Disclaimer: The holy oracle X is property of the Holy Goddesses CLAMP and their High Priestess Ohkawa Nanase but the twisted little concept of this story was my idea so hands off or you'll be speaking to my lawyer ... He's the tall well-dressed individual wearing the shades and standing under the sakura tree ^_^

WARNING: Contains all types of ill shit o.Ox Hentai, bad language, very bad language, Keiichi, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tampax and High Priestess Ohkawa Nanase herself.

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The Promised Day. The Seals were gathered in the Imonoyama mansion's hall. Kamui, Sorata, Yuzuriha and Keiichi.

Keiichi: Ossu! Genki desu! ^____^ Tamoshinde imasu! ^^ {Keiichi's dialogue is translated to prevent readers from becoming diabetic. Even Yuzuriha thinks it's too sugary o.O;}
Kamui-chan: That's IT! I vote we kill him, dump his body and split!
Ara-chan: Kamui, this is the end of the friggin world! Do you want Fuuma to win?
Kamui: Well I don't want him to die ...

Anyway, Karen and Seiichirou were supposed to be rendevouzing with the other Dragons of Heaven at Tokyo Tower.

"Arashi! Time to save the world!" Sorata yelled excitedly from downstairs. "I'm gonna go die for the woman I love now!"

Arashi-sama: YAY! ^_^
Sorata: O.Ox

"I'm coming!" Arashi yelled back, ermerging from her room doubled over, hand on abdomen and her sword arm pressed against the wall for support. She cringed in pain and reached for the bathroom door. *Please let it be Sorata's cooking.* The door clicked shut behind her.

A minute later ...

"SHIT!!"

The Dragons of Heaven sweatdropped collectively before Sorata rushed upstairs, flung himself at the bathroom door and jiggled the knob furiously. "Miss, what's wrong?! Let me in!"

"Fuck off, Sorata, I'm busy!"

Sorata: O.O; Is that in the script?
Arashi-sama: Yeah, but I don't usually say things like that even when I'm pissed off at you. Can't we bleep those things out?
Ara-chan: If it doesn't work we're going back to the swearing. This is *my* fic. No High Priestess Ohkawa Nanase to protect you now. MWHAHAHA!!

Sorata took a step back. "Sorry, babe ..." *Jeez, what's up with my sweet priestess?*

Arashi crushed the pack of pads in one hand and leaned heavily against the ceramic sink with the other. *Bleep! It's the end of the bleepin world and I have my friggin period!* And no Tampax ^^; She'd had to borrow Yuzuriha's supply. *How the hell am I going to fight now?*

She unlocked the door and opened it violently. "Stay outta my way, Southern boy." An icey warning delivered over a rigidly pointed finger made Sorata back into the wall behind him.

"Arashi-san, are you okay?" Yuzuriha asked sweetly, clinging to the banister at the bottom of the stairs.

"Fine. I'm fine," she replied, forcing a tight smile. "Let's go."

Keiichi: Watakushi was jozu ni eigo o hanashimasu! Doshite watakushi wa eigo o hanashimasen? ^^;
Kamui: Shut the bleep up! Why does he have to tag along? Why's he even a friggin Dragon of Heaven?!
High Priestess Ohkawa Nanase: o.O; I was kinda wondering that too. It says here Fuuma runs him through somewhere around-- THE FOLLOWING HAS BEEN EDITED FOR SPOILER REASONS. THANK YOU. HAVE A NICE DAY ^^ {Audio/Visuals courtesy of BEAUTY -- Microsoft's not-totally-anti-social-anti-human-in-general answer to BEAST}
Ara-chan: Well who else was gonna replace Subaru-kun? Those are some pretty big bishie shoes to fill. Keiichi fits the MO: pretty (Kamui: pretty awful), angsty--
Keiichi: Shiawase desu! ^_______________^ Aisukurimu o tabetai dare ka.
Ara-chan: Okay I've also had enough. Tape the little bastard's mouth shut and tie his hands behind his back. That way he can't touch anything or *anyone*. All he does is stop earthquakes anyways ^o^
Arashi-sama: Excuse me but I'm supposed to be getting all the attention here!

