http://clampfix.fanworks.net/x-fix/samhain.txt </head><body><pre>I wrote this on pure whim, when I'm feeling too cranky on Halloween and figured out that I might as well do some torturing... If you're going to tell me I'm morbid and that I love torturing X-1999 characters... you are darn right. I do love to torture them... Oh, one more thing, I sense major OOC here... Dedicated to: All the people who helped me when I kicked up a fuss about “Halloween”, especially Deanna. Deanna, are you aware that you are turning into a Muse? [I mean, of sorts, that is. Your innocent “Why don’t you write a Halloween fic?” spurred me on...] And to Theria as well, although she most probably won’t know this. I love your Slayers fics even though I don’t know the story itself well. “Jack’s Nocturne” is the inspiration! The SPML and CFFML, thanks for your encouragement! <waves flags> And Hypertia Tsuyu aka Astraia Whitejade. _Don’t_ tell me I didn’t warn you... Wow... I’m beginning to sound like I’m writing a book... ^_^;; -------------------------------------------------------------------- "Wait a minute, Subaru," Sorata scratched his head, puzzled. "You are saying that 'Samhain' is not the name of some ghoul or another name for the devil?" Subaru nodded his head, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Kamui simply rolled his eyes. This was the fifth time they were explaining to the Kouya monk the meaning of the word 'Samhain'. Since it had plenty of things to do with witches and Halloween night, the first thing that came to Sorata's mind was the devil. Which was, of course, not true. *I wish he will stop embarrassing himself in front of everyone _everytime_.* Arashi looked away with a poker face, trying not to follow Kamui's example by rolling her eyes. "So..." Sorata gave both Subaru and Kamui a hopeful look, coupled with a suspiciously bright smile. "Can you explain the meaning of 'Samhain' again?" "Samhain" by Jennifier Ding Kamui swore, one day, he was going to tie up the stupid monk and leave him on the top of Tokyo Tower for the crows. *No, wait. I don't think the crows go there. Oh well, he can hang there until something else kills him then. Hopefully an aeroplane.* "To put it simply, 'Samhain' is actually a term used by the natives of various European countries. It is a festival used to celebrate the last day on the Celtic calendar. The word 'Samhain' literally translates to 'Summer's end', which is similar to our New Year's Eve. In various Christian societies, it is called 'Halloween' or, its formal title before corruption, 'All Hallows Eve'." Subaru crossed his fingers as he leaned back into the couch he was sitting in. This was the first time the Sumeragi had said so much to anyone other than Kamui. "Okay!" Sorata nodded his head, giving him the affirmative sign. "I have finally understood the meaning of 'Samhain', all due to the credits of the honourable Sumeragi Subaru!" He finished his speech with flourish, gesturing to the seat which Subaru was occupying mere seconds ago. "Eh?" "Let's leave, Subaru!" Kamui argued persistently, dragging the onmyouji out of the library door. Sorata turned to Arashi, who was flipping through a book on witches with much interest. "Neechan~" "....." "Oh! I know that you would not bear to leave poor Sorata-" "I'm not free to play with you today, Sorata." the door gave a soft click as it closed. Sorata stared at the closed door with an expression similar to shock on his face, which was not too uncommon anyway. *Did I just hear her say what she did?* -------------------------------------------------------------------- The scenic view outside the windows of Tokyo Tower viewing deck could be considered simply breathtaking. All the buildings in Tokyo, of various sizes, shapes and colour were scattered across the landscape like the crawling metropolis it was. "Hey! Look in this direction!" the frame swivelled over to that of a wizen old man, looking oddly out of place with the viewing deck. That was, if you didn't count the strings garlic and crosses hanging on his scrawny neck. In his right hand, he held a wooden stake, in his left hand, there was a bottle of suspicious looking, ah, liquid. The frame stumbled back several feet, as though the sight of all the garlic repulsed it. "Hey ye! Don't tell me ye're afraid of garlic? Are ye a vampire?" the old man held out his stake menacingly. The frame shook furiously. "Good," the old man nodded. "’Cos I'm going witch hunting today! Don't have no time for ye stupid vampires... messy and damned hard to kill as well." He began to amble off, the garlic and crosses swinging to and fro on his neck. Other visitors on the Tokyo Tower viewing deck stared, wide-eyed, at the heavily 'armed' old man, a few retreating several feet after getting a first hand whiff of the garlic. "Come on, ye stupid!" -------------------------------------------------------------------- *So today is Halloween...