http://clampfix.fanworks.net/x-overs/botan3.txt </head><body><pre>Here it is, the last installment! I'm so happy to be seeing the back of this fic, I can't even tell you... Warnings... this fic is shounen-ai, may possibly offend some people, has naughty innuendo and ecchi nosebleeds, and gratuitous Touma. (For an explanation of Touma, go here: http://www.teleport.com/~smhaven/toumapg.html) Notice to interested parties - I'm re-opening and moving my website, and it will go here: http://adult.dencity.com/Firedancer/ - there's not much back up yet, and it's under massive construction, but I'm a busy person. ^_^;;;;; Ja ne~! Talya "Botan and Koenma's CLAMP Newlyweds Game" Part 3/3 by Talya Firedancer "A three-way tie?" Koenma wails, popping chibi. "I wanted to be FINISHED!" "Maa, maa," Botan soothes, picking up the Koenma-chibi and cuddling him. "Touma-kun promised to do the bonus question." "That’s what I’m afraid of!" Koenma bawls. Touma gives Sorata’s cheek one last nuzzle, and flits to the center of the impromptu arena. "Time for the bonus question!" Sorata, making ‘yuck’ noises, sidles up to Arashi for comfort. Arashi hops down a couple of bleachers to join Karen and Yuzuriha, and Sorata topples over, clutching at his heart. Botan solemnly hands him a couple of prizm cards labeled ‘BONUS.’ "Hai." "Thanks," Touma riffles through them. His expression falls. "Hey, these are no fun!" "Thank the gods," Koenma-chibi squeaks. "All right," Touma begins, expression resigned. "This is the bonus round, to break the tie. Answers are worth twice as much in this round, so make it count!" With a flourish, he selects a card, holding it with both ecchibi hands. "What," Touma pauses for dramatic emphasis, flapping his tiny bat wings furiously to keep himself aloft with his cue card, "is your spouse’s preferred brand of lubricant?" A shockwave of *thud* *thud* *thud* ripples through the audience. "MOU! Chibi! That is NOT what your cue card says!" Botan shouts, making a leap for the ecchibi. "Well," Yohji remarks, trying to stem Omi’s copiously bleeding nose, "knowing Touma, we should have seen that coming." "It’s because we know him that we didn’t see him coming," Tokiya remarks sourly, watching Yanagi apply smelling salts to Recca. Nokoru is crimson. "Ano – we’re not supposed to answer that, are we?" "NO!" Botan yelps, turning to the contestants. "Absolutely do not answer that!" She glares at the ecchibi. "The real question, now, or I’ll make sure you get stuck like that!" Touma quivers with rage, but reads his cue card. "Fine." After a parting *beeda* to the blue-haired ferrygirl. "What is your spouse’s favorite color?" The contestants sweatbead. "That’s it!?" Nokoru snaps his fan open. *Much Ado About Nothing.* Actually somehow he has three fans in his hand now, to fit all the messy kanji. "That’s easy!" He beams expectantly at Suoh. Suoh looks hangdog. "Not so easy..." he mutters. "Masaka!" Nokoru looks dismayed. "You don’t know my favorite color?" He flips his fan over. *Shock.* Suoh looks everywhere but Nokoru. "I’m very disappointed in you, Suoh," Nokoru declares, turning his fan over again. *Crestfallen.* "How does he do that?" Omi asks. "I think he’s turned it around three times now!" "Don’t ask," Utako says firmly. "I asked, once." "I know his favorite color," Idomu smirks, "and since Suoh doesn’t, I can only take it as an omen that the marriage is ill-fated." "Oh, be quiet!" Nagisa pipes up, causing shocked looks all around her. "You’re just saying that because you’re jealous." "Suoh, we’re waiting!" Touma-ecchibi reminds him pointedly. "Ack... umm... the color of my eyes!" Suoh hazards a wild guess. "You STOLE that!" the ecchibi rages indignantly. "Take that back!" "Too late!" Botan declares, as Nokoru flips his fan... again... *The beautiful golden hue of Suoh’s eyes.* The other two fans are back in his hand. "Suoh! You knew all along!" "Err, actually I was guessing..." Nokoru flips his fan over again and holds it up to cover their faces. *Our love – proved!