http://clampfix.fanworks.net/x-overs/botan2.txt </head><body><pre>"Botan and Koenma's CLAMP Newlyweds Game" by Talya Firedancer ~Part Two~0 *sparkles and the backdrop of the river Styx predominate the screen* Botan *POPS* up VERY close to the camera, wearing a kittenish face, bewhiskered and little ears wiggling. Touma’s piping chibi voice drowns her out. "Yoooosh'! Minna-san, welcome to round two of Botan and Koenma's CLAMP Newlyweds Game!" Touma gives an enthusiastic mid-air wriggle, then resumes drooling at the audience-full of bishounen. Botan and Koenma are glaring at the ecchibi. "If it's our Newlyweds game, why are *you* doing the introductions?" Koenma asks, sour. Botan makes a grab for the ecchibi and he works his wings furiously, flitting out of range. "Just go on with the questions!" the chibi urges blithely. Botan sighs and gives up. "For round two," she says with a perky smile, "our Uke spouses will be answering their questions!" Koenma glances at the contestants, grabs a card, flips it over, and does a double-take. Surreptitiously he slips it to the bottom of the deck. "Now," Botan gives a flirt of her kimono hem, facing the audience with a bounce, "we begin round two with Koenma-sama asking the first question for the uke spouses!" "Why me!?" Koenma wails. "I started the questions in the LAST round! And that means I end up asking more questions!" Botan giggles. "I know." Koenma expels a long-suffering sigh and picks out a (new) prizm card labeled "UKE" clearly across the back. "May I not be barraged with Too Much Information I Really Don't Want to Know," he prays, his demeanor pious. He reads the question, and looks relieved. "What would your spouse say is your most annoying or disgusting habit?" "The raunchier, the better," Touma adds. Botan stamps her foot at him. "Get DOWN here, ecchi!" "Won't!" Touma shakes his head vigorously. "You have boobs!" Involuntarily Botan glances down, turns beet red, and huddles into her kimono. "Ahh, Nokoru-san! Your answer please!" Koenma hastens to prompt. Nokoru facevaults. "I...ah, I have an annoying habit?" he hedges. He smiles brightly and snaps open his fan, kanji reading ‘Flawless Man.’ Suoh folds his arms, the answer card dangling from the fingers of one hand, and regards him with incredulity. "Ano..." Nokoru tries to look innocent, but is a terrible liar and everyone knows it. "I...well...I suppose Suoh will say... putting off my paperwork until I have literal mountains of it!" Suoh raises a dark brow and releases the card, which flutters to the ground. *The damned fan. He plays incessantly with that damned white fan.* Nokoru snaps the fan shut and hides it behind his back. "Gomen!" "You see? You shouldn't have celebrated our perfect score so early," Suoh tells him, relentless. "Moving on!" Koenma turns to the next couple. "Yukito?" Yukito blinks disarmingly. "I have one?" "Don't start that," Touya mutters. "Yukito could never have a disgusting habit," Li-kun defends his childhood crush. The glare Touya shoots in his direction contains lethal levels of venom. "I eat more than a single part-time job can support," Yukito admits, turning a wide-eyed look on his spouse. In spite of himself, a corner of Touya's mouth softens. Yukito gives him a full-on beam and Touya capitulates with a grudging smile. "Kawaii," Thea notes with a grin. Li-kun is making choking noises while Sakura smacks him on the back. Touya has flipped over his card. *I've had to take several part-time jobs to support his eating habits.* "Gomen," Yukito says dolefully, "I'm such trouble for you." Touya pats his hand awkwardly. "You're worth any sort of trouble, Yuki." Yukito's smile is brilliant. Now Sakura starts making choking noises. "Is that REALLY my brother!?" "Ten points for the lovebirds. Moving on?" Koenma prods. "And don't try to say you have no annoying habits," Touma flits around, wide violet eyes searching for another toothsome CLAMP boy to glomp. His eye settles on Idomu. "Don't even think about it." Kristi, with a firm grip on Idomu-kun's ankle, holds up a can of hentai repellant to keep the ecchibi at bay. "Hey, GIVE me that!" Idomu makes a grab for the can. Subaru's