* Seishirou rubbed his chin with amusement. *I wonder if I should visit Subaru-kun...* And as though he had finally decided on what he wanted to do, Seishirou disappeared in a whirl of sakura petals, scattering them all over the room. Fuuma walked in, catching hold of one of the drifting sakura petals. Seishirou simply had this bad habit of leaving sakura petals wherever he went as his signature. The whole wide world _must_ know that he had been _somewhere_. "So... Halloween?" Fuuma fingered the sakura petal thoughtfully. "Maybe I should wreck a bit of havoc, as the tradition goes." *Wait for me, [Dragons of Heaven].* Meanwhile... "This is interesting," Satsuki murmured, fingering the control panel of 'Beast'. "'Beast' was not known to accept any other individuals other than myself." Yuuto shrugged, "Well, maybe it likes me." "Yeah, just make sure that it doesn't like you so much, it decides that it can literally 'eat' you. I'm afraid 'Beast' is not very good at literature." Yuuto paused, holding a cable from 'Beast' with an amused look. He slipped his arm around Satsuki with a smile. "Funny that 'Beast' actually accepted me even though I'm seducing its most beloved mistress. I thought it would have disagreed. Violently." Satsuki laid her head on Yuuto's shoulder. "Maybe... maybe it's just waiting for its chance..." She suddenly snarled, playfully clawing at Yuuto's arm like an enraged cat. "... to 'delete' you." 'Beast' glowed brighter, its beeps increasing as though in agreement with her. -------------------------------------------------------------------- "Mnmmn... The food here is good." Karen muttered as she jabbed a piece of pasta with her fork, turning the flame on her forefinger on and off like a lighter. "Ah... Karen-san, I think you'll have to stop doing that. Other customers are staring." Seiichirou cautioned nervously. Indeed, the other customers are staring at the soap girl with eyes that were equivalent to saucers. "Hey look, it's just a lighter." Karen wiped out a lighter from nowhere. Appreciative sighs mixed with a certain degree of relief rose, and the diners turned back to their food or conversations. "I'm just testing my flames, Seiichirou," Karen muttered as she speared another pasta. "I haven't been using it for some time and maintenance is needed." Seiichirou only thanked whichever god above that his powers were not as conspicuous as Karen's was. Strong winds hardly ever draw attention, unless you find them in an enclosed cafe. "Say," one of the diners piped up rather quizzically. "Don't you think it's kind of draughty in here?" -------------------------------------------------------------------- "Kusanagi!" Yuzuriha chirped as she came running up to the bulky figure that was surrounded by numerous cats. "Wow! There're so many neko!" Inuki suddenly had an evil gleam in its eyes. The cats started hissing at it, their furs standing on one end as they bristled with fear and anger. Inuki barked a tad too cheerfully in return. Kusanagi removed one of them from his shoulder, slowly extracting its claws as it stroked it comfortingly. Even as the cat succumbed to Kusanagi's administrations, it continued to hiss at Inuki in an extremely unfriendly way. "What's the matter with them?" Yuzuriha asked, puzzled. "Maybe they are afraid of Inuki." Kusanagi joked while idly stroking the cat's fur. The spirit dog howled in agreement, eyeing a particularly plump and not-so-agile looking cat. -------------------------------------------------------------------- "Hinoto," Kakyou bowed, then turned to the former's sister. "Kanoe. Welcome to my dreamscape." "My, my. This is the first time I have a proper conversation with you, Kakyou." Kanoe smiled, crossing her arms. "If you don't mind, can you please dress in something that is more appropriate and less prone to falling off?" Kakyou asked plaintively as he shook his head. "I thought you would dress better in 'dreams', but apparently, I'm wrong." "You-" Kanoe glared at the dreamgazer. "//Listen to some good advice for once, Kanoe,//" Hinoto reprimanded, folding her hands demurely on her lap. "//Don't say Oneesan never taught you better.