http://clampfix.fanworks.net/x-overs/botan1.txt </head><body><pre>Eheheh... gomen ne, minna-san. I posted this 'way back in December, and I've been so terribly busy since then, and have had computer problems, schoolwork, work-work, and medical problems. But finally I'm ready to wrassle this fic to completion. Since it's been so long, I'm going to re-post the first part, second part immediately following, and the third part in a day or two. It's almost finished. And Thea-san... wahh, don't sic your Shinesman voices on me! They might succeed in making me write fic!! I already owe Puu Slayers-fic, and I've got ideas for Inuyasha and Mintna Boku ra fic... I can't handle it! @.@ But if you want to see something called "Shoujo Fusion," it should be interesting. WP/CCS crossover. If anyone is interested and/or confused, there is Touma information and pictures here at this page: http://www.teleport.com/~smhaven/Toumapg.html But BEWARE!! There are links to content on that page that is 18+ so I'll have to give the warning here, if you *do* go look. THIS fic, however, is only rated PG-13 for suggestive language. "Botan and Koenma's CLAMP Newlyweds Game" by Talya Firedancer As the scene unfolds, the camera pans over a rushing river set in dazzling golden sands. Near the river, a game show set has been assembled, presided over by a herd of reluctant-looking red-skinned oni. Four veiled booths face the audience, which is composed of assorted bishonen and excited-looking fangirls. The stage is set....the audience is ready... the contestants are present.... It looks like the only thing lacking is...the guest hosts! The upbeat strains of "Hohoemi no Bagudan" start up in the background. The curtains rustle, then still. "Oi~!" Sorata yells out, "Where ARE they? I think I want my money back..." "TAIHEN DESU!" A laden oar goes whizzing over their heads, narrowly missing the rushing river. It bobs, wobbles, then plunges for the ground. "WAHHH~! Botan!! This is the last time I ride with you!" A spate of cursing ensues, then a brown-haired young man falls to the turf with an inglorious thud. Botan alights neatly, brushing off her pink kimono, giving a kitten face and a "V" to the audience, then stowing her oar away in...well, you know. "Koenma-sama!" A harried-looking oni rushes to the brown-haired man and helps him to his feet. Koenma glares at him, then glares at Botan, then finally straightens himself and looks around. "...already off to a bad start..." he grumbles in his squeaky voice. "Minna-san, genki desu ka?" Botan beams at the audience, giving them another enthusiastic "V." "Haaaa~ai!" the fangirls cheer. A sizable contingent seems to be from CLAMP campus. The bishonen in the crowd begin to look trapped. "Welcome to the CLAMP Newlyweds Game," Koenma begins without preamble, all business. "Since I have paperwork to get back to, let's make this as fast--OW!" He rubs his head defensively where he appears to have been smacked. Botan, all kitten face, covers her mouth with a fold of her kimono sleeve. "Ufufufu." "Ano....Botan....tell me again, why are we hosting the game?" Botan puts a finger to her chin. "Eto.... because half of our contestants could cause sizable damage to any other place the game might be held?" Koenma sweatdrops. "Why me?" Botan beams. "The Reikai is very resilient." "That's not what I wanted to hear..." Botan is already continuing. "It's time to meet our contestants!" she says brightly as the music cuts out. She pauses. Her rose-maroon eyes slide over to her co-host. Finally she elbows him. "Ow! What!?" "Koenma-sama, you're supposed to say..." "Oh, yeah. Obviously, all of our contestants today are from the CLAMP manga and anime. Since it's the name of the show, I didn't even think I needed to say it--ow!" Koenma pauses and glares over at Botan, who appears the picture of pink sugary innocence. Then he appears to think. "Wait a minute, why is *your* name first? I'M the god here!" "And modest, too," Botan says demurely. "Kono--" "Anyhow!" Botan forges onward, expression brightly determined. "It's time to meet our contestants!" "Matte, matte, *matte*, MATTE!" Botan and Koenma blink in utter confusion. The audience looks on, bemused, as a little sandy-haired chibi climbs out of hammerspace and flops onto the turf. He bounces up, then flicks sable-black wings, pats his little devil tail, and his little black panther-ears twitch. "KOITSU~~ I'll GET her!" the violet-eyed chibi vows, bouncing up. "Look at all these bishonen! LOOK at them!" The chibi is looking. And drooling, too. "How could she try to write me out of this fic, with all