turquoise eyes are wide and guileless. "I have an annoying habit?" With that expression, he almost manages to look as innocent as he had at sixteen. Koenma smacks his forehead. "Another one." Seishirou's eyebrow winches up. "Yare, yare." Subaru pulls out a cigarette, spoiling his picture of innocence. Seishirou leans over solicitously to light it for him. Botan and the ecchibi dive for Subaru. "NO SMOKING!" Touma gets there first and snaps it out of Subaru's fingers. The young man stares at his empty, upraised fingers for a moment then glares calmly at the chibi. "My shikigami would probably think you taste JUST like chicken," Subaru warns. Touma, who dropped the burning cigarette into the raging river, hears the threat and flees for Botan's bosom. "I'm *chibi," he sulks again. "I can't even protect myself!" "A-HEM!" Koenma coughs loudly. "Subaru, your answer PLEASE!" Subaru turns a jaded eye on his spouse. "Let me get something straight. We're supposed to answer what we think our spouse has said, and not necessarily what *we* think is correct?" "Hai," Koenma inclines his head. Subaru nods with a tiny sigh. "Then he's going to say I'm troublesome because I resist so hard." Touma snickers. Seishirou gives him a possessive, almost affectionate smile and turns his card over. *Plays hard to get. A bit TOO hard.* Koenma nods. "Fine, fine." He turns to the last couple. "Eagle?" Eagle is staring off into space counting on his fingers. "It could be that... or it could be that..." Lantis eyes him with a vaguely cynical expression. "Hmm... spending more time with the FTO than I do with him?" Touma's little head pops up out of the neckline of Botan's kimono. She squeaks. "For those who haven't seen MKR2, the FTO is an advanced, semi-automated mobile suit." He winks and burrows back into the kimono. Botan seizes him by the ear and punts him into the crowd. Lantis sighs and turns the card over. *Drop-kicking Primera on every possible occasion.* "Oh, so it *was* that one," Eagle grins disarmingly, rubbing the back of his head. "Well, you have to admit she's a really annoying little fairy. And she tries to cut in on our private time. No wonder Mokona tried to eat her." "And got indigestion." Lantis barely smiles. "All right, no points," Koenma says. He levels a finger at Botan. "It’s all you." Botan is ecchibi-hunting. "Where did it go? *Where* did it go?" Touma clings to one of the Duklyon boys and sticks his tongue out at her. "No way!" Takeshi tries frantically to dislodge the ecchibi and Kentarou looks outraged. She gives up, draws a card from the sleeve of her kimono, opens her mouth – and squeaks. "What?" Koenma asks. Botan is bright red. She holds up the card to Koenma. "YOU read it, Koenma-sama!" Koenma regards the card the way one would regard a live god-slaying snake. "No way. It’s your turn." "Why me?" Botan wails, then takes the card in both hands. Her lip quivers, then firms. "How do you know when your spouse is ‘in the mood?’" Touma howls with laughter, nearly losing his perch as Kentarou tries to sneak up on him with a mallet. The audience rustles with anticipation. Nokoru purses his mouth, tilts his head, and looks at Suoh. Suoh looks back gravely. "I thought this game was PG-13..." "So did I," Botan weeps. Nokoru smiles, a bright sunny expression. "My answer is clean, but I’m curious to hear Subaru’s." Down the line, Subaru is glaring murder at Seishirou, who smiles complacently back and pats his cheek. The young Seal nearly loses it right there, if not for a high, sweet "Ganbatte, Subaru-chan!" from Hokuto. "Usually, Suoh kidnaps me," Nokoru grins, a surprisingly boyish expression. "I don’t put up much of a struggle." There are a few scattered catcalls. "Rijichou! I didn’t know Takamura-senpai was so adventurous!" Akira beams. He tilts his head. "Wait... that explains a lot..." "Oh, so all you have to do is kidnap him?" Idomu smirks. "Ah, the potential..." Suoh holds up his card. *I kidnap him.