//" "Even you!" Kanoe turned to her sister with a look of betrayal. "//Have some proper manners before strangers, Kanoe.//" Hinoto gazed at her sister evenly. Kanoe's rebellious attitude faltered, then winked out totally like an extinguished flame as she replied in a small voice. "Hai, Oneesan." -------------------------------------------------------------------- "Subaru! I don't understand why you must-" Kamui stopped himself sheepishly. "Sorry. It was just me talking all along. I mean, we’re having a one-sided conversation..." Subaru shook his head, indicating that he was not bothered by that fact in the least bit. "It's okay." "I guess I’ll just have to-" Kamui's speech was cut off rudely by a familiar, but not too welcomed voice. "Subaru-kun." *Damnit.* Kamui cursed inwardly. *He has to turn up at the worse moment. Just when I'm going to-* "Kamui." another familiar voice marked a new intruder joining. *No! Not him! Not now! Why are all of them so bent on making my life miserable?!* Kamui edged closer to Subaru, suddenly grabbing the latter's arm as he cling on to him like an insistent leech. "Kamui! Subaru! Are the both of you..." Sorata trailed off upon the sight of the four [Dragons of Heaven] and [Dragons of Earth] inside the room having a glaring contest. "...okay?" Arashi came to a stop behind Sorata, her sword unsheathed. *MORE PEOPLE? Just when I want to spend some, ahem, _quality_ time with Subaru!* "Ah..." Sorata quipped weakly, watching Kamui hang onto Subaru's arm defensively while the latter had a look of- what? _Annoyance_... "Looks like this party is assembled?" Seishirou suggested helpfully. -------------------------------------------------------------------- "Satsuki..." Yuuto murmured, cradling his lover. "Why don't we-" 'Beast' beeped, interrupting whatever Yuuto was about to say. The wires shot towards Satsuki with an alarming speed, connecting themselves to her body in ease as it warned her of an intruder. Yuuto waited, annoyed. Distant sounds of someone approaching at a fast speed could be heard. "Satsuki, I think-" The door flew open. "Freeze! Ye witches!" someone shouted, then tripped over a crawling cable. "Damned!" "'Beast', who's that?" Satsuki asked sharply. "I'm Harvard Jenkins, the best witch, vampire, ghoul, monster, zombie..." the man paused to scratch his head. "-ah, slayer!" Both stared at him. "And I'll kill both ye witches!" They rolled their eyes simultaneously. "Bugger off, Ojiisan." Satsuki suddenly grinned as 'Beast’s' cables bodily lifted him and threw him into a newly opened hole in the ground. "Sayo-nara." The hole snapped close. "Bugger them all!" Jenkins shouted as he fell down the service tube. "Who know that ye bloody witches are turning IT!" [AD LIB: In Jenkins' POV, IT means “Intelligent but tactless! I tell ye!"] -------------------------------------------------------------------- An old man came hurtling through the cafe window, landing conveniently on Karen's pasta with a resounding crash. "I'm just about to finish that." Karen frowned, her fork poised in mid-air as she remarked, disdained. The flame on her forefinger went off. "Witch! Ye witch! I'll burn you at the stake!" Jenkins shouted, waving a hand-sized stake about. "Urm, don't you think that's a little small?" Seiichirou murmured absentmindedly. "Ye! Ye a witch too!" Jenkins swivelled around, holding the stake against Seiichirou in a dangerous manner. "You want to set me on fire?" Karen asked Jenkins while inspecting a speck of spilled pasta on her dress. "Ye right! Witches are always burned! Since the ancient times!" "Oh good." "I'll burn ye, I tell ye!" "Yeah, sure." "Uh, Karen-san, it's not nice to trick old men..." "Never mind, what he doesn't know won't kill him." "I'll burn ye! Ye hear that!" "Yes, yes. Just give me a moment, will you?" Karen combusted. Literally. The crowd in the cafe- who had been watching the little drama with growing bemusement -cheered. "Nice effects!" someone shouted over the appreciative murmurs. "Oh my..." Jenkins stared at the burning woman, then ambled off, muttering under his breath. "Damned automatic witch... setting herself on fire... if all of them are like this, I'll run out of business..." -------------------------------------------------------------------- "Why don't we go for some ice-cream?" Kusanagi tilted his head to one side as he asked Yuzuriha. "Yes! Let's do that!" Yuzuriha turned on her brightest smile. "Sure. Which ice-cream parlour-" "Ye witches! And ye familiars!" Jenkins