http://clampfix.fanworks.net/x-fix/satan.txt </head><body><pre>Satan Rejected His Soul - a dinky little X parody by Harukami Note: This is based off the X movie. Heheheh. Oh yeah, Lyrics by Morrissey. Kamui was slowly recovering. Okay, so that was a flat-out lie. How could he recover?! Everyone he had grown to care about was DEAD! Kotori had died ... several times, even... All the Dragons of Heaven had died... even all the Dragons of Earth had died.... and he'd been forced to DECAPITATE FUUMA! Poor Fuuma... Of course, most of Tokyo was trashed and he had nowhere to go, so he was staying in the Jinja where Fuuma and Kotori had lived. That probably wasn't conductive to his mental health, but his other choice was a nice padded room where he could wear jackets that let him give himself a hug. He got out of bed, went downstairs, poured himself some coffee, and started his usual morning regime of breakfast and angsting. There was a knock at the door. Screen doors aren't designed for knocking. //Satan rejected my soul. He knows my kind. He won't be dragged down.// Kamui was Irritated. For one thing, he had to answer the door in his bloodstained uniform because the only other clothing he owned was a large stupid looking cape. For another, his morning angsting session had been interrupted. He HATED that. Grumbling under his breath, the bishounen (if not quite as bishounen-as-manga-Kamui) yanked the screen door open. Fuuma's severed head grinned at him. "Hey, Kamui. Can I come in?" Kamui screamed and slammed the screen door as well as he could. Screen doors aren't designed for slamming. //He knows Heaven doesn't seem To be my home, So I must find somewhere else to go. I must find somewhere else to go.// 'That's it,' Kamui thought, breathing hard. 'I've snapped. I've gone right round the bend... I... I... ' "FUUUUMAAAA!!!" he cried and flung the screen door open again. Fuuma grinned. "Can I come in now, Kamui?" Kamui nodded mutely and stepped aside. The severed head floated in. "Wow, this place brings back memories. Never thought I'd see it again, being dead and all. No thanks to YOU, might I add." The bishounen's lower lip quivered. Words threatened to spill out, all his feelings. "Oh, sure, I'm evil and all that, but is that really a good reason to decapitate your best friend? Or are you still upset about that whole Kotori incident?" Kamui bit his lip to stop himself from saying what was on his mind. "Yeah, I figure that's it. She deserved it, though. She used to play with my Barbies when we were little and kept cutting their hair and ripping their arms off. If it makes you feel any better, I took out half of my own side along with half of yours. Ooh, mirror!" Fuuma examined himself critically. "Hey, not bad. I'm nothing but a severed head and I still look sexy." Kamui could no longer hold back his words. "Fuuma..." he sobbed in a broken tone, "your hairstyle SUCKS! Can't you get a cool manga evil person hairstyle?!" "I LIKE my hairstyle, and you can damn well say it's sexy after killing me." Fuuma prodded Kamui with his chin. "Say it. Go on. Say it." He Who Holds the Power of the Gods gritted his teeth. It was true, he did owe Fuuma after killing him. "Your hairstyle... is... sexy." "Much better." "FUUMA, what the HELL are you doing here?!" Kamui demanded. The other Kamui looked sad in a decapitated way. "Well, that's kinda the problem..." //So -- take it please! It's free! You'll never see You'll never see All the fun in life it's cost me.// "Let me see if I've got this straight," Kamui murmured, pouring himself a cup of tea. "You got kicked out of Hell?" Fuuma's floating head bobbed up and down. "For being too evil. Seems they don't like to be outdone down there or something. So I have to haunt somebody." "Oh no." Kamui stood up and waggled a finger under Fuuma's nose. "NO! Haven't you made my life bad enough already?! Everybody I ever loved including you has DIED because of you!" Giving the eyebrow equivalent of a shrug, Fuuma smirked. "It's all your fault, you know. If you had waffled I'd never have turned evil. Or if YOU became the bad guy, I'd have had a GOOD role and might have lived. But, oh no, you had to be all good in that cute angsty way of yours, and bam! I'm evil! And then to add insult to injury, you decapitate me for being evil!" "IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" "Yes it is," Fuuma said, smirking more. Kamui burst into tears. "It's all YOUR fault! You never paid any attention to me! It was all 'protect Kotori' this and 'I'll protect you if' that! And now finally I get a chance to be HAPPY after everybody I cared about died and you have to show up and spoil it! I was going to propose to Keiichi today!" Fuuma rolled his eyes. "He doesn't exist in the movie, Kamui." "Oh. Right. ANYWAY, I could be happy with someone or something! It's all your fault!" Something struck Kamui with the force of a moving electron. "Wait a minute... why are you acting like I need to agree to being haunted?" //Satan rejected my soul. As low as he goes, he never quite goes this low. He's seen my face around.