* "Next couple!" Touma prompts. "Make it snappy!" Touya looks calm, Yukito complacent. "What’s your spouse’s favorite color?" Touma repeats the question. "Silver," Touya replies, "like moonlight." "Kireee~ei," a sigh ripples through the amassed schoolgirls. "Is that because of his name?" Omi wants to know. "Tsukishiro?" "No," Eriol-kun turns around to reply, "there are... other reasons. But those are spoilers." "WAH!" Touma-ecchibi spots him, "Eriol-kun!" "Bonus round," Botan reminds him firmly, "or no de-chibi-ing." "Right," Touma snaps to attention. "Yukito-san?" "Silver," Yukito replies, turning over his card and giving a gentle smile to his spouse. "Twenty points," Touma allows. "Moving along. Seishirou-san?" Seishirou smirks. "He’s worn so many bright, flamboyant colors... let me think..." Suburu crimsoned. "That was when Hokuto was still dressing me, Seishirou-san." "No hints!" the Touma-ecchibi flails, the weight of his cue card making him do a somersault. "Recently, though," Seishirou continues, shooting the ecchibi a dark look, "he seems to favor gray." "Gray," Subaru agrees, flipping his card. "Subaru! So grim!" Hokuto scolds from the bleachers. "I thought I raised you better!" "It’s better than black, ‘neechan," Subaru calls back. "Next!" Touma forges onward. "Lantis?" "Green," Lantis intones immediately, with the air of one who has been thoroughly drilled on the subject, told over and over with any sort of gift or decor in mind. "His favorite color is green." Eagle pats his knee with a gentle smile reminiscent of Yukito. "Good Lantis." He holds up his card. *Green, mochiron.* "Twenty points!" Touma-ecchibi confers. "Good round, everyone. Even Suoh didn’t mess up." "Oi," Suoh murmurs, put out. "Hurry up," Koenma grits. "I can *feel* the paperwork piling up. This show should’ve been over hours ago..." "Try months," Botan sighs. "Yosha!" Touma exclaims, flapping his wings harder to hold a mid-air pose. "Next question..." He lets the first cue card fall, gripping the next one tightly as he peers at it. "And don’t revise the question!" Botan reminds sternly. "Yare, yare," Touma sighs. "Just trying to spice things up." "They’re spicy enough!" Tira Missu stands up to shout, glasses completely fogged over. Lina Inverse looks up sharply. "Dare!?" "Uhm... the question!" Touma plunges on. He reads aloud. "Asked of the uke member of the couple... what is your spouse’s favorite anime? First couple." Showing enormous restraint, he doesn’t even complain about the tameness of the question. "Shimatta!" Nokoru’s expression turns chagrined. "Don’t know, do you?" Suoh gives him a cynical golden gaze. Nokoru sinks down in his seat. *How embarrassing,* his fan reads as he covers his reddening face with it. Suoh sighs and puts a long-suffering hand to his forehead. "Uh..." Nokoru founders. "Is it... Duklyon?" "That’s not an anime, Rijichou!" Akira calls out. "No HINTS!" Touma whirls, flapping furiously. "Right..." Nokoru scratches his blond head, turning his fan around again. *Clueless.* "Ah – City Hunter, I guess." Suoh’s expression is frazzled as he flips over his card. "Way wrong." *Card Captor Sakura.* "That was unexpected," Idomu blinks. "I thought he was the ninja shounen type, like Flame of Recca." "Wahh! I’m so humiliated!" Nokoru puts his head in his hands. "We’re doomed... Now we’ll never win the prize!" "It’s just a lemon, Nokoru," Suoh says, expression queasy. "I’d rather that sort of thing remains private." "Next!" Touma chirps. "Yukito, please." "Hmmm..." Yukito taps his cheek with an index finger. "He watches Sailor Moon S, and Yu Yu Hakusho, and Magic Knight Rayearth, and..." "Gee, I wonder why," Priya mumbles. "It must be coincidence that Ogata Megumi is in all of them." "But his favorite is Vision of Escaflowne," Yukito concludes. Li-kun blinks. "That’s narcissistic." Van Fanel glares at him. "I have nothing in common with anyone in such a shoujo anime." Chichiri sneezes. "My nose was tickling no da," he says defensively when his seatmates look at him. "Enough with the seiyuu jokes," Touma says irritably, "your answer, Touya?" Touya holds up his card, gritting his teeth slightly. *Martian Successor Nadesico.