* He averts his face, a flush spreading over his cheeks. "Ten points," Botan waves her floppy sleeves, then peers at the next couple, a worried expression crossing her face. "Yukito-san?" Sakura, with a determined face, claps her hands over her ears. "Don’t wanna know *that* much about ’niisan," she declares. Yukito smiles, tipping his head towards his spouse. "He cooks for me." "*Wait* a minute," Li-kun bursts out, "Touya cooks ALL the ti—" He claps his hands over his mouth and topples over with another nosebleed. "They’re newlyweds, dolt," Touma calls out. "Of course they’re doing it all the time." Touya glares thunderously up at Li-kun. *I cook something special for Yuki.* Yukito beams. Then he turns mild eyes on his spouse. "To-ya...I’m hungry..." "Has anyone noticed yet that both of them have had answers involving cooking?" Li-kun growls, twists of kleenex plugging up his nose. "There’s an awful lot of cooking going on in that house..." "An awful lot of *something,*" Yohji smirks. "Later!" Botan interrupts. "Ten points. Subaru-kun?" Subaru twists uncomfortably on his chair. "Do I *have* to answer this?" "Do you even have to ask?" Touma abandons the Duklyon boys and does a frenzied loop-de-loop. "Woo, woo!" Kasumi Karen calls out, flapping her half of the banner. "Go, Subaru-chan, GO!" Hokuto cheers. Subaru reddens. "HO-kuto-chan!" "Subaru-kun..." Botan prompts. He averts his face from the audience. "He...." Red-faced, he mumbles something. Seishirou is watching him with amusement. He lifts a hand to caress the side of Subaru’s face and the younger man jerks away. "He *mumble mumble*..." "A little louder, please, Subaru-kun," Botan requests with a nervous smile. Subaru lifts his head and glares. He is having tremendous difficulty with this question. "He pins me down, okay? With all the subtlety of a bullet train. Sometimes with his powers, sometimes not." Seishirou’s expression is a trifle injured. He holds up his card. *Sakura blossoms. Candle light. A gourmet meal for two.* "Wow," Touma’s eyes are round. "They lost points." Subaru looks mortified. "Gomen! I didn’t account for your recent shift in tactics." "How romantic!" Hokuto sighs loudly. "Subaru-chan! I knew he’d make you a good husband!" "HO-kuto-chan!!" "Mou, Subaru, you’re such a prude." "Well," Botan hastens onward, "our last pairing please. Eagle?" "Usually he finds out when *I’m* in the mood," Eagle speaks up, hand clasping that of a red-faced Lantis. He gives the audience an innocent smile. "Ooh, this should be good," the ecchibi smirks, seeking out Kakyou’s lap. The Dreamweaver looks startled for a moment, then unsure what to do with the bat-winged little ecchibi curling up in his lap. "Don’t wanna know about their sex life, I *don’t* wanna know about their sex life," Hikaru chants, fingers stuck into her ears. "I have these fine threads of wire, very convenient for tying—" Eagle continues. "Yamero!" Koenma yelps. He casts a frantic glance at Botan. "Uh, that should be enough," Botan nods. Silent, Lantis holds up his card. *I find out when Eagle is in the mood.* "It’s because you’re such a typical, clueless male," Eagle laughs softly. Botan makes a V-sign of triumph. "Ten points, and it’s your turn, Koenma-sama!" Koenma looks up with wobbling-wide topaz eyes. "Do I have to?" "I could do it," Touma offers, purring from Kakyou’s lap while the Dreamweaver pets his tawny hair, "but you know what kind of question *I’ll* pick." Koenma swiftly selects a card. He wipes a sweatdrop from his forehead with relief. "What is your spouse’s most commonly-used phrase or word?" He turns to the first couple. " Nokoru?" Nokoru’s brow is furrowed in concentration. "It’s a toss-up," he ponders aloud, "between ‘Rijichou, your paperwork!’ or ‘Nokoru, don’t do that!’ " "Don’t do what!?" the ecchibi demands, rising restlessly from Kakyou’s slender legs in search of another CLAMP bishounen. Suoh’s cheeks turn pink. "There are a lot of things Takamura-senpai tells Rijichou not to do," Akira notes. "I’d be telling him something a little different," Idomu smirks. "Which is it?" Koenma prompts. He glances upward. "We *were* supposed to have a time limit, but that seems to’ve been left behind awhile ago." Botan snickers behind her sleeve. "Ahh... ‘Rijichou! Your paperwork, please!’ " Nokoru imitates his spouse’s harried expression. Suoh raises a dark eyebrow. "You enjoyed that, didn’t you?" He flips over his card. *Rijichou! _Please_ do your paperwork!