of these hot men!" The chibi bounces around until Botan firmly grabs him with both hands. "Stop right there, Touma-kun!" Botan pinches one sable ear. "You're not going anywhere!" "WAH~!!" Touma looks around, violet eyes huge. "I'm CHIBI~! NOOOOOO~!" Somewhere, a blonde girl chuckles viciously. "Anyhow," Botan says determinedly, "we were introducing the contestants." Koenma is eyeing the ecchibi with suspicion. "Botan, keep it away from me." "Hai~..." The perky blue-haired ferrygirl stuffs the Touma-ecchibi into the crook of her arm and whips a deck of prizm cards out of the sleeve of her kimono. She looks at them quickly, divides them in half, and gives a stack to Koenma. "Hai, Koenma-sama." Koenma takes the prizm cards with a pained expression, then holds up the top card, labeled "CONTESTANT" across the back. "Our first couple... just one minute here!! This couple is both MALE!" "Hai, Koenma-sama." "Aren't you quick?" Touma's bat-wings flick. "This is a yaoi fic. Brain trust." "It is!?" The first beginnings of panic enter Koenma's expression. "I haven't been in one of those yet..." The ecchibi takes one look at his sincerely outraged expression and bursts out laughing. "Ahh...Koenma-sama, please just introduce the contestants." Koenma gives a sigh of resignation. "Our first couple is....Imonoyama Nokoru and Takamura Suoh, from CLAMP Gakuen Tantei Den!" To the peal of many screams of "Imonoyama-senpai~!" and "Takamura-senpai~!" the curtain lifts over the first booth, displaying two handsome young men, one blond-haired, one blue, engaged in-- "STOP THAT!" Koenma hastily averts his eyes. Botan giggles and blushes. "I give him an eight for effort, a six for form, and a three for taste," Idomu-kun remarks sourly from the sidelines. "Nokoru should be with ME." Ijyuin Akira blinks over at him. "Idomu-san, hidoi! Kaichou and Takamura-senpai make a perfectly lovely couple! It was a very nice kiss!" He sparkles encouragingly. "Kaichoi! Takamura-senpai! Ganbatte!" Nokoru faces the audience, smiles engagingly, then snaps open a white fan that bears the legend, "True love waits for no place." Suoh sighs and puts a hand to his head. "Next," Koenma says hastily, as Suoh straightens his tie with impeccable dignity, "is a pairing from...." He peers at his prompter card. "Card Captor Sakura." The second curtain parts to reveal a teenage couple, one of the boys sparkling and surrounded by the flowers of a typical shoujo manga. The sparkles and flowers fade slowly... "Kinomoto Touya and Tsukishiro Yukito!" Koenma finishes up, gritting his teeth at yet another bishonen pairing. Touya is a dark-haired boy who looks up from his partner, blinking, and gives the audience a neutral, level stare. Then his eye catches on a little ginger-haired girl in one of the front rows, yelling "Ganbatte, oniisan!" at the top of her lungs, and he turns red. Yukito is a pale-skinned, gray-haired boy with glasses and a gentle smile. Unobtrusively, he clasps Touya's hand. "Ganbatte, Yukito-san!" Sakura calls out, waving madly. Yukito smiles and lifts a slim hand in acknowledgment. The third curtain begins to part, and Botan clutches the drooling ecchibi to her bosom as a spray of sakura petals swirls across the booth. "Seishirou-san..." an alto voice whispers reprovingly. "I didn't do it!" The deeper voice is all innocence. "No, I mean your hand is on my thigh." "Eh, well, at least you know that *is* me." Botan giggles. "Our next couple has found love in the most unlikely of circumstances... hailing from the grim "X" timeline, this next couple has been fated to be the deadliest of enemies! They're Sakurazukamori Seishirou and Sumeragi Subaru of 'Tokyo Babylon' and 'X!'" The curtain rustles. The ecchibi flicks his wings again, wide violet eyes eager. Finally..... "Stop it, will you?? Mataku! Can't you leave me alone for five minutes!?" "Demo, Subaru-kun..." Botan giggles again, nervously. "Well...they *are* newlyweds, minna-san..." Finally the curtain rips apart completely, revealing the dark-haired Seishirou leaning precariously off of his stool and bracing himself over Subaru, who is shrinking away into the far corner of the booth, one hand planted in a 'stop' position on Seishirou's chest. Seishirou is a man with dark brown hair and predatory eyes, one milky glass, the other clear and dark. Subaru is slightly smaller, his frame more spare, and his hair is jet-black and close-cropped, his eyes an extraordinary blue-turquoise which can provide either windows to his soul, or become total enigma. "Woo! Woo!" Kazumi Karen the soapland girl holds up one end of a huge banner, "Seishirou/Subaru 4-Ever!" The other end is held up by.... Nekoi Yuzuriha, grinning and cheering at the top of her lungs, complete with kitty ears. "M-minna..." Subaru says weakly, looking mortified. His expression says, *I have been deserted by my comrades.