* "Oops." Yukito’s expression is chagrined. "I forgot about that one..." "Oniisan!" Sakura cries out. "You failed Yukito-san!" "Oi," Touya protests, expression surly. "It was good. But I thought the character of Daigoji Gai was sadly underdeveloped." "You would," Seishirou murmurs, lifting an eyebrow. "Next," Touma cuts off the ensuing debate. "Subaru." "Let me think," Subaru says with an expression of concentration, then begins ticking off on his fingers. "He likes Weiss Kreuz, Saber Marionette J, Gundam Wing, Fushigi Yuugi, Spriggan, Slayers, Maho Tsukai Tai, DNA^2, the very last arc of Rurouni Kenshin, Revolutionary Girl Utena, Zetsuai/Bronze, Heroic Legend of Arislan..." "Eclectic tastes," Sorata notes, wide-eyed. "No, just another narcissist," Arashi sniffs. "But his favorite is Revolutionary Girl Utena," Subaru decides. "He’s fascinated with Kiryuu Touga." "He would be," Touya mutters. "You don’t say? Eheheheh..." Touma titters, doing a loop-de-loop. "Seishirou-san, your answer?" "Shoujo Kakumei Utena," Seishirou murmurs, displaying his card. He turns a melting look on Subaru, voice sliding into an even more seductive register. "You find me irresistable, don’t you?" "Don’t start that," Subaru growls, pushing his face away. "Twenty points. Next!" Touma hurries on, before anyone can ponder similarity of names. Eagle is grinning. Lantis is muttering something low and frantic, over and over, that sounds like *Don’t be honest. Don’t be honest.* Eagle sighs sorrowfully. "Fine," he says at last to his spouse. "I don’t let them know you watch shoujo anime." He lifts his voice. "He doesn’t have a favorite." Touma looks at them suspiciously. "Oi—" Quickly Lantis flips over his card. *I do not watch shoujo anime.* He is rigidly expressionless. "Methinks he doth protest too much," Fuu says, swiping blonde curls out of her eyes. "Now I’m dying to know what he watches," Umi complains. "I bet it’s Card Captor Sakura," Hikaru giggles. "No, I bet it’s Wedding Peach!" Umi returns. "Yeah, who would admit to watching that?" "HEY!" Momoko yells, glaring. "You’ve got pink hair, too, you know!" "Yes," Hikaru admits, "but I have a sword and you have... a bouquet." Hikaru covers her mouth with her hand to hide the giggle. "ANYHOW!" Touma bellows, "if anyone were paying attention, they’d realize Eagle and Lantis’ answers don’t match up! Eagle’s answer implies that Lantis watches anime, while Lantis informs us very earnestly that he doesn’t watch shoujo anime." "No points," Botan and Koenma decide. They give each other incredulous looks. "Is it over? Is it really, truly over?" "Not quite," Touma smirks. "Kora! Touma!" Botan yells, leaping up. "Enough of your interference! *We’re* the hosts of this Newlyweds game, not some oversexed, under—" "Excuse me, Botan-chan?" Seishirou speaks up. The glint in his good eye sidetracks the ferrygirl from her rant. "Ah, hai, Seishirou-san?" Botan wavers. Clearly she does not trust the ‘former’ assassin. "May I?" he inquires. "H-hai, douzo." Seishirou fixes the ecchibi with a Look. "I’ve been keeping track of the score." Touma flicks his wings nervously. "So?" "So, Subaru-kun and I are ahead by twenty points, chibi. Give it up." "Datte, datte -- !" Touma hovers anxiously. "Datte! The physical challenge round!" "Physical... challenge...?" Koenma-chibi squeaks. Botan pops into chibi and begins to cry. "Yaddesu!" "Now you’ve done it," Suoh mutters, head sinking into his hands. "Hidoi!" Nokoru leaps up, the fire of vengeance in his eyes. "You’ve made a woman cry!" He levels his fan at Touma. "Yurusenai!" "Touma-kun," Seishirou adds, "I’m not as nice or restrained as Subaru-kun. My shikigami won’t bother to taste you, they’ll just tear you apart." Touma stares at them both. His violet eyes wobble. With a wail, he flees in a stream of crystalline tears, little bat wings flapping as fast as they can take him. "Seishirou-san, wasn’t that a little excessive?" Subaru reproaches. Seishirou looks at him. "Let’s see. He barged in on the game show, groped as many of the male audience as he could, shouldered the hosts out of their positions, reduced them both to chibi, and extended this whole disaster by a good hour," he ticked the points off on his long, slender, very CLAMP fingers. "No, Subaru-kun, I think I let him off easy." "Is it over?" chibi-Botan quavers. "I think it’s safe now, Botan-chan," Eagle calls out reassuringly. "The Touma-growth is gone," Touya adds. "WAI!" Botan pops back to normal size and bounces to center-stage. "Are we done, then?" Koenma steps up beside her, brushing his clothes back into place, finally de-chibified. "Seishirou and Subaru *are* in the lead, Botan. And for the sake of our sanity—" "—and to prevent this from descending into the absurd!" Botan lifts up a finger. "Hmm, we already did *that* on the ‘Dance Mix.’" "—we are NOT