The Seals left the safety of the Imonoyama mansion and headed for Tokyo Tower. Arashi winced at every leaped building. The pain was almost unbearable (but not as unbearable as Sorata).

Sorata: Why's everybody dissin me today?

"Wait," Arashi said pleadingly, stopping the young inugami master as they landed on the roof of a low building. "I don't feel well."

"Arashi-san?" Yuzuriha hung on to her friend protectively. "I knew it. You didn't look too good when we left. Wanna sit this one out?"

The priestess of Ise snapped, "It's the Promised Day, Yuzuriha, you can't just sit it out as if you'll get your chance later! Especially not if you're one of the Seven Seals!"

Yuzuriha popped cat ears and blinked innocently. "Mmmkay. In that case let's find a pharmecy and get you some painkillers. Hey, Kamui, we're quickly gonna go to the pharmecy. Arashi-san's not feeling very well."

"But I hafta fight Fuuma and I can't do it alone!" Kamui whined in his most convincing whiney Luke Skywalker voice.

"Kamui," Yuzuriha growled threateningly, managing to sound like Inuki.

"But I dun wanna!"

Voice From The Sakura Barrow: KAMUI, *I* AM YOUR FATHER!
Kamui: No, I don't believe you! It can't be! You're dead, I watched you die on Rainbow Bridge!
Voice From The Sakura Barrow: Hinoto kept it from you but it is the truth. Now take your place at my side and become the next Sakurazukamori. It is your DESTINY!
Seishirou: {holds up sign} Dead. Please do not disturb.
Kamui: Jeez, that was lame ...

Moving along ... The adolescent Seals decided they'd stick together and head for the pharmecy, after all the Dragons of Earth were sloppily organized and almost never kept to a schedule.

Fuuma: Yeah thanks for destroyin the Yamanote line for me, Nataku! You're lucky I didn't beat the shit outta you.
Nataku: Is Daddy mad at me?

And the delay might help get Karen and Seiichirou better acquainted.

Karen and Seiichirou Otaku: YAY! ^_^

"Excuse me, sir? Are you alright?"

Keiichi beamed happily at the anxious sales assistant despite his inability to speak or use large genki gestures. He was standing in the body oils, lotions, gels and waxes isle trying to dislodge a tube of EZ Glide from its shelf and mumbling something the Japanese-speaking woman managed to understand through the duct tape. She was later caught trying to ignore the comment, not being a yaoi otaku herself ^^;

The sales assistant retreated the way she'd come and moved down another isle in search of the blond boy's companions. She located one of them: a beautiful girl obviously in pain.

"Excuse me, ma'am, but where do you keep the painkillers?" Yuzuriha asked, supporting Arashi who was clutching onto her for dear life.

Arashi-sama: Don't you think that's a little dramatic? It's only period pain. I'm one of the Seven Seals, it shouldn't bother me. I'm Arashi! If I can live with Sorata I can live with anything.
Sorata: I can't take the abuse anymore! When Grandpa Stargazer said I'd die for the woman I loved I guess he didn't mean it this way. Sayonara cruel Sorata-hating world that is my dear sweet Arashi! {puts gun to head and blows brains out}
Kamui: Well this is a pharmecy ... Should be a band-aid around here somewhere ...
Other DoH: o.O;
Fuuma: See, now *that's* why they're gonna loose.
Kamui: Shut your face Mr-Spikey-haired-bad-dressin-no-personality-soccer-playin-smarty-pants-nice-guy-looser-boy! I can't believe a popular kawaii kid like me actually wanted to be your tomodachi! I'm so gonna kick yer ass so you DIE and I never have to see your face again!
Fuuma: Bring it on you little angsty-whiney-Kotori-lovin-skiki-dissin-Daisuke-hatin-name-stealin-mamma's-boy.
Ara-chan: Now now boys, the End of the World's on its way just as soon as YOU LET ME FINISH MY FRIGGIN FIC! O.Ox

The sales assistant looked unsurely from the author to her script, hands shaking uncontrollably under the watchful eyes of her fellow characters, all obviously suffering from severe emotional disorders. "M-miss, w-what k-kind ... of-- I can't take this anymore!" She ran out of the pharmecy.