* Even Kamui is waving a small red flag. "And the last pairing..." Botan declares, her enthusiasm unflagging, "is from Magic Knight Rayearth!" "...more....more pretty boys..." The Touma-ecchibi is trying to wriggle free. Botan puts him in a headlock. The third curtain rises. "Lantis and Eagle!" Botan gestures with her cards. "Kirei..." Touma-ecchibi drools. His little ecchibi body twitches of its own accord, stretching with a longing air towards the fair-haired man with a gentle smile, Eagle Vision. "CLAMP boy.... kirei..." he gushes, and Botan exclaims with disgust as a thread of drool lands on her kimono. "I knew it!" announces a blue-haired girl in the audience, wearing a blue sailor fuku to match her long hair. She looks over at her seatmate and snickers. "Stop sniffling, Hikaru." "I can't," the pink-haired schoolgirl sniffles. "I just can't believe they're both gay -- I mean, at least with Eagle I had suspicions, and always thought he was a little too friendly with Geo, but Lantis--" "Is boinking another man," Umi supplies, blunt. A third girl, blond with emerald eyes, stares. "Since when did you get over your homophobia?" Fuu inquires. "Since I found this great slash site on the Internet..." "On with the show!" Botan progresses, clutching the ecchibi to her bosom and nearly smothering little Touma, who was reaching out with desperation now for the demi-god beside them. Koenma eyes the row of male contestants with something less than enthusiasm. "They're all MALE." Botan sweatdrops. "You're still trying to process this, I see." "Let's just get this over with." "Hai~ ... for time considerations, we have already asked each separate set of spouses their questions in advance, and hold the answers on these nifty prizm cards," Botan continues. "Nifty?" Koenma interjects. Botan shoots him a quelling glance. "Do you want to do this?" "Do go on," Koenma flaps his hands. "Anyhow!" Botan says brightly. "Instead of differentiating by anything like age of spouse, length of hair, or even height of spouse--" "They can't," Nagisa whispers to Utako, "because most of the guys are pretty much the same height and hair-length, and some are really close in age, too." "Or sex of spouse," Koenma interrupts Botan. Blank looks from the audience. Botan coughs behind a fold of kimono. "Ano, Koenma-sama..." "Reality check!" the ecchibi shouts, gleeful. "Both spouses are MEN!!" He makes a break for freedom and pretty boys and is hauled back by a firm pinch on one tiny ear. Koenma looks perplexed. "How does that work?" Touma opens his ecchibi mouth. Botan stuffs a fold of pink kimono in it and ignores the choking noises. "Anyhow!" she hurries on, "we're differentiating by 'seme' and 'uke' partners. Okay?" There is a crashing noise not unlike the roaring surf throughout the ampitheater as half the audience keels over. "Ooh," Kudou Yohji says, pleased. "It's just starting to get interesting." He leans over and grabs Ken's shirt to pull him back into his seat. "Any questions?" Botan continues. She attempts to order her cards while keeping the ecchibi clasped to her bosom. IF the ecchibi had been anything resembling straight, his nose surely would be bleeding by now. A slim white hand lifts. Yukito blinks and gives Botan his sweet smile. "Botan-san, what are seme and uke?" The other half of the audience keels over. "Tell me I didn't hear that," Dee Laytner gasps as Ryo helps him up. "I'm kind of curious," Ryo blinks. Thea was staring in shock at the still-smiling Yukito. "But he's H!" she repeats for the third time. "Well then, he's mocking you, oneesama," Priya tells her. Touya leans closer to his spouse. "Demo, Yuki, you know perfectly well--" "Shh," Yukito cautions, same gentle smile in place. "I have an image to maintain." "Seme," Yanagi is lecturing a shell-shocked Takeo-kun and Otaru-kun, "comes from the verb 'to attack,' and ukeru, 'to receive...'" "Darling!" Aburatsubo pops up behind Takeo-kun, who shrieks. "Darling!" Hanagata pops up next to Otaru-kun, who falls off the bench scrambling away. Aburatsubo and Hanagata spark-glare at each other. "MOU~!" Botan stamps her foot, threatening to dislodge Touma from her bosom. The ecchibi strains towards the CLAMP boys again, and is squelched. "Enough! I am going to start the first round. Are there any other questions? I believe Yanagi-san covered the first