http://clampfix.fanworks.net/x-overs/braidy.txt </head><body><pre> Hello minna-san! ^_^ Sent this to the FFML, but I thought perhaps you would like to read it too... My second fanfic, if you can call this one that. Well, it does have Hikaru in it, so itis Clamp realated... Sorta... ^^;; This is cobbled together from a series of mails between Ching and I. He started it all though! ^_- Take care all! Oh, should I post this to cml as well? Yuzuriha (going back to homework now...) ============================ Initially, this was a very silly and disastrous Fanfic idea, but now, it's turned on itself... Warning; lots of humorous noise about three very similar-looking characters is about to burst onto your screen. PLEASE DO NOT REPOST! Imagine this: START GAGFIC HERE---- > NO. *glare* Not like windows... ============================ Scene: Two fanfic authors are making their way to their seats in the cinema. This is, you could say, their first big-screen viewing of their fic. Plotter #1: Heheheheh... The look on Ryouga's face! I can't wait to see this one... Plotter #2: *eyes floor dubiously* I still think doing that to him was rather harsh. *tries to lift foot from floor but can't* He is kinda cute... Is it just me or are these floors somewhat sticky? Plotter #1: *smirking* It's you! I wasn't that mean to Ryouga. You are such a sap. Plotter#2: Am not! Plotter #1: Are too! Plotter #2: Am not! Give me the popcorn. Plotter#1: Are too- *hand it over* Why? *WHAM!* Plotter#2: Am not. *eyes okonomiyaki-plotter#1* And my mallet agrees too. *grin* That is such a nice trick! Must remember to thank Akane... *Unsticks flattened plotter#1 from floor and drags him to his seat* Now hush and listen. The movie's starting! ============================ WE NOW PRESENT! Plotter #1: Finally! She gets to the story... Plotter#2: *annoyed* If we don't get started we get shishkebabbed, you realize? Plotter#1: SO JUST START THE MOVIE ALREADY! Plotter#2: O.k.! O.k.! Ahem... Audience: Start the movie! Yuzuriha: *getting delusions of grandeur* Shut up you! We wrote this! We decide what happens! Ching: Er... Yuzu-chan? It would be nice if we had someone to watch this, no? Yuzuriha: Oh. Yeah, right! *sweatdrops and bows to audience* Ehehehheheheh! Sorry everyone... We now present! ******* THE BRAIDY BUNCH ******** Plotter #2: Oh my! You realize what we could do with this? ^^;;; Plotter#1: *evil grin* Why do you think I suggested it in the first place...? It had to happen someday... A multiple crossover gagfic. By Ching (plotter#1) & Yuzuriha (plotter #2) This involves Magic Knight Rayearth, Gundam wing and Ranma 1/2. Anyone else sneaking in is not our fault. Ching: Oh, really? Yuzuriha: You mean you WANT to take the blame? Characters are property of their creators and all that. Don't try to sue us, we'll just cry. Really. Yuzuriha: Well, except me... Well, Clamp does own the name and character and all, but *I* am not manga or anything... Er... Whatever... Ching: *thunder crashes* JUST SHUT UP SO WE CAN WATCH THE MOVIE ALREADY! ============================ As the movie starts, text scrolls across the screen, fading gradually into the distance. --------------------------------- In a distant galaxy far away, in an age of war and destruction, the destinies of three people were about to collide. The rule of the Empire was harsh and unrelenting upon the poor souls it governed, until even the stars seemed to fade from the heaveans as their hopes and dream were ruthlessly crushed... This was the era of the Rebellion, rising against the destructive rule of the Emperor. This was a time of epic battles and heart-rending sacrifices. A time when heroes were born, villains destroyed and legends created. From across the universe, three people would come together to face their fate, their hope, their... .... Aw, the hell with it. Duo gets dumped in the Tendou pond... Hikaru walks through the gates, curious... Ranma steps outside to see what all the noise is about... ------------------------ Ching: Well, a Gundam Deathscythe landing like that is bound to make SOME noise... Yuzuriha: Hush, Ranma just got everyone in the dojo... ------------------------ Ryouga faints when he sees Hikaru Shidou, Duo Maxwell, and Ranma Saotome standing in the same room together... Ryouga: *horrified* "THREE OF THEM!!! WAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!" *THUD* Hikaru: *eyeing Ryouga* What's with him? Ranma: *glares at Genma* You didn't tell me I was a twin!!! Genma: I had nothing to