// Fuuma went all bambi-eyed. "Well... you do. Otherwise I have to find some other poor bugger to haunt. Would you really do that?" "You think after all the people who died in the end of the world, I'd really give a flying fuck who you haunted?!" "Ooh." Fuuma grinned. "You give flying fucks?" Kamui looked vaguely ill. "I hate you." "No you don't. On the upside, as nothing but a floating head, I can do all kinds of things." "Like what?" Kamui's eyes widened as Fuuma's gaze travelled. "NEVER MIND! Geez, did my turning you evil turn you into a pervert too?!" "No, I was always a pervert," Fuuma said idly. Kamui rolled his eyes. "Anyway, you're NOT haunting me. Shoo." Fuuma's brows creased and then he began gnawing on Kamui's neck. //He knows Heaven doesn't seem to be my home. So I must find somewhere else to go. I must find somewhere else to go...// A little blood and a damaged hardcover book later, Fuuma was floating across the table again and Kamui was clutching his throat and glaring. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR YOU FREAK?!" Fuuma looked innocent. "I was trying to convince you to take me in by reminding you of old times we've shared together." "THAT WAS IN THE MANGA!" "My mistake." Kamui glared and sipped his tea. "Look, Fuuma, the fact is, I'm attempting to recover from your and Kotori's deaths. Oh, and the deaths of almost everyone else in Tokyo. Having you around being evil and smartassed isn't going to help me." Fuuma's bottom lip quivered. "Oh, PLEASE?! I can help you recover! I'll remind you of what you're recovering from, and, uh, I can make tea by lifting the pot with my teeth... and I'll read you stories at night... and I'll take care of any business you have...." Kamui put a finger to his forehead and sighed. "Fuuma... no." Fuuma burst into tears. //So... Take it please, It's really sly. Come on, come on, ah come on, come on, come on!// Kamui's eyes widened and he scootched over to be nearer to Fuuma. "Fuumaaaa?" The severed head sobbed wildly. "It's not FAIR! I never wanted to be evil, you made me this way! And then you won't even take responsibility for what you did by taking my soul in, instead being willing to let me wander for eternity all alone and to top it all off you don't even think my hair is sexy! I had to FORCE you to say it! WAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" Feeling his knot of angst turning into a larger knot of angst with a helping of guilt keeping it in place, Kamui slowly reached out a hand and patted Fuuma's head. "Well.... okay, your hair's KINDA sexy in that woke-up-and-didn't-bother-to-brush way..." Fuuma sniffled and looked at Kamui with large, sparkling eyes. "Really? Do you mean it?" "Uh... yeah. And, um, about taking your soul in..." //Take it please! It's really sly! Come on, come on, ah Come on, come on, come on!// "Yes?" Fuuma whimpered. Kamui hesitated. Fuuma burst into tears again. Sighing, Kamui pulled out a blood-stained handkerchief. Fuuma blew his nose loudly. "Fuuma, I--" //Call me in, pull me in, call me in, Come on, come on, oh, come on come on come on! Pull me in, pull me in, call me in, haul me in, pull me in! Come on, come on, ah, come on, come on, come on!// Fuuma pouted. "You don't really care that you killed me at all, do you?" "ALL RIGHT!" Kamui shouted, throwing his hands up. "I'll let you haunt me!" //La la la la la Oooohhh...// Kamui sighed and rolled over in bed. Fuuma had promised to tell him a bedtime story, but the bishounen had his doubts still. Certainly, Fuuma had been helpful and pleasant the rest of the day, even if in a kinda evil way, but... Fuuma cleared his throat. "Once upon a time, there was a Prince, and he was destined to be happy with a beautiful princess. But the Prince had a DESTINY! And so he watched the princess die! And it was bloody and gory and then all his servants died too! And blood filled the streets and --" Moaning, Kamui buried his face in the pillow. What had he DONE?!</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>