one." "Did she ever!" Touma snerked. "I think Takeo-kun is traumatized for life!" Another slim hand raises. Everyone stares at the barely-smirking, handsome countenance of Sakurazukamori Seishirou. "This had better not be a question about seme or uke," Botan mutters, looking frazzled. "Just think, the real questions haven't even started yet," Touma says, all supportiveness. "What if we take turns?" Seishirou asks. Koenma falls over. "Seishirou-san," Subaru protests, "we don't--" Seishirou shushes him. Karen, Yohji, Ranchiki, and Urd whistle their loud appreciation of his methods. Botan glares at him. "Well," she blinks after a dismayed pause, "do you?" "No," Seishirou's smirk is open now, "I merely ask for the possible benefit to the other contestants." "You merely ask to be difficult," Subaru mutters beside him. Botan acquires a desperate expression. "Koenma-sama?" "I'm not touching this one," Koenma declares from his prone position. "Bad enough that I have to ask *these*." He waves around his sheaf of prizm cards, which he had been flipping through. "Mataku," Touma-ecchibi pipes up. He lifts his tinny ecchibi voice. "Do any of you trade off? Raise yer hands!" No hands raised this time. "Thank goodness," Botan sighs, and plows on. "All right! This first round of questions is for the seme partners of the couple. Seme partners, please raise your hands." Suoh, Seishirou, Touya, and Lantis raise their hands. "Well, there's a big surprise," Dee Laytner remarks to Van Fanel, who gulps and tries not to look too confused. "All right," Botan flourishes an arm, and Touma-ecchibi clutches for dear life -- to avoid sailing into the Acheron. "Koenma-sama, this first question is yours. Seme, you answer with what you believe your spouse has answered." "Why me?" Koenma squeaks, eyes rounding. Botan sticks her tongue out. "You made ME do the build-up." Koenma rallies, and flips up the first question. He sighs with relief. "Not so bad," he mutters, then waves his card around, clearly labeled 'SEME' across the back. "Wait a minute," Seishirou lifts an elegant hand, glowering impartially. "Just a minute. I heard about the results of the last game. Isn't it true that the Newlyweds game was moved to the Reikai because that psycho kid from Gundam Wing blew up Cefiro?" Koenma looks edgy. "Uh...the details of the previous Newlyweds game were not disclosed to me." "Cefiro blew up," Nokoru translates, wide-eyed. "Why do you think we're HERE, you dolts!?" Umi cups her hands to shout. "Let's get started with the seme questions..." Botan hurries on. "I've got a question," Suoh raises a dark brow. "I heard about the *prize* from the last game. $5 worth of Sailor Moon merchandise, and no one won..." The other men facevaulted. "Ano..." "Hei, hei," Koenma sighs. "This Newlyweds contest is better organized, and better funded than the last one. I have it on reliable authority that..." He gulps, looks queasy, and casts a frantic look to Botan for support. Botan shakes her head frantically. "No way!" "The prize for the game is a lemon written just for the winners!" Touma shouts out gleefully. "Yay! Sex! CLAMP boys!! And more sex!!" He makes a flying dive for freedom and manages to tumble Botan to the turf in the process. Somehow, the blue-haired ferrygirl maintains her deathgrip on him. Seishirou turns to his spouse. "Subaru-kun." "Hai, Seishirou-san?" The liquid blue-green eyes are endless. "We ARE winning this contest." "As if you two don't already get enough," Eagle scoffs. "Lantis and I need our private time." "Please!!" Koenma inserts, eyes wild. "We really need to be getting on with this." Nokoru nods firmly. "Suoh... we'll do it." He snaps his fan open. Black kanji proclaims, "Nokoru and Suoh; CLAMP's #1 Couple!" "I came up with that one," Nagisa beams shyly. "The first question for the seme~!" Koenma rushes on. "What is your favorite food?" "Favorite food?" Suoh looks over at his golden-haired spouse, hiding his expression behind the white fan which now bears the legend 'Thinking Evil Thoughts' in messy kanji. His own expression grows reproachful. "Well, I *thought* it would be an easy answer..." "Evil thoughts," Koenma echoes aloud, looking at the fan. "How could a question on food..." He claps his hand over his mouth and turns bright red. "He went there," the ecchibi smirks. "Why does EVERYONE end up THERE!?" Mil-chan shouts, startling half the audience. "The only one in Onenisama's pants should be ME!" "Where did *that* come from?" otoko-Maze blinks. Priya looks at him. "We decided one day on IRC that *there* was your pants, Maze-kun." She cackles. Maze-kun looks smug. "....and *everyone* goes there, sooner or later, so that means..." "Moving on!" Botan segues hastily. "Koenma-sama--" "Suoh-kun, your answer please," Koenma says, pulling himself together with remarkable aplomb. "My answer *was* going to be simply a popsicle," Suoh says, glancing sidelong at Nokoru, "but I think I must amend that to a popsicle melted onto *me.