"Fuck! I need a fucking painkiller! And some ..." Arashi leaned over and whispered the six-letter word into Yuzuriha's ear.

"Now I understand!" Yuzuriha's face turned a very unnatural shade of red. "I thought that maybe that was the problem. Okay, I'll help you look for them. Stay right here, I'll be back."

Tokyo TV Presenter: We'll be right back after these messages from our lovely sponsers.
Schwarzenegger: I'll be bahk! Vait a minute. Vot am I doin ere? Dis does not look like da fyuture.
Ara-chan: No, but it's the End of the World and we're one Dragon of Heaven short. I'll pay you! ^^ {Mental note: check budget of fic}
Schwarzenegger: Ja goody! I'm game. Vot is it I have to do?
Ara-chan: Any special powers?
Schwarzenegger: I blow schtuff up and look beefy. O ja and I don't schpeak much. Hmm, I vonder vhy?
Ara-chan: Perfect. Stand over there next to Keiichi.

"Hey Miss, look what I found!" Sorata popped his head around the corner and held up a selection of small plastic packets, variously labelled: glow-in-the-dark, Subby-kun-flavoured, now-with-extra-latex.

Kanoe: No one told me it was a lemon! ^_^
Evil: Born in sin, come on in!
DoE: *That's* why we're gonna loose o.O;
Satsuki: Maybe we should kill her.
Fuuma: Good idea.
Yuuto: No wait, she's a really good f--

"Go away, Sorata. Aren't you supposed to be dead?"

"Nah, God didn't want me in Heaven, said I was disturbin the peace. But dying was pretty cool. Did you like it? Almost like Romeo and Juliet. Hey Miss, are you okay? You don't look so good. Yuzu-chan! Someone help! Arashi just collapsed!"

TO BE CONTINUED ...

Yuzuriha: Will I find the painkillers in time to save Arashi? ^o^
Arashi-sama: It's not that bad, really ^_^
Keiichi: mmm...mmm...mmm ^____^
Kamui: Will Keiichi ever be free of his bondage? o.Ox
All Hentai Everywhere: {sniggering} You said bondage! ^^
Kakyou: What about the Promised Day? I wanna die already >.<
High Priestess Ohkawa Nanase: What the hek is going on in my manga? ?_?
Schwarzenegger: Ven vill I get paid? $_$
Ara-chan: O_O;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

--
Notes: Teehee ^^ My first attempt at an X parody *ever* so forgive the length. I know they're supposed to be short and sweet but I couldn't help myself. I was having so much fun writing this, I hope you enjoyed it too. You can probably tell how I keep deviating from the plot. I want to point a few things out to clear my conscience: I *do* like Keiichi and Sorata, they happen to be unfortunate victims of circumstance here. Gomen for my Japanese, it's self-taught so if you pick up any mistakes please let me know ^_^ For those of you hentai interested in anything Keiichi had to say I put the English translations at the bottom. Ich bedeute nichts schlechts über dem deutsches Akzent oder Herr Schwarzenegger mit dieser Geschite. I made Keiichi a Seal 'cause Subaru-kun is a Dragon of Earth now and Keiichi's wish was to stop the earthquakes. Only the DoH have the power to do that, but since he's pretty much a dead stick from now on I needed Schwarzenegger ... who's pretty much also a dead stick >.< The original idea for this parody was a straight-forward uninterrupted look at what happens when Arashi suffers from PMS but it seems to be a global issue involving the Fate of the Earth. Anywayz send c/c to Ara-chan <Arashi@xguyz.gq.nu> -- Keeper of the Pikachu Pokémon & Mokona's Evil Twin ^_^

Keiichi translations:
Hiya! I'm happy (actually means I'm excited but anyway)! ^____^ I'm having fun! ^^
I speak English well! Why don't you let me speak in English? ^^;
I'm happy! ^_______________^ Anyone want ice-cream?