putting on a physical challenge round," Koenma finishes adamantly. The contestants breathe sighs of relief. "Demo," Botan frowns. "It can’t be finished yet. Weren’t Nokoru and Suoh supposed to be in the lead?" Koenma makes shushing motions. "Ix-nay on the inner-way!" he squeaks. "Are you implying that this game is rigged?" Seishirou inquires in a dangerous tone. "Ahh... iya!" Botan flaps her pinks sleeves. "Ehehehehehe!" "What did you mean by that?" Seishirou continues ominously. "Nothing! Absolutely nothing!" Koenma asserts. "Let’s...have another bonus round!" "Why are you suddenly so eager?" Lantis speaks up, tone grim. With a crackle of white lightning and a scent of ozone, a sword appears in his hand. "Maa, Lantis," Eagle puts a hand on his arm. Lantis looks at him. "Are you going to try and stop me from getting to the bottom of this?" "Oh, no!" Eagle beams. "I was going to offer my help." "Koenma-sama," Botan says nervously, "I think they’re going to lynch us." "Not me, they’re not!" Koenma squeaks. "I have my emergency jetpack!" "A-ano." Botan facevaults. "Koenma-sama. That didn’t work in the Ankoku Bujuutsukai, either." "Botan-san," Nokoru says gently and persuasively, "I think you should tell us if the game was rigged or not. I really wouldn’t want to benefit in a way that’s unfair to the other contestants." "Wahh!" Botan’s face crumples. "These things *need* to be planned in advance, you know. The prize had to be planned and written..." "...an elephant gun needed to be acquired for Suoh..." Idomu nods, chin in hand. "Un. Un. I get it." "...and now... and now..." Botan quavers, "Seishirou and Subaru have pulled a surprise win... but... but there’s no prize anyway!" "NANI!?" Eight heads turn and glare. Well... Nokoru doesn’t. Neither does Yukito. Or, really, Eagle. But the rest of them make up for it. A small pink-haired fairy drifts up to Koenma, nearly weighed down by the envelope she is toting. She lands on Koenma’s shoulder and whispers in his ear. "What? Oh, thank you, Randi." He takes the envelope and she drifts off, leaving him to rip it open. "The latest development on the situation... the fic writer who volunteered the prize lemon is bogged under with work and cannot complete it until July at the earliest. She managed to fight her way to a computer for a few minutes to inform us of the situation... Ah, yes." "What?" Seishirou asks suspiciously. "The new first prize being offered is a month’s honeymoon on Cefiro," Koenma nods. "Very generous." "But Cefiro was *destroyed!*" Lantis, Eagle, Hikaru, Umi, Fuu, and Ferio point out simultaneously, frustrated. "Since we abolished the Pillar System, it’s kind of hard to reconstruct it," Hikaru says, wide-eyed, looking a tad guilty. "Perhaps we were a bit hasty," Eagle adds. "Well, that’s what it says the prize is," Koenma says irritably. "Take it or leave it." "I’d rather leave the Reikai," Seishirou says calmly. "Okay, good idea, right away..." "In ruins," Seishirou adds. Botan and Koenma gulp. "Not so good." "But... but there’s a consolation prize!" Koenma hastens to add. "What’s that?" Seishirou inquires, bored, already beginning to call up particularly destructive forces. Koenma gulps. Hard. "Um. An incomplete set of Tokyo Babylon manga." "Which volumes?" Seishirou asks, suspicious again. Botan confers with Koenma. "Volumes one, four, six, and seven!" Koenma announces, looking nervous. Since Seishirou appears ready to reduce the Reikai to a smoldering ruin, this is certainly justifiable. "I don’t have those," Seishirou muses. "Very well, I accept." The destructive energies vanish. "What about us?" Touya raises his voice, glaring at the former assassin. "Weren’t the consolation prizes for us?" "Err...." Koenma sweatbeads and begins chewing on the cue cards again. "I think we should go ahead with the physical challenge!" Yukito adds, looking cheerful. "To-ya and I would have a good shot at winning!" "Hai! Hai! Yukito-san is good at sports!" Sakura cheers. "Ano ne... the last physical challenge involved a ton of lime jello and a cherry stuck to the navel of the ‘female’ spouse," Umi informs her. "So?" Sakura is puzzled. Li-kun has toppled over with yet another ecchi nosebleed. Eriol makes soothing noises and applies more tissue. "Koenma-sama," Botan stage-whispers to her co-host, cheerfully oblivious that everyone can