*" "Bo-ring," Touma-ecchibi pronounces. Botan and Koenma turn bright pink. "Nokoru?" Koenma squeaks. The blond flips over his card. *A popsicle, melted onto Suoh's _censored_ and his _censored._* Koenma uncovers his eyes. "Did we maintain the PG-13 rating?" "Get over it!!" Touma-ecchibi topples off Botan's arm, black wings fluttering. "That was only the first answer!" He looks around, blinks huge H-sparkling eyes, and throws himself at a CLAMP boy. There is a muffled "K'so!!!" from the audience. "Moving on," Koenma ignores the defection of the ecchibi and points his prizm card at the next couple. Touya's normal composure is unsettled by a flush. "Do I have to say it?" he asks in a low voice, swiveling towards Yukito. "Yuki..." "It's only the truth," Yukito pats his arm. "I still think that jerk isn't good enough for Yukito-san," Li-kun slouches in his seat. Sakura pats his arm. "At least you have me, ne?" Li-kun glowers. "But *he* is your brother. Besides, I have to share you with Tomoyo." "Touya-kun?" Koenma prompts. Touya mutters something inaudible. The audience strains to hear. "What was that, Touya-kun?" Koenma queries. Touya mutters a bit louder. "I knew it!" Thea exclaims, "I knew he really was H!" "They're *still* plotting against you, oneesama," Priya informs her. "I know," Thea says, crestfallen. "Why do you think the voices have been so active lately?" "What did he say? What did he say?" the question ripples through the crowd. "His favorite food is a Touya sundae!" Touya finally bursts out, gone tomato-crimson. Yukito's smile is as sweet as ever as he flips over his card. *A To-ya sundae, mochiron.* Sakura keels over. Li-kun helps her up. "That is on my top ten list," she grits out, "of things I NEVER wanted to know about oniisan." "Ten points!" Koenma declares. "Next?" Seishirou smirks at his spouse. Subaru looks steadily back. "Ecchi! Let there be H!" Touma-ecchibi calls out, flicking his velvety black bat wings. "Get back down here!" Botan stamps a foot. "LIKE HELL!" Touma-ecchibi clings tight to Kamui's neck. "I've got my arms yoked around a beautiful CLAMP boy, and you'll have to self-destruct us, first!" The Dragon of Heaven sweatdrops. "Seishirou-san..." Subaru's expression is one of offended propriety. "I hope you wrote the right answer down on your card," Seishirou purrs. "Eto--" Koenma is befuddled. "Aren't *you* supposed to guess *his* answer correctly?" "Not if he knows what's good for him," Seishirou's hand glides up Subaru's milk-white throat. The schoolgirls from CLAMP campus shiver and *ooh* in appreciation. Kamui looks murderous. Touma-ecchibi squeaks as his windpipe is nearly crushed. "His breakfast," Seishirou murmurs, leaning perilous-close to his spouse, "is this, myself." Now Subaru looks murderous, but he flips over his card. *My breakfast is Seishirou-san.* "HEY!" Hanagata shrills, "he stole my line!!" Seishirou looks up, and there is a lethal glint in his good eye. The blond fop withers. "Ha-niichan no baka," Priya scolds, "you're *both* Koyasu Takehito." "Ten points," Koenma concedes, "let's move on. Lantis-san?" "That's easy," Lantis rumbles. "Please, nothing ecchi..." Koenma prays. Eagle's expression holds a hint of wickedness. "He likes those picnic baskets that the Magic Knights bring from their world," Lantis says. Eagle blinks. He flips his card. "Strawberries from Lantis' fingers and champagne from his--" "Enough!" Koenma interjects, "We can guess the rest." "Those picnic baskets are *your* favorite, itooshii," Eagle says reproachfully to his spouse. Lantis looks chagrined. "And now," Koenma says with relief, "I turn it over to my co-host. Botan!" Botan jumps, looking up from where she has been constructing an ecchibi-retrieval device with the help of Jim Hawking. "Ahh...hai!" She flips through her prizm cards; pulls the top one labeled 'SEME.' "Ara. What is your most common method of demonstrating affection?" The audience goes into an uproar. Koenma's choked noise indicates he is contemplating convulsions. Touma-ecchibi makes a few obvious, blatant suggestions. Kamui punts him into the audience, where the bat-winged chibi lands in another CLAMP lap. "WAI! Kamui!" ecchibi-Touma cuddles up to the Dragon of Earth. Dark "Kamui" smirks down at the ecstatic miniature Touma. "The card clarifies!" Botan continues with haste, "that 'affection' is to be construed in a **non-sexual** sense!!" Half the audience makes noises of discontent. "Where's the fun in that if they don't go there?" Dee says, disappointed. Maze-kun looks frantic. "They're MEN!! I don't want *them* going there!!" "Suoh-san?" Botan turns to the first set of contestants. "Let's see," Suoh began to tick off items on his fingers, "there was the time he had the Campus blimp trail a twelve foot high banner; the time he paid Idomu to hack into the electronic billboards all over Tokyo to flash 'Nokoru loves Suoh,' --" "That was one of the worst mistakes I've ever made," Idomu announces loudly. An irritated look crosses his face. "Miko-san, *please* unhand my ankle." "Yaddesu." Kristi clings tighter. "--the time he had it written in 20-foot high fireworks; once he had Akira bake a cake and put him inside of it--" Nokoru's grin has been widening with each point until he resembles the Cheshire cat. Koenma buries his face in his hands. "So which is it?" "All of it," Suoh blinks. "Rijichou likes showy displays of affection." "So true," Nokoru beams. *I express my love for Suoh in ostentatious, often public displays.* Now Suoh buries his head in his hands. "Yes, and I wish you'd stop." "Next?" Botan prompts. Koenma looks with suspicion at Touya and Yukito. He has learned to fear the facade of innocence. Touya ponders. "*Most* common?" The blue ponytail bobs. "All right," Touya says slowly, "he cooks for me." The audience looks doubtful. "That's not affection!" Li-kun starts to yell, "That's just good mann--umph!" Sakura sweatdrops and gives her oniisan and his spouse a wide smile, while struggling to maintain her grip on Li-kun. "Well, it's very affectionate for him!" Touya contends. "It takes him a great effort of will to wait for me to come home, before eating! He *is* eating for two!" This time nearly the entire audience keels over. Mil-chan looks quizzical. "Is Yukito-san an Onenisama, too?" Yukito waves his hands. "Iya, iya, not like that! I'm two people!" "Not that the concept of a winged bishounen having babies isn't intriguing," Thea murmurs. "Yukito-san, your answer?" Yukito holds up his card. *I cook for To-ya, and wait for him before eating.* He gives his spouse a dazzling smile, which Touya returns slowly. "I'm going to puke," Li-kun gags. "Shush!" Thea tells him. "They're about to sparkle!" "Oniisan never sparkles," Sakura asserts. "Seishirou-san?" The Sakurazukamori begins to chuckle darkly, and everyone commences to look nervous. At last he lifts his head, freeing his eyes from the shuttering fringe of dark bang. His good eye holds a peculiar gleam. "Take-papa!" The words burst from Kamui's lips before he can control it. Horrified, he claps his hands over his mouth. Priya, Thea, and the blonde seated near them rock with laughter. "What was *that!?*" Touma demands. "Shh. Seiyuu joke," Talya shushes him. "To understand, you'd have to watch the Gluhen tour for a month straight, and a lot of anime featuring Koyasu Takehito and Tomakazu Seki." "Together," Priya adds. Touma shudders. "I'd rather be boy-hunting..." "Let's see," Seishirou muses, ignoring the outburst from the audience, "Candles.... fire.... the scent of blood on the air..." "That's *you,*" Subaru tells him, expressive blue-green eyes gone flat. "Hm." Seishirou looks as if he'd pounced on some hapless bird, and lacks only the proof of feathers at the corner of his mouth. "Usually, he tries to kill me." "Is that your answer?" Botan gasps. Seishirou's smile is enigmatic. "We have a....complex....relationship." Silently Subaru turns over his card. *I try to kill him every now and then.* "That's how you show your affection!?" Yuzuriha squeaks. "You--you--" "You're kinky!" Touma shouts gleefully. "Go on then; give him the little death!" Deafening silence. Dark "Kamui's" lips twitch. He plucks the struggling ecchibi from his lap and flings him into the crowd. "YATTA!" Touma-ecchibi glomps Li Shaoran's leg. Li-kun's eyes go wide. "Get it OFF me!" "Someone," Botan implores, "capture that chibi and put him on a leash!" "He'd like it too much!" Koganei calls out, "just have one of the Seals stuff him in a kekkai!" Li-kun purses his lips, frowning at the clutching ecchibi. "There's an idea." Touma-ecchibi catches the murderous glint in his eye and scrambles for safety. "Eto...Lantis-san?" Botan quavers, hurrying onward. "Ahh..." Lantis looks embarrassed. He looks to Eagle with imploring eyes. At Eagle's small -- but implacable -- nod, he gives a sigh of resignation. "I, ah, tell him he's an idiot, then confine him to his quarters." "That's not very romantic, either," Umi notes. "Maybe they're not right for each other," Hikaru perks up. "Ano...Hikaru-san, you *did* vacillate between them and refrained from making a choice," Fuu reminds her. "Sou desu," Hikaru droops. Eagle's expression is a mix of amusement and chagrin. *He calls me 'kono bakayarou,' fusses over me like a mother hen, and sends me to my room. Then joins me.