do with this!!! Ranma: *pointing at Hikaru* And what about her? Hikaru: ....... Duo: *in a small voice* ...all of a sudden I miss Hiro and the guys very much... Ranma: *battle aura starts to glow* Pop! What did you do this time? Another fiancee? Is that it? Genma: *sweatdrop, x-large* Er... Hehehehehh! *points behind Ranma* Say, son, is that a cat? Ranma: *horrified* WHAT? CAT? WHERE? Genma wisely enacts the Special Saotome Attack... and makes a run for it. --------------------------------- Yuzuriha: Man, that Genma is such a- Ching: Watch your language, we want this movie to be rated G, remember? Yuzuriha: Yeah yeah. *grins* Oh good! Look! *points at screen delighted* Enter Kuno-baby! Ching: And she calls me twisted... --------------------------------- Kuno: *glomping Hikaru* "Pigtailed girl!!! I love thee!" Hikaru: *eyes wide* GYIIIII!!! Ranma: Oh no... Duo: *eyes wide* Who is that? *THWONK* Hikaru turns around still screeching and whacks Kuno with his own sword... Hikaru: *shaking and blushing furiously* Who are YOU? Kuno: *crossing eyes to stare at sword* That hurt you know. Ranma: I didn't think there were enough nerve cells in his brain for him to feel that... Duo: Don't you mean brain cells? Ranma: Naw, he never had any of those. --------------------------------- Yuzuriha: We ran out of popcorn... Ching: You ate it all already? Yuzuriha: *trying to look innocent and sweet* Get me some more? Ching: Whaaaaa? No! No way! Get your own! Yuzuriha: But... *eyes shining* I'll miss some of the movie! *sniffles* Ching: Gahhhh... Alright, I'll go get some, back in a second... A few moments later... Ching: Here. *hands over popcorn* So, what happened? Yuzuriha: *grinning* We're at the part where Duo almost got Ranma wet... with cold water of course! Ching: Oh! *evil smile* You mean THAT part! Talk about RAMming something down people's throats... --------------------------------- Ranma: *glaring at Duo* Hey! Duo *looking sheepish*: Sorry. It's just cold water, why are you acting like such a scaredy cat? Ranma: *winces* Ewe. That was a sheep shot. Hikaru: Stop being such Baaaaad boys! Kuno: *eyes glazed* Come to me, my gentle Lamb! Three braids point upward as all three flock towards Kuno and beat the fleece off the haplessly mindless swordsman... ------------------------------- Ching: All of this is giving me the woolies... Yuzuriha: *evil grin* Aw, stop being such a ninny! Ching: Gaaaaah... Yuzuriha: Sorry, couldn't help it. We should make that part longer, don't you think? Ching: Ran out of puns though... Yuzuriha: Oh well, there's always the good old standby. Ching: You don't mean... Yuzuriha: Yep! The Balck Rose of St-Herebeke High! *starts cackling maniacallly* OHHOHOHOHOHOHO! Ching: You're scary. *shakes head* So is she. And so enters Kodachi... ------------------------------- Kodachi: *glomping Duo, poisonous flowers and all* My darling Ranma! Duo: Ack... Can't... breathe... *weakly* Heeeeelp... Ranma *sneaks away grinning madly*: Oh yeah! That'll keep that wacko off my back for a while! Kuno *pats Dua and Kodachi on the back with large red welt on forehead and solemn look*: Yes. You may date. Kodachi: *hugging Duo, tearfully joyous* Oh yes, my darling Ranma, my brother approves! Ranma: *relieved* At least it's not with me this time... Duo: Get... it... off... *faints* At which point, Hikaru grabs Duo by his braid and starts running, with the Kuno siblings in hot pursuit... Akane walks in to the demolished area of the Tendo dojo wherein chaos reigned just seconds before. She looks to the sky. Akane: Yep, just another ordinary summer day... *frowns* I bet it all Ranma's fault anyway. *sighs* Wonder where P-chan is? An unconscious Rouyga twitches... ============================ The two plotters pause the movie and consult... Ching: Should we go ahead with this? Yuzuriha: *shrug* Why not? Besides, *evil grin* I'm having fun! Ching: heh! So am I! But... We could get in trouble... Yuzuriha: Oh puh-lease... Just write will you! Ching: I should've paid my life insurance, but here goes...What if we ask someone to do a lemon fic on them...? And upon overhearing this, certain people react... Ranma rolls up his sleeves. Duo activates Shinigami. Hikaru wields her sword. [ALL]: "DON'T YOU DARE!!!!" Ching: Gleeep...! Maybe we should have talked about this elsewhere... Yuzuriha: Oh my... Maybe you were right about the getting in Trouble part... Ching: Then again, I should never have mentioned the "Lemon" word...I don't even know how to write