disturbingly pale, and both eyes milky white with blindness... but his expression was otherwise serene. "S-Sei..." "Yes," Seishirou continued to smile at him, a touch of laughter playing on his lips - not the cold, hurtful taunt Subaru was so used to seeing, but a genuinely playful smile. Strange though the expression was on the former Sakurazukamori, it seemed appropriate suddenly. And Subaru found himself drawn to that despite himself, stepping off the grassy slope and into the surprisingly shallow water to close the gap between them. He stared up at his opposite for a long moment, his eyes wide and somewhat fearful, before moving forward to cautiously wrap his arms around the other man. Though there was no warmth, he was surprised when he was met with a faint solidity - something that was just tangible beneath his hands. Shakily, he breathed in that heady, coppery scent, laced lightly with sakura... This... this was the way Seishirou smelled... 'No, not a hallucination - " But that was not quite as shocking as the feel of gentle, protective arms enveloping him in return. "Welcome back, Subaru-kun," Seishirou bent to whisper in his ear softly, "Ive been waiting for you." And for a single instant, Subaru went rigid, his chest clenching hard on those words, rendering him unable to breathe. Blindly, his hands moved to fist themselves in the soaked material of Seishirou's coat, trying to find something to anchor himself to. It hurt... it hurt so much... If... If only... His look of confusion slowly crumpled into one of misery, and Subaru let out a strangled sob, burying his face in the other onmyouji's chest, hanging onto him desperately, "Oh GOD, S-Seishirou-san!" he cried, an entire storm of emotions binding themselves into that one name. So many years of repressed anger, hurt, and fear suddenly broke free of his once wrought-iron self control and he began to cry freely - the tears flowing hot, heavy and endlessly from some unknown place deep inside him. He cried for what seemed like an eternity, and the tears scorched him down to his soul... but for the first time in longer than he cared to remember, the tears didn't leave him feeling empty. Eventually, little by little, he slumped against the older man, purged and spent. Seishirou held his other carefully until he quieted, stroking his hair almost absently. "You won't be alone, Subaru-kun... I promise... "It will be beautiful..." Subaru shivered in that incomplete embrace, gradually becoming aware of the falling temperature in the water around him and of the fact that this specter offered no protection from the chill. "Seishirou-san..." he fought to find his voice again, "what was... it like when... when I...?" He trailed off, abruptly unsure if it was even appropriate to be asking such a thing. Thankfully, though, his companion understood and didn't seem to mind. "It was indescribable," Seishirou said quietly, "it was the single greatest thing anyone had ever given me." "....Were you happy?" "....yes, I do believe so." Subaru was silent for a long time, considering this. The world around them had grown dark and bitterly cold. "Seishirou-san?" "Yes, Subaru-kun?" "My wish... hasn't changed..." Seishirou was still for a long moment, but his smile did not waver, "Is that what you really want?" "Yes... I... I want to... die in your arms..." "But I am already dead, Subaru-kun," Seishirou smiled patiently, though Subaru did not miss the way his counterpart's fingers dug into his back at that request. "Please, Seishirou-san..." Subaru begged shamefully, unwilling to look up even though he knew that Seishriou could no longer see the pitiful look in his face, "please help me..." Seishirou became silent, and after a minute of contemplation, he simply closed his eyes and began to edge backwards, drawing Subaru along deeper and deeper into the river. Subaru wrapped himself tighter around his old friend and ignored the biting chill that crept up his thighs and waist, licking and burning its way along his chest until it curled around his shoulders and throat. The pain was no longer of any significance to him - not as long as Seishirou was with him. They paused for a moment before the other onmyouji bent to press their foreheads together, breathing carefully. "Subaru-kun..." he whispered so softly, it was nearly lost in the rising wind, "boku wa..." He touched their lips together lightly, his breath ghosting against Subaru's mouth, "...kimi o..." A low, moaning wind swept across them, ringing in Subaru's ears as Seishirou repeated those startling, painful words all over again and Subaru quickly melded their lips together in response. And they stayed that way, locked in a desperate, passionate embrace as Seishirou sank to his knees in the freezing water, pulling Subaru down with him. The Sumeragi's expression was beatific as he followed, offering up no protests as he was dragged down into his watery grave. They disappeared below the surface together almost without a ripple... as though they'd never been there at all. And from the bridge high above, violet and golden eyes watched happily as the two lovers gifted each other with the perfection of soul's release. Smiling, the smaller spirit glided his fingers through those of his other and they melted away into the night like smoke escaping on the breeze. It had been beautiful.</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>