hear her, "we had better come up with some consolation prizes. They could *still* wreck the Reikai." "Oh... uh... fine, if we must." Koenma looks briefly disappointed. He’d half-hoped for a vacation. They confer in another round of whispers. Finally Koenma striaghtens. "Seishirou and Subaru win the game, with their twenty-point lead!" Seishirou smiles a sleek, self-satisfied smile. Subaru doesn’t look particularly happy. "If he gets any ideas or flashbacks from that prize, I’m lodging a complaint," Subaru says stonily. He looks around and, seeing no ecchibi, lights up. "What about us?" Eagle prompts. "We should get something, too. You tried to rig the game." He gives the co-hosts a pleasant but implacable smile. Koenma starts to say something and visibly changes his mind mid-thought. "As the consolation prize, the remaining couples get an all-expenses paid honeymoon in the Elysium region of the Reikai." "Who’s paying?" Botan asks, wide-eyed. Koenma grits his teeth. "At the expense of the Reikai." "Ara..." Subaru is trying to get up from his seat, outraged. "It’s not fair! The consolation prize is better! I could visit Hokuto-chan!" Seishirou restrains him. "Is that all you ever think about? Hokuto, Hokuto, Hokuto. That’s all I ever hear. I suppose next you’re going to say—" Subaru whirls on him. "YOU killed Hokuto!" "Ara!" Botan repeats, flapping her sleeves. "We should tell them it’s over before this gets out of hand!" "Sou desu, sou desu," Koenma chuckles. He’s been waiting for this. He lifts up a hand and yanks a bullhorn out of hammerspace. "GO HOME! THE WINNERS HAVE BEEN ANNOUNCED! THE PRIZES HAVE BEEN AWARDED! OKAERI KUDASAI! WE DON’T WANT YOU HERE ANYMORE!" Botan looks aggrieved. "That was harsh, Koenma-sama." Koenma grunts. "So was this." Grumbling, the crowd begins to disperse. Seishirou and Subaru begin to fight. Botan brings over their prize, and they resolve their differences to snuggle up with the manga. Soon, they begin to argue over who gets to turn the pages. Sakura tries to wheedle Yukito into taking her along for the trip to Elysium. Touya puts his foot down. "Absolutely not! I’ve shared him with you at Festival. I’ve shared him with you at the school fair. I’ve shared him with you at dinner. I’ve tolerated you interrupting our study-time..." "Because I bring you snacks!" Sakura interrupts. "I shared him with you on camping trips," Touya continues, ignoring her. "I’ve shared him with you on trips to the zoo and on the way to school... *this* time, kaijuu, he’s ALL mine!" And draws Yukito possessively close. A departing contingent of CLAMP schoolgirls pause, starry-eyed, to applaud. "At last, Suoh," Nokoru says, taking his Takamura’s arm and snapping open the fan. *All mine.* Suoh just gulps and looks nervous. "I’m plotting his downfall," Idomu says matter-of-factly, escorting a teary-eyed but smiling Nagisa to the gate. "Just so everyone knows." Irritably he tries to shake off the Kouji no Miko still clinging doggedly to his ankle. "Takamura-senpai can handle anything!" Akira says stoutly, escorting a starry-eyed Utako, having visions of wedding dresses, bouquets, and Akira in a tux. "Not if I steal Nokoru out from under him.... *ufufufufufu...*" "Goodbye! Have fun!" Umi waves, trailing after Urd. "Have a wonderful honeymoon," Fuu adds, using gentle winds to blow rose petals after Eagle and Lantis. "Hmph! Traitors!" Hikaru folds her arms and flounces off. "Maybe I’ll ally with Primera..." Lantis is silent. Eagle beams up at him and takes his arm. "Finally, alone... Primera can’t follow us to Elysium, can she, Lantis?" Lantis’ expression turns a trifle queasy. "Jyaaaa~a!" Botan pops up *very* close to the camera, bewhiskered again. "Owari desu yo!" She pulls a shade down over the camera. "I hope..." Koenma squeaks off camera. "There’s not a cast party, is there? PLEASE say no! Kami-sama forbid she ever follows up with another one of these misbego—" "Koenma-sama, you’re still on the air." "I am? Shimatta!" A giggle. "Now that you’ve said it, maybe she will!" "USOOOOOOO~O!" ~owari~ There is NO cast party. *breathes deeply in relief* A cookie for anyone who can correctly identify all the series I referenced. I'm kinda curious, myself. Maybe I'll even finish the "CCS" fic I have on the back burner. *sparkle*</pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>