one! Sudden classical Anime "aura of darkness" surrounds the three, as a huge cold bead of sweat runs down Ching's forehead... Yuzuriha: Gaaaaah! You Fuu-l! (You deserved that one! Bad puns...) You just had to tell them! Now we'll never get to write this in pieces... I mean peace. *dodges various weapons* Hey Ranma! Cutie pie! *sweet smile* I thought you never hit girls! *cute pose* Ranma: Huh? *blushes* Er... Well... Ching: *whispers sweetly* Oh, Yuzu-chan; better make sure Akane isn't around... Yuzuriha: *whispers back with wide eyes* Akane? Where? Duo: *glaring at Ranma* You idiot, she's trying to distract you! Hikaru: *quietly* Er, guys... Ranma: But I DON'T hit girls and- HEY! Who you callin' an idiot? Duo: I don't believe this... I look like HIM? Hikaru: *whining slightly* Guuuuuuuuyyyys! Yuzuriha grabs Ching by the collar and sneaks away whispering "Let's go write while they're busy..." Ching: Good idea. Let's split right now... Exit Ching and Yuzuriha... (Hey! We ain't crazy enough to stick around!!) Ranma: Well, I sure don't look like you! *eyes Duo* And I'm better built, to boot! Duo: WHAT?? You pompous- Hikaru goes in SD mode... Hikaru: *waving sword around* GUYS!! Duo & Ranma: WHAT? CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE BUSY?? Hikaru: Not now guys, we have to stop those two... Ack! They got away while you two twits argued! Duo & Ranma: Who you calling a twit? Hikaru: *Cute little cat ears and tail appear on Hikaru* Er... Eheheheheh... You don't hit girls remember? Ranma twitches at the sight of the cat ears and tail... Duo: *glares at Ranma* It's all your fault, you stupid excuse for a Jacky Chan wannabe! Ranma: Me?!?! I'm not the nerdy dork flying that oversized sardine can!!! Duo: WHAT DID YOU CALL MY SHINIGAMI?!?!? Ranma: Sardine can! Sardine can! SARDINE CAN!!!! Ranma sticks out his tongue at Duo, running, while the Gundam Deathscythe is in hot pursuit, swinging its beam scythe all around, creating billions of dollars of property damage in the process... Hikaru: *sigh* Well, somebody has to stop those two... *runs after the rampaging Shinigami...* --------------------------------- *Loud Resounding crash is heard outside* Ching: I wonder what that was... *looking out* Yuzuriha: *tapping away at keyboard* Whatever, whoever, as long as the computer doesn't crash... Of course, the computer crashes... ---------------------------------- The mayhem stops as a loud wail echoes across the city... "COMPUTER NO BAKA!" *WHAM* Ching: I thought you said you were a pacifist... Yuzuriha: *standing over computer with mallet* There is no Society for the Protection of Computer Owners you know. Besides... Computers. *WHAM* Don't. *WHAM* COUNT! *WHAM!WHAM!WHAM!* Ching: *raised eyebrow* Yeesh... Maybe there should a Society for the protection of Computers! Now, how we gonna write this fic? Ah! Ching pulls out a pen and paper... Ching: Notepad!!! Yuzuriha: *quielty* Notepad? *not so quietly* NOTEPAD?? NOTEPAD JUST ATE OUR FIC!!! Yuzuriha turns her frustrations on the poor fool... After a short pause... And fifty-three broken bones later... Ching: Ouch... The mayhem resumes as Yuzuriha helps Ching back to his seat. Yuzuriha: Oh come on, it can't hurt that much. Ching: *glaring above neck brace* ... Yuzuriha: Fine, be that way. *starts movie again* Oh look, Kodachi just noticed... ----------------------------------- Kodachi: *glaring at Hikaru* Wicked wicked girl! Steal my precious Ranma will you? Hikaru: *looking at Kodachi* Huh? Who are you? Kodachi: DIIIIE! Hikaru: *dodging various gymnastics weapons* Why me? Why do these things happen to me? Kuno: Ranma Saotome, you coward! Get out of that monstrosity or else I will... *Shplut!* Now, dear readers, please imagine a Gundam Deathscythe with its foot firmly planted on Kuno's head... Duo: Or else you'll what, Bokken-brains? Ranma: *pops out of tree* Eeew, Duo. Your Gundam stepped on Dog Doo... Duo: I did? Where? Ranma: It's that blue-coated samurai wannabe under your foot... Kuno: You...have....not...won...yet...Saotome....! Duo: Ick. It's still alive... Ranma: Nope. That was a spontaneous reflex. Plants do it all the time... Hikaru stops trying to bat Kodachi away with her sword and snickers cutely, newly sprouted cat ears wagging. Ranma: *eying Hikaru with horror* Will...You...Stop...Doing...THAT?!?!? ---------------------------- Yuzuriha: *grins at Ching* Should she have done that? Ching: *evil grin* Naaaaaah! Yuzuriha: So who do we sic on her? Ching: You mean you have to ask? - --------------------------- And so... *Splash!