http://clampfix.fanworks.net/x-fix/dont-ref.txt </head><body><pre>A short look into Subaru's mind at the end of Tokyo Babylon; made to compliment the earlier Seishirou one-shot, "I Don't Care..." Lemme know what you think; it's quite difficult getting into Subaru- kun's head at this stage... -------- It's almost graceful, the way your petals fall; twirling and dancing in even the slightest of breezes, coming to rest on the water for a short while before darkening and sinking as the pond finally overcomes their beauty. Would it be better, I wonder, if they were not pink? If there were no constant reminder of his sin - and yours - in the mere hue of their subdued prettiness? Perhaps. It hardly matters. I watch your leaves as they fall to their death; your delicate, skin- soft petals. They almost seem as if they want to dance with me - and as a younger man I might have believed that. It would have been better if I had, maybe; after all, Hokuto loved to frolick in these caressing, windblown showers you shed, and I did not - and now just look at which one of us he preferred to take as a dancing partner. Of course, I don't think for an instant that we were in competition for him; it was simply a matter of my place in his eyes... not being enough. Not enough to hold his interest as he does mine; not enough to warrant an alteration of his behavior, of his belief, of his direction - ... his distraction. It is dimly amazing to me,as I look back now, how much I've changed in the last six months. My grandmother barely recognized me when I saw her last. The two inches of growth and fifteen pounds lost made little difference; It was the look in my eyes. The expression on my face. Or lack thereof. I suppose someone like you takes little stock in such a thing as human changes. You have remained, ever growing and unaltered in your basic essence, for century upon century upon century; what is the growth of me to the like of you? What is change? Hardness? Coldness? Pain? Do you even know how much pain he's caused? DO you? ... do you even care? If he were to die one day, or to leave you - would you even notice? Are you completely without sentience? Without desire? Are you as mindless as he is? ....no. He is not mindless. He is heartless. And in that, I suspect he is very much like you. .... Would you give me my sister back, I wonder, if I killed him? I don't mean her life; her body long ago rotted among your roots, drained of all its fluid and mummified with little effort on your part. I mean her soul... the part of her you still have trapped inside you. Trapped inside. What an intimate way to die.... .... That's thinking like him, isn't it? Are you surprised? You shouldn't be. It's true I'm not longer the naive boy who stumbled into your power and tried to overcome you so many years ago; I'm not even the same half-child that you nearly swallowed just a little over seven months past. I am a man, and I will kill Seishirou-san. In order to do that, I have to think like him - don't you agree? I've already begun to smoke; my grandmother was horrified. She tried to plague me with guilt, guilt at defiling my body, guilt at shaming my ancestors, guilt at saddenning my parents, my sister.... It was the look in my eyes that stopped her. She watched my face and just... trailed off. She has not brought it up again. It was almost... funny. I suppose he would have thought it very funny; or not... I no longer feel so sure when it comes to his humor. He is such an expert at faking his emotions; I, for one, am not even sure that he enjoyed my almost-end as much as he appeared. After all, he never came back. .... I wonder; how long will it be before you bring him here? I could try to hurt you. Chew away at your magical barrier until he has no choice but to show up, to protect you. To protect you as he once did me - but for utterly varying reasons. I could try... but I think I will not. Not yet. I am still too... unworthy to retain his attention. Too much of a quick blow, a flyby, a few seconds' worth of diversion. Truthfully, I hardly see how he managed to stay WITH me for a year. But he is determined, our Seishirou-san is; so, I will be more so. I will be everything he is and more; I will gain his attention, and once having gotten it, I.... ...but is it possible to lie to you? Should I even try? Well... once I have it... then I have it. Nothing else matters. Like him, I will have the patience. Like him, I will work for what I want; but unlike him... This is no game to me. There is no bet. There is only the end. I'll leave you now; I doubt you'll be seeing me again any time soon. I don't think I can stand your pink perfection any longer. Just understand - when I've killed him, I'll make you give her up. Now you've had full warning; Seishirou-san will die at my hands, just as you will soon after. I will kill him. You will see. After all... Even I am allowed to lie to myself. ---------------- *holds breath and waits for cricitism* ^_^;; -Trin</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>