came running up, waving a lighted stick about. "Uh, Ojiisan, that's dangerous. Why don't you put it down?" Yuzuriha pointed to the burning stick, or rather, stake. Inuki growled. "Ye witch! I'll burn ye and all ye familiars!" Jenkins thrust the burning stick in their direction. Inuki growled again, finally drawing his attention. "Ye too! Never knew that dogs are familiars! Young witches nowadays... see anything they like and they say, 'You're my familiar!' Never bother about the protocols..." "You can see Inuki?" "Of course! Ye 'familiar', right? So I can see!" "Nice to meet you! Anyone who can see Inuki is my friend!" "Me no friend of ye witch! I'm a witch slayer!" Yuzuriha's eyes grew wide. "A witch slayer?" "'m right!" "Wow! That's so cool! Can you teach me?" "What are ye? Witches don't kill each other!" Jenkins stared at her, then shook his head ruefully. "Competition high nowadays. Everyone wanna be a damned witch...'Trendy', they say. Now they're killing each other... how are we witch slayers going to earn a living then? Everyone's killing everyone..." Jenkins ambled off again, waving his stake about in the air as he gestured wildly, earning several alarmed looks in his direction. "What a strange Ojiisan." Yuzuriha gazed after him with cat ears. Kusanagi only sweat-dropped. *Thank God that Miss doesn't know what he was saying...* -------------------------------------------------------------------- "So, regarding the..." Kakyou began, but was interrupted by a disturbance as someone tore headfirst into his dreamscape. "Knew I'm right. Ye bloody witches meeting in a coven!" Jenkins shouted triumphantly. Hinoto and Kanoe stared at him. Kakyou cleared his throat softly to get their attention. "As I was saying," he waved his hands before the two sister seeress. "Oh right. You are saying?" Kanoe turned back to him with a bright smile. She was now dressed in a body hugging, but _not_ revealing business suit. Strangely, she looked a lot better than usual. "//Oh, I'm sorry.//" Hinoto bowed. "//I was distracted.//" "Hey ye three! Don't ignore me!" "I was saying that the-" "Ye hear me? I'm a witch slayer and I'm here to kill ye!" Kakyou turned to him with a sigh, but still managed to reply in the most polite manner. "If you'll excuse us for a moment, but we're having a conference before you rudely barged in. Can you please keep quiet and wait for a few moments before we are ready to attend to you?" "Why you!" "Ah ladies, we were saying just now?" "Ye stop, ye hear me? I'm here to slay ye, ye witches!" Jenkins huffed, his ego bruised. "Tell me to keep quiet, they say..." "Go away, stupid old man with a fake accent." Kanoe rolled her eyes. "I'm not leaving until I kill ye!" "//I think that'll be a little hard,//" Hinoto smiled sweetly. "//We are already reserved, if I'm not wrong. So you’ll have to line up for that.//" "Ye witch! I'm sure ye're one! Ye didn't even open ye mouth when ye talked!" "//Actually, we are not. We are just dreamgazers.//" All three turned back to their conversation, ignoring the angry old man as he shouted insults and curses at them. "Young people nowadays! They have no respect at all, I tell ye! Ignoring me like I don't even exist! Them witches have no manners at all!" -------------------------------------------------------------------- "Subaru-kun," Seishirou smiled, stretching out a hand towards him. "Come back to me. Leave Kamui." "I'm not going to do that." Everyone- erm, with the exception of Fuuma and Arashi, that was- stared at him. "I'm not leaving Kamui. Not now, not ever." Fuuma snorted. "Seishirou, he won't come back to you ever again. Now Kamui," Fuuma's eyes softened as he turned to the [Dragon of Heaven]. "Come to me." "Not! I'm not leaving Subaru's side either!" The former scowled. "Ye bloody witches! I'm gonna kill ye! Kill ye all!" Jenkins stumbled into the room with a crazed look on his face, his eyes all bloodshot. This was the last straw. After meeting all the witches who could successfully dispose of his in one way and another, if he didn't kill one of them today, he wasn't called Harvard Jenkins! "Ojiisan, you're in the wrong room." Sorata ushered him out, then closed the door in his face. "Hey ye! Let me in!" "Ignore him." Sorata jabbed his thumb in the direction of the door as he made familiar looking circular motions by the side of his head with his other hand. Arashi whacked him on his head. "Let me in, I tell ye! I'm gonna kill ye all!" Seishirou opened the door angrily, storm clouds all gathered and ready to