* Hikaru: AAAAAAAAHHHH! HOT! HOT! HOT! What'd you do that for...?!?! Enter Shampoo... Shampoo: *holding bucket* Ranma no more change to boy? Hikaru: But I never WAS a boy!!! Shampoo: *In tears* Ranma not boy?... *Angered* Then you I kill!!!! HAIIIIII!!!!!!!!! Hikaru: *points at self while cute cat ears pop out and squeaks* Me? Shampoo: Ranma, I kill! *swing bonborri to make point* Hikaru: *dodging bonborri* WAAAAAH! No fair! Hikaru runs, with Shampoo in pursuit and Kodachi not too far behind... Hikaru: *shaking fist to sky* Ching, I thought you LIKED me?!?!?!? --------------------------------- Ching: Of course I do, Hikaru-chan; I just couldn't resist... It's hard to be serious when your'e wearing the Mask... *twirls imaginary mustache* People turn to see Ching with a green face... Ching: *strikes a pose* SMOKINNN' !!! Yuzuriha: Pffff... You watch too many movies... And you sicked 'em all on Rouyga right at the start... Poor P-chan... Ryouga: *suddenly lifts head from floor* WHO YOU CALLING P-CHAN? *thud* Yuzuriha: Yiiiiiii! *jumps straight up, while Ching calmly walks over to the unconscious again Ryoga...* Yuzuriha: *clinging from ceiling* ... Gah... Guh... Scary... Ching: *nudges comatose Ryouga with foot* Must be a conditioned reflex... Yuzuriha: Some reflex... We should keep them busy or else they'll find us. Ching: Right. Let's do that then. *looks up straight faced* If you could come down from the ceiling perhaps? Yuzuriha: *makes a face at Ching, jumps down, then smiles evilly* I know just what to keep them busy with... And if we have any luck, they'll beat the tar outta the little- ---------------------------------------- Enter Happosai... Happosai jumps on Hikaru Hikaru: WAAAAHHHH!!!! Ching pulls out a huge Okonomiyaki (TM) Spatula and whacks Happosai. Ching: Not yet, you oversexed octogenarian!!! Hikaru holds her arms to her chest, blushing so hard, all her facial features melt away except for her eyes... Yuzuriha: Damn. I wanted to do that! *stomps Happosai anyway out of general principal. Besides, it's good exercise...* Ching: There, there, Hii-chan. Nasty old pervert's all flat now... Holds Hikaru tightly in a hug. Hikaru: *blushes fiercely, but in anger, this time..* *THWONK!* Hikaru: Pervert! Stop doing that! *storms away, fuming...* Ching gets up, only to be clobbered again as Yuzuriha konks Ching with her trademark mallet. Hard. Yuzuriha: Stop that! Your'e supposed to be writing humor, not romance!!! Ching: *eyes twirling* Hai, So desu, Yuzu-Sama!!! Duo: If he writes romance about me, I'll... Ranma: *sweetly* Kiss him? <Splash!> Duo: *snickering madly* No, I think that's your job, miss Saotome... Ranma-chan: *steaming* That does it! HIRYU SHOTEN HA! Hikaru: *Slaps her forehead* Not again!!! ----------------------------- Yuzuriha and Ching settle back in their seats to enjoy the movie... ============================================== Note from the authors: Rule #1 in the Ranma 1/2 Universe, when something goes wrong: When in doubt, blame Happosai. Rule #2: In regards to Happosai: Anything that ends with Happosai being punted into orbit or stomped on repeatedly can't be all that bad! ============================================== Ramblings... (^_^ Yes, you might want to read!) Ching: Thanks to Yuzuriha-Chan, who helped a lot in dumping some of her own humor into this...|) Yuzuriha: *broad smile* Yeah, he started it all, it's all his fault! Ching: Is not! Yuzuriha: Is too! Ching: Is not!-WHAM! Yuzuriha: *sweet smile* Is too. *bows* Okonomiyaki-Ching courtesy of Yuzuriha Mallets Express! Ching: I hate it when you do that, y'know...? Yuzuriha: Aaaw... *patpat* Here, have an ice pack! Ching: I think I need to pay my Medicare bills now.... Yuzuriha: *blinks* Huh, Ching? Ching: What? Yuzuriha: We forgot all about the *Brady* bunch... Ching: DOH! END HERE ----> *sigh* Yes... Just like Windows... or Exploder... I mean Exploiter... Er..... Explorer! ****** Thanks to Sean & Bert for reading through the first draft ^_^, and Keener for all the suggestions as to how to bring this to be a bit more coherent. ==================================== So... You liked? ^_- _______________________________ "OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" Kodachi, Ranma 1/2 </pre><p><a href="./">Back</a></p><p><a href=http://www.dreamhost.com/donate.cgi?id=216><img border=0 alt="Donate towards our web hosting bill!" src=https://secure.newdream.net/donate1.gif></a></p></body></html>