* He dangles the card from slender fingers, a smirk developing. "Don't you, koibito?" Lantis flushes. "Ten points," Botan pronounces, and turns to her co-host. She smiles sweetly. "Koenma-sama, it's your turn again." Koenma looks at his stack of prizm cards, glum. He looks up at the expectant audience. A sweatdrop develops. "Fine," he mutters, "if I must." "Waaaa~ai," Touma-ecchibi wriggles himself happily against the loose robes covering Kujaku's lean chest. The beautiful black-winged bishounen looks at the ecchibi in bemusement, then pats Touma's sandy head. Botan rolls up her sleeves, looking businesslike. "Stop groping the audience members!" "Yaddesu!" Touma sticks out a tiny tongue. Koenma draws a card, takes a breath, and reads it. "What is the most frequent nickname your spouse calls you?" He blinks. "That's not so bad." "Don't be too sure!" Touma calls out, his entire small face leering. Koenma turns red with fury. "You just *had* to spoil it for me, didn't you?" "There, there," the ecchibi grins, rubbing a cheek against Kujaku's chest, "we'll find you a nice bishounen, too." Koenma's face turns crimson again, then purple. He blinks. His mouth moves noiselessly, then his eyes roll back in his head and he passes out cold. "Koenma-sama!" George the oni rushes to his side. "Ara! Taihen desu!" Botan squeaks, then musters herself. She summons up a smile, fixating on the first couple. "Nokoru-san and Suoh-san?" Suoh himself blinks a few times, then he starts to blush. "Eto... eto... do I really have to?" he stammers, very much embarrassed. "Ahhh~! Kawaii!" several members of the audience -- mostly female -- shimmer at Suoh's reticence. Idomu sticks out his tongue, then makes throttling motions with his hands. "Suoh -- tsubushite!!" *I will CRUSH you!* Nokoru pokes Suoh with his closed white fan, eyes sly. Suoh's frantic expression deepens, as if looking for escape. "He calls me... he ... he... he calls me..." Suoh hedges. "Spit it out!" Touma encourages, squirming in Kujaku's lap. A hand firmly prevents him from burrowing into the filmy robes. Poor Suoh's face is beet red. "He calls me.... Suoh-chan." Several bishounen perched on the edge of their seats keel over. Touma falls off Kujaku's lap. "That's it? That's IT!?" Suoh looks as if he's trying to sink through the floor. Nokoru whips out his fan in lieu of card. *My darling Suoh-chan.* "If Nokoru were with me," Idomu smirks, "he'd call ME 'Master.'" "Eheh..." Botan titters faintly. "Moving on..." She turns to Touya and Yukito. The dark-haired boy turns to his spouse. "Yuki--" he says, unbending in an *almost* pleading manner. "Just say it, To-ya," Yukito smiles. Touya grits his teeth. "He calls me "Arrow-chan," he says, beet red. Yukito blinks. "To-ya," he says reproachfully, "That's what I call your pe--" He is drowned out by a roar of whistles, catcalls, hoots, and improbable offers or suggestions. Touma is leading the roar of tribute. Li-kun has toppled over with a nosebleed and Sakura is hiding under Kagetsuya's wings, the tall blond angel seated in front of her. Botan cautiously removes her fingers from her ears. The roar is dying down. "Yukito-san, the proper answer?" Yukito flips over his card, still smiling. *I call To-ya my Peach-san. I call To-ya's member my Arrow-chan.* "Is that...is that really PG-13!?" Poor Koenma, nearly revived, is on the verge of hysterics. "Apparently," Botan says, helpless. "That's the best answer so far!" Touma proclaims. Li-kun is on the verge of passing out from blood loss. Thoughtfully, Sakura plugs up his nose. She already has ear plugs firmly in place. "Koenma-sama? Can you resume?" Koenma is standing once more. He glares murderously at the ecchibi, who flicks his bat wings and snuggles Kujaku contentedly. "So how do we score that?" Koenma scratches his head. "Uh...five points?" Botan ventures. "He was only half right." Koenma nods. "Seishirou-san, your answer please." His voice is level and calm, lovely eyes steady. Lacking his fuukuman, the edge of a prizm card creeps into his mouth. "Let's see." Seishirou looks thoughtful. "Was it 'you bastard?' Or maybe 'bloodsucking wizard.' 