* Nokoru gives him a sunny smile. "I hear it often enough!" "Next," Koenma turns to Yukito and Touya. Yukito turns to Touya. "To-ya," he shimmers. Touya blinks, looking a bit shell-shocked. "He says ‘Yuki,’ " Yukito shimmers again. Thea has been felled. Solemnly Priya helps her up. "Oneesama, you might want a shield of some sort," she advises. "Yuki," Touya utters, card slipping from his fingers. "To-ya," Yukito beams. "Yuki..." "Niisan does NOT shimmer!" Sakura says indignantly. "I’d say Yukito-san is shimmering enough for both of them," Li-kun’s eyes are wide and sparkly, gaze riveted on Yukito. Sakura claps her hands over his eyes. The answer card, which has drifted to rest on the ground, reads *Yuki, I love you.* "I take it they do this a lot," Botan says, starry-eyed. "You have NO idea," Thea avows. "Now wait a minute," Koenma purses his lips, "Yukito’s answer was only half of Touya’s answer." Botan shrugs. "Then we give them half the points." Koenma nods. "Okay, five points then." Botan beams at the second couple again. "Kawaii..." "Next," Koenma says, the sentimentality lost on him. Touma looks as if he’s trying to suppress a gag reflex. He hovers near Ferio. Ferio puts a hand on the hilt of his giant sword. Touma makes a mid-air revision of his glomp and changes trajectory. "Is there a Sorata in the house?" he calls out hopefully. Sorata hides behind Arashi. Arashi pointedly steps aside, leaving Sorata to flounder and topple into the next row of bleachers. Subaru looks at Seishirou and flushes. "Ano ne..." "You have to answer," Koenma says wearily, "no matter how bad it is." He takes one look at Seishirou’s smirking visage. "And knowing him, it’ll be pretty damned bad." Subaru nods, then wipes all expression from his face. " ‘Hold still,’ " he quotes, " ‘this won’t hurt a bit.’ " There is one startled guffaw from the audience. "What!?" Hokuto demands. "He’s a veterinarian! He says that all the time!" Karen coughs delicately. "Ano...Hokuto-chan, that was several years ago. "He’s not a veterinarian anymore." Hokuto takes one look at her furiously-blushing brother and bursts into peals of silvery laughter. "Ten points," Koenma says, voice strangled. "Next!" Eagle is grinning wickedly. Botan and Koenma look nervous and crowd together for moral support. "His most commonly used phrase," he begins, "is ‘.............’." Botan and Koenma look at each other. "That’s it?" Touma looks cheated. "That’s it?" Lantis flips over his card, expressionless. *..............*. "Was there an extra dot in Lantis’s silence?" Koenma squints. "Don’t be so nitpicky!" Botan smacks him with her deck. Then they both stop stock-still and look at one another. "Are we done?" "We’re done." They both cheer and fall into one another’s arms, practically weeping tears of relief. "We’re done, we’re done..." Touma looks up from his perch on Sorata’s shoulder. The young monk from Mt. Kouya is trying to persuade the ecchibi to assault Yuuto, sitting over in the Evil Contingent of the bleachers. "Don’t get excited! Tally the scores, first!" Botan blinks wide rose-colored eyes. "The scores?" Koenma shakes her. "You forgot, again!? We’ll never get out of here!" "That’s easy!" Jim Hawking calls out from near the front of the bleachers. "It’s a three-way tie, you guys. Nokoru and Suoh, Touya and Yukito, and Seishirou and Subaru are all tied with fifty points. Lantis and Eagle’ve got forty. Ne, aniki?" Gene Starwind blinks at Jim, attention diverted from trying to sweet-talk Urd into evil doings after the show. "Huh?" Jim sighs. "Never mind." "A three-way tie?" Koenma wails, popping chibi. "I wanted to be FINISHED!" "Maa, maa," Botan soothes, picking up the Koenma-chibi and cuddling him. "Touma-kun promised to do the bonus question." "That’s what I’m afraid of!" Koenma bawls. ~~~ -end part two- Be afraid. Be afraid, indeed. ...and a chocolate-covered CLAMP boy for anyone who can name all the series involved. It's quite a few... Which only means I've seen WAY too much anime and, as Thea succinctly put, am a seiyuu ho.</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>