start striking people with lightning. "Kill us? Why don't I kill you first? I fancy a little blood to start the fight." he picked up Jenkins bodily. "Ye vampire! Take this!" Out of nowhere, Jenkins pulled out a string of garlic and stuffed them into Seishirou's mouth. "Mmnff?!" "Where's my stake, eh?" Seishirou retreated in a hurry, spitting the garlic out of his mouth. Jenkins suddenly wiped out a burning stick. "I'll burn ye all!" "Oh God..." Kamui stared at the fire, dazed. Subaru turned to him with concern, "Leave first, Kamui. I'll deal with them." "No! I'm not leaving you behind!" Arashi jabbed Sorata in his arm. "Prepare to fight the [Dragons of Earth], Sorata." "Ha-i, Neechan!" Fuuma glared at Jenkins. "This is a highly selective fight, old man, and you are not selected!" "Kill ye vampire!" a wooden cross came flying across the room to smack into his forehead. *Damned.* Jenkins took out a bottle of suspicious looking yellow liquid, then started spraying everyone with it. "Purge ye all of ye evil!" "What's this stuff he's throwing? It smells funny." Sorata mumbled to Arashi while sniffing his sleeves. "Virgin's urine!" Everyone blanched. Wait a minute, where did he get this idea from...? "Some Chinese exorcist told me it works! And much easier to get than holy water!" "Can you stop throwing that? We're going to smell like a toilet bowl soon." Sorata complained, edging out of the range of the spraying. "You mean _unflushed_ toilet bowl." Arashi corrected him with a droll look. "Damned." "What's going on?" Nokoru opened the door and found a vial of, ahem, liquid hurling in his direction. "Rijichou!" Suou grabbed Nokoru and both leaped in another direction. The glass vial ended its passage at Akira's feet. "Eh..." Akira gave it a dubious look. "Ah... Ojiisan..." "What! What!" garlic went flying in all directions. Everyone ducked. "Can you please calm down first?" Nokoru asked from underneath Suou. "And... Suou?" "Sorry!" the latter flushed, getting off Nokoru in a hurry. "What! I'm here to kill witches!" Jenkins glared at most of the room's occupants. "And vampires too it seemed!" Seishirou and Fuuma earned pointed looks. "I'm very sorry about this, but why don't we talk about it downstairs?" "Yes!" everyone chorused. -------------------------------------------------------------------- "Thank you very much! I wish you a safe trip home!" Nokoru waved farewell to Jenkins. Jenkins grunted and left. Everyone watched until he was nothing but a speck on the horizon. Audible sighs of relief could be heard as the tiny dot disappeared. "That's a tough old nut." Sorata mumbled while rubbing his temple. "Just because it's Halloween, he's on a witch hunt." Kamui clutched Subaru's arm, shuddering as he remembered what happened just now. "Yeah, it sure doesn't take a lot to convince him we're not witches," Sorata muttered darkly. "We are not old, ugly, do not have warts on our faces... Maybe we can predict and change the future, but we definitely do not dance around cauldrons, have meetings in covens or ride on broomsticks!" The other [Dragons of Heaven] shuddered. "Say, where did the two [Dragons of Earth] go?" Sorata suddenly perked up. Subaru shrugged. Kamui was already asleep on his shoulder. "Never mind then! Since everyone's alright, we can now take our rest." Nokoru got up from his seat, beaming. "Yeah, but I'll need a bath first." Sorata mumbled as he lurched to his feet. The others cringed. -------------------------------------------------------------------- "Next time you want to try something like this, tell me!" Seishirou hissed at Fuuma. "Try what?" Fuuma snapped back. "That crazy old man!" "I have nothing to do with him!" "Yeah..." Seishirou mumbled, eyeing the mark of the cross on Fuuma's forehead. Fuuma scowled, then hissed in pain. Someone suddenly began to mumble behind the two of them, "I'll get them again, I tell ye! I'll get them!" Both [Dragons of Earth] blanched. End Disclaimers: All characters inside belong to CLAMP and not the fanfiction author herself, except for Harvard Jenkins. <”Who’s calling me, eh? Don’t just simply call my name, I tell ye!”> ^_^;;; Author's important notes: Ah, I figured out that I forgot an important character after I finished the fic... ^_^;; I apologise to all Nataku fans. I don’t mean to forget him! If I have offended _anyone_ with this parody, please forgive me as well! <starts dancing about to avoid thrown objects> (c) Jennifier Ding Date completed: 1/11/99</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>