'Fiendish devil?'" His mild brown eye turns a disapproving look on his spouse. "That one doesn't show much imagination, Subaru-kun. Subaru gives him a level look in return, one brow hiked. "Then there was 'stupid idiot' -- redundant and childish, lover," Seishirou chides. "But I think the most frequent one is 'Sei -- oh!'" Botan blinks. Koenma has stuck his fingers in his ears. "You sure let him know who's boss," Touma smirks. Subaru's fair skin is aflame. *Sei -- oh!!* From his embarrassed squirm, it is clear he isn't calling Seishirou a king. The audience once again tenders appreciative whistles and hoots. "Ten points thank you Lantis-san please the next answer!" Koenma belts out in a single breath. The audience watches, bemused, as the big sorcerer-knight squirms in his chair, a faint blush suffusing his cheeks. "Eagle?" Eagle Vision gives his spouse a faint smile that can only be interpreted as wicked. "He calls me his dark Angel," Lantis mutters. Eagle takes his hand and presses a kiss to the palm. The female audience sighs. Eagle flips over his card with the free hand. *My dark Angel.* "Mou!" Hikaru stomps a foot, "I came up with that!" She quivers her lower lip. "Ten points and yokatta! We're done with the round!" Koenma flops back and George is there propping him up with a chair, placing a drink in his hand, fanning him with a broad Chinese fan. "Tally the scores, please." Botan blinks in confusion. "Ara?" Hand to mouth. "Was that me? I haven't been keeping track..." Touma looks scornful. He flits to the center of the ring. "Yosh'! Nokoru and Suoh, and Seishirou and Subaru, are tied for the lead with thirty points each! Touya and Yukito lead up with twenty-five, and Lantis and Eagle are lagging with twenty!" Nokoru cheers and whips out his fan. *IchiBAN!* Suoh is nearly knocked off the seat by his enthusiastic spouse. "Wai! Suoh-chan, dai suki!" "Not in public, you don't!" Suoh sputters. Seishirou's smile is lazy as he hooks an arm around his younger lover. "We'll win this yet, lover." Without changing expression Subaru smacks his arm. "Don't call me that." Lantis is muttering something quiet and frantic under his breath as Eagle nuzzles at his ear. "Don't worry, Yuki," Touya pats his lover's hand, "We'll pull ahead in the next round." "TAKEO-KUN!" Aburatsubo-sempai glomps a shrinking Takakura, who turns red and tries to extract himself. "We should get married, too!" "Zen zen dame!" is Takeo's fervent response. "Can we please have a commercial break?" Koenma implores. ~~~~~~~~~~ *The screen is lit up with bright-colored lights and sparkles.* *Voice-over, Japanese-accented English: "From GLICO!"* *Cut to: a generic living room set, two kids reminiscent of Asuka and Shinji from Neon Genesis Evangelion chasing each other around the coffee table, flailing and yelling.* *Asuka's red hair flies behind her as she lunges for Shinji.* "MY Pocky!" *Shinji manages to dance out of range, blue-green box clutched in his fist.* "No, it's not; it's Men's Pocky! It's MY Pocky!" *They make another circuit around the living room coffee table. Asuka skids to a halt and stamps her foot, and Shinji nearly bangs into her as he runs around the coffee table again.* "If it's Men's Pocky, then it's *definitely* not for you!" *Asuka tosses back her red hair, eyes glinting with challenge.* *Shinji blinks at her.* "Are you saying you're more of a man than I am?" *With a screech, Asuka launches herself for him. Shinji yelps and scrambles back. Not in time. Asuka slams into him and they begin to wrestle for possession of the box.* "MY Pocky!" "It's MINE, you whiny bitch!" "If you're a man, then you should share!" "You're not a man, then, either, because you're not sharing!!" *The Pocky box goes flying. It lands on the living room floor and Asuka and Shinji continue to wrestle, growling, voltage crackling.* *Pen-Pen waddles up to the box, noses it open, and begins to munch on the chocolate-covered sticks.* *Asuka and Shinji stop, stare at the penguin, and begin to howl.* *Misato appears in the doorway, glowering. She tosses a few red and blue-green boxes into the room, then begins to stalk off. She notices Pen-Pen gorging and stops.* "Pen-Pen, you can't eat that. You'll get sick.* *Under her breath: "Look at _them_."* *The kids hold up double handfuls of Pocky, mouths already smeared with chocolate.* "Thanks, Misato!" *The logo appears in a swirl of pastel and English lettering: POCKY!* *Voice-over, Japanese-accented English: "Pocky, it's not for penguins. Enjoy it!"* ~~~~~~</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>