http://clampfix.fanworks.net/x-fix/dubh.txt </head><body><pre>This is major, extreme angst, written after a cheerful WAFF of mine got accidently deleted. *bangs head on keyboard* What can I say? Foul moods brings out foul fanfics. Disclaimer: Lady Sumeragi and Kamui are the property of CLAMP Summary: Kamui has a conversation with Lady Sumeragi about Subaru Grandma Dubh By Lika She didn't come back to her house until after twilight, when the sky was a canvas of ink and indigo, but time-wise, it wasn't late enough to call it night. The stars weren't out yet and the air was bitterly cold, the wind nipping at her exposed face like the tips of steel needles. Her servants exclaimed their disapproval at her excursion as she arrived at the gate. Firmly and not unkindly, she assured them that she was all right. Yes, she was elderly and confined to a wheelchair, but she was able to take care of herself just fine. They told her she had a visitor who had been waiting since the late afternoon. She hadn't been expecting Kamui to come to Kyoto, but she wasn't surprised at the same time. Giving her servants her coat andhat, she thanked them and proceeded into the living room. Kamui was sitting on the couch in front of the coffee table. His back was straight but his head and shoulder was slumped over. It was a strange combination of despair and endurance. Kamui raised his head at the sound of her wheelchair and stood up as she entered. "Lady Sumeragi," Kamui murmured, bowing politely. "Kamui-san," she replied, and nodded her head in return. "I'm sorry for keeping you waiting." "That's all right." Kamui sat back down the on couch. The couch had been a "gift" from Hokuto. Hokuto was always buying things for the Kyoto homestead in attempt to "bring it out of the middle ages." Lady Sumeragi had allowed her to put the couch and coffee table there, and even place a TV in one corner, but when Hokuto wanted to put in a karaoke machine, her grandmother put her foot down and said absolutely not. She took Hokuto's advice and sent the twins off to Tokyo to live on their own instead. ("It will solve all our problems," Hokuto had said. "I can be as crazy as I want, Subaru will learn to grow up, and neither of us will impose on your territory.") How dearly she paid for that mistake. How dearly they all paid. "The servants told me you went out by yourself for a while," Kamui said. She could hear Kamui perfectly clearly, but he was speaking so softly that it she had to strain her ears. She rolled her wheelchair closer to him. "I needed some fresh air," she told him. And because she felt like justifying why she was away for so long, she added, "There was a spirit at a nearby lake. I decided to exorcise it." Before Kamui could voice his surprise, Hisae came into the room at that moment with tea and biscuits. "Thank you," Lady Sumeragi said to her servant as she placed the large platter with the beverage and snack on the coffee table between her and Kamui. "I'll pour the tea myself, Hisae-san. That's fine." Hisae bowed and left the room. Lady Sumeragi moved even closer to the coffee table and picked up the teapot. Kamui watched her pour tea into one of the deeply etched cups. There was a remarkable elegence in the simple movement, and Kamui understood where a lot of Subaru's grace came from. She handed him a cup of tea. "Thank-you." He took it gingerly, feeling the warmth of the porcelain against his fingertips. "I - I didn't know you exorcised demons too." She gave him a sideway glance as she bent over to pour herself some tea. "Tokyo isn't the only place with demons," she told him. "With Subaru away, someone has to look after Kyoto." "Oh," said Kamui, feeling a little embarrassed. He tried to hide the flush he felt heat up his face by taking a small sip of his tea. Lady Sumeragi sensed how awkward he was feeling. She drank a little from her own cup, her hands steady the whole time, and then continued to speak. "The spirit was a baby that was drowned at the lake fifty years," she informed him. Kamui's expression was one of horrified interest. "A baby--?" She nodded her head. "Her mother drowned it because the man she loved, the baby's father, cheated on her with another woman and she was consumed with great jealousy. She went momentarily mad. One day she took her baby out with her to do the laundry and mistaken the infant for an article of clothing. She washed it like you washed clothes and drowned it." "My God," said Kamui, setting his teacup down so sharply that the hot liquid splashed over the sides. "How could anyone be so mad as to mistaken their baby for a piece of laundry?" Strange how Lady Sumeragi's eyes grew hard, but misted over with tears at the same time. Her own teacup shook a little in her hands now. "It happens all the time," she said to him. "Love and the betrayal of it drives many people to the point where they can't see anything except that betrayal." She steadied her hands and brought the tea to her mouth. Kamui knew she was thinking of Subaru. He picked up the teacup again, his fingertips growing moist from the spot where the liquid had run over the brim. Unconsciously, he ran his fingers along the carved pattern of the cup. "Ano…" he started to say. She waited for him to go on. He held his cup tighter between his fingers. "I saw Subaru the other day," he finally said. His words seem to send an electric shock through her. She started violently, but didn't move other than that. Her face was rigid, but beneath the tension and fear, Kamui could see her relief. Although what he said next probably dulled it. "He's the Sakurazukamori," he told her. The room was silent for a moment. During that moment, neither one of them had a single thought, though a million exclamations and emotions were running through Lady Sumeragi's. Kamui simply waited for her to say something. Finally, she broke the stillness. "Did he see you?" Briefly -- "No." "Then how do you know?" "I just did." She believed him. "And you came here expecting me to help you save him," she said. He stared at her like he had never seen her before, and then lowered his head and mumbled somewhat disjointedly, "You know more about the Sakurazukamori clan than anyone else." Did her mouth twitch a little? "Do you really think I can help him?" she asked. "You helped him once," he said quietly. She gripped the armbars of her wheelchair. Perhaps if she had lost the use of her legs another way, she wouldn't have hated the vehicle so much. It was constant reminder of what the Sakurazukamori did to her family, and worst, how much more powerful the Sakurazukamori was than her. Even now in death, his influence on Subaru was unbreakable. No, it was unlikely she would ever overcome his immense powers to get her family back. "A lot of good that did," she said. The bitterness in her voice was sharp and it startled Kamui. He suddenly understood her not only as a woman who fretted over Subaru's self destructive way, but as a woman who had fretted and coaxed and pleaded and prayed to the point of being utterly discouraged and angry, and had finally given up in cold, hard despair. "He's beyond my reach now." "Subaru?" She didn't look at him. "He never wanted my help. There wasn't anything that I would deny him of, but he never wanted anything to do with me." The indignant anger, as well as the sorrow and pain, was plain despite the flatness of her tone. "He never answered my letters or returned my phone messages. I pleaded with him to let me know he was doing, and I gave that up and just asked him to take care of himself, and even then, he wouldn't hear me. He couldn't even bother lying to reassure me that he was all right. No, he erected a wall that would never let me in." So this was the side of Subaru Kamui never saw. The side that existed before he plunged into the dreamscape to bring Kamui back to the land of the living. Could the same person who comforted him after Kotori's death, the same person who patiently helped him with his homework and held his hand while he was injured be the same person who treated his grandmother so callously for the last decade? Impossible, Kamui thought. They were different Subarus. Somewhere between the time he came to Tokyo and the moment before Seishirou died at Rainbow Bridge, there was a shift in his personality. He opened up a part of him that he had sealed for a long time and had learned to enjoy the friendship of Kamui and the other dragons. For a short period of time, even thought he never forgot him, Subaru had begun to see things beyond Seishirou and his betrayal. But now… Had he changed again? Kamui shuddered at the thought and turned his attention back to the elderly lady. He would deal with that problem with it came to him. There were more important things to do first. "He was different for a while," Kamui said to Lady Sumeragi. "I think if he saw you then, he would have learned to care about you again." She shook her head grimly.. "Too long," she mumbled. "We had been separated for too long. The gap is too big to breach." Kamui knew protesting wouldn't do anything to reassure her. She firmly believed it was too late for her to reconcilate with her grandson, and perhaps she was right. It had been nine years. "So you're not going to help Subaru?" Kamui asked, close to despair. A puff of amusement came from her mouth. "Don't be so hasty in assessing my character, child," she said. "Of course I'm going to help him." She had to smile at the relief that crossed his face. He put the teacup down on the coffee table sheepishly. "Sumeragis weren't meant to be Sakurazukamoris," she informed the younger boy gravely. "There's a reversal spell that will make the tree let go of its hold on him." Kamui should have been relieved, but there was something in her expression that worried him. She had that look of resignment that people have when they are about to do something that will cost them greatly. And Kamui knew better than anyone else that no spell came without a cost. "If the spell no longer makes Subaru a Sakurazukamori, then who does the Sakura Tree take as its prisoner?" The elderly lady didn't have to say it. It was written all across her face. "The Sumeragi who cast the spell," she answered. Kamui took a sharp intake of breath. "It's not a reversal spell then." "It's more of a replacement spell," she admitted. "A mirror spell of sort. The Sumeragi clan has always been good with various sorts of mirror spells." Kamui had been there when Seishirou explained Hokuto's spell to Subaru. He stood up quickly. "Then you will be the next Sakurazukamori!" She met his gaze coolly. "But Subaru won't be," she pointed out. "But you-!" "I would simply kill myself," she said calmly. Kamui just about freaked out. "You can't do that to Subaru!" he exclaimed. "It will break his heart if you die!" For a moment, she simply looked at him like he was an idiot. Then she gave a hard snigger. "He doesn't care about me. My death will barely affect him." Kamui couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You're wrong!" he told her firmly. "Subaru may not care about you now, but when you die, he won't be able to handle it. Even more the case because you two never worked things out. He will regret for the rest of his life, and he has enough pain to deal with. He doesn't need this!" Her eyes hardened. "Whatever you think he needs, I can't tell you right now he won't take. Especially from me. No, this is the only thing I can give him that he can't refuse." "Then you're selfish," Kamui declared. "You're just going to kill yourself and not give him a chance to say anything about it. Just like his sister and the Sakurazukamori. Dying so he could live on when he never wanted that! How do you expect him to live when everyone who cares for him keeps dying on him?" Tears started to smart his eyes and he wiped them away. It occured to him that he wasn't only telling Subaru's tragedy, but his own as well. Subaru's grandmother seemed immune to his misery. "It was different with Hokuto-san and the Sakurazukamori," she rebuked. "He /loved/ them." "Maybe he loves you," Kamui retorted, somehow managing to control his tears and emotions. "And if he doesn't now, he's going to wish he had a chance if you kill yourself. And that regret and grief will drive him insane. He already lost his sister and the man he loved. They're destroying him, and your death will only tear him up even more. You don't want him to suffer anymore, do you?" "Of course not," she almost snapped back. "I watched him suffer for the last nine years and it just about destroyed me as much as it destroyed him. God, to see your own child drown before your very eyes in his misery and obsession! What parents or grandparent wouldn't have their heart broken? And people keep telling me to let him go, to separate myself from my child. Like it's so easy to severe the connection between your own flesh and blood while watching him drown!" At the word "drown", her eyes suddenly grew wide and faraway, and there seem to be a shift in reality within them. "It is easy," she said, more to herself than to Kamui. "You can hear your child scream and cry while it's drowning and not hear it. Not care about it until it's too late." The realization dawned on Kamui right then. "That baby you exorcised today," he said gently, "she was yours, wasn't she?" Her expression was blank. "She was. My second born. Her name was Makiko." "I'm sorry," Kamui said. She didn't seem to hear him. "The irony of it. The baby that died fifty years ago screamed and cried for me to stop but I didn't hear her. Now I can see my grandchild drowning and I want to help him, but he doesn't want it." Kamui had to ask. "Did you just released your baby today?" Once she had cried about her child's death, but not after that, not until today which is why she came home so late. "Yes," she replied heavily, closing her eyes. "It took that long for me to face what I did and finally free her from her agony." There was silence again as Kamui bent over, having no particular thoughts in his mind. Lady Sumeragi sat still in her wheelchair, but there was a shifting in her eyes as she tried to grasp the significance of the day's event. She freed Makiko today. She watch her tiny spirit float up into the sky. This time, Kamui broke the silence. "Are there any other spells that might help?" he asked. "I don't know," Lady Sumeragi said. She freed Makiko today. It took her so long to finally do so, but the child was finally released from all her pain and fear. "Could you at least check?" Kamui asked. Had she waited longer to finally go down to the river where she hadn't gone for fifty years, would it had made a difference? "Please," Kamui requested, "see if there are other spells before you do this one." Would it really have made a difference? Yes, if she was dead. Death was a bigger obstacle than madness. Lady Sumeragi sighed. "Okay," she said. "I'll check. But I'm not ruling out the Mirror spell." It was enough for Kamui. "Thank-you," he said wearily. Though he felt greatly relieved for the moment, he was aware that he was no closer to getting Subaru back than he was half an hour ago. And if they didn't find another spell... No, he would not think about that now. He will deal with that when it came to it, but right now, he didn't need any more things to discourage or distress him. He stood up. "I have to go. Sorata took a later train than me and he's probably waiting for me at the hotel. I'll bring him tomorrow if you want us to help you." Lady Sumeragi shook her head. "No, I'll be fine on my own. But I'll contact you when I find something." Kamui thanked her again and left her the number of the hotel he and Sorata were staying at. He put on his coat, bid her good-bye, and left the house into the dark, frigid, unrelenting night. - - - - - - End